Chapter 26: Ironic Process Theory
Chapter 26: Ironic Process Theory
Back in the 21st century, after my 27th consecutive job application failure, I remember lying on my bed in my studio apartment and scrolling through an Instagram motivational video. Have you ever heard of the psychological concept called the "Pink Elephant Theory"?
—The human brain cannot process a negative. Think about how professional skiers navigate a snowy mountain. They don't focus on the dense trees in the forest; they focus only on the path between them.
—Why is that? It’s simple. If I tell you right now, "Don't think about a pink elephant," what pops into your head? Exactly. The human brain is naturally wired to be unable to process a "don't."
—Skiers know this. If you only think about avoiding the trees, all you'll see are the trees. But if you look at the path between the trees, you can focus on how wide that path is and how to navigate it.
—So, don't worry about failure before you even try. Success comes to those who look toward the heights.
It was a moving story and a very interesting explanation, so the memory remains vivid.
Good grief, it’s already been over ten years since I last touched a smartphone.
Talk about a hardcore dopamine detox.
"…Young Master? Junior? Hey, Peng Hyeon-hwi."
"Yes, yes? Ah, yes."
"Are you even listening? Why are you spacing out? I mean, I understand why you're nervous… Meeting our Big Sister is a big deal, but still…"
At the Beijing branch of the Hao Clan, inside the Nakhyang Pavilion, Dan So-hye was looking down at me with a stern expression.
It wasn't because of some heart-fluttering height difference; it was because she was walking ahead of me on the stairs.
In other words, a figure so important that the Beijing Branch Leader herself had to come down to escort me was currently on the roof of this building.
As Dan So-hye said, it meant the Hao Clan Leader herself had graced us with her presence.
It was as I expected.
Up to this point, there was no problem.
Naturally, if I received help, I should offer my thanks. It was a good opportunity to make an impression and maintain a positive relationship. How often does one get the chance to meet one of the Fifteen Lords of the World?
So, I hadn't thought much of it until…
Big Sister…?
I stared blankly at Dan So-hye.
She didn't look a day over her late teens. If she wiped off that heavy makeup, her features would likely look even younger. As the mistress of a courtesan house, she was undeniably a stunning beauty.
But putting all that aside, she called the Hao Clan Leader "Big Sister"?
"Um, Senior… Uh, I can call you Senior, right?"
"Isn't it a bit late to be asking that? Call me whatever you want. Why?"
"How old are you this year…?"
"Are you completely insane?"
Dan So-hye stared at me with a dumbfounded expression, then slapped her forehead and let out a long sigh.
"You weren't listening to a word I said, were you?"
"I wasn't."
"Why are you so proud of that…? Anyway. Anyway! I just turned twenty!"
"Aha."
"Don't 'aha' me! Your face says you don't believe me at all!"
"You're mistaken."
Dan So-hye ranted for a while longer before suddenly dropping her voice to a whisper.
"Look… I know why you're asking… but never. Never, ever mention that topic."
"Pardon?"
"To the Clan Leader…! To Big Sister. It is strictly, strictly, strictly forbidden. Got it?"
The Hao Clan Leader was one of the Fifteen Lords of the World.
In other words, she was one of the top fifteen peerless masters in the current age. Generally, the Fifteen Lords consisted of masters who could have claimed the title of "Number One Under Heaven" regardless of which era they were born in.
Now, let's have a pop quiz.
How long does it take to become a master of that caliber?
Of course, it involves matters of talent and environment. It varies from person to person.
But one thing is certain: everyone on that list possesses the "greatest talent" and was raised in the "best environment." They are all individuals who studied and grew within sects with long histories.
For reference, my grandfather is currently over eighty years old.
The Sword Immortal Cheongunja Jang Yun, the Supreme Elder of the Jongnam Sect and one of the Three Venerables, is of the same generation as my great-grandfather.
That man was the one who killed my great-grandfather. I heard it was a life-and-death duel at the end of the Righteous-Demonic War.
The Hao Clan Leader holds a seat among the Five Tyrants of the Unorthodox Path within the Fifteen Lords, and I knew that all of the Five Tyrants were of the same generation as my grandfather.
In short, the Hao Clan Leader was of my grandfather's generation.
And yet, Dan So-hye, who (claims to be) twenty, was calling the Hao Clan Leader "Big Sister"…
Total chaos. There was no other way to describe it.
Only one of the following two statements could be true:
I sincerely hoped it was the former.
Dan So-hye seemed to read my thoughts just by looking at my expression. She pinched the bridge of her nose and moved her lips silently.
[Never ask our Big Sister her age. Never, never, ever say anything that could even imply age. Actually, just don't talk at all. And don't make that face!!]
It was my first time hearing Sound Transmission, and it was a strange sensation. Her lips were just moving, but her voice echoed in my ears.
The mysterious wireless communication system of the Central Plains. I had read about it in novels, but hearing it in person felt truly bizarre.
Since I was a warrior of the Peng Family who had never learned trivial tricks like Sound Transmission, I merely mouthed my question.
—But why "Big Sister"? Even putting the age gap aside, didn't you study under the Hao Clan Leader?
[Yes, she is my master.]
—Then why…?
Every sect in the Central Plains, whether they followed Buddhism or Taoism, possessed an unusually high level of Confucian-style seniority obsession.
The concept that "Ruler, Teacher, and Father are one" is Confucian logic, so it's strange that most Murim sects, which are essentially religious groups, treat their masters like parents. But that was the result of the Confucian education system.
Regardless, Murim sects emphasized the relationships of parents, children, and siblings among their disciples. This is evident in terms like Martial Master, Martial Mother, Martial Uncle, Senior Martial Brother, Junior Martial Sister, and so on.
Therefore, calling one's master "Big Sister" was practically revolutionary by the standards of this era.
No, it wasn't just revolutionary. It was a "soft" version of betraying one's master.
As I looked at Dan So-hye with these doubts, she stared back at me with an incredibly… incredibly complicated expression before sighing.
[Because Big Sister told me to call her that.]
—Aha.
With that final word, Dan So-hye gave me one last warning and opened the door to the Pavilion Lord's tea room.
The tea room on the top floor of the pavilion featured a massive window that offered a clear view of Beijing's sprawling night streets.
"You've come. What took you two so long?"
"Ahaha… We were just… catching up. Big Sister…"
A woman was leaning against the railing with a long pipe in her mouth, looking down at the night streets of Beijing.
Her red Sichuan brocade palace dress, woven with gold thread, shimmered brilliantly under the lights of the tea room. The ornaments hanging from her snow-white wrists jingled softly with her slight movements. Her lustrous, long black hair billowed like waves.
In the center of it all was the face of a woman who looked even younger than Dan So-hye.
I could see youthful features that even heavy makeup couldn't hide. Her large, cat-like eyes, accentuated by bright red eyeliner at the corners, stared at me intently.
Thump. I felt a sharp pain in my side and saw Dan So-hye digging her elbow into my ribs.
"Please forgive my rudeness. This humble junior of the martial world, Peng, greets the Leader of the Black Forest July Society and the Great Hao Clan Leader."
"Rudeness? Don't worry about it."
I slowly bowed my head and showed my respect.
All sorts of thoughts began to swirl in my head.
Hao Clan Leader. Same age as my grandfather. Rejuvenation. Right, that must be it.
But.
Don't think about the pink elephant.
Absolutely do not think about the pink elephant.
Don't think about her being in my grandfather's generation.
I must never, ever, ever think of her as a grandmother.
What was it that the… the Reel said? The human brain cannot process a negative. What was the name of that theory again…?
"Grand—"
"Grand?"
Ah, right. That was the name.
13. Ironic Process Theory
"—granted, I certainly had something to say, but upon witnessing the jade-like countenance of the Clan Leader, this Peng's tongue has gone stiff, and I failed to say it sooner. Thank you for saving my life, Clan Leader."
"Well, that happens. This lady doesn't mind at all. Don't let it trouble you. But, saving your life?"
"When I was left alone, surely the West Depot wouldn't have sent only that brat, would they?"
"Hmm…"
The Hao Clan Leader—the elder—looked down at me with sparkling eyes.
More importantly, she referred to herself as "This lady" (Bon-nyeo).
Bon-nyeo… It was a title far more "Young and MZ" than one would vaguely imagine in modern Korea. It was a term derived from a humble self-address used to emphasize one's youth and lower one's status.
So, basically…
Stop. Absolutely do not think those thoughts.
You damn pink elephant. Get out of my head!
"Indeed, the Pavilion Lord of the Assassination Pavilion was there. It wasn't this lady who killed the remnants of the Assassination Pavilion; it was the Pavilion Lord himself."
"The Pavilion Lord did…? But why…"
"Who knows. Perhaps the Assassination Pavilion tried to cut their losses once the plan was exposed, or perhaps this entire scheme really was the independent action of the Beijing branch. Whatever the case, the Assassination Pavilion will no longer be able to operate in Beijing."
"I see… Do you know what rank the one I killed held in the Assassination Pavilion?"
"He was the second son of the Pavilion Lord."
"Oh."
He was someone of quite high status, then.
Then again, considering his stealth and infiltration techniques—his Eunjam-sul—were so superior at that age, he must have been well-fed and well-trained.
"The Pavilion Lord tried to intervene before you could execute the boy. All this lady did was stop him."
"Even that is more than I deserve. If the Clan Leader had not helped, this Peng's life would have ended then and there."
"Do you think the Pavilion Lord would have killed you?"
"Because I would have killed Won-ho regardless of whether the Pavilion Lord was there or not."
This was the truth.
Even if one of the Fifteen Lords had been standing behind that boy, I would have taken Won-ho's head at that moment. I couldn't see anything else.
The bloodline of the Hebei Peng Family generally isn't the type to think things through.
Oh? You're annoying? Then die.
One could say this mindset was passed down through the blood.
And I felt it while fighting Won-ho.
It was… fun, wasn't it?
Learning the opponent's martial arts with my own eyes, seizing the flow of battle, breaking the opponent's schemes one by one, and emerging victorious. The thrill of that moment. The catharsis after the revenge was complete. The thirst for even stronger martial arts.
Since I was a modern Korean who had never even been in a fight in my entire life, there was no way I would suddenly feel such things. This was undoubtedly due to the blood of the Hebei Peng Family.
To feel this way despite having studied the peaceful and righteous path of Confucianism day and night…
As a scholar who had read the classics, I felt a sense of despair…
Which is more admirable: to be born good, or to overcome one's evil nature through great effort?
Obviously the latter.
Contrary to popular belief, Mencius never said that all humans are good. The Spring and Autumn and Warring States periods were far too "romantic" for such soft sensibilities. Mencius simply said that those who are not good are not human, but beasts.
And logically, it is twice as difficult for a beast to obtain a demonic cultivation technique and transform into a human than it is for a human to simply live as a human.
To borrow the words of Zisi (Confucius's grandson), "Sincere devotion has no rest," and "Only the righteous path of learning comes from sincerity."
As I occupied my mind with various thoughts to avoid the pink elephant, the Hao Clan Leader—the elder—looked down at me and smiled.
"Become this lady's disciple."
"Yes—no. Wait a moment. What?"
"I said, become this lady's disciple. You will be my thirteenth disciple."
Is she Jesus?
I stood there blankly, thinking of that very sacrilegious number, before looking at Dan So-hye. Dan So-hye was looking down at me with a complicated expression.
"You cannot become the Head of the Peng Family. No matter how outstanding you are, there will be too many obstacles to seizing what your brothers have built. You know this, don't you?"
"Yes. By the time I start to be truly recognized by the elders, my eldest or second brother will have already succeeded to the position of Young Family Head."
"Indeed. But if you are the Hao Clan Leader, it is possible."
"Wh-What? Big Sister?!"
Dan So-hye looked at the Hao Clan Leader in shock. At her reaction, the Hao Clan Leader chuckled and took a light puff from her pipe.
"So-hye, did you want this position as well?"
"No, no, it's not that… It's just a bit sudden…! What about… Big… Little… Second Sister?"
"Just as the Peng Family does, we also revere the survival of the fittest. If that boy can defeat Hui-yeon, there shouldn't be a problem, right?"
"I mean, that's easy to say, but this is just too sudden…"
"This lady's word is the law of the Hao Clan. What is there to be sudden about?"
The Hao Clan Leader took a deep breath with a serious face. A faint trail of white smoke drifted out, merging into the night sky of Beijing. Through the haze, her clear eyes sparkled.
"Rather than staying in the Peng Family with no hope, learning mediocre martial arts and remaining in a branch family… wouldn't it be better to study the secret techniques of the Hao Clan under this lady and aim for the position of Clan Leader?"
"I am a warrior of the Peng Family, Clan Leader."
I raised my head and looked the Hao Clan Leader straight in the eye. I saw a flicker of disappointment cross her gaze.
"Are you trying to lecture me on loyalty? There is no word more hollow or laughable than that."
"No. That is not what I meant."
"Then?"
"I am saying that a warrior of the Peng Family does not choose to walk the path of what is possible or easy. We were not born that way, we were not taught that way, and we do not live that way. The opportunity you have given me is far beyond my station, but I must live as a warrior of the Peng Family."
"Stiff tongue, my foot. It wags just fine."
The Hao Clan Leader—the elder—smirked and tapped out her pipe.
"Will you not regret this? You have just rejected the martial arts of one of the Fifteen Lords."
"I will likely regret it. But I will not harbor lingering attachments."
"Tsk… Truly a shame."
A thought suddenly occurred to me. If I were to become the thirteenth disciple of the Hao Clan Leader—the elder—what would I have to call her?
Dan So-hye calls her "Big Sister"…
Big Sister…?
I shouldn't think it's ridiculous.
I must not let the thought of it being ridiculous enter my mind.
Absolutely do not think about the pink elephant…
"Then what do you plan to do now?"
"Pardon?"
"Saying you won't shy away from a difficult path means you won't give up on the position of Family Head. If that is your intent, this lady is now curious. What do you plan to do next?"
"Ah… well."
Returning to the Peng Family to announce that I had collected the blood debt and reporting on the situation involving the West Depot and the Assassination Pavilion (excluding the parts related to Cheon U-rin) was the standard move.
After that, I would have to undergo the Hegemonic Blade Style ceremony. It was a sort of coming-of-age ritual for the direct lineage of the Hebei Peng Family.
Once that was over, I would officially be assigned to either the Outer Hall or the Inner Hall to handle family business. Since I had achieved the rank of a provincial scholar, the most likely outcome was being assigned to administrative duties in the Inner Hall, such as the Library or the Hall of Ten Thousand Blessings…
But that would be a problem.
To convince the elders of the Hebei Peng Family, being known for writing well or being smart was useless. In the eyes of the Peng Family, that was just petty cleverness, and administrative work was something they could just kidnap a Confucian scholar from outside to do.
I had to take on tasks that would allow me to build proper achievements and a reputation. The combat units of the Outer Hall were the most promising, but the Outer Hall was my second brother's domain. And the Inner Hall rarely handled external affairs.
As I was pondering this, the Hao Clan Leader—the elder—smiled slightly and made a gesture. With that light flick of her hand, a teacup rose into the air on its own and landed in front of me.
The elder offered me tea and spoke.
"How about doing it this way?"
*
After Peng Hyeon-hwi left, Dan So-hye stood in the tea room of the Maehyang Pavilion and quietly bowed her head.
"I didn't expect him to actually refuse, Big Sister."
"Which makes me want him even more. Scholars with integrity are common, ambitious villains are not rare, and tricksters who enjoy using their heads are even more numerous… but those who can do all of those things are extremely rare."
"It seems you still have quite a lot of lingering attachment…"
"So-hye. In all my life, this lady has never offered the same thing twice."
Wiji Cheon-yeong placed her finger on the end of her pipe. With a crackle, a spark flew and the tobacco lit up. She enjoyed the smoke for a moment before speaking.
"But he is a fellow worth that much."
"He seemed like a Peng through and through. Do you think he'll actually learn it?"
"If he's that stubborn, then that's just who he is."
Wiji Cheon-yeong laughed as she exhaled a cloud of smoke.
"But if he learns it and we meet again… he won't be able to refuse this lady's offer then."
*
Peng Hyeon-hwi sat in the carriage heading back to the Peng Family estate, rummaging through the bundle he had received from the Hao Clan.
He wondered if there was any money, but inside the bundle were a small dagger and an old book.
"Huh?"
Peng Hyeon-hwi examined the dagger, which had elaborate gold engravings on the hilt and clearly looked extraordinary, before pulling out the book.
—Seven Shadow Immortal Step (七影徽仙步)
"A movement technique…?"
Peng Hyeon-hwi stared blankly at the book, then caught a small slip of paper that slid out.
—The Great Way, enlightenment, and meetings only hold meaning after one has survived.
—I leave you something you cannot learn in the Peng Family; use it to survive.
—I will hear your answer when we meet again.
Peng Hyeon-hwi burst into laughter for a long moment before folding the note neatly and tucking it into his robe. He looked out at the receding outer walls of Beijing and muttered to himself.
"Should I call her 'Big Sister' the next time we meet?"