Fake Boyfriend is No Count
My life’s greatest best friend had left the house the morning after I cleaned it. I walked out holding a trash bag in one hand.
A guy about ten years older than me approached me.
“Hey… you.”
If you’re asking, answer properly. I knew this was the women-only boarding house, so why are you here?”
“……?”
What the hell.
Was this a cop?
No way. Cops don’t roll around the Hannam area in the middle of the night in plain clothes.
“This is the women-only boarding house, but I’m the security guard.”
“Security guard? Hmm, I never heard that. Are you from a company?”
“Not a company… I’m family with the owner, so I’m staying here and doing security on the side.”
Actually I’m not even family, but closer than that if you want to be picky.
It felt a little sketchy, so I said it that way.
Even if it was prejudice, walking up to a stranger and straight-up asking about his dick wasn’t normal, right?
And my gut was spot-on.
“Oh, so you’re also related to Seorah?”
“U-um… yeah? But who are you…?”
“Me? I’m Seorah’s guy friend.”
“Eh?!”
Not a guy friend. A boyfriend?
That face. No, at that age?
Seorah had always been kind of pure, but how low could her standards get?
“Nice to meet you. Since we’re dating, I want to see you often, but I heard no PDA inside the house. Haha.”
“Ah, yes….”
My hand, shaking to shake his, was stickier than the trash bag.
People’s tastes are all over the place. Even I, as long as the looks are right, like a blonde gyaru idol type like Yuki.
But there’s no right answer, only wrong ones. Even if it meant getting cursed as a busybody, I didn’t want my precious little sister to ruin her life because she met the wrong guy.
“Seorah.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“…… Yeah?”
So I shot straight at her over breakfast.
I thought I should ask carefully when we were alone, but looking at the three of them’s reactions, I probably did good.
“Ehh, that bastard is still tailing Seorah? If you tell unnie, I’ll beat his ass black and blue for you.”
Yuki, face deadpan, pressed her forehead.
“Last time I told you properly and you still….”
Ju Inha, looking worried, glanced sideways.
“…….”
And Seorah herself looked like she’d been frozen.
By the way, Jiyoung didn’t come down because she was sleeping. She’d been reversing her day and night for so long that Ju Inha had basically given up.
Anyway, back to Seorah.
“He’s not a boyfriend, right?”
“I don’t know that guy’s name…….”
“Honestly, that’s good news, but….”
That stalker guy worked part-time at the convenience store near here. He said it was 1+1 coffee day. I just said thanks and it turned into this bullshit.
No direct contact, so it wasn’t easy to report, and when I tried talking to Ju Inha she said it didn’t work.
“Actually, Seungchul asked me to do this for Seorah’s sake….”
“Ah, so you were the one who asked me to pick her up often?”
“Yeah. It’s dangerous when she gets home late.”
“But it’s vacation now, right?”
“I became a geunro janghaksaeng….”
“Ah.”
If you’re a work-study student, you have to go. I had the luck of being one once in college and it was the easiest part-time job I ever had.
So the competition is insane and quitting halfway is basically impossible. It’d be a waste to give up such a good spot just because of some loser.
“At least until that guy drops, I’ll pick her up. Wait, should I go with her in the morning too…?”
“Ye?! Ah, no. I feel terrible every time you do that.”
“I’ve got nothing to do anyway. I’ll just walk her there while pretending it’s exercise.”
“Even so….”
“Even if you think that, it’s too much~ I don’t have a stalker like you, but those types don’t usually drop easy. Or does that mean you’d have to follow Seorah around for life?”
Hmm, maybe. At my age, if a creepy bastard showed up every time, I’d probably feel the same.
I’m not even Seorah’s real brother, just some distant guy.
I needed a more fundamental solution.
“…… How much blackmail money would I get if I beat him up?”
“Eek? Why’d it go that way? If it’s violence, unnie should’ve handled it first.”
“But those guys only listen when you hit them.”
Of course I’ve never fought anyone in my life, not even in a real fight. I started working out just so I wouldn’t get into trouble for being a shut-in.
And I smelled that strong blood-kin scent from the stalker.
If he was the same loser type as me, punching him once would’ve sent him running.
But Yuki was clearly thinking of something else.
“Unnie, we don’t do dating here, right?”
“Y-yes…?”
“So fake boyfriend is no count, right?”
“Eh?”
“W-what?”
“U-um, unnie…?”
I’d never even imagined such a method.
***
“Opba. I’m ready….”
“Eh, eh! I’ll be right out.”
I opened the door fast when I heard the voice outside.
There she was, Seorah.
“Ah, it’s awkward, right? Yuki unnie made me wear her clothes today….”
“No. It suits you really well. Really….”
A simple one-piece dress, but on a twenty-year-old college girl it looked fresh as hell.
Plus, the Seorah I remembered always wore school gym clothes.
I, on the other hand, always wore the same shirt and same sweatpants.
Could I even be Seorah’s boyfriend… fake boyfriend?
“Then let’s go, opba….”
“Yeah….”
Yuki said if I acted like Seorah’s boyfriend, the stalker would drop in one shot. And then she added that I, a muscular guy, would never let some loser mess with me.
Of course I’d already told him I was Seorah’s relative, but Yuki immediately shot back that a guy who believed he was her boyfriend wouldn’t believe that.
I couldn’t argue because it made sense.
“……”
“……”
But the method being efficient and this situation being painfully awkward were two completely different things.
I mean, it’d been three years since I last saw her.
If it was just a stranger it’d be fine, but suddenly acting like lovers with my childhood friend after so long… how could I stay calm?
Jiyoung?
Well, Jiyoung…
“Seorah.”
“Yeah?”
“U-um… what major are you?”
“Ah… um… Korean Education….”
“I see….”
I tried to lighten the mood by talking, but it didn’t help. I had no dating experience and Seorah had always been quiet since she was little.
“U-um… you don’t like it? Even though it’s fake… dating someone like me….”
“Eh? W-what are you talking about…?”
“It’s just… it’s embarrassing. You’re at an age to be dating guys and I’m not much to look at….”
“Ah, ah, no…?!”
“Eh?”
“I-I like your face, opba….”
Look at that.
Because I was acting awkward, she was trying to ease the tension with a line that had no meaning.
I was pretty self-aware too.
“Even if it’s a lie, thanks, bro.”
“It’s not a lie….”
“Whatever. At twenty you should like someone a little handsome and idol-like. You can meet plenty of guys anyway.”
“……”
The evaluation of my looks I’d heard my whole life:
────────── The most handsome in the universe - Mom Thought I was a teacher - Middle school friend Neighborhood thug - High school homeroom teacher Potato - College friend Slightly roasted potato - Guy next to me Potato but actually a gorilla - Guy next to me Worse than a teaching assistant - Army buddy ──────────
… A lot of weird ones, but at least I know I’m not handsome.
Plus the scar under my eye from the accident made the thug vibe 50% stronger.
That’s why I never had to deal with bullies in my life, but standing next to a pure college girl like Seorah… my face wasn’t it.
If it was Jiyoung, maybe…
“… Hoo, hah.”
“Why?”
“Nothing. Just a little sore throat.”
Aah, I keep thinking about Jiyoung. It’s not like her face is my type.
Well, as an artist I could appreciate her messy body.
Plus, yesterday’s gaze made my dick like it a lot.
… But is that enough?
“U-um, opba.”
“……”
Why do they say a big dick is like academic achievement?
It’s not something you go around showing off, but having it can help someday.
But Jiyoung was the one who’d seen my dick through hypnosis.
It was like I’d secretly checked my wallet’s ID card.
“… Seungchul opba?”
“……”
Oh, really?
I’d seen this on the internet. A woman can look at a man with one clear preference and blur the rest however she wants.
Of course it’s not like we’re actually dating, but if I tamed her step by step…
“Opba!”
“Eh, eh?!”
She startled me.
When I looked back, Seorah was staring at me with her face bright red.
“…… We’re here. I’m going inside.”
Then she spun around and walked into the building.
When the hell did I get here. I’d completely zoned out.
“Ah, sorry, Seorah. I got lost in thought for a second….”
“Thought?”
“No, it’s just….”
“…… Fine. Go home. I’ll take a taxi tonight so you don’t have to come.”
Klang.
The door slammed and I was left standing alone.
“Tsk, what now.”
If I pissed Seorah off, she’d stay mad for a long time. I remembered an incident from years ago where I didn’t talk to her for over a month because I did something wrong.
Ha Seungchul, you crazy bastard.
I came here for safety and she didn’t care. I was thinking nonsense.
Later I’d get on my knees and beg with all my heart.
“Ah, shit.”
Only then did I realize I’d been staring at the ground.
Why Seorah’s cheeks were red. And why she left so angrily.
It was because my dick had grown so hard it felt like it would rip through my pants without me even noticing.
“Shit… this is fucked….”
First day as a boarding-house security guard. Maybe even the first day until I become a sex criminal.
***
“Seorah’s here? You look cool today.”
“Eh? Ah, yes….”
“It’s really hot lately, right? Whoa, your cheeks are so red. Want a drink from the fridge?”
“Ah, no, it’s fine….”
Han Seorah brushed off my hand and sat down, burying her face in the desk. The female worker fanned her with a hand fan and asked why she was so hot, but it did nothing.
She wasn’t hot because it was hot.
‘Thought….’
Thought. Different thought. (Thinking about) a different (woman).
“U-um, I’m sorry, but can I wash my face real quick?”
“Yeah? Sure. Go ahead.”
Creak.
As Seorah stood up to go to the bathroom, complicated thoughts flooded her mind. If she’d seen her own face and gotten this way, she wouldn’t feel this bad. She’d probably be happy.
She’d known me for over ten years and never expected me to like her easily, but she never thought I’d draw a line like this today.
No, looking at how hard my pants had gotten, maybe she had a girlfriend.
‘…… Who could it be.’
How attractive did she have to be that even with me right there, she was getting blood to her lower body thinking about her?
Han Seorah made a sad face while imagining the girl she didn’t even know.
Then suddenly she pulled out her phone from her pocket and started typing a message.
She couldn’t give up like this.
If she had to, she’d use illegal, superstitious methods to claim the man she loved.
[Me] [Jiyoung unnie] [That app I sent you last time] [Does it really work…?]