Lulu Hates Bullshit RNG
After Im Lua and I tore into some pizza like champs the next day, Lulu's stream kicked off as usual. Maybe because she'd done so many collabs lately, today's Lulu was flying solo with no guests, just gaming on her own.
The game she picked was Darkest Dungeon, a turn-based affair in simple terms. But it's notoriously brutal in difficulty, a rage-inducing nightmare that screws over players with endless bullshit RNG.
"Hehe~ Darkest Dungeon! I've been dying to try this one!"
Lulu flashed a super shady grin, totally oblivious to her grim future. Of course, that wicked smile was her manually tweaking her VTuber model's expression. Imagining her deliberately hamming it up like that made me chuckle—it was adorable. How does cuteness leak out of the screen like that? Might sound over the top, but not many VTubers can fluidly swap their virtual model's expressions in real-time like she does. Most just wing it with words or tweak eye size at best.
That's probably why Lulu's the top viewer-puller in Sweet Mare's trio. The other two only hit 700-800 on their best days, but Lulu breezes past 1,000 on peak streams. Average days? 500-600 or 600-700. Thinking about it, with numbers like that, she's beyond mid-tier—knocking on big-corp doors. Our Lulu's really made it big. This Lulu fanbase is thrilled.
That said, with today's stream being Darkest Dungeon, I figured low turnout was likely. It's a super niche game with zero mass appeal, and it's a weekday—totally expected. It should have been...
...but viewer count still hovered around 700. Has Lulu's popularity exploded that much? I pegged it at 500 tops. Must be her loyal fanbase growing thicker.
Lulu seemed to notice too, beaming ear-to-ear with an excited voice. "Everyone came to see Lulu today too~? Are my sacrifices totally enchanted by me~?"
Spouting lines like that without a care—she must have some serious anti-cringe resistance. Made my toes curl just hearing it. But the viewers? They jumped right in, roasting her mercilessly.
To the chat's playful protests, Lulu let out a dramatic bleat. "Nooo~! My model's just flat, but IRL I've got curves!!"
"Eeeeeek...!!"
Fuming Lulu nearly popped a rage-quit red pill, but the chat's WWE-style beatdown turned it into a perfect comedy finish. Bet she baited them into it. She knows they'll roast her—that's her smarts. Playing the line right up to the red pill edge.
Lulu shuddered, swapped to a pissed-off model face, and dove back into the game. "...Fine, game's on. Flat Lulu's playing, so shut up everyone!"
"You're not shutting up, you jerks!!!"
Today's stream was an absolute banger. Probably. Yeah.
*
Separate from Lulu's stream booming, her Darkest Dungeon run had me hyped. She's smarter than she lets on. She dominates puzzle games like a beast—that's her edge. Which is why she usually dodged brainy stuff.
We all know it, her included: VTuber Lulu shines with trash skills and killer reactions. Sticking to games she's good at dilutes that charm. She knows it, so she avoids 'em.
Hence today's pick: turn-based Darkest Dungeon. Why? Even pros get wrecked by RNG. Perfect for flexing smarts, eating bullshit Ls, and screaming her heart out.
Scary smart, that Kuroa Lulu.
"Okay~ First party's this lineup?"
Lulu picked her starters and plunged into the dungeon. Through the tutorial, she strutted with cocky confidence. "Stream won't be long today~ This easy? One-shot the whole thing?"
Her eyes narrowed slyly, a smug mesugaki vibe. Viewers ate up the model tweak and voice shift.
"One-shot the whole thing for suuure~ Bleh bleh ble~h~"
Childish. Cute. Infuriating.
Lulu, maxing her charm at 200%, cleared tutorial smooth and hit quest one. It went... fine. Fine.
Of course, the game doesn't do "fine."
Critical hit!
"Huh!?"
Mid-fight with a monster, an out-of-nowhere attack insta-gibbed one of Lulu's heroes.
"W-What!? No fair!!"
But that wasn't the kicker. One down, and the rest panicked hard.
'Astra's resolve is being tested.'
'Paranoia'
"Huh!?"
One hero caught paranoia. As HP ticked down, the real hellshow began.
'Coward! Traitor! Schemer! I know what you are!!'
"No! Take the heal! HEAL!!"
Refused heals. Even potions rejected. Down to single digits HP.
Not over yet.
'Draculrim's resolve is being tested.'
'Masochist'
Another hit masochist status—difficulty spiked.
"H-Hey!? Why self-harm outta nowhere!?"
Ignored orders, damaged self. Problem?...
'Feels kinda nice to be on death's door...'
That hero was paper-thin. One self-hit... dead.
"YAAAAAHHH!?"
Last healer cracked too, new debuff...
...Lulu's first quest? Total wipe.
"This is bullshit RNG! BULLSHIT!! BULLSHIIIIT!!!"
"I did! Maxed it! How do all three fail 25% odds!? 37/64 chance one's Heroic Surge!!"
Quick note: High stress? 3/4 debuff breakdown, 1/4 buff surge. One dead early, but other three? All debuffed.
In short...
"MEGA BULLSHIT! MEGA BULLSHIIIIT!!!"
Lulu got mega-screwed. (As a vet, I know: that's just the opener. Default mode. Scream now, scream forever.)
And yep, my prediction nailed it—Lulu rage-screamed till end.
"Go back!! YAAAAHHH!!"
"Why not tank front?! YOU'RE THE TANKEEEER!!"
"Wha!? Fail again? Why dieeee!!!"
Bludgeoned by pure evil RNG, Lulu minted legend clips galore. Aww, our Lulu clipped hard today. Lulu stans believe in Lulu?