First Impressions
I had been chatting with Seo-yeon unnie from time to time, asking for advice about my relationship with oppa.
Every single time, her advice was pretty much the same.
At this stage, expression was what mattered most.
Even if the situation and the feelings were identical, how you chose to express them could completely change how the other person perceived it, she said.
...I know that much, unnie.
Who couldn't spout off something that basic?!
But I've never even held hands with a guy in my entire life.
It would be weirder if I actually knew how to express myself.
Still, during today's date I tried my best to show some of that expression, but it wasn't nearly as easy as it sounded.
...I had no idea how oppa felt about it.
If I came on too strong, he might get tired of me right away.
All sorts of useless worries kept piling up inside me.
And then, as the date was drawing to a close.
We'd arrived near my house, which meant it was time to say goodbye to oppa.
“Well, head on in, Yuna.”
When I saw oppa trying to send me off so casually, I honestly felt a little resentful.
...Would it kill you to take the lead for once?
Something like, “Let’s stay together a little longer,” or “It feels too soon to part.”
He could at least say something like that, right?
Was I the only one who wanted to spend more time with him?
Did oppa actually want to get away from me, and I was the only one clinging on?
Once my thoughts started spiraling, they always drifted in a negative direction.
I recalled Seo-yeon unnie’s advice and pulled myself together.
Yeah. Instead of thinking like that, I should be the one to take courage.
So what if I come off a little clingy? Right, Yuna?
I didn’t answer oppa’s words.
Because that silence meant I didn’t want to go inside yet.
Steel myself. I made up my mind and started doing something I had literally never tried before.
Very naturally.
So smoothly that oppa didn’t even notice my hand moving toward his.
I gently laid my hand on top of his.
“...Can we talk just a little longer before I go?”
Whoa. This is seriously so embarrassing.
I’d never done anything this bold in my life, and I could barely keep my head straight.
How do those outgoing people who do this kind of thing all the time even survive with all that thick skin?
More than anything else, though, I was worried about oppa’s reply.
If he turned me down on my very first attempt, it would hurt a lot.
“...Sure. Let’s do that.”
Oppa gave my hand a light squeeze as he smiled and answered.
He wasn’t pushing me away. Of course he wouldn’t.
I felt silly for having worried so much.
The night air had grown a bit cooler, and the sky was dark.
With my vision limited, all my senses focused on the hand I was holding with oppa’s.
...This was the first time since that day, wasn’t it?
The day we ran away from those cult members together.
It was the first time I’d held oppa’s hand since then.
His hand was still soft.
His body temperature somehow felt higher than mine.
So when I held it, a gentle warmth spread through me, and it felt incredibly comforting.
“Want to head toward the park? There’s one nearby.”
“...Yeah.”
Luckily, there was a park in our neighborhood.
It wasn’t some massive park like you’d find in a huge apartment complex, but it was big enough for kids to run around and play.
I could hear my heart thumping away in a steady rhythm.
It wasn’t racing as wildly as before, but it was beating with a consistent, pleasant pulse.
I’m so glad I worked up the courage.
If I hadn’t, I never would’ve gotten a chance like this.
“...”
We walked in silence for a while.
I sneaked a glance up at oppa’s face, and he looked a little awkward too.
But it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence.
Wrapped in that refreshing quiet, we never once let go of each other’s hands until we reached the park.
I’d been way too conscious of it since earlier and couldn’t stay still.
...Yuna, what are you doing? Seriously.
Yuna kept fidgeting with her fingers.
While our hands were clasped together, she kept moving her fingers, lightly brushing and tapping against mine and my fingernails.
That ticklish sensation was driving me out of my mind.
Every time her fingers moved, a tingling jolt ran through my whole body.
Was she doing that on purpose?
Or was it completely unconscious?
Either way, Yuna’s movements were equally bad for my heart.
This couldn’t go on. It really couldn’t.
In the end, I had no choice but to make a decision to control her movements.
I simply slid my fingers between her small ones, interlocking them.
This way she wouldn’t be able to fidget anymore.
“...Ah?”
When I laced our fingers together, Yuna flinched in surprise and glanced up at me.
I felt strangely guilty, but I just played it cool.
Then Yuna didn’t say anything either. She simply looked back down at the ground and kept walking.
...She doesn’t hate it, at least.
Not rejecting it meant she was okay with it.
Maybe our relationship had already progressed this far.
It was impossible not to feel excited about how our connection was steadily moving forward.
Maybe it was about time I looked for the right moment to confess.
I’d just started letting my imagination run wild with that thought when—
“There’s no one here.”
We’d arrived at the small park in our neighborhood.
It wasn’t a place people visited very often.
There weren’t many apartments or residents nearby, after all.
It only got lively on weekends when kids came out to play.
When we got there, the playground was completely empty.
“Yeah. Coming here alone at night would be kind of scary.”
It was so quiet that it actually felt a little eerie.
But when it was just the two of us, it created a nice atmosphere instead.
We walked along the lamplit path and sat down side by side on a bench.
Now that we were here, what were we supposed to talk about?
I didn’t want to ruin the good mood by saying something stupid.
While I was worrying about that in my head, Yuna spoke up first.
“...Is your hand uncomfortable?”
“Hm? No. Not at all.”
“Then… should we keep holding hands until I have to go?”
I quickly nodded at her words.
“Oppa, there’s something I’ve been curious about.”
“What is it?”
“What was your first impression of me?”
First impression, huh.
I wasn’t sure why she was suddenly asking that, but…
It would be a lie to say my first impression of Yuna had been good.
Of course, it hadn’t been that bad for me personally.
“Can I be completely honest?”
“Yes. Please tell me the truth.”
“Honestly… when I first saw you, I just thought you were a bit of a quiet girl.”
During the group meeting, she hadn’t said a single word and stayed completely silent.
Even when she introduced herself, her voice had been so soft it was barely audible.
She hadn’t seemed interested in any of the drinking games either.
“And when you suddenly sat down in the middle of the street… hmm.”
Even thinking about it now, it was still ridiculous.
I mean, who just plops down on the ground out of nowhere?
“...I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m getting really embarrassed now. Can we stop talking about this?”
“No way. You already started it.”
Yuna hung her head in shame.
You’re the one who picked this first-impression topic.
Just tough it out.
“Still—”
“—And then when I was dropping you off at home, you asked me to carry you all the way to your bed. That was the moment I was truly speechless.”
“Stop! Oppa, stop it!”
“No, seriously. I wanted to give you about two thousand flicks to the forehead. It felt like I saved you from drowning and you demanded my wallet in return.”
Yuna was wilting like a plant that hadn’t been watered, shrinking smaller with every word.
Obviously because she was mortified.
But the next line was the important one.
“...Still, you were cute.”
“Huh?”
Yuna, please don’t make me repeat stuff like this.
I’m not good at saying things like this.
“I said you were cute.”
“Ah. Yes. Thank you… for thinking I was cute even after seeing me like that.”
What kind of weird thanks is that?
A big part of it was probably because I’d found out she was Uni.
If I hadn’t known, I probably would’ve just remembered her as an annoying, high-maintenance girl.
“Then what was your first impression of me?”
I handed the floor over to Yuna.
I guess it’s human nature to want to hear this kind of thing.
“Umm. We already talked about that at the café, remember?”
“Yeah.”
Yuna’s gaze drifted somewhere into the air, as if recalling that moment.
“At first I thought you were the reincarnation of Buddha. Or maybe the second coming of Jesus? You didn’t get annoyed or angry at all, oppa.”
“That’s true.”
I’d been so happy back then that I didn’t know what to do with myself.
There was no way I could’ve gotten mad.
“...But thinking about it now, it makes me mad. You already knew I was Uni back then, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. I realized it when I got home. The teddy bear I sent you.”
“...Ah. So that was from you? That’s how you knew.”
“Then how did you think I found out?”
“By my voice? There were people at the PC room who recognized me from my voice too.”
“Nah. That alone wouldn’t have been enough to be sure.”
“Now that I think about it, you’re right.”
Anyway, it seemed like Yuna’s first impression of me had been pretty good.
I figured she’d at least thought, “He seems like a nice person.”
After our first-impression talk ended, we fell quiet again.
We were still at that awkward stage where we didn’t have enough topics to keep the conversation going naturally.
“Summer break is coming up once exams are over. What are you doing during vacation?”
I asked, subtly testing the waters.
“During break? I’ll probably just stream from home. What about you, oppa?”
“I don’t really have any plans. I’m not going back to my parents’ house anyway.”
“Really?”
And then, for the sake of my glorious summer vacation, I said the words.
It was the first time I’d ever said something like this to anyone.
For a moment, Yuna’s eyes went wide.
Then her head started nodding like it had a motor attached.