Slowly
The welfare at our university wasn't all that bad. There were walking paths and rest areas scattered all over campus. I led my brother along one of the quieter paths, heading toward a secluded corner where people rarely went. He followed behind me without a word, his face showing a mix of confusion.
This should be far enough. There was no one around who might overhear us. Just a massive abstract sculpture and some trees. When I turned to face him, my body started trembling slightly. Breaking something like this took a lot of courage from me. I hated getting hurt by people.
What should I even say? After thinking it over, I decided to start with gratitude.
“...Thanks again for helping me out, oppa.”
I'd dragged him here out of nowhere and hit him with that, but he accepted it without batting an eye.
“I told you it's really fine. You keep saying that. I'm just doing it because I feel guilty for not having anything better to do.”
Another lie. Don't lie to me, oppa. You're saying that because you don't want me to feel like a burden, aren't you?
He seemed awkward about the situation and kept glancing away from my eyes.
“Honestly, the extra research won't even take that long. Just grind it out in a couple of days, right?”
I asked him the same question I'd asked before.
“Oppa... why do you keep helping me like this?”
Back then, I hadn't known. Why he was taking such good care of me. But now I did. Because oppa was none other than Uni_clip.
“That question again? I told you, I'm just doing it because I want to.”
Those words from him overlapped perfectly with what Uni_clip had said — I just do it because I like you. That made me even more certain. Oppa had been helping me because he was Uni.
Without realizing it, I clenched my fists tightly. It was a bad habit that came out when I was nervous. A terrible one where I squeezed until my nails dug into my palms.
“Oppa. Please answer me honestly from now on.”
“...Yeah. Okay.”
My serious gaze seemed to catch him off guard. But I didn't give him time to collect himself. I took a deep breath and finally said it. The question I'd truly wanted to ask all along.
“...Are you Uni_clip, oppa?”
A question thrown out with all the courage I could muster. The water had already been spilled. All I could do was wait for his answer. Hoping this time he wouldn't lie to me. Because only then could I take one more step forward from here.
“What are you... ah.”
He looked flustered at my words, then lowered his head and let out a long sigh. Like something had clicked into place.
“Yuna. Did you see the mug at my place?”
Had I left the cups out without cleaning up properly? My head had been such a mess back then that I hadn't even thought about it. But it seemed like he already knew I'd seen that cup.
“...Yes. I saw it. That's my fan merch, right?”
Since he already knew I was Uni, there was no point in hiding it anymore.
A brief silence fell between us. The only sound in the quiet was the rustling of tree leaves in the cool breeze.
“Yeah. That's right. I'm Uni_clip.”
He admitted his identity, sounding almost resigned. Hearing those words felt like something in my heart finally settled into place. This relationship was probably over now. Any moment.
“But how did you figure it out just from that? Was it because of what happened at the cafe last time?”
He must have thought that even if I knew he was a fan, I wouldn't connect it to Uni_clip. After leaving so many clues like that.
“Yes. I asked Jaemin oppa. About the channel name.”
And you lied to me about other things too. Saying you didn't watch streamers. But I kept those words pressed tightly in my chest. That wasn't what mattered right now.
“Ah... I see. That bastard. I told him not to tell anyone.”
And then I had to ask the next question. This was actually the one I'd wanted to avoid most, but I needed to hear it to move forward. I thought I'd only be able to let go if I heard from his own mouth that he didn't like me.
Maybe even my first love.
“You don't like me, do you, oppa?”
“...Where did that come from all of a sudden—”
He looked startled by my abrupt question. But once my mouth started moving, it wouldn't stop. I cut him off and poured out my feelings.
“—Then stop being so nice to me from now on. I'm going to get the wrong idea.”
My tone turned cold in an instant, and his expression hardened too. The things he'd done for me weren't really flirting. They could just be seen as basic human kindness. But I didn't want to waver or get hurt anymore. Maybe this was my defense mechanism.
“...The way you've been nice to me. It's because I'm Uni, right?”
My chest ached like it had been wounded. I'd known it, but saying it out loud made the pain feel even sharper. It felt like tears might well up in my eyes any second. Even though it was nothing, I always had too many tears for no reason.
“Yuna.”
“...What?”
“It's not like that.”
Not like that? What did that mean? He suddenly turned his head away, looking embarrassed. Like it was too awkward to say while looking at me.
“Yeah. You're right. At first, I really was nice to you because you're Uni.”
Of course. I knew better than anyone how much Uni_clip liked Uni. Oppa had been a sincere fan who genuinely wanted the best for me.
“But... that's not all of it anymore.”
Those words slowly stirred up the heavy feeling that had settled in my chest. Something like hope began to wriggle up from inside me. I had a feeling I knew what he was about to say next.
“Ah... I'm really bad at saying stuff like this. Seriously.”
He bit his lip lightly, still avoiding my gaze as he spoke. His ears were gradually turning red, like heated iron.
“So... right now, I'm interested in you as Yuna. Not as Uni.”
He was saying something that sounded like a shy girl's confession, right to me. Just hearing it made my own face heat up too. I'd been trying to give up. That's why I'd brought it up in the first place.
...What am I supposed to do if you say something like that, oppa?
As expected, the world never went the way I expected.
“...Ah... yeah.”
It was the only thing I could say in that moment. I wished I could've said something cooler. What was this timid little response?
“I'm not completely sure yet. So...”
He slowly took a step toward me. Then gently took my hand in his. The way he looked embarrassed just from holding my hand was incredibly cute.
“Can't we take our time getting to know each other from now on?”
At those words, it felt like my heart might stop.
*
After class, I got home and buried my face in my bed. I'd hit Yuna with that confession-like line and then basically run away to class. Of course there was no way I could focus. Nothing from the lecture had stuck in my head at all.
Lara must have thought I was feeling down because she came over and meowed at me. Weeeong.
“What the hell did I even say?”
Even thinking about it myself, I'd dumped a bunch of cringey lines on Yuna. I wasn't the male lead in some romance manhwa. If I'd heard myself, I would've thrown up. Every single one was pure gold.
Just remembering that moment made my heart start pounding again. My mouth corners kept creeping upward no matter what I thought. I really should have been dying of embarrassment right now, but none of that mattered to me.
Because what Yuna had said afterward was so adorable that it was the only thing floating around in my head.
When I'd said all that, Yuna had frozen completely at first. Then after a moment, she seemed to snap out of it and gave a small nod. That tiny little nod had set my heart on fire. Of course, the real fatal blow that came right after and stabbed straight through my heart was what she'd said next.
“...My personality's a bit impatient. I don't really like taking things slow.”
The sight of Yuna's flushed face as she said that bold line was still burned into my memory. Just thinking about it made me thrash around on the bed again.
Aaaargh! She's too cute. Way too fucking cute. Am I crazy? How can a person be that adorable?
I felt like running straight to a coin karaoke room and screaming my lungs out. At this point, I could admit that Yuna as a person was even cuter than Uni. No. It was the truth.
Of course, my feelings weren't completely certain yet. My fan heart for Uni hadn't disappeared at all. She might have been the driving force of my life. It was probably inevitable that my feelings for Uni and Yuna would get mixed up. That's why I'd had no choice but to say it that way.
...Can't we take our time getting to know each other?
Saying I had no feelings for Yuna would be a lie. It was hard to call all the emotions we'd built up together fake. But until I was completely sure my heart was pointing toward Yuna, I wanted to put off confessing. I didn't want to hurt her.
Just then, my phone vibrated.
...Was it Yuna? She might be sending a message around now.
My heart fluttered as I turned on the screen.
But what arrived wasn't the message I'd been hoping for. It was a stream notification. The time had already flown by like this. I'd been so lost in my own thoughts that I'd almost missed the live time.
“Still, I have to watch the stream.”
No matter how much I liked Yuna, I was someone who could never miss a live broadcast.