Sorting the Past and Present (4)
The greetings fell on deaf ears.
“Lady Theodora, it’s been so long…!”
“I’m not sure if you remember me, but…!”
Theodora pushed their hands away, shoving them back. Should she approach? The distance between Maxim and Theodora felt far greater than the space actually separating them. The nobles coming and going, or rather swarming between them, formed a human wall that isolated the two.
Maxim gazed at Theodora’s lost, wandering eyes for a moment before turning his head away. Watching any longer would only stir up complicated feelings in both of them.
Theodora’s gaze followed Maxim. It wasn’t an accusing stare asking where he was looking. Instead, her eyes held a sorrowful, endlessly complex look.
Theodora stepped forward. Toward Maxim. She parted the crowd and slowly approached him. With every step she took, the nobles’ eyes clung to her before falling away.
“Maxim?”
No one stood between Theodora and him now. She simply stood there, looking at Maxim. He was protected by the gaze of a relative she had never seen before, standing in front of him as if shielding him. Maxim’s eyes were not on Theodora.
Theodora heard the fragile voice that had called his name. Of course. He must hate the sight of me. Her mind went blank. Why had she come to this place? For what purpose? Theodora no longer knew.
She could hear Maxim’s low voice speaking quietly to Marion. Since this is their first meeting. And Marion’s shy reply. Yes… I haven’t met many other nobles. …Even relatives? …Yes.
Theodora remained frozen in place. She knew nothing of the relationship between him and Marion. But looking into Maxim’s eyes, she understood. Maxim did not hate Marion. It wasn’t the way he had once looked at her. It was a different gaze. The gentlest expression his dead eyes could possibly show now.
Marion had no idea what kind of relationship Theodora and Maxim once shared. And Maxim had no intention of telling her right now. There was nothing good to be gained from hearing such a story at an engagement ceremony.
Marion fidgeted under Theodora’s gaze and turned to Maxim. “Should I greet her?”
Maxim stared at Theodora in silence. Theodora’s shoulders flinched. How much did she know? Maxim took Marion’s hand and slowly walked toward Theodora. The nobles’ stares pushed at their backs. Especially the sharp-eyed young ladies and noble wives, who were paying close attention to the scene. They hid their mouths behind fans and let their imaginations run wild. What kind of relationship is that? Could it be an affair? The young ladies and noble wives exchanged such speculations with furtive glances.
If they greeted each other properly, they would draw less suspicion. If they didn’t, the picture would look strange. Theodora seemed to understand this as well, for she began walking toward where Maxim and Marion stood.
“Engage…ment…”
Theodora faced Maxim and barely managed to speak. There were things she needed to say first. I’m sorry. She should start with an apology. Somehow, Theodora felt like a child who had done something wrong. She couldn’t say anything and simply stood there, facing Maxim with a pale face.
Hurry. Theodora urged herself. She forced her voice steady and offered her congratulations to Maxim and Marion.
“Congratulations on your engagement. I hope the two of you stay happy together for a long, long time.”
Her voice faltered in places. Was she really this visibly anxious? Maxim heard the tremor in Theodora’s voice. If he simply reached out his arm, they could touch, yet they felt impossibly far apart. They faced each other from a distance that could not be bridged, in positions that could not be reconciled.
“…Marion.”
Theodora called her name. This girl from a branch family who knew nothing. She was not allowed to feel jealousy or resentment.
“…Yes, Lady Theodora.”
Marion answered in a timid voice. The only thing Theodora knew about Marion was her name. She couldn’t understand why Marion wore a mask, or why these two—who seemed to be in a relationship close to a coerced marriage—looked so intimate. Marion, too, knew nothing about Theodora except her name. The only clue she had was the deep, painful emotion contained in the eyes with which Theodora looked at Maxim.
“This is our first meeting, isn’t it?”
Her voice sounded hollow, empty. Marion quietly met Theodora’s face. She looked somewhat haggard, yet strikingly beautiful. Those gray, storm-cloud eyes were painful and sorrowful as they gazed deeply at her. Marion nodded. For some reason, she felt that if she lowered her head and avoided eye contact like she used to, it would be wrong.
“Yes… It’s embarrassing, but I’ve hardly ever gone out…”
Marion looked straight at Theodora.
“So we only meet like this today.”
Theodora pressed her lips together. Every time Theodora took a step forward, Marion moved a little closer to Maxim.
“Are your brothers, Baron Bourdin, and the baroness doing well?”
Family talk. Marion answered in a slightly withdrawn voice. It wasn’t a subject she particularly wanted to think about.
“…Yes. They’re doing well.”
They were doing well—well enough that every sibling except the host father and mother had chosen not to appear at her engagement ceremony. Still, Marion didn’t find it unpleasant. If they had shown up, it might have caused even more trouble than she could handle.
“…I’m glad you look happy.”
Theodora said this while looking at Marion’s face. The previously withdrawn Marion gave a faint smile at those words. Though it was only half a smile hidden behind her mask, it was warm and happy enough to break anyone’s heart.
“Yes. I am happy.”
Marion’s smile and words were almost too much for Theodora to bear.
“This moment… is probably the happiest in my entire life.”
Marion answered with her hands clasped over her chest. The sapphire on the ring on her left hand sparkled, perfectly matching the color of her eyes. The summer sun shone down on her like a halo. Those blue eyes and white dress went perfectly with the summer grass.
Theodora thought of herself as a sudden north wind intruding upon that summer. She was someone completely out of place. All that remained was for her to confess the sins she had committed against Maxim. She was nothing but a sinner.
Maxim looked at her with a hint of worry in his eyes. Theodora had no idea what kind of expression she should return.
“I’m truly… glad.”
Glad. It was the best word Theodora could manage. Even if she wanted to say something more, the words caught in her throat. Maxim is a good man, so he’ll be happy. As long as no one interferes, that smile—like forget-me-nots blooming in summer—would never be overshadowed by clouds.
May blessings be upon your future.
Theodora spoke those short words. After talking with Marion, she found it even harder to face Maxim. She turned her back. Deep down, she knew she had no right, but she wished Maxim would stop her. She wished he would hold her back and at least say thank you for coming. Even if the words meant nothing, she needed to hear his voice.
No voice came.
She knew. If he called her back now for no reason and drew the nobles’ attention again, it would only cause trouble for everyone. Theodora simply walked away with a hardened face.
The nobles watched carefully and split into two groups, approaching Theodora’s side and Maxim’s side.
“Lady Theodora…”
“What did you talk about with Lady Marion and her fiancé…?”
Why had she even been invited? Theodora herself didn’t know. Had she simply wanted to see Maxim? Or…
Theodora pushed away the nobles swarming toward her and searched for Emil Bourdin. The person most deeply involved in the situation Maxim was in. The crowd at the social gathering showed no sign of backing off despite the aura Theodora gave off. Why had the eldest daughter of the Benning family attended the engagement ceremony of the mere branch family of Bourdin? Was she even an invited guest?
“The Count of Benning…”
“Excuse me,” Theodora said, turning her head roughly and calling out to one of the nobles. The noble who had been pointed out jumped in fright and bowed deeply before her.
“Y-yes, what can I do for you…?”
“Do you know where Baron Bourdin is right now?”
The noble rolled his eyes as if curious and glanced around nervously.
“Um… Is the reason you came here today because you have business with Baron Bourdin…?”
Theodora glared at him with cold eyes. The noble shrank back from her gaze and shook his head quickly.
“M-my apologies. Baron Bourdin was just over there until a moment ago…”
The noble pointed toward where Maxim and Marion were standing. Theodora’s brow furrowed.
“Where has he gone now…?”
“Oh dear.”
The voice came from directly behind Theodora. She suppressed the hostility that nearly burst out of her and turned around. Emil Bourdin stood there holding a thin glass in one hand. Small bubbles rose steadily from the translucent fruit wine inside.
“Did you have some business with me, my lady?”
The noble who had been speaking with Theodora hurriedly stepped back.
“…Yes. There are a few things I’d like to ask you.”
Emil Bourdin looked out over the banquet hall with dry eyes. Every noble wore a joyful expression, holding hands and moving their feet to the rhythm of the minuet. Light steps, excited gestures, and the fluttering hems of the noble ladies’ dresses created waves with every movement.
Emil Bourdin gave the scene a hollow, mocking smile.
“I see. Then I shall escort you to the drawing room for a moment.”
When Emil Bourdin raised his hand, a waiting servant approached.
“You called, Master?”
“Escort the lady. I will join you in the drawing room shortly.”
The servant bowed deeply and led Theodora toward the mansion. Through the shaded rear entrance, once inside the mansion the summer sunlight vanished, leaving only shadow. Even the noise from the banquet hall felt like something from another world. All the Bourdin family servants were busy moving about in the banquet hall. The drawing room was even quieter.
In the complete silence where not even the commotion from the banquet could be heard, Theodora sat down, biting her lip.
“If there is anything uncomfortable or if you need anything…”
The servant asked cautiously.
“There isn’t. You may leave.”
Theodora cut him off firmly. The servant bowed once more and withdrew.
In the perfect silence that felt cut off from the world, Theodora thought about what she needed to say. She had no expectation that asking directly would get her answers, but she clenched her fists tightly. If he wouldn’t speak, she would make him.
That curse… Did you truly believe it was only meant to take a life?
Emil Bourdin appeared in the drawing room looking immaculate. He must have drunk quite a bit, yet there was no trace of intoxication or scent of alcohol. With the upright gait that could be called the model of nobility, Emil Bourdin sat down across from Theodora.
“…”
Theodora suppressed her hostility and looked at Emil Bourdin. Unlike the way he had treated Maxim, he did not approach her with a mocking attitude. Theodora let out a short sigh.
“You must know why I called you here separately like this.”
Theodora’s words were cold. Emil Bourdin raised an eyebrow and slowly nodded.
“So you’ve found out.”
“Is this something you can accept so calmly?”
Emil Bourdin sighed.
“It is unfortunate, but I did think something like this might happen…”
“Was this all planned by my father?”
Theodora pressed him with a trembling voice. Emil Bourdin nodded without changing his expression.
“Just what… what on earth were you thinking… why…”
When Emil tried to speak, Theodora cut him off.
“Don’t even think about pinning the blame on Maxim again.”
“It was simply what the Count of Benning desired.”
Emil Bourdin shrugged. Hostility began to rise from Theodora little by little.
“You wanted to break up with him, didn’t you, my lady? It wasn’t a relationship that could be ended with mere words, was it?”
“…You filthy…”
Emil Bourdin’s voice grew firm as well.
“The Count has always had your best interests at heart.”
Father. Theodora nearly spat the word but clenched her teeth instead.
“Then why did you use such a filthy method as a curse?”
Emil Bourdin shook his head.
“We did not wish to dirty your hands, my lady.”
“Nonsense…!”
Before Theodora’s hostility could thicken beyond what she could bear, words flowed from Emil Bourdin’s mouth.