Sorting Out the Past and the Present (1)
Beyond the light he was losing, it seemed as though a wavering mist hovered just out of sight.
He had never been particularly fond of mornings, yet the heavy pressure and crushing lethargy that greeted him each time he woke these days only made Maxim appear more powerless than ever.
Maxim poured himself a glass of water, drank it down, then washed and dressed. It was a holiday.
As he approached the door, he noticed a letter that had been slipped underneath.
“Huh?”
His recent memories of letters were anything but pleasant. Maxim picked up the envelope while toweling his damp hair.
Fortunately, it was not the stiff, luxurious envelope from before. He turned it over to examine the wax seal that held it closed and frowned at the unexpected emblem that met his eyes.
“Why from the family…”
The owl crest representing the Aparte family had been pressed into the wax. Seeing the family symbol after so long stirred a faint warmth in him, yet it also brought a wave of unease. Why would the family send him a letter now?
Without inspecting the envelope any further, Maxim broke the seal. A slightly thick sheet of stationery slid out—two pages in all. The paper was far heavier than ordinary letter stock. They had used a plain envelope, yet gone to such lengths with the paper itself.
“To the eldest son…”
Maxim let out a heavy sigh. What could his father possibly want, addressing him with such a formal title again? Recently I heard from your father-in-law. The man was unbelievable.
Maxim’s lips trembled as he continued reading. Wasn’t this too blatant? Their family was already facing mounting pressure from both the Benning and Bordain houses—had the Aparte family truly failed to notice?
He kept reading. The official announcement of his engagement to Marion would soon be made. It felt like only yesterday that the two of them had become engaged, yet three years had already passed. There was nothing strange about formally announcing the engagement, setting a wedding date, and holding a social gathering. In fact, it was stranger that they had waited this long.
Maxim’s eyes continued down the page. I will visit the Royal Capital before the invitation arrives. I heard that you and Marion have not yet exchanged matching rings. Why not take this opportunity to have engagement rings made?
A hollow laugh escaped him. His father must be overjoyed at the connection to high nobility.
Maxim flipped to the second page, expecting more, but it contained only the brief closing: “Your father.”
“...”
He stared at the second sheet with a puzzled expression. Why waste perfectly good paper simply to write the sender’s name?
Maxim picked up the second page again. He needed to examine it more closely. There were marks.
He held the paper up to the light. “...So that’s what it was.”
Under the light, faint indentations became visible. Carefully, he ran his fingers across the surface. The thick paper bore subtle grooves, as if something had been pressed into it from behind.
Maxim fetched a pencil and began shading the page. Hidden words gradually emerged. Though the pressure-written letters were uneven and some words remained unclear, the message was legible enough.
“Such… childish…”
He never imagined his father would resort to such a childish trick to convey his true thoughts. But then, there was no telling whose hands this letter might fall into.
The tone grew closer to his father’s real voice. Maxim exhaled, the sigh carrying both relief and worry.
Recently, a strange atmosphere has taken hold within the family. It feels as though every move we make is being watched.
The signs only became apparent recently. First, the number of servants not originating from our territory has increased without my notice. I did not sense it when hiring them individually, but it became clear while organizing the household roster and servant register.
I do not know the reason, nor who is observing us. The only plausible guess is that someone among the high nobility is behind it, yet I cannot fathom how our house became entangled with them. The only connection that comes to mind is the Bordain family’s sudden proposal of engagement, but they do not possess such power. That only makes the matter more troubling.
Do not worry excessively. For us to act out of character now would be the worst possible choice.
Proceed with preparations for the public announcement of your engagement to Marion. I will see you soon in the Royal Capital—at your engagement ceremony.
— Your Father —
Maxim gave a dejected laugh and folded the letter, setting it on the table. As long as he remained still, the family would not face any immediate threat. The surveillance was unsettling, but explaining everything to his father would be impossible.
Still… the ring.
Maxim frowned. Slowly he walked to his wardrobe and opened it. Hanging on the inside of the door was a necklace. At its center hung not a jewel or brooch, but a single ring.
Like a fisherman examining his catch, Maxim gazed at the ring dangling from the chain before lifting it into his palm. It was a plain band with no engravings, set with only a small gem. The ring he and Theodora had once exchanged in a promise—the very thing that tormented him and kept him standing at the same time.
It had hung alone in the corner of his wardrobe, suspended from the necklace all this time.
Maxim clenched the ring tightly, then released it, as though retracing old memories. Should he bury it now? The memories he shared with Theodora, the letter she had given him—he had discarded none of them. To him they were both an awl endlessly gouging at his wounds and a drug that deepened his dependence on the past.
When he had fallen from the cliff, when he had faced the Deathworm and resolved to use his aura—what had he ultimately decided? Hadn’t he chosen to stop taking ambiguous stances and pushing things away? Hadn’t he sworn to face everything head-on?
Maxim asked himself the question. Facing something ultimately meant ending it. Two precarious parallel lines that had desperately avoided each other were destined to shatter the moment they met.
The end was drawing nearer in ever clearer shape. What awaited him at the conclusion of a life in which he had chosen nothing was a punishment called a curse.
He placed a hand over his heart. Even now he could feel the curse slowly devouring him from within. Would he be able to endure until the battle with that Behemoth? Hadn’t he always known it would come to this? That he would meet a miserable end, one that earned no one’s pity?
Maxim stared into the dark interior of the wardrobe. It felt as if he were looking into a mirror. He placed the ring even deeper inside, beyond the door, then took out a suit. It was neat and formal, devoid of flashy decoration.
After staring into the wardrobe for a long moment, he finally closed the door and dressed. Slowly, as though performing a ritual, he buttoned the shirt and adjusted the sleeves.
Today was the day the parents of both the Bordain and Aparte families would meet, and the day Maxim and Marion’s engagement ceremony would take place.
Even after discarding nearly every object that reminded her of memories with Maxim, there remained one thing Theodora could not bring herself to throw away.
She remembered the moment exactly. One winter after the semester had ended, they had visited a small jewelry shop in the Royal Capital together. Theodora had to return to her family’s territory for a time and wanted a token that they were still connected.
Maxim had suggested exchanging rings. On the last day of the semester, they went to the shop and had the rings made. They were simple bands, each set with a single small gem so they would not look like ordinary rings.
Since she could not wear the ring openly at the academy or back in her territory, Theodora bought a pair of chains and turned them into necklaces.
Theodora had told him. Maxim had smiled as if it were the most natural thing in the world and nodded.
“I think of you all the time even without it,” Maxim had answered playfully. Theodora’s lips softened into a smile.
“Sorry. I’ll always wear it.” Maxim had lifted the ring dangling from his neck to show her.
“As long as I have this, forever.”
After they parted, Theodora had gathered every letter they had exchanged and burned them. She had thrown away or buried every gift Maxim gave her in places she would never remember, determined never to think of him again.
At the riverside, Theodora had clutched the ring. The necklace slipped through her fingers like a handful of sand. She squeezed her fist tight.
She could not throw it away.
Her raised arm fell limply to her side. She had been able to discard everything else, but not this ring. The words she had spoken when giving it to Maxim, and the words he had returned, had been too heavy.
By the flowing river under the night sky, Theodora had wept. The ring was never thrown away that day. She returned with her fist still clenched, the chain trailing behind her like smoke.
Now Theodora opened a drawer. It was a new drawer, yet filled with old things. Opening it felt like rummaging through shelves of memory. The Theodora of today had no mental energy to spare for such recollections.
Like someone moving through a dream, she reached the second drawer. At the very top lay the ring. The slightly faded chain caught the light as it appeared before her.
Theodora lifted the necklace as carefully as if it were a glass bead that might shatter. The necklace offered no words. It did not wrap her in a warm embrace like Maxim once had.
Once, simply holding it had filled her with an inexplicable warmth. Now the cold touch of metal only reminded her that it had all been an illusion.
With a soft clink, the ring settled into her palm. As though seeking atonement, Theodora clasped the necklace with both hands, elbows resting on the floor. She closed the open drawer.
In her arms lay the ring necklace. On the coldly polished floor, a single sheet of stationery had fallen—an invitation announcing someone’s engagement and inviting her to the celebration.
Theodora slipped the necklace on and tucked it beneath her clothes so it would not be noticed. She did not know what she would see by going. She did not know what words she could possibly say if she faced Maxim.
She simply felt that if she were not present at that place, she might never have another chance to truly confront him again.
Theodora picked up the invitation.