The Things I Cannot Give Up (2)
Don’t take the selection test. It was the same as telling him to give up on becoming a knight. Anyone other than the current Maxim would have flown into a rage at those words. But the man who actually heard them didn’t so much as twitch an eyebrow.
Maxim had expected Christine to say something like that from the start. He also understood exactly why she had said it.
“I knew you’d say that.”
“...Which means your answer was already set, then.”
Christine grumbled. Maxim simply smiled. When she saw that smile, Christine’s lips twisted slightly.
“You know what this means, Vice Commander. If you push yourself in your current condition…”
“Yeah. I know.”
“Then why…!”
Christine raised her voice in clear frustration. Maxim could only let out a hearty laugh at her attitude.
“It’s not like I’m going to die. I’ll just be in pain for a few days, that’s all.”
“Pain? You call that pain…?”
Christine shook her head vigorously, refusing to accept his words. Her long golden hair swayed like waves with the motion. She took a moment to steady herself. It looked as though she was carefully choosing her next words. While she hesitated, Maxim spoke first.
“It’ll be fine. I just won’t push myself.”
“You say that, but you’re going to push yourself anyway. How could you possibly avoid pushing yourself in a test run by the knight order?”
Maxim smiled awkwardly. Christine clearly didn’t like his attitude.
“So that’s why you were swinging your sword from dawn. I wondered what was going on.”
“I won’t cause any trouble for you.”
“Whether you cause trouble for me isn’t the point!”
Christine clenched her fists tightly. She looked like she wanted to punch the smug smile right off his face.
“I’ll pass without pushing myself. Do you really think I’m that incapable?”
“You are that incapable. The moment you draw even a little power, you start staggering.”
Maxim lifted one corner of his mouth and raised his arm as if showing off his biceps. Christine pressed a hand to her forehead as a headache crept in.
“I won’t stagger. I’ve recovered quite a bit.”
“...And that recovery is all thanks to me. Are you trying to make all my effort meaningless?”
When Christine sighed and spoke, Maxim’s expression shifted slightly. He must have felt guilty toward her. Seeing his emotions change so quickly only made Christine feel even more frustrated.
“Don’t make that face. It makes me weak.”
Maxim quickly schooled his expression at her words. That man really shouldn’t gamble, Christine thought.
“Then I just won’t give you any reason to help me.”
“...In the end, that really would be the best option.”
Maxim shrugged as if asking, How about that? Even though he was pretending to be perfectly fine, the man who would have to risk his life the moment he used his strength…
“Even if you say you won’t push yourself, if you end up on the front lines you’ll have to use your power anyway.”
Christine was practically pouting now. Maxim felt both guilt and gratitude toward her for worrying about him.
“From the beginning, if I wanted to remain a knight, this was a decision I would have to make someday. I’ve just been turning a blind eye to the problem until now.”
“There are other ways. As Vice Commander, you could have gone into instruction…”
“Go back to the academy? I can’t do that. Even if I die, I’ll die fighting on the front lines as a knight.”
Maxim waved his hand theatrically. He had meant it as a joke, but Christine’s reaction was different from what he expected.
“I… I didn’t think it would be like this. When you said, ‘I’ll only take those who are useful,’ I thought your treatment had already been decided.”
Christine looked at him with a pained expression.
“You really never listen.”
Maxim felt truly sorry toward her.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing to me? If you keep going, the one who loses out is you, Vice Commander.”
Christine turned to leave, then suddenly stopped and spun back toward him.
“One more thing.”
“What?”
“Why are you going this far…?”
When he heard the question, Maxim lifted his head and stared into the distance. It was as if he were searching for something beyond what his eyes could see.
“Everyone has something they can’t give up on.”
Maxim’s resolve could not be shaken. Christine realized this and her face fell. But before he could see that expression, she managed to return to her usual face. Turning her head, she looked up at Maxim’s handsome features and declared,
“Don’t push yourself. And if you collapse from overdoing it, I absolutely will not help you.”
Maxim’s eyes widened for a moment, then curved into a smile.
“Yeah. Got it.”
Christine had to suppress the urge to slap that expression off his face once more.
“Hoo…”
After finishing his bath, Maxim stood in front of the mirror. The solid, well-defined muscles typical of a knight glistened with moisture. But Maxim possessed a far more striking feature than those imposing muscles.
A scar ran from his left chest all the way down to near his pelvis. The wound was carved deep like a canyon splitting the earth. It was a curse.
The scar deeply etched into Maxim’s body was literally the curse itself. A vicious grudge so terrible that an ordinary person would lose their mind simply by feeling it coiled within the scar. For three years now, it had shown no sign of leaving his body.
Strangely enough, he felt no pain. Maxim touched the scarred area with a detached expression. Not only was there no pain, he couldn’t even feel the touch of his own fingers. The part where the wound remained was already dead.
Maxim prodded the scar with his fingertips. No sensation came from the affected area, and to his touch it felt less like human skin and more like poking gravel. On the surface it looked like a healed scar, but inside it had already rotted away.
“It feels like someone else’s body.”
Maxim muttered the observation as if speaking of someone else. As long as he didn’t forcibly draw out power or mana, this wound wouldn’t kill him. By all rights he should have been a cold corpse by now, but his encounter with Christine in the Raven Knight Order had miraculously extended his life.
Christine’s magic couldn’t dispel the curse, but it could stop it from worsening. Even now, she would occasionally check the condition of the affected area and try to find a way to lift the curse. There had been no particular improvement, yet Christine refused to give up and kept trying. Simply halting the curse’s progression should have been enough.
Maxim carefully dried himself with a towel, then wrapped bandages around his upper body. They wouldn’t do much to heal the wound, but he used them to hide it. If his shirt tore during training, he wanted to prevent the unfortunate event of others seeing the scar.
“...It’s not going well.”
For some reason today, Maxim wrapped the bandages with extra care so they wouldn’t come loose. The scar on his body kept reminding him of one person.
Theodora.
Maxim recalled the face of his ex-girlfriend, now the Commander. Even though the wound should have felt nothing, it seemed to throb faintly.
I really am hopeless.
He had dragged a body that wouldn’t even listen to him properly and stubbornly clung to the knight order. After meeting Christine and finally regaining some control over his body, he had developed the desire to live longer as a knight. And now, hope had appeared.
The hope of going to the front lines. The hope that he didn’t have to let go of his sword yet. And if Maxim refused to take the test now that Theodora had been appointed Commander, she would surely pity him. Perhaps she would even waver.
And Maxim absolutely did not want that. If it came to that, it would be a hundred times better to act pathetically and let Theodora despise him.
Maxim only wished for Theodora to remain as she was now. Even if the cause of this scar and curse lay with her, he had no intention of ever letting her know that fact.
Maxim cut off the flow of his thoughts and forcibly smoothed his frowning expression.
“Let’s go.”
He whipped himself into action and began preparing. The hard texture of his armor felt strangely unfamiliar today. Once fully armored, Maxim picked up his sword. It was nothing more than a cheap blade commonly sold at any smithy—certainly not worthy of being called a cherished weapon—but the blade he had maintained with care gleamed sharply.
Is it going to rain?
The sky was overcast. The sun peeked through gaps in the clouds, casting scattered rays. The mass of dark clouds huddled together like a crouching dragon, rumbling lowly.
“Look, there goes one of those idiot knights from the trash order.”
“I heard they got a new commander.”
“It’ll probably be the same as always, don’t you think?”
Citizens whispered among themselves in low voices. The Raven Knight Order’s bad reputation was well known in this area, so it was no surprise such words reached his ears. To Maxim, the citizens’ gossip was like background music he heard every time he went to work. Those who couldn’t stand him and picked fights were the very ones who ended up expelled even from the Raven Knight Order.
Before long, Maxim climbed the hill leading to the Raven Knight Order’s headquarters. Even while walking, he continued circulating a small amount of mana through his body to warm up and check the scar.
It’s fine. No abnormalities.
It wasn’t that he felt no anxiety about the scar. It was fortunate that his swordsmanship didn’t rely on Aura Blade; the moment he drew one, the curse would begin devouring his body again.
My goal is to not use Aura Blade.
It wouldn’t look strange. After all, Maxim had never used Aura Blade much except in critical moments.
He repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fist, steadying himself. Maxim arrived at the training ground exactly on time. The usual lax Vice Commander was nowhere to be found in this place. There was no sharp, honed aura. Maxim’s presence was utterly calm. Like the sea before a storm—quiet, yet profoundly deep.
“You’re here, Vice Commander.”
Christine had already arrived at the training ground. Maxim nodded in acknowledgment of her greeting and looked around. Including himself and Christine, seven people had shown up. The remaining twenty or so had given up on even taking the test.
Theodora stood on the platform in the training ground. Her dark-cloud-colored eyes, matching today’s sky, lingered on Maxim for a moment. Maxim did not avoid her gaze. He thought he saw a tiny ripple stir in those eyes.
Behind Theodora stood four knights. Maxim could sense an entirely different presence from the soldiers she had brought during her previous visit. These were undoubtedly real elite knights. They were clearly the replacement personnel being assigned to the Raven Knight Order.
“It looks like everyone who’s coming has arrived.”
This time Theodora spoke without using mana. Since the group was so small, her voice carried clearly to everyone.
“Then, we will begin the selection test.”
As soon as Theodora spoke, the four knights stepped forward in unison. Though four sets of feet moved, only a single footstep sounded.
THUD!
The knights stood before Theodora with imposing dignity. Once they had taken their positions, Theodora spoke again.
“These are the knights who will be assigned to the newly reformed Raven Knight Order.”
By now, everyone seemed to have realized what the test would entail.
“If you can last fifteen minutes or more against these knights in a match, you pass.”
“Bullshit!”
It seemed one stubborn fool was still among them. But this knight order would no longer tolerate fools.
Sring.
Before anyone realized, two blades were already pressed beneath the chin of the knight who had cursed. The two elite knights glared at the pathetic member with disdain, then turned to Theodora.
“Commander. Your orders.”
“Lower your blades for now.”
The knights withdrew their swords. To the member dripping with cold sweat, Theodora spoke in a cold voice.
“You are disqualified. Leave.”
The designated member couldn’t withstand the pressure emanating from the knights and fled down the hill from the headquarters. Another member followed, declaring his surrender as he left. Five people remained.
Theodora scanned the training ground to see if anyone else would give up, but no one else stepped down.
“If there is no one else who wishes to forfeit, please prepare for your matches.”
At Theodora’s words, a heavy tension settled over the training ground—the kind of tension the Raven Knight Order had never felt before. The members and knights faced each other.
Maxim assessed the strength of the opposing knights. Two men, two women. From what he could sense, one of the female knights was a mage. She would probably be paired with Christine.
Maxim glanced sideways to check where Christine stood. Sure enough, she was looking at her prospective opponent with a bored expression.
No need to worry about her.
“Christine Watson, step forward.”
Breaking the silence, Theodora called Christine. She took one step forward as instructed.
“Rione Becker, step forward.”
The female knight Maxim had guessed was a mage stepped forward. Centered around the two mages, a massive flow of mana began to swirl. The knights and members quickly retreated to create space for the match.
Once everyone had withdrawn, Theodora opened her mouth in an indifferent voice.
“If you are ready, begin.”
The moment those words fell, the two cast spells collided in midair, flooding the training ground with light.