Fall, Isolation (1)
The morning air felt colder than usual. Two days had passed since that night. The memories of that evening seeped into his throbbing skull like poison. A bucket of water sat in front of Maxim. He splashed it roughly across his face, as if trying to wash away both the memories and the headache in one go.
“Pathetic bastard.”
The hand gripping the bucket tightened. Despair only bred more despair. Maxim’s fingers trembled violently as he clutched the wooden handle. He splashed his face again. Droplets ran down his hair and dripped steadily onto the floor.
“...”
His own reflection stared back from the water’s surface.
Deceiver. Hypocrite. Liar.
And a pathetic man who pretended to be a proud knight, putting on every noble act he could muster. Maxim confronted the hundreds of expressions of self-loathing that rose over his face.
“How hideous.”
The sentiment was genuinely miserable. Maxim let out a hollow laugh. Having barely slept the night before, his face showed clear signs of exhaustion. He rubbed his eyes and began donning his armor.
Theodora would distance herself from him even further now. Just as he had so desperately wished. She might look at him with eyes full of hatred and disgust, or perhaps she would simply offer him no interest at all.
“Happy now?”
The Maxim reflected in the mirror asked him that very question.
“This is exactly what you wanted. Well? Does it feel refreshing?”
“No.”
Maxim answered himself.
“If it doesn’t feel good, then why did you act that way?”
“What else was I supposed to do?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
Maxim ground his teeth, his body shaking.
“My family, my house—they’re all caught in that count’s grip under the name of a political marriage. What can a powerless border baron family do? If I had approached Theodora for no reason, if I had told her everything, who knows what might have happened to my family… or to her.”
The illusion in the mirror sneered at him.
“And?”
“And? So I just have to bear her hatred alone. If I keep my mouth shut and don’t defy them, no one gets hurt.”
“So that’s why you’ve been acting so half-heartedly all this time.”
Shut up.
Maxim’s face twisted.
“You really do make it look so easy on yourself.”
The Maxim in the mirror continued.
“Then what the hell do you want me to do?”
His voice trembled as he answered.
“Look at me—I can’t even use aura because of that damned curse. What do you expect me to do? Turn on my aura and slaughter them all?”
“Are you really asking yourself that right now?”
The reflection scoffed in disbelief.
“Then just live like that forever. Keep wavering, hesitating, flip-flopping with that ambiguous attitude. Use the pathetic shield of self-satisfaction that you at least saved Theodora, and keep letting those wounds and thorns stab you over and over.”
Crash.
A crack spidered across the mirror. The illusion did not stop mocking him until it shattered completely.
“Self-pity won’t save you, you idiot.”
Blood dripped from Maxim’s split knuckles.
Then what can save me? I wasn’t supposed to wish for salvation in the first place.
The reflection offered no more answers.
Clank.
Maxim snapped out of his thoughts. The plates of his faded armor were covered in new scratches from the past few days—bite marks, claw marks. He slowly began putting it on, piece by piece. Legs, arms, chest. The iron shell covered his underclothes. He pulled on his helmet and let out a long sigh.
To think he had to face her again like this.
Now he had to help with the investigation in Theodora’s squad. Maxim hardened his expression. Once fully armored, he picked up his sword. Today, the blade felt unusually heavy.
“Damn it.”
He drew in a breath and exhaled. Lately, the ringing in his head had grown frequent. Moments of confusion came more often too. Maxim clutched his helmeted head. The dull thud echoed inside the steel. His breathing grew ragged. He removed the helmet for a moment and steadied himself. Maybe it was because of all the recent fighting. A cold breath escaped his lips.
“...Let’s go.”
He spoke as if scolding himself. Not only the sword but his steps felt heavy as well. Maxim opened the door and descended the stairs. It was still early. He had left his quarters intending to check on his horse first.
The air in No Man’s Land was cold regardless of season or time. Especially at this hour, when the sun had only just risen. Maxim walked the path that had grown familiar. A few people were already busy from the early morning. Starting today, they would return to living in the barracks beyond the wall.
At the stables near the ramparts, Maxim found his horse. The brown stallion recognized him and gave a welcoming whinny.
“Maybe I should brush you.”
Maxim murmured as he stroked the horse’s head.
The stable door burst open. Backlit by the morning sun, Paola appeared.
“Oh, Maxim.”
“...Senior.”
Paola flashed a wide grin and walked over to his own horse standing beside Maxim’s.
“You were busy even on your day off yesterday? Didn’t see you around all day.”
“...I just walked around the streets a bit.”
Paola let out a hearty laugh at the answer.
“Youth is a wonderful thing. I don’t have the stamina—or rather, the mental stamina—to wander the streets all day. I’d love to roam around like you, but… at my age, it’s just too tiring.”
Paola shook his head with a wry smile.
“What did you do while you were out?”
“...Just looked around the city.”
“Well, there isn’t much else to do anyway.”
Paola fitted the bridle on his horse and unlatched the stall door. The horse stepped forward eagerly, exiting the stable. Paola skillfully placed the saddle and secured it.
“Still, for someone who spent a whole day off, you don’t look too good, Maxim. Your face is pale.”
Anyone could see it—Maxim’s expression was dark. He shrugged. His own horse stood quietly as the bridle was fitted. Maxim secured the reins and opened the stall door.
“Everyone has days when they’re not in a good mood.”
“I can never tell if you’re bad at hiding things or exceptionally good at it.”
Paola chuckled.
“Maxim, no one can carry a problem forever, all wrapped up tight and hidden away.”
He stroked the horse’s mane gently.
“Whether you want to confess or not, secrets and worries have a way of being noticed by someone.”
Paola swung himself onto the horse. The mount walked out of the stable with steady hoofbeats. Maxim frowned at Paola, who seemed to be teasing him.
“Do I really look like I’m worrying about something?”
“To my eyes, those aren’t the eyes of someone worrying so much as…”
Paola looked down at him from atop his horse.
“They look like the eyes of someone consumed by self-reproach. Or perhaps someone carrying heavy guilt.”
“...”
Maxim placed the saddle on his horse’s back. He couldn’t deny Paola’s observation.
“I’d rather you hadn’t noticed.”
“People can’t always be like stones, unchanging. Emotions shift every moment.”
Maxim looked at Paola and laughed as if it were absurd.
“Isn’t that a rather convenient defense?”
“It could be. Or it might not.”
Maxim mounted his horse.
“All I can do is give you the obvious advice, Maxim. If not that, what exactly do you want me to say?”
Paola turned his horse’s head.
“...Nothing.”
“In the end, Maxim, the only one who can pull someone out of that pit of despair and worry is themselves.”
Paola gazed up at the sky as he spoke. The sky over No Man’s Land was clear again today. He stared upward, almost as if being drawn into it.
“Well, you’ve always been a bit dense. I don’t know how you’ll take my words.”
Paola gave a small laugh as he looked at Maxim. Maxim followed behind Paola’s horse as they rode toward the wall.
Unlike before, when squads were sent out for investigation the moment everyone gathered, the Margrave had called all the knights and soldiers together. The Margrave’s expression was far from pleasant.
“It seems the Raven Knight Order’s dispatch period will be shorter than expected.”
The Margrave spoke in a grave voice, like someone making a critical decision.
“Three days.”
Three days?
Maxim frowned.
“After three more days of investigation, if we cannot find evidence that the current decrease in monsters in No Man’s Land is not a precursor to something…”
The Margrave sighed.
“We will have to return to the Royal Capital and submit a report. Along with a request for military reinforcements…”
“Why are you trying to send us back so quickly?”
All eyes from the soldiers and knights turned toward the speaker.
“Because we must prepare.”
“Prepare… you say?”
“There is no guarantee that a situation comparable to fifteen years ago will not occur. No—in fact, something on par with, or even surpassing, what happened fifteen years ago is likely to happen.”
The soldiers stirred. Among them were a few who had lived through the turmoil of fifteen years ago.
“That’s a lie…”
“There’s no way something like that could happen again in just fifteen years!”
Outcries spread. The Margrave raised a hand to silence them.
“Therefore, those who wish to deny that this phenomenon is a recurrence of the backlash from fifteen years ago…”
The Margrave’s voice was sharp.
“Will have to investigate until your eyes fall out.”
The investigation teams were reassigned. Maxim instinctively began to head toward Squad 2, but upon catching the Margrave’s gaze, he turned his horse toward Squad 1 instead.
At the very front of Squad 1 stood Theodora. With eyes that looked just as exhausted as Maxim’s, she was directing the soldiers and knights of her squad.
“As you all heard, we do not have much time left.”
Her gaze met Maxim’s for a brief moment before quickly darting elsewhere.
“...As before, I ask that you all give this investigation your full effort.”
At Theodora’s final words, the horses began galloping toward the wasteland.
On her swaying saddle, Theodora couldn’t help but recall what had happened two days ago.
I must have lost my mind.
Theodora’s face didn’t flush red so much as it turned deathly pale. She had drunk far too much. Seeing the vice-commander giggling and leaning close to Maxim had ignited a rage inside her that should never have surfaced. There was no reason to hate him. No reason to be angry. Yet Theodora had secretly glanced at the table where Maxim sat, stealing looks at the scene. And then she drank.
She wasn’t good with alcohol, but she kept emptying her cup. She thought the anger could serve as an excuse. Rationalizing her actions that way, Theodora drank on.
The impulse was terrifying. Even as those around her fell asleep one by one, drunk beyond sense, Theodora’s eyes remained fixed on Maxim’s seat. Christine, the vice-commander, had approached Maxim without hesitation and leaned on his shoulder. Maxim pretended to ignore her with an indifferent expression, yet he never pulled away. Instead, he subtly shifted his posture to make it easier for her to lean on him.
And so she drank more. She drank while watching Maxim patiently respond to the vice-commander’s drunken ramblings. She drank again as she watched the woman collapse against him.
She tried to swallow her emotions. She thought that if she washed them down with alcohol, the hatred and the pain would disappear too.
And then the gathering ended.
Theodora sat clutching her cup, dazed. It felt as though her thoughts and feelings had been buried deep along with the liquor, just as she had hoped. But the one who pulled her to her feet was, cruelly, Maxim himself.
The intoxication guided her body. Through her blurred vision and foggy mind, her former lover appeared. At that moment… at that moment…
Theodora shook her head violently. What shouldn’t have happened, didn’t. She should never have embraced him while drunk. There was nothing left between them. All that remained for her were scars. And then she had been rejected.
The alcohol offered them no excuse.
Ah, yes. Only the wounds had multiplied. She had thought she had grown stronger, but apparently not that night.
“...Commander.”
Theodora lifted her head.
“Commander?”
It was Vice-Commander Christine. Theodora steadied her trembling heart and asked again.
“What is it?”
“While investigating the terrain recently, I’ve felt that the ground near the cliffs has been growing increasingly unstable. I think we should be extra careful during today’s investigation as well.”
Christine was watching Theodora’s dazed expression closely. Theodora quickly composed her face so her inner turmoil wouldn’t show in those eyes.
“Ground instability… do you think it’s related to the abnormal phenomena?”
“Yes. Some people have reported feeling unexplained vibrations during recent investigations… We’ll need to look into the connection further, but I believe we should keep that in mind while we investigate.”
Theodora nodded.
“Understood. Let’s focus our investigation around the unstable ground.”
“...By the way, Commander.”
Theodora looked at Christine. She seemed hesitant. The slight darkness under her eyes suggested she hadn’t slept well.
“Did something happen the night before last?”
“What do you mean by… something happening…”
Theodora froze for a moment at Christine’s question. Christine studied her reaction, then closed her eyes and sighed.
“Never mind… it’s nothing.”
The investigation team of Squad 1 arrived at the place where they would tie up their horses. Christine dismounted and muttered,
“We didn’t get attacked by a single monster on the way here.”
“It’s very different from normal,” Maxim replied as he tied his horse a short distance away from Christine.
“...I have a really bad feeling about today.”
Christine stared at the cliffside with an unusually serious tone. Maxim tried to reassure her.
“It’ll be fine.”
“Senior, your voice sounds completely empty today.”
Christine glared at him with clear displeasure. Maxim found it impossible to meet her persistent gaze.
“...Why?”
“Let’s just get on with the investigation.”
Christine gave him a push from behind. Though he stumbled slightly, Maxim willingly followed the guiding hand. It was better than investigating with Squad 2, where he barely knew anyone. He might even get a chance to speak with Theodora.
Squad 1 had scattered to conduct their investigation. Following the order to examine the ground closely, Maxim walked slowly along the cliff, observing the earth beneath his feet.
“...It really is…”
It didn’t feel solid or firm. Maxim pressed down on the ground with his foot. The soil lacked weight.
“Not very stable.”
As he muttered to himself and looked up, he froze.
“...”
A short distance away, Theodora was walking toward him from the opposite direction. The moment she saw his face, her expression hardened. It would have been less awkward if this were their first meeting in three years. Neither could change their direction nor speak first. They simply stood there, frozen.
And before either could say a word, they drew their swords at the same time.
Maxim sensed the monstrous energy creeping up from below the cliff. Theodora sensed another group of monsters approaching from nearby.
“...Let’s deal with this first.”
When Maxim spoke, Theodora gave a reluctant nod of agreement.
Hellhounds, mantises, and one massive Fenrir. The creatures climbing the cliff were basilisks, hexapeds, and a giant centipede-like monster. Maxim relaxed his arms and body, breathing slowly in and out. He stood back-to-back with Theodora, facing the cliff.
“Reinforcements…”
“They’ll be here soon. They must have sensed the anomaly.”
Theodora’s voice was stiff. Maxim sharpened his focus. About seven creatures climbing up. This much should be manageable… He glanced toward Theodora. She faced roughly ten. If they used their full strength from the start, they could probably finish them quickly. Theodora’s sword began emitting a platinum-colored light with a resonant hum. She clearly intended to end it fast.
Maxim set aside his worries about her for now and faced the monsters slithering upward.
Then just live like that forever.
The words echoed in his mind. To shake them off, Maxim moved with exaggerated motions as he engaged the climbing monsters. He severed the neck of the first basilisk to reach the top. Since its demonic eyes could paralyze anyone who met its gaze, it had to be dealt with immediately. Fighting them while they climbed was far easier than facing them on flat ground. Without much difficulty, Maxim cut down the seventh creature and sent it tumbling off the cliff.
As for Theodora… Maxim turned his head. She was slaughtering the remaining monsters with bursts of platinum aura. However, the Fenrir, considered a high-ranking monster, was responding quickly to her attacks. Maxim moved swiftly to join her.
It was then that he felt an ominous vibration from the ground.
“...No way.”
Maxim’s face turned deathly pale.
Crack.
Fissures spread across the wasteland and the cliff itself. The unstable ground. Maxim erased everything from his mind and shouted.
“Theodora!!”
She had just driven her sword into the Fenrir’s neck. Theodora turned at his call. And then, with a deafening roar, the cliff they both stood upon began to collapse.