Circumstances Everyone Has (3)
Emil Bourdin observed Maxim with his head tilting this way and that, like an owl eyeing prey beneath a tree.
“Hmm?”
Emil Bourdin’s gaze settled on Maxim’s face. A blue stare like an unfathomable sea—neither cold nor warm. Maxim met that gaze head-on and refused to open his mouth until the very end.
“My, what a shy man you are. Maxim, haven’t I told you time and again?”
The corner of Emil Bourdin’s mouth curled up in a smirk once more.
“With such a lack of charm, you’ll never win a woman’s heart.”
“That’s enough.”
When Maxim could no longer hold back and tried to speak, Theodora stepped in between them. Her platinum-blonde profile, half in shadow, came into view. Her tightly pressed lips, the slight tremble at the corners of her mouth. Her once beautifully pale, luminous cheeks had gone ashen.
Maxim could say nothing. No—he chose not to. Whatever he said now would not reach Theodora. Or rather, every sentence, every single word would become a needle, tearing mercilessly at her ears.
Maxim clasped his hands behind his back. He had clenched his fists too tightly. Blood welled where his nails dug into his palms.
“My apologies, my lady.”
Emil Bourdin spoke in a tone that suggested he had done nothing of the sort.
“Ah, and when do you plan to visit the territory? Count Benning sent me a letter not long ago…”
“I have no interest.”
Theodora cut him off cleanly, then walked past the smiling Emil Bourdin. Maxim could not stop her. The platinum curtain was drifting farther and farther beyond his reach. Or perhaps it had always been an unreachable mist.
Theodora walked away. Maxim could neither reach out toward her retreating figure nor call out to her. She grew smaller and smaller, vanishing into the garden’s greenery.
“What a truly wistful expression.”
Emil Bourdin’s light voice drifted over. It was laced with mockery, taunting Maxim.
“If only you had shown our daughter even half that look.”
“...You.”
“Now, now. Just a moment.”
Maxim looked at Emil Bourdin. The man was putting on the perfect mask of a court noble, pretending nothing was amiss. Emil swept his narrowed eyes across the vast garden as if admiring the scenery.
“Don’t you feel a bit conspicuous talking here? Let’s move somewhere else to continue our conversation.”
Emil Bourdin took a step. The clack, clack of his shoes against the garden path was nauseating.
“Aren’t you coming?”
Emil Bourdin glanced back at Maxim. Though Maxim ground his teeth audibly, he felt an overwhelming urge to cut down the part of himself that had no choice but to follow.
Emil Bourdin walked for about a minute before stopping beneath a statue of an angel. In the shade cast by a cypress tree beside the statue, Emil’s eyes gleamed.
“What do you want to say?” Maxim asked in a rigid voice.
“Son-in-law, don’t be so cold. Must you always speak to me that way?”
“If you call me son-in-law one more time, I’ll rip that smug head off your shoulders and stitch it onto that bloated gut of yours that’s swallowed more than its share.”
Kick.
Emil Bourdin let out a derisive laugh aimed at Maxim. The courteous court noble from the secretary’s office had vanished. In his place stood the pitch-black man named Emil Bourdin.
“Well now. I thought you’d improved a bit, but that foul mouth of yours is still the same—like a rag that’s been chewed on.”
Emil Bourdin slowly approached the spot where Maxim stood.
“I didn’t come here to argue. Why are you so bristling with thorns?”
Maxim’s expression did not change. Neither did Emil’s. With a wide, amiable smile, he spoke to Maxim in a soft, measured tone. Those emotionless eyes glittered like a reptile’s.
When Maxim simply stood there without replying, Emil Bourdin finally continued, wearing a bitter smile as if conceding.
“So, the reason I called you all the way here… is to give you a word of caution. Watch your mouth.”
Emil’s eyes turned toward the center of the garden, where Theodora had gone.
“It’s a warning not to run your mouth needlessly and cause any unfortunate incidents.”
Even though he knew better than anyone that Maxim could not possibly do that, Emil deliberately emphasized it.
“I never imagined you would be assigned to the same knight order as Lady Theodora, but it may actually work out for the best.”
Emil Bourdin tapped the ground twice with the heel of his shoe.
“Now there’s an even clearer opportunity to make things certain. To make the lady hate you, that is.”
Maxim understood Emil Bourdin’s intentions perfectly. Why he had deliberately provoked Theodora by highlighting their connection. Why he had pretended to be fond of Maxim, using affectionate words to scrape at her nerves even more.
A breeze blew past, carrying a single cypress leaf into the sky above the garden. Emil Bourdin snatched the floating leaf from the air, narrowed his eyes at it, and continued.
“Maxim, did you know? As time passes, memories grow hazy and ambiguous. Good and bad become tangled together like a messy ball of thread.”
The leaf pinched between Emil’s thumb and forefinger spun slowly.
“Good memories rarely turn into bad ones. Once something was good, it tends to remain good until the end…”
Emil closed his hand around the leaf. A faint rustling sound came from his fist.
“But bad memories fade and blur, and eventually they transform into good ones. That’s why memories are like a tangled skein. They twist and knot until, in the end, you can no longer tell what is what. You can’t distinguish which were the good memories and which were the bad.”
Nausea rose in Maxim’s throat once more.
“And it’s not just memories. The emotions tied to them behave the same way. The feeling I had back then—was it anger? Sorrow? Joy? Surprise? Was it love, or merely a fleeting tremor, a momentary game… Before those boundaries grow vague, before they become hopelessly tangled, we must…”
Emil Bourdin’s eyes met Maxim’s.
“…make it clear to Lady Theodora which one she should choose.”
Silence fell. Emil Bourdin was still smiling.
“And Maxim. No matter how much Count Benning cherishes your courage, there is still a line that must not be crossed.”
Emil’s hand pressed against Maxim’s chest, precisely where his scar began.
“Don’t forget. Always carry that day in your heart.”
Thud.
Emil’s fingers dug in, pressing against the scar. There was no sensation in it.
“Do not forget the Count. Do not forget the promise of that day.”
“…Do you truly call that a promise?”
A fierce killing intent flared in Maxim’s eyes. At his attitude, Emil burst into hearty laughter.
“When two people agree and pledge something, what else would you call it but a promise?”
Emil Bourdin then spun on his heel. His demeanor suggested he had lost all interest. He had already reverted to the appearance of a court noble. As if he had been speaking about Maxim’s engagement from the very beginning, he finished with casual ease.
“So, do come visit our home sometime. My daughter truly wishes to see you.”
Golden sunlight poured into the King’s Garden.
Theodora walked through the garden under Emil Bourdin’s guidance, reflecting on the King’s words during their luncheon. The lush greenery, brimming with the vitality of summer, was undoubtedly beautiful, yet Theodora could not enjoy the sight with pure appreciation.
“…This artificial pond was actually built during the previous king’s reign…”
Paola, Roberto, and Christine walked ahead, while Theodora and Maxim followed behind Emil. Theodora knew that Emil Bourdin had deliberately arranged for only her and Maxim to trail behind the rest of the group. Knowing the circumstances between her and Maxim, his attitude of separating the two of them like this only fueled her anger further.
When the knights ahead had moved far enough away, the leading Emil Bourdin turned his head toward her.
“It has been a long time, my lady.”
My lady. Theodora glared at Emil Bourdin as he addressed her with that irritating title.
“Yes, it has been a while, Baron Bourdin.”
Emil Bourdin bowed his head.
“I apologize for the delay in greeting the young mistress of the main family. As a servant of the royal family, I had no choice but to commit this unintended discourtesy. Please forgive me.”
You’re committing plenty of discourtesy right now.
“…It’s fine.”
Theodora resolved not to fall for Emil Bourdin’s intentions and kept her mouth shut. She would not be shaken by such petty provocations. She wanted to believe that Maxim’s affairs could no longer disturb her.
“And… Maxim.”
Emil Bourdin spoke his name.
“If he is to be my son-in-law, shouldn’t there be a different way to address me?”
She could not see Maxim’s expression, standing behind her. No matter how his face might have changed, Theodora did not have the confidence to face him normally. She must not waver. But the moment Emil Bourdin used that title for Maxim, her shoulders began to tremble uncontrollably.
You’ve already torn open enough wounds by coming here.
Theodora wanted to walk away.
“My, what a shy man you are. Maxim, haven’t I told you time and again?”
The corners of Emil Bourdin’s mouth curled upward. Theodora ground her teeth inwardly at that kindly smile. She hated Emil for speaking like that. And she hated Maxim even more for standing silently behind her. She wanted to leave this place. But her feet seemed glued to the ground.
Move already.
It’s not like I want to hear any of this.
“With such a lack of charm, you’ll never win a woman’s heart.”
She had to move. Theodora forced her tightly shut mouth open and cut Emil Bourdin off.
“That’s enough.”
Emil Bourdin looked at Theodora, who had interrupted him, with slightly raised eyebrows. Sensing that her mood was far from ordinary, he withdrew and said no more.
“My apologies, my lady.”
I admit it, Maxim. I admit it.
Theodora repeated the words to herself.
No matter what you’ve done, it seems I can’t help but be shaken by your name, by the way you act, by anything about you.
How nice it would be if I could truly think of you as a stranger now.
How convenient it would be if severing our relationship could sever my feelings for you as well.
He was a bastard. To her, he was the one and only irredeemable bastard in the world. Coming here had been a mistake. She resented the circumstances that had forced her to come.
“Ah, and when do you plan to visit the territory? Count Benning sent me a letter not long ago…”
Theodora decided to leave without listening to the rest of Emil’s words. Her goal of remaining unshaken had already failed. She quickened her steps into the garden, leaving Maxim behind.
“I have no interest.”
She spat out the final words forcefully, as if speaking to herself.
It was night. As if to prove how clear the sky had been during the day, stars densely embroidered the indigo curtain above. The headquarters of the Raven Knight Order stood on much higher ground than the average elevation of the Royal Capital. On a night when the stars were particularly visible, the windows along the second-floor corridor of the headquarters offered an excellent vantage point for stargazing.
“…There are so many stars tonight.”
Maxim had not yet left for the day. The day’s events at the palace had etched far too many things back into his mind. He stared blankly at the locked door of the commander’s office before turning to walk again.
Most of the supplies within the Raven Knight Order had already been packed away in preparation for their deployment to the front lines the very next day. The now-empty, spotless main building felt unfamiliar. They had said they would tear it down completely and repurpose the site. Maxim lightly placed his hand against the wall of the main building. A bitter taste filled his mouth.
He had prepared himself for many things, but a person’s resolve could never fully match reality. The conversation he had shared with Emil Bourdin today was no different. He had known something like this would come eventually, yet his resolve had not been enough to endure today’s exchange.
Maxim let out a sigh. Before he knew it, his feet had carried him to the deputy commander’s office. Out of habit, he placed his hand on the doorknob of the closed deputy commander’s office and turned it.
The familiar sight of the office he had grown so accustomed to greeted him. As always, Maxim sat down at the worn chair and desk in the center of the deputy commander’s office. He did not need time to think—he needed time not to think. And as always, the desk in this office was the perfect place to pass the time without thinking.
Moonlight leaked in through the window. Maxim stared blankly at his shadow, which stretched long, then grew short, repeating the cycle.
It was then that he sensed a presence outside the door. The footsteps drew closer to the deputy commander’s office, stopped right in front of it.
Click.
“…Huh? Deputy Com… I mean, Senior?”
The person who appeared beyond the door was Christine. Her hair was tied back, and she wore casual clothes. Maxim straightened up in surprise.
“Christine? What brings you to the headquarters all of a sudden?”
“I came to return this key… Why are you here, Senior?”
Maxim, at a loss for words, kept raising and lowering his hand.
“Just… since we’re leaving tomorrow, I thought I’d take one last look.”
Christine narrowed her eyes at him.
“Is that really it? There’s no lingering attachment left here anyway.”
Christine let out a small laugh and walked up to Maxim, who was seated with his chair turned. He gave her a weak smile as he looked at Christine in her casual attire.
“Why do you look so drained?”
“Drained? I’m overflowing with energy.”
Christine silently regarded her senior. He would sometimes act stubborn like this. In those moments, if she simply looked into his eyes without saying a word, he would eventually give in and reveal his true feelings.
“…Fine. I’m in a bit of a bad mood. So what?”
Christine smiled with a soft “Heh.” Maxim looked at her and smiled back.
“You seem to be in a good mood?”
“Yes. A little. So today I’ll specially comfort you, Senior.”
“No need. It’s late, so you should head home…”
Whoosh.
Maxim’s words were cut off. His face was buried in Christine’s embrace. The faint scent of daffodils wafted over.
“…Hey…”
“I can’t hear you very well. Could you say that again?”
When Christine teased him, Maxim tried to pull away with a bit of strength, but she tightened her arms slightly to stop him. Once his resistance faded, Christine gently stroked his head. Light brown hair with a slight wave. Strands of Maxim’s hair slipped between her fingers.
“Senior, do you realize that you always become this depressed whenever anything related to the Commander comes up?”
“…”
When Maxim remained silent, Christine released him. He looked at her with a slightly flushed face. Seeing his furrowed brow, Christine smiled.
“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
Maxim let out a deep sigh. How had things come to this?
“…She’s my ex-girlfriend.”
At Maxim’s words, Christine’s smile softened into something gentler.
“I see. I thought it might be something like that.”
Christine recalled the look in Maxim’s eyes when he had gazed at Theodora. Those eyes, filled with a depth of emotion and trembling she had never seen before.
“What? That’s it? You’re not going to ask more?”
“Would you like me to ask more?”
At Christine’s reply, Maxim gave a bitter smile and shook his head.
“…No.”
“See? That’s what I thought.”
“You really are strange.”
Christine changed her smile once more. So quietly that Maxim, who had lowered his head while smiling, would not notice.
“I don’t quite understand myself either.”