Do You Think I'm Dirty?
Ah-rin smelled wonderful—a sweet, lingering fragrance.
She looked the complete opposite of the neatly put-together woman who usually walked these halls. Her white blouse hung open, a black bra on full display.
No. That wasn't what mattered.
The deep valley of her full breasts. That was the main event.
"Sunbae..."
Her voice was thick, viscous—as if she'd been steeped in the pheromones a female releases to lure a male.
"I... it aches here..."
She pushed her chest forward.
"It's pounding so hard I... I can't take it... sunbae..."
Thump-thump.
Thump-thump.
On any ordinary day I would have jumped out of my skin and pushed her away. But I didn't refuse. I moved toward her slowly.
It was during the trip to Jeju Island—the one I'd taken to soothe Ah-rin's wounded heart—that I had finally heard how she felt.
I was stunned. And I was sorry. How, through more than ten years, had I failed to see even that? I'd always considered myself fairly sharp. But I hadn't been sharp at all. I'd been an idiot.
Once, some time ago, I'd even wondered whether Ah-rin might make a good new mother for Min-ah. Kind, generous Ah-rin would have been a wonderful mother to her. But I shook my head almost immediately. She was in the prime of her life. She was brilliant. She was beautiful. And I shook my head again.
The thought of harboring such filthy designs on a younger junior filled me with shame. She was far too precious to be pursued by an older man—a divorced father with a child, no less. That was still true now.
But Ah-rin loved me. Truly, sincerely. And if that was so... if that really was so...
What if I had realized it just a little sooner? I wouldn't have put her through all of this.
"Come here... sunbae."
Thump-thump.
Thump-thump.
I could feel my heart beating faster and faster. I didn't refuse. Without a word, I began walking slowly toward her.
When she'd told me she liked me, it had felt good. From where I stood, she was the perfect woman. Which meant I might already have been in love with her without even realizing it. The reason I'd asked for more time—a grace period to get to know each other better—was because of my daughter, Min-ah.
"Heh... sunbae... I like how well you listen..."
Lately my daughter had been unusually watchful about whether there were any women in my orbit. My read on it was that she hated the idea. Which meant she didn't want me to remarry. I couldn't do something my daughter despised. If I accepted Ah-rin's confession and then backed away, I would hurt her. One careless step, and I could leave both my daughter and Ah-rin with scars that would never wash clean.
A soft rustle. Her cool, smooth hand closed around mine.
"Come here... please, sunbae."
She tugged, pulling my body toward hers.
"Listen... to this."
A yielding softness. She pressed my ear against her chest, and I felt a faintly cool, trembling swell of silicone against my cheek.
Thump-thump.
Thump-thump.
I could hear her heartbeat. Fast, but not the least bit frivolous—the rhythm of it was sexy.
"Sunbae... I wonder how your heart is doing?"
Ah-rin began undoing the buttons of my shirt, one by one.
"Ah... Ah-rin..."
Stop. That's what I should have said. But all that left my mouth was her name. The word stop never came.
Because it felt good. My heart was hammering wildly, a thrilling sensation ricocheting through my skull. An emotion I had never felt once in my entire life. Was this what real love felt like?
I had loved my ex-wife. But there had never been this kind of pounding. It had felt more like a contractual arrangement, and after the marriage it had only gotten worse. My ex-wife had treated even the touch of my hand as filthy, and I'd ended up with a full-blown phobia of women.
"What's the matter, sun-bae-nim?"
Ah-rin looked up at me the way a cat gazes at someone it adores. It created the illusion that she was mine—a slightly oversized but adorable cat, putting on a show of affection just for me. I couldn't refuse her temptation. Not now.
"W-we... we're not even dating yet."
I still felt too ashamed to look at her directly, so I turned my eyes away. I was sweating. Heat burned in my face.
"Do we have to be dating to do this?"
"Th-that's how it works! If we do this without even going out... other people will... um... they'll think it's... weird..."
"Then how about we be sex partners?"
Sex partners? People these days, come to think of it, love their abbreviations. Old fossils like me aren't particularly fond of that. Mostly because we can't understand them.
"Wh-what's that?"
"Come on, sunbae... you really don't know?"
"Uh... uh...?"
When I just sat there looking like an idiot, she let out a little puff of laughter and pressed her face to my ear. A moment later, her breath began to brush against it.
"Sex. Part. Ner.Sunbae."
My face ignited. Sweat poured off me in a frenzy, as if trying to bleed the heat away.
What? What the hell was that? Sex... partner? Isn't sex something you do with someone you love? We weren't even dating. How was that possible? Or... was it not? Did I love her? I'd only put things on hold because of my daughter, so... maybe it was right?
My mind dissolved into complete chaos. How was I supposed to act? Everything I'd previously understood about my relationship with Ah-rin, my sense of ethics, my relationship with my daughter—all of it mixed and tangled in a frenzy. And it was all for a single reason. I wanted to accept this situation. I wanted to enjoy it. I just didn't have enough of a justification to explain that to myself. When you've already decided on the outcome and then go hunting for the reasons, of course everything gets knotted up.
"Sunbae. Your head seems a little complicated."
A rasp. The sound of a zipper opening—coming from my pants.
"Hey... you... what are you doing?"
"I'm going to take care of it for you."
"T-take care of what?"
A slow slide. Ah-rin's cold hand wrapped around my cock, which was already well on its way to being hard.
"Hngh...!"
"Ah, it's warm. Your cock, sunbae."
"You... that word... don't..."
"You should try saying it too."
"S-saying what?"
"I'm telling you, it's a thrill."
A surge. The erection I'd been holding back swelled beyond any hope of control.
Stroke. Stroke.
"H-hngh...!"
Ah-rin's hand began massaging the shaft of my cock, up and down. It was unmistakably a handjob.
"Ah... Ah-rin... why... why are you doing this..."
"Heh~ And you're not telling me to stop."
"...Th-that's...!!"
"Because it feels good, doesn't it?"
She'd seen straight through me. Her instincts were terrifying. Where had the easygoing, innocent Ah-rin gone? Who was this bewitching woman wearing Ah-rin's face?
"I have a product made just for this big thing of yours..."
A light touch. Her other hand drifted back and forth over her skirt.
"I wonder when you'll get to use it?"
"Wh-what are you talking about... that's... hngh...!"
"It's brand new—never been used even once in over thirty years. At this rate, it might not even work anymore, you know?"
Stroke, stroke, stroke. The hand wrapped around my cock began to speed up.
"When are you going to use it?"
"U-use what?"
A warm puff. Her moist breath returned to my ear.
"Your very own personal o-na-hole."
"Hngh—!"
For a moment I hyperventilated—then saliva went down the wrong pipe, and I started choking.
"Khak... khak-khak!!"
"Why so shocked? You're an a-dult, after all."
Watching me like that, Ah-rin smiled—and she looked like a little devil.
"You... what is this... why have you changed so much?"
"Because I've had it up to here."
"...What?"
"You said one month."
"...Ah."
That's right. Her. The one-month deadline to decide whether or not I would date Baek Ah-rin.
"I'm not going to let you get away."
A thread of urgency was beginning to creep into her voice.
"If I don't fight for a sunbae I love this much, and I lose him..."
Her face drifted in front of mine.
"I'll regret it."
A wet press. She claimed my lips. Her mouth was moist and hot, and her long, soft tongue slipped in as if it already belonged there. Every time it danced inside my mouth, I felt blood surge into my cock in hot, sudden rushes.
"Heh... so hot."
A thread of saliva stretched from her lips and vanished. I couldn't believe it. That this junior of mine, who'd always seemed like such an innocent country girl, had a nature this filthy.
"Sunbae. Do you think I'm dirty like this?"
She looked at me, her face full of confidence.
"...Huh?"
"Because I never used to act like this..."
But there was one lingering worry she couldn't quite shake. She hesitated over whether to confirm it, then finally forced the heavy words out.
"Because right now... I'm acting like... a whore..."
......
That's right. I pulled her into my arms.
"Kyah!"
Caught off guard by the sudden move, Ah-rin's body went briefly rigid.
"Don't say that."
"...Ah..."
"Ah-rin, you're the most precious person I have."
I held her a little tighter.
"I know why you're doing this..."
The moment I finished speaking, she kissed me again. This time I received her lips more easily, more comfortably.
"Thank you... sunbae."
She whispered it softly, then her tongue slipped back into my mouth. Her slender fingers, her impossibly soft palm—they picked up speed as they rubbed my cock.
"I love you."
A wet kiss. Ah-rin's delicious tongue swept through my mouth in a rhythm.
I was going to burst.
My heart.
My cock.
Jingle. Jingle.
"...Huh?"
The sound of the clinic door opening. That's right. Ah-rin and I weren't the only ones who worked at my clinic. There were nurses, too. They'd just arrived for their shift.
Pleasure. My brain, melted down into pure bliss, went white in an instant. And then I felt something gathering, about to spill from my cock—which had already been pushed past its limit.
...I'm fucked.
I had found myself in a situation where I understood, all too clearly, exactly what that vulgar little phrase meant.