8. As If It Never Happened (1)
8. As If It Never Happened (1)
Moonlight seeped in through the gap in the crooked curtains.
The lights were off, but it was bright enough to make out Miyagi's face as she slept beside me.
When I carefully brushed the strands of hair stuck to her face with my fingers, Miyagi smacked her lips as if it tickled.
'...This makes her look just like a baby.'
After her body had trembled violently through that long climax, Miyagi couldn't fight off the overwhelming languor and passed out in my arms like she'd fainted.
Thanks to that, the cleanup fell entirely on me.
I couldn't just leave her body soaked in sweat and arousal fluid, so I went to the bathroom, soaked a towel in warm water, and meticulously wiped the arousal fluid from Miyagi's genitals before changing the sheets too.
As I cleaned her lower parts with the damp towel, the memory of changing her diapers when she was a baby suddenly popped into my head, and I couldn't help but chuckle.
'Back then, raising Miyagi was so exhausting that I swore I'd never have a second child. I screamed that I'd never go through that again...'
...What the hell am I doing right now?
Just a little while ago, I'd hated this 'monster' so viciously.
What exactly do I want to do with her?
This child I'd thought was a monster wasn't some unknown entity like I'd imagined. She wasn't a figment of my delusions that had killed my daughter and stolen her skin.
Like anyone else, she felt sexual desire, knew how to comfort herself to relieve her lust, and felt shame when caught masturbating—a perfectly ordinary 'person.'
The moment I realized that, a thought suddenly struck me.
'What if... I've been the one making a mistake?'
What if the monster I thought existed never did, and the being I'd hated so much was the real Miyagi all along?
What if I'd hated young Miyagi because of my misunderstanding? What if I'd given her irreparable wounds, causing her to grow up without emotions? What if I'd mistaken her emotional scars for a lack of feelings and labeled her a monster? Does that mean I'd been abusing the Miyagi I loved?
The moment that thought flashed through my mind, my heart ached like it was crumbling into pieces. If I'd tormented the daughter I loved for life because of my delusion...
'...No, that can't be it.'
The sense of wrongness I'd felt back then was still etched in my body. Even now, holding Miyagi clearly felt like embracing someone else entirely.
That nauseating alienation, like the world was deceiving only me, remained a vivid sensation in my head that I couldn't erase no matter how hard I tried.
And from when Miyagi was three years old, she'd suddenly started acting like a 'different personality'—not just to me, but even the daycare teachers and people around us had noticed.
On top of that, as a mother, there's no way I'd mistake my own daughter being swapped out.
So...
'There's no way it was a mistake...'
Miyagi's sudden shift to acting like a normal person was beyond confusing—it was bewildering.
If she was going to pretend to be an emotionless monster, she should have kept up the act to the end.
Why now, of all times...
"You called me Mom..."
After all I'd done to you until now...
"How much I'd... tormented and hated you..."
I lowered my head and pressed my lips to the forehead of the deeply sleeping Miyagi. Maybe my lips tickled her, because she smacked her lips again and soon broke into a broad smile.
"You idiot..."
Now, looking at her like this, I no longer felt disgust or hatred. Instead, she was so lovable it made my heart ache...
"Sleep well... my daughter..."
Even if this child really was a monster, I could no longer hate her.
After pulling the blanket up to Miyagi's shoulders, I returned to my room and went to bed.
That night, I had a long dream.
In the dream, Miyagi and I were wearing dresses together. Barefoot on the sandy beach, with waves lapping at our ankles, Miyagi flashed the world's most adorable smile.
"It's so cool, Mom! Come in quick!" she called, beckoning me happily. I stared blankly at the scene before slowly approaching her.
After that, we lived like a normal mother and daughter. We went shopping together, hit up restaurants, watched movies, and poured out all the things we hadn't done before.
In the dream, Miyagi and I were the most ordinary mother-daughter duo. I'd never lost her, and she'd never been hated by me.
We were a happy family, living out the rest of our lives in bliss.
When I woke from the dream, I found tears gathered in my eyes. Maybe it's called a dream because it can never come true. I have no idea why I dreamed something like that all of a sudden.
I got out of bed and slowly headed to the living room. Anxious that you might still be there, I tiptoed carefully past the living room toward Miyagi's room.
"...You're gone, after all."
As expected, there was no sign of life in Miyagi's room. The warmth she'd left behind had gone cold, and the empty room alone greeted me.
I looked around Miyagi's room. The furniture I'd prepared before she was born was strangely pristine, showing no signs of wear.
Miyagi had lived here for over ten years and used it all, so how could the room and furniture be this spotless?
"It's clean like it was just borrowed..."
Looking at the bed brought back the image of Miyagi curled up asleep last night. Considering her height, the bed looked awfully small.
Well, it made sense—the furniture here had been ordered assuming she'd use it up until middle school.
For an adult Miyagi, it was naturally too small.
"It must have been uncomfortable because it was so small..."
Come to think of it, you never once complained to me about anything.
With a bitter heart, I turned my head and spotted a folded Post-it Note on the desk. The fact that there was a paper there that hadn't been last night meant it was a note Miyagi had left for me.
Without hesitation, I picked up the note she'd left and unfolded it. It was the first time she'd ever left me something, so I felt a little excited, but...
[Let's treat last night's events as if they never happened.]
The moment I read the note, I couldn't help but furrow my brows.
What? Pretend last night never happened?
Hate you again and treat you like some unknown monster?
I've only just started seeing you as a person?
What Miyagi was asking me was no different from telling me to scoop up spilled water. How could I see you as a monster again when I remember last night? Was she still trying to put on that emotionless monster act? Irritation welled up at her request. She was really trying hard to go back to being the monster I despised.
You remember calling me Mom, sucking on my breast, looking at me with eyes begging for love, right? And now you want to pretend last night never happened?
"Sorry, but... I have no intention of doing that."
**
Today was the day of the scheduled advertising shoot.
I've done plenty of shoots as an ad model, so I figured if I just approached it like usual, we'd wrap up on time, but...
"Miyagi-ssi... Why can't you focus today? At this rate, we won't finish shooting today!"
"...I'm sorry."
It had been a while since I'd been scolded during a shoot.
To the Director-nim, I must have looked completely unfocused, because he sighed heavily with a dissatisfied expression.
"Your walk is all off today too... If you're not feeling well, you should have said something before the shoot! Don't actors know their bodies are their assets?! Coming in sick is a nuisance to everyone!"
"......N-No, yes... I should have taken better care of myself. I'm sorry..."
Everything the Director-nim said was spot on, so I kept bowing my head in apologies. Was my walk that obvious...?
Last night's events suddenly came to mind, and heat rose to my cheeks. With that weird feeling in my lower abdomen, of course my walk would be off.
'It's like there's still something inside me...'
I'd resolved to treat last night as if it never happened, but...
Even if I tried to think of it that way, I couldn't do anything about the traces left on my body. My lower parts, toyed with by Kaho, were still throbbing.
Ignoring the throbbing as best I could, I glanced at the clock. We'd started early in the morning, but because of my mistakes, the shoot had already blown past lunchtime.
'I wonder if she's read the note I left by now...?'
The note containing my request to treat last night's events as if they never happened between us. What was Kaho thinking after reading it?
The reason I'd left that note for Kaho was because it seemed like the best thing for both of us. No matter how I thought about it, last night was an 'accident.'
I had no idea what Kaho was thinking when she held me, but... no matter what our relationship had become, Kaho and I were still blood-related 'family.'
Kaho was my mom, and I was the daughter born from her womb. We were mother and daughter connected by blood. For blood-related mother and daughter to do something like last night...?
It shouldn't have happened, and it never should have in the first place.
Last night, I must have been possessed by something, and so was Kaho. There's no other way to explain why something like that happened.
"Haa..."
Of course, it was also something family shouldn't do... but I was scared that if I wasn't careful, something like last night might happen again. No, I felt like I'd get addicted to it.
While living in Miyagi's body, I'd never once been called 'daughter' by Kaho. And because I had a sense for it, I'd never called Kaho 'Mom' either.
But last night, in that moment, I'd called Kaho 'Mom,' and she'd called me like her real daughter. And she'd even whispered that she loved me, which made me so happy...
I was afraid Kaho and I would both get hooked on something twisted, so that's why I left that note. Surely Kaho would understand the meaning behind it.
Just as I was thinking that and trying to refocus on the shoot—
In the distance, I saw the Producer running toward us in a panic. Whatever it was, the Producer's face was pale as a ghost, drained of all color.
Before I could even ask what was wrong, the Producer rushed up to me and shouted breathlessly.
"M-Miyagi-ssi!! Why, why didn't you say anything?!"
"Y-Yes?! Say what?"
I couldn't understand why the Producer was asking out of the blue why I hadn't said anything, but the moment I heard his next shout, I instantly understood why he was so flustered.
"Wakayama actress! Why didn't you tell us your mom was coming here!"
"...? Yes?"
Mom...
The news that Kaho had come to see her daughter sent the entire advertising shoot into an uproar in an instant.