15. A Stubborn Cold (2)
15. A Stubborn Cold (2)
Bbip bbip bbip bbeok—
I punched in the door lock password and opened the door, and unlike usual, Miyagi's shoes were messily scattered in the entryway.
'...She must not have even had the energy to tidy them up.'
Letting out a small sigh, I straightened up Miyagi's shoes before opening the middle door and stepping into the living room, where a scent that was becoming increasingly familiar tickled the tip of my nose.
The shampoo smell lingering in the air that wasn't mine, the diffuser scent that wasn't from my room, and now even Miyagi's body odor wafting through the living room.
Like chasing after that fragrance, I slowly made my way toward Miyagi's room. Then, carefully knocking on the door, I called out to Miyagi inside.
"Miyagi? Are you okay?"
Ttok ttok—
Even after knocking and calling her name, there was no sign of life from inside the room. Wondering if she might be asleep, I cautiously opened the door to check.
Through the narrow gap, I could see Miyagi lying in bed. Whether she had fallen asleep from exhaustion due to the cold, her sleeping face was covered in cold sweats.
I only meant to check if she was okay, but... seeing that face groaning in pain, I somehow couldn't ignore it and carefully entered the room.
I pulled a chair over quietly so as not to make a sound and sat by the bedside, gazing at Miyagi, and for some reason, a sigh escaped me naturally.
'As expected, unexpected, I suppose...'
The thought that this child gets sick sometimes too just wouldn't leave my mind. The Miyagi I knew had never once gotten sick, she was a 'monster.'
Even as a child, she never caught so much as a cold, never whined to me about being hurt or anything like that. That made her seem inhuman, and I ended up avoiding her.
But seeing her now, writhing with a cold right in front of me, this child looked like a 'person' no matter who saw her.
She truly only appeared like a young girl who had just become an adult. Where on earth had that monster I avoided and hated gone?
As I gazed at Miyagi lost in such thoughts—
"Eung..."
Was the blanket covering her uncomfortable? Or was it my staring gaze that bothered her? Miyagi let out a groaning sound and threw off the blanket.
As the blanket slipped off Miyagi's body with a sseureuk, her slender figure was revealed beneath the thin clothes soaked with cold sweat.
It was the first time I'd properly seen Miyagi's body in such bright light, so I was a bit flustered, but upon closer inspection, a sense of pity welled up first.
'I knew she was skinny, but...'
Miyagi was on the smaller side compared to other actresses. I thought it was just because she took after me and was short, but her arms and legs were noticeably thin for that.
'...To think she handles that schedule with a body like this.'
Come to think of it, Miyagi's diet wasn't normal either. No matter how much she needed to maintain her figure for filming, it seemed a bit extreme.
She could stand to gain a little weight, so why was she so obsessed with her diet? She'd look pretty even with some meat on her bones. Of course she'd end up bedridden looking this gaunt—
"...Ha."
As those thoughts continued, a hollow laugh escaped me before I knew it.
'...What right do I have to worry about this child now.'
I, who had never once cared about this child's health until now, what nerve did I have to worry about her?
The reason I suddenly started worrying about Miyagi—was it because I realized the child I thought was a monster was actually an ordinary person?
Was it guilt from realizing that this child, whom I'd hated and tormented my whole life thinking she was an emotionless monster, was actually someone who could get hurt?
...Either way, it felt terribly selfish.
'What is it that I really want to do to this child...'
When I couldn't even distinguish if this child was truly my 'beloved daughter' or some 'unknown stranger'...
This worry I felt for Miyagi now seemed like anxiety over the possibility that I'd tormented not the monster I hated, but my loving daughter.
Only after seeing this child bleed.
Only after seeing this child vent her rage at me.
That's when I started seeing Miyagi not as a 'monster' but as a 'person.'
Even though I'd hurt and hated this child her whole life, now here I was worrying because I 'didn't know she was human'...
'How can a person be so selfish and rotten...'
As I let out a self-deprecating sigh, perhaps feeling my breath on her skin, Miyagi frowned uncomfortably. Then she slowly opened her eyes and...
"...Mommy?"
Looking into my eyes, she called me 'Mommy.'
Then she slowly reached out, stroked the back of my hand, and with an apologetic eye smile, worried about me in her hoarse voice.
"Mommy, I'm sorry... You can't catch my cold..."
Me, who had hated you your whole life, me who still couldn't be sure you were my daughter, even so, you kept calling such a me 'Mommy.'
Seeing Miyagi's face flush red as she beamed at me, for some reason, the image of Miyagi from that night, clinging to me, overlapped in my mind.
The adorable Miyagi who nestled in my arms, suckling at my breast, calling me 'Mommy' in a whispery, wet voice.
The emotion I'd felt then, the maternal love I'd forgotten until now, seemed to tickle my heart again... I couldn't contain my feelings and let out a sigh.
I shouldn't feel this affection seeing you sick.
I, who had tormented you your whole life, shouldn't have these feelings.
Only now, at a time like this...
"...Don't worry about Mommy, worry about your own body first."
When I shouldn't see you as my daughter.
As I tenderly stroked Miyagi's forehead and wiped away the sweat, she smiled with crinkled eyes, as if my hand felt good.
"Ah... Mommy's hand feels cool..."
"I bought some cooling sheets to put on your forehead... Want me to stick one on?"
Before coming home, I reached for the cooling sheet from the bag the Manager had packed, saying it might be needed for Miyagi, but she shook her head and looked at me.
"Can't Mommy just touch my forehead...?"
"...Must be the cold making you act all cutesy when you never do normally."
"A Mommy nursing me like this only existed in my dreams..."
Those words stabbed my heart like a thorn.
Did Miyagi think this situation was a dream? Seeing her gaze at me with half-lidded, dreamy eyes and beam, my heart ached sharply.
'Even I only existed in her dreams...'
Unable to respond, I slowly stroked Miyagi's forehead. Like chasing the coolness of my palm, she lightly rubbed her face against my hand.
Seeing Miyagi nuzzling her forehead against my palm like a cat, I let out an involuntary chuckle. Did she get extra clingy when sick?
That sight was so lovable, yet it tore at my heart.
Miyagi hadn't been sickness-free all this time.
I'd just never noticed.
No, I hadn't cared whether she was sick or not.
Miyagi knew that, so she probably couldn't show her sick side in front of me.
Of course— she was already hated, so whining about being sick would only make her more despised. I might even get mad at her for being annoying.
So maybe that's why she only acted cute toward me in her dreams.
'In her dreams, at least... was she loved by me?'
If I kept thinking, I'd collapse from guilt, so I turned away, pulled out various things from the bag, and offered them to Miyagi.
"...For now, I brought ion drinks, jelly, all sorts of stuff. I got porridge too, but do you have an appetite?"
She still had no appetite and shook her head listlessly.
"Still, you need to eat something to get better... I'll warm it up later, so at least take a bite."
"Yes..."
"...Anything else you need?"
It was about time to let Miyagi sleep again, so as I stood up, I asked. Miyagi looked at me, her lips twitching for a moment...
Then in a tiny voice, like an ant crawling, she said.
"...I feel sticky and want to wash up."
"Ah... Yeah, you must feel sticky."
I glanced at the clothes she was wearing. Her white tee was soaked with sweat, transparently revealing her skin underneath.
'That aside... I wish she'd at least wear a bra at home...'
It wasn't something to say to a sick child, so I cleared my throat lightly and pondered for a moment. What did people usually do in cases like this...?
Come to think of it, I'd heard that on the day of a shot or when you have a cold, it's best not to shower.
Plus, sending Miyagi to the bathroom alone in her current state felt like an accident waiting to happen. Like passing out in the tub...
"...I'll get some warm water and a towel."
That was the only method I could think of, so I went to the bathroom, filled a basin with warm water, grabbed a towel, and headed back to Miyagi's room.
When I returned, in that short time, she must have had trouble staying awake sitting up, as Miyagi was dozing off with her head drooping. I considered just putting her back to sleep like this, but...
"Miyagi. I'll wipe you down with this, so take off your clothes."
"Uh... I can do it myself..."
"You can manage the front, but not your back."
I soaked a towel in the basin I'd brought and urged her to undress. At first, Miyagi hesitated...
Sseureuk— Swik—
Each time the sweat-soaked clothes peeled away from her skin, they made sticky sounds. Once fully undressed, her skin, glistening with moisture and looking smooth, was completely revealed.
Embarrassed to strip in front of me, Miyagi covered her chest with her hands and immediately turned her back to me. Seeing her hunched back, I couldn't help but laugh.
'That night, she showed even more than this...'