Chapter 32
Chapter 32
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 32
Chapter Title: The Director's Tears
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This was the first time I'd seen Director Go like this.
Seeing the usually cold woman shedding tears felt awkward, but on the other hand, I couldn't even begin to fathom what she must be feeling.
Who could truly understand the heart of a parent who had to send their child away first?
She wiped the tears streaming down her cheek with her fingertip.
"Pathetic of me. I've shown you an unseemly sight."
She was back to her usual self, but the atmosphere had changed completely.
Unlike before, when she always seemed sharp-edged, now she felt...
Incredibly soft.
I wasn't sure what words of comfort to offer amid this change in Director Go.
Then, she spoke first.
"You've probably already heard, but Suryeon had hyperthymesia too. Of course, my daughter suffered from savant syndrome due to autism."
The causes differed, but the results were strikingly similar.
That's why Director Go was worried about Daeun.
"That's why I told you to take Daeun to the hospital. My Suryeon lived every day in agony from memory disorders caused by the savant spectrum."
"Agony..."
"Suryeon said it herself—why did she have to live every day in pain?"
"S-Suryeon said that?"
"Bad memories would surface even if she didn't want them to. Imprinting, maybe? The painful ones stuck in her mind like brands, tormenting her endlessly. With her autism, it must have been even worse."
Now I finally understood the expression on Director Go's face when she first assessed Daeun's condition.
"Maybe the painful, difficult memories were just more intense than the happy ones."
I nodded.
"Yeah, Daeun could very well be the same."
Especially her mother's death—it must have been more shocking than any other memory.
"Fortunately, Daeun seems to control her memories well on her own, but it's still wise to be cautious."
"Yes, I'll keep a close eye on Daeun."
"Good. Ask me anything you're curious about."
The more I talked with Director Go, the stronger the sense of kinship grew.
Was it because they shared the same condition?
Then, a sudden question popped into my head.
"Um, speaking of which, could I ask one thing?"
"Is it about hyperthymesia?"
"Yes. Daeun has this intense gluttony that puzzled me."
I shared with Director Go the story of Daeun's gluttony, along with my questions about her memories, seeking advice.
After hearing it all, Director Go tapped the table with her finger.
"So, to sum up: Daeun's gluttony stems from some kid named Hyeongcheol. And you heard from the shop owner later that the boy was only two years old?"
"Yes. That's why I've been agonizing over it—whether to just let it slide or dig into Daeun's memory of it."
The other kid was only two.
For a normal child, it would be something to cry or fuss about and forget, but Daeun carries it for life.
So, what was the right choice here?
Director Go, having been through this, might have advice.
"What do you think, Director?"
After pondering my story for a moment, she replied.
"Hmm, I've been in your shoes. As her mom, what should I do for my autistic Suryeon? Funny thing is..."
She gave a self-deprecating smile.
"Looking back now, that was the most heartbreaking time."
"Heartbreaking?"
"Suryeon needed help with her struggles, and I could provide it. But later, I realized it wasn't the way she wanted."
Her words didn't click at first.
The way Suryeon wanted?
"It felt like solutions imposed by me, her mom."
Only then did her meaning sink in.
What Director Go wanted to say boiled down to one thing.
"So, just ask her. Ask Daeun directly what she wants."
"Ah."
Was this the wisdom of experience?
There was such a simple answer.
I'd nearly skipped asking Daeun altogether, thinking it was for her own good.
But what mattered most was Daeun's own feelings.
"I was an idiot."
"Not an idiot—just unaware."
Her words made me mirror Director Go's expression somehow.
"Thank you. For the hospital advice, and now this."
At my gratitude, she smiled genuinely for the first time, relaxed.
"I'm the thankful one."
She turned to gaze out the window at Daeun.
"You wouldn't know, but whenever I talk about Suryeon, people's faces turn sad. Sure, her leaving hurts, but the memories with her aren't sad."
I felt I understood her heart completely.
"That's why I'm grateful. It's been so long since I could open up about Suryeon like this."
Director Go looked unburdened.
"You old lady—come visit anytime, thinking of it as entertaining me. Ask whatever you want. Recalling Suryeon after all this time feels wonderful."
Soon, her smiling face shone with pure clarity.
People might think parents mourning a lost child are surely sad, but maybe we force that sadness.
For parents, the memories with their child outweigh the grief of parting.
So I smiled brightly back at her.
"Show me Suryeon's pictures sometime."
Her face lit up!
"Sure."
I came home with Daeun.
On the way, I'd picked up some meat to grill for dinner and a few side dishes.
Click.
"Daeun home!"
The moment the door opened, she dashed—not a hint of tiredness—to her desk and plopped down.
She flipped open her sketchbook and started drawing.
I glanced at her, then organized the groceries as today's events replayed in my mind.
"Oh yeah, I still need to ask about that."
The solo exhibition the shop owner had requested for Daeun.
I'd said I'd ask and get back to her, but I'd planned to decline from the start.
Director Go's conversation had shifted my thinking a bit.
Even as an adult and her guardian, I wouldn't decide unilaterally.
No matter how small, I'd let Daeun make the choice, helping only if she needed it.
I'd wondered at first if that was right.
"Daddy! Daeun hungry!"
"Ah, dinner coming right up."
"Okay!"
But thinking again, it felt correct.
These moments would be etched in Daeun's memory forever too.
"By the way, Daeun, Daddy has something to ask you."
"Something to ask Daeun?"
Her eyes widened round at my words.
She hopped up quickly and toddled over to me.
"What is it?"
Amazed by her eagerness, I smiled and asked.
"Remember what Daeun said when we left Arnia Gallery last time?"
"What Daeun said about wanting to exhibit too?"
She remembered, of course.
"Yeah. Do you still want to exhibit your pictures?"
"Daeun can do it too! But gotta draw tons of pictures, right?"
"Yeah, you said that. Remember President Jeong from Painter Son's exhibition last time?"
Not an easy name for a kid, but for Daeun...
"Yeah, I know."
She remembered everything.
Sometimes her memory felt miraculous.
"She wants to hold a solo exhibition for you. That's why I'm asking if you still want to."
Daeun tilted her head.
"Daeun no pictures. Daeun can do it?"
Normally, you'd prepare new ones for an exhibition, but President Jeong's kindness meant we didn't have to.
"Hmm, we could use some of your best existing ones. She said that's fine."
"Pictures Daeun drew?"
She eyed the sketchbooks piled on the shelf and desk.
Finally, her gaze settled on the family room.
"Family room pictures too?"
I sensed her intent.
"Hmm, if you don't want to, we don't have to. And exhibiting doesn't mean selling everything."
Exhibitions usually feature pieces for sale.
But if the artist wishes, some can be kept off the sales list.
It was entirely up to the artist.
After my explanation, Daeun paused thoughtfully, then said.
"Daeun wants to show family room pictures to people. But sad if someone takes Daeun's picture."
I got it.
She wanted to share her beloved pictures, but not sell them.
Every artist has a favorite piece or two.
I beamed at her.
"If it's a picture you love, we can just show it."
"Really? Even then?"
"Of course. Solo exhibitions draw fans who just want to see the artist's work."
Though department store ones attracted more shoppers.
"Then Daeun do it!"
"Wants solo exhibition!"
"Yeah! Wanna show people pictures Daeun drew!"
I'd worried it might be tough, but as Director Go said, asking was the right call.
Knowing her heart mattered, but these little questions brought us closer too.
'This'll be a memory too.'
No telling how it'd stick in Daeun's mind.
'The day Daddy asked about the solo exhibition!'
Hoping it'd be that would make me thrilled.
"Daddy best!"
Thumbs up, chanting "best" nonstop—I replied with a grin.
"Then Daddy'll hurry with dinner."
"Okay!"
And so, making another memory with Daeun, we wrapped up the day.
A week flew by in a flash.
Before I knew it, Daeun and I were at a park in Seoul.
We wore blue vests handed out by the event staff.
"Participants, please register your names at the entrance desk! Drawing without registering means you might not be judged!"
At the staffer's shout, kids clutching parents' hands flocked to the desk.
Pre-event chaos, maybe.
Worried Daeun might get scared, I started to ask carefully...
'Hmm...'
No need.
Contrary to my fears of crowds frightening her...
"Thump! Thump!"
Daeun clutched her chest with both hands, eyes sparkling with excitement as she scanned around and yelled.
"Daddy! Daeun can do great too! So!"
Yeah.
With resolute eyes, she told me.
"Don't worry 'bout Daeun! Got it!"
That was for me, right?