Princess Sijin
Sijin Kungfu
We'd come downtown for lunch. Since it had snowed, we decided to get something with a warm broth.
[Sijin Kungfu]
Wasn't it mala just last week?
Seriously, for someone who claims otherwise, every time he eats out it's either tteokbokki or mala...
Shake, shake!
What the hell am I even thinking?
Yeonwoo isn't a girl. He's a perfectly healthy male with fully functional reproductive organs.
Sure, he was born without any facial hair and occasionally lets out a girlish voice.
He doesn't have much muscle, either, so his skin is soft and almost jelly-like.
But at the end of the day, he probably has to deal with morning wood just like I do.
"Are you still recording?"
"I'm recording, so don't worry and just do your thing. But did you really have to come all the way here just to shoot a vlog?"
I adjusted the spare phone so that Yeonwoo would stay in frame as I answered.
Of course, he wasn't some narcissist who couldn't stand the thought of eating a meal without filming himself.
It was simply that his job was a type of content creator, so documenting his daily life had become a habit.
"Why are you getting annoyed... Who's paying your salary?"
"..."
Whenever he suddenly switched into employer mode, I had nothing to say.
Still, it was true that I was benefiting from him as well.
In fact, one major change had happened to him over the past two years.
Maybe graduating had finally removed whatever restraints he'd had, because he had started actively working on social media while dressed as a woman.
And his specialty was makeup aimed specifically at women.
Perhaps because he'd been crossdressing for so many years, he'd become more skilled at makeup than actual women, and that had turned out to be his biggest advantage.
Anyway, it had made quite an impact, and he'd grown into a rising influencer with more than 500,000 subscribers across all his channels.
I didn't know exactly how impressive that was, but there was no denying that it brought in some very nice money.
Hmm... I couldn't help feeling a little bitter about it.
Could you really live this comfortably just because you were pretty?
After spending my military service getting worked to the bone while building up a precious savings account, why did I feel like I'd been the idiot all along?
Then, after I was discharged, Yeonwoo made me an offer.
"Wanna be my editor?"
I still couldn't forget that arrogant tone, as though he were looking down on me from above.
The greatest humiliation a man could suffer: being rescued from poverty thanks to having a well-off friend.
Of course, I was going to refuse.
Even if I had to leverage my entire savings account to buy stocks, I wouldn't accept charity from you...
"I'll give you a million won a month."
"..."
That was far too much money to turn down.
How much work could I possibly have to do just helping him film and edit?
I could easily make 1.8 million won a month if I picked up another part-time job in my spare time.
And so, I'd swallowed my pride and become his loyal henchman, helping him produce his videos.
"Ah, it's spicy... Aren't my lips getting really red? I didn't get anything around my mouth, did I?"
Yeonwoo stuck out his tongue and fanned his mouth with his hand, complaining about the spiciness.
Whatever super-powerful lip product he'd used hadn't smudged in the slightest.
Besides, he was naturally so neat when he ate that I'd never once seen him spill anything.
In fact, I almost felt the camera didn't have enough pixels to properly capture his crimson tongue without a trace of coating on it...
Shake, shake!
Why was I admiring his tongue when I could've just told him there was nothing wrong?
"It's fine."
"Is that all? Just fine?"
"Then what do you want me to say?"
"You have to tell me whether I'm pretty or not."
"What the... Seriously, is it even reasonable to call a man pretty?"
"Why are you picking a fight... That all got recorded, right?"
"I'll edit it properly, so don't worry."
"That's not what I'm asking. Am I pretty or not?"
"..."
What the hell kind of answer was he expecting?
His unnervingly bright eyes stared straight at me, practically begging for an answer.
"Y-Yeah, you're pretty..."
In the end, I had no choice but to answer.
I'd have to put up with all kinds of unreasonable demands from my superiors once I got a job anyway, so I could treat this as practice.
"How pretty?"
"Haah... Just insanely pretty."
"Is there anyone in this restaurant prettier than me?"
"...?"
I didn't even want to answer, but my head turned automatically.
Since this was a mala restaurant, most of the customers were women.
Yet no matter how carefully I looked, I couldn't find anyone.
I didn't want to admit it, and I certainly didn't want to accept it, but Joo Yeonwoo was the prettiest person here.
"No..."
"Ah, I'm full. I don't want to eat anymore."
"Are you kidding me? You ordered all this and you've barely eaten two plates."
"Are you going to take responsibility if I gain weight and lose subscribers? You like eating, so eat more."
"..."
After barely eating anything, Yeonwoo picked up a napkin and daintily wiped the corners of his mouth.
But he'd always been like this.
Ever since elementary school, whenever we got our school lunches, he'd pick at his food for a few bites before handing the rest over to me.
Back then, I didn't know any better. I was just thrilled to have more food to eat.
But looking back, I guess I taught him a bad habit.
He'd gotten so used to leaving food behind that he always ordered too much and dumped the leftovers on me.
Still, I somehow managed to force myself to finish everything.
Then Yeonwoo went heh-heh... and started laughing at me again.
"What's funny this time?"
"It's funny how you act like you're not going to eat, then end up devouring everything."
"What, you want me to leave perfectly good food behind?"
"I said it's nice seeing you eat well. Why are you getting annoyed?"
"I'm not annoyed. It's just the way you said it sounded like you were mocking me..."
"I wasn't mocking you. Come here."
"...?"
Yeonwoo beckoned me over.
As I stepped closer, whoosh! He pressed his shoulder against mine and switched the spare phone to selfie mode.
"What are you doing?"
"Why is your head so small?"
"What do you mean, small? Yours is way smaller."
"You're a man, so of course you're bigger than me. Maybe it's because you have broad shoulders?"
"..."
You're a man too, aren't you?
Sometimes he feminized himself like that without even realizing it, and every time he did, it gave me the creeps.
"Come to think of it, aren't you dating a girlfriend?"
That's why I sometimes ended up throwing the same question back at him.
Whip!
Yeonwoo turned his head.
His sharp, narrowed eyes were filled with displeasure.
"Why are you curious about my girlfriend?"
"I mean, don't you think that's a fair question? Does your girlfriend know you go around dressed like this?"
"She doesn't care. Only a socially unsuccessful loser with a closed-minded head like you worries about stuff like that."
"What do you mean, socially unsuccessful...? When was the last time you saw her?"
"Yesterday."
"You were gaming with me until yesterday afternoon."
"Was I? I met her for a little while afterward."
"..."
But the light in his room had been on all evening.
Of course, he was naturally absentminded enough that he could've simply forgotten to turn it off before going out.
Anyway, thankfully, Yeonwoo had a girlfriend.
I'd never met her or even seen her, but he'd told me she existed.
In other words, regardless of his strange hobby, he was still an ordinary guy in his twenties who was dating a woman.
Then again, there was no reason for a guy this handsome—or rather, a man this pretty—to be single and doing nothing all day.
So, problem solved!
There was no problem between us whatsoever.
After eating, we came to a PC café to play some games.
The game was, of course, Byeolorant.
"What a fucking noob. You're so damn bad, heh-heh..."
"..."
But this bastard Joo Yeonwoo had been getting on my nerves nonstop.
Instead of focusing on his own screen, he'd crowded halfway into my seat, leaned against my shoulder, and was snickering away.
"Look at that fucking aim, heh-heh..."
"Aren't you going back to your own seat? Focus on your game!"
"What do you mean, your seat and my seat? And can't you see the ACS difference? I'm doing everything I need to do."
"..."
Even if it was a team game, did we really have to sit together like a couple?
As he said, there was no clear boundary between the seats, so I couldn't even complain when he practically lay against me.
"Wow, shit... He shoots first and still dies? Are you even a man? Do you even know how to play?"
"Why does this bastard keep asking if I'm a man every time something happens? And of course you're better than me. You played this every day while I was getting worked to death in the military!"
"You were worse than me even before you left. Anyway, is serving in the military your only accomplishment in life?"
"..."
Ironically, Joo Yeonwoo was medically exempt from military service.
Apparently, he had some kind of spinal condition that made him unsuitable for military service, yet somehow he could play games all day long without showing the slightest sign of trouble.
Why was the world so unfair?
This bastard didn't even have to serve in the military and made good money, so why was I even worse at games than Joo Yeonwoo?
"..."
Still, there was one fortunate thing about Yeonwoo being exempt.
I'd heard some things while training alongside the Marines. Pretty boys like Yeonwoo supposedly became easy targets the moment they enlisted.
By the time they were discharged, their bodies would supposedly be so badly abused that they'd need to wear diapers.
The thought of Yeonwoo's pale, delicate body being violated by those filthy bastards was simply horrifying...
Shake, shake!
It was enough to think, "Thank goodness he didn't have to go." Why was I adding words like "pale and delicate" to it?
I'd even ended up imagining the scene without meaning to.
Bzzzzt!
My phone buzzed.
I checked the screen for a moment while Yeonwoo was busy celebrating his victory by rubbing it in my face.
[3rd Year Class 4 Group Chat]
[Yoo Myungyu]
What's Taekgu doing with a girl?
[Oh Yoonseo]
You thought we wouldn't catch you just because you went to another neighborhood, you traitorous bastard?
"...!?"
It was my old classmates.
Wait, you guys saw us?
I thought it might be risky to stay around our neighborhood, so we'd come downtown instead.
If they'd still spotted us, I must've had some seriously rotten luck.
Glance, glance...
Fortunately, I couldn't see them anywhere inside the PC café.
Maybe they'd seen us passing by, weren't sure whether it was really us, and lost sight of us.
[3rd Year Class 4 Group Chat]
[Kang Taekgu]
Shut up. What girl am I with?
I tried denying it for the time being.
There was no evidence anyway. If I claimed they'd mistaken us for someone else...
[3rd Year Class 4 Group Chat]
[Photo]
[Yoo Myungyu]
Then who the fuck is this, you bastard?
[Oh Yoonseo]
You think we're talking shit without any evidence?
[Jung Byungjoong]
She's insanely fucking pretty, though. Is she really your girlfriend?
[Go Inseok]
So where are you two right now?
Already at a motel, going at it?
"..."
It's your classmate, Joo Yeonwoo.
Of course, he'd left the group chat ages ago and was practically a nonexistent person to them by now...
But this was a complete disaster!
The photo had been taken from the front, and Yeonwoo had his arm wrapped around mine. There was absolutely no excuse I could come up with.
So what now? What the hell was I supposed to do?
[3rd Year Class 4 Group Chat]
[Kang Taekgu]
Sigh...
She's a rental girlfriend.
[Yoo Myungyu]
A rental girlfriend?
Have you really sunk so low as to do that?
[Oh Yoonseo]
I mean, there's no way someone like that would actually date you.
[Jung Byungjoong]
Hey, how much do you have to pay someone like that for a day?
[Go Inseok]
She's fucking hot...
Does she do sex too?
I didn't even want to reply anymore, so I turned off my phone.
Just like that, I'd been reduced to some pathetic loser who had to rent a girlfriend.
Why the hell did I have to go through this because of Joo Yeonwoo?
"Who was that?"
His face, completely unaware of what had happened, had never been more infuriating.
"It's nothing. What about our stuff?"
"It's because of you, isn't it? They've been looking for you for a while."
"Let them. So when are we going home?"
"I wanted to hang out with you all day today."
"Didn't you say we'd just have a quick lunch? There's nothing else to do now, is there?"
We were two guys who'd met up, eaten a meal, and played some games. Wasn't that enough?
Shouldn't we just say goodbye here, go home, and take care of our own business?
Then Yeonwoo spoke.
His voice was somewhat suggestive, and his eyes had grown slightly languid.
"Should we... rest for a while before we go?"
"..."
Where...?