Responsibility (1)
“… Th-that’s… hic, wh-what are you talking about….”
Rhea stared at my wound, her voice breaking into sobs. Blood welled and spilled from one shoulder.
She was in no state to talk. She didn’t seem to understand a word I’d said; she only wept as she looked at the injury.
She was in shock. From watching me kill someone. From seeing me so badly hurt. From seeing me covered in blood. At least, that was what I believed.
“Rhea, you have to leave.”
So I said it again, firmly. Only then did she tear her eyes away from everything else and meet mine, as if nothing else mattered. The skin around her eyes was purple; one of them had swollen shut halfway.
“M-more importantly, w-we have to… g-get you to a d-doctor….”
Her hands had lost all sense of what to do. For a small cut she would once have blown on it playfully and told me to get better soon. But the wound was too large, too deep; she kept reaching out and pulling back, unable to decide whether to stop the bleeding or leave it alone.
“… Rhea, you have to go back. Ceria and Claudia will be worried.”
I spoke again and shrugged out of my outer coat to cover her. I wanted to move my left arm openly, to drape it over her as if nothing were wrong, to tell her not to worry and just get out of here. Of course the arm wouldn’t move. Maybe because I’d forced it earlier. No strength came to it at all, and if anything that only made Rhea cry harder—though that might have been my own misreading.
“Y-your arm… it won’t m-move…. Ugh— R-Riel— y-you’re hurt so b-badly—….”
“Don’t worry, just go back. When you get to the church, take my clothes off somewhere before you arrive and throw them away. Wash yourself, go inside, and sleep. Nothing happened today. The injuries…. You won’t be able to hide those. But Rhea, you were never here today. You never set foot in the slums. Understand?”
“Wh-what are you saying…!”
“Rhea, go. Leave quickly. People will be here soon.”
Even so, I did what I had to. I told her. Go.
“… G-go? Leave you behind, R-Riel…?”
Shock still on her face, Rhea’s hands trembled violently. She seized mine. When I pulled free at once, she pleaded with me.
“No— I don’t wanna— I-I’m not going. Come with me, Riel. Please?”
Rhea had to leave. She had to get out of this place. She belonged at Ceria and Claudia’s side, not next to someone who had just committed murder.
“Riel, w-we have to go together. Yeah, th-that’s right, everyone. Everyone’s waiting….”
But Rhea didn’t seem to think so. She shook her head. In a pitiful voice she clung to my limp left hand and my right, begging.
“… C-Ceria and Claudia are waiting for you too, R-Riel. So c-come with….”
“Listen to me.”
“I s-said nooo—!”
“I said listen!”
“No, no, nooo—!”
Rhea screamed like a child throwing a tantrum. Then, startled by her own voice, she clapped a hand over her mouth. In the silence that followed came the soft sound of water.
Drip, drip—.
Tears welled and spilled from the bruised, purpling corners of her eyes. I wanted to pull her into a tight embrace, but that would only make it harder for her to leave.
“… Then I’ll ask you for one favor.”
“… I don’t want you to leave me behind…. Riel, I don’t…. W-we can just go together….”
“I’m not telling you to abandon me.”
No matter what she felt in this moment, Rhea had to go. If anyone discovered she was connected to me in any way, nothing good would come of it. I was the one who had killed the count; I would take full responsibility.
It was because of “me.” Riel killed that count because of me.
I made a mistake, so Riel did this.
I knew those words were the last thing either of us needed right now. The same went for any message about how much I liked her, how much I loved her.
We had to be strangers. Just strangers. People who must never be linked. Nothing more.
Even the years we had lived as family had to become something that never happened. The authorities might invoke collective punishment and torment every one of us.
“… You’re helping me. You are, Rhea.”
The sight of her crying, the bruises Loren had left on her, hurt too much. The thought that I might never see her again made me dizzy with revulsion. I wanted to cry too, but I knew I mustn’t. If I cried, Rhea would never leave.
“Hic— you’re lying…. Riel, you’re lying….”
“I’m not lying. Believe me. Stop crying, okay?”
Holding it in was familiar. Instead of tears I smiled. And for the last time I allowed myself a little greed. I reached out and wiped her tears away.
“… Go to the guild. Tell them I killed Loren. They should be back from the subjugation by now.”
If she went to the guild they would almost certainly call her a madwoman. Saying I had killed Loren meant the guild itself might be held responsible. Even if she was close to Laika and Cronian, even if the guild had become a new family, punishment was another matter entirely. Laika and Cronian would erase every trace of me, and Rhea would be hurt. I knew better than anyone that they were not foolish enough to let the whole guild go under because of me.
“Laika and Cronian…. Those two will help me. I’m not planning to die either. How could I die and leave you all behind, hmm?”
“… Th-the guild?”
“Leave this place, turn the corner. Run for a few minutes and you’ll see it. It’s near the road that leads to the plains.”
Even so I kept smiling as I lied. I wiped the blood from my hand on the bedsheet and stroked her hair—the same way I always had when it was just the two of us and I told her I loved her, over and over.
“… Rhea, you know, right? I promised I’d protect you for the rest of my life. So trust me. We’ll meet again. I’ll be back soon.”
Rhea sobbed and held out her hand.
“… Hey… promise….”
A pinky promise. The kind we had all made years ago when we were little. If that was enough to ease her heart, I would do it a hundred times.
We linked our little fingers. She looked barely able to walk; the urge to leave with her was overwhelming…. The thought of simply going back to the church and running away with everyone crossed my mind….
Then there would be no dreams left. We’d spend the rest of our lives on the run.
I knew that “guild” work included bounty hunting.
For someone who had killed a noble, our own guild members might be the ones sent after me.
I knew I had to take responsibility.
If we only ever ran, everyone would be miserable. Happiness and the dreams we had wanted would drift farther and farther away.
“… Rhea— once I’m outside, that’s when you go to the guild. No one will try to catch you.”
Only after I watched her nod did I stand. I picked up the dagger again, slowly forced my body upright, and headed for the door. Outside, the pimp and the others had gathered in even greater numbers.
“D-do you have any idea what you’ve done—!”
The moment the pimp shouted I threw the dagger. It flew straight and buried itself deep in his gut with a wet thunk. The bastard who had dragged Sister Flora into this and now Rhea as well. Even if I died, I needed this one dead before I could feel any peace.
More than that, I didn’t want him spewing curses while Rhea could still hear. I didn’t want to do anything that might make her hesitate to leave.
“Guh—!”
I walked. Straight toward them. I picked up the sword I had set down because it was too heavy and deliberately walked into their circle, creating space for Rhea to escape.
Screams of pure terror. In front of a brothel where a man who had been a “count” now lay dead, every one of them stumbled backward. At least in the eyes of those thugs I must have looked like a monster—someone who had learned the sword well enough to kill Loren alone, a man who could have handled a dozen of them without trouble.
Whoosh—!
I swung the blade once on purpose and the crowd recoiled as one. Rhea used the opening exactly as I had told her and ran toward the guild. She staggered, fell after only a few steps, but she never let go of the coat I had given her.
She looked back at me as she fled, and I kept the corners of my mouth lifted in a smile until she was gone. Until she vanished completely from sight.
Only after she disappeared did I turn my head. Dragging Loren’s sword—nearly as long as I was tall—I walked over to the fallen pimp.
“… That bastard’s dead. So you should die too. Right?”
Then I raised the blade high and drove it down. Thud. This was a brothel thrown together by men who had never learned a single useful thing, just to make money. They talked every day about killing this person or that, and they had actually killed a few, but faced with the man who had just killed both a count and their own boss—
You fucking bastard—
He killed our boss—
R-report it, someone go to the kingdom guards right now—!
—they only shouted things like that. Not one of them charged. Once everything was settled they would only eye one another, wondering who would take over the brothel. I stood blankly for a moment, then dragged the pimp’s corpse over beside Loren. I sat astride it and spoke to the scrambling men.
“I’m not running, so hurry up and go report me.”
All I wanted was for the kingdom guards to arrive as soon as possible and arrest me. I didn’t want Rhea to come back. I simply didn’t want her to see me being taken away.
I don’t know how much time passed. Snow began to fall from a sky packed with dark clouds. It had snowed the day Sister Flora died, too. For some reason a laugh slipped out.
“… Ha.”
Through the sudden snow I saw men with swords at their hips approaching. They clearly hated coming into the slums. Irritation sat on their faces, mixed with a flicker of shock at the sight of Loren’s body. Still, their duty didn’t change.
Subdue the man who had killed a noble and deliver him to the noble who ruled this place. I considered resisting, then decided there was no point.
Crack—!
One of them swung the scabbard of his sword into my jaw and I pitched forward. They dragged me the way you drag an animal carcass, the way you handle something filthy. Skin scraped raw; the raw flesh ground roughly against the stone street.
While they hauled me I lifted my head and slowly scanned the faces around us. She wasn’t there. Rhea wasn’t there.
I’m so glad she didn’t see this.
That was all I thought.
Once the relief settled in, the feelings finally rose. Snowflakes touched the corners of my eyes and melted. Then they ran down.
She ran.
Her body hurt so much she could barely stand it, yet she couldn’t stop. Riel’s face stayed burned into her eyes.
He killed a noble… for me. For me.
They were stupid and uneducated, but they knew one thing. Above “bugs” like them stood commoners, and above commoners stood nobles.
Riel is going to die.
Because I, like an idiot, crawled into the slums.
Because I acted stupid and hurt him every day….
Because I made him join a place like a guild and kill people—.
Rhea sank into crushing guilt. She wanted to collapse right there and cry; she wanted to stay at Riel’s side. But she also knew that staying would only make things worse.
The guild.
He had said there were people at the guild who had treated him like family. They would help. If it had been her, or Ceria, or Claudia, and Riel had fallen into something like this, they would have done anything to help.
To Rhea the guild was hope. Hope of saving Riel. Hope that even if she never reached the academy, they might still pull him out of those people’s hands. Hope that they might at least help him run.
She limped, fell, tore her clothes so skin showed through the rips, and still she didn’t stop. She ran, she sprinted, she kept going without pause.
The guild!
When the red-haired girl limped through the door, weeping, every eye turned to her. Rhea didn’t know who Laika or Cronian were. Instead of grabbing people one by one she simply screamed.
“R-Riel is… in d-danger—!”
A few guild members came forward at once, draping a coat over her bare shoulders, asking what had happened with worried eyes.
Rhea couldn’t hide her joy. She felt relief. People who reacted like this would surely help Riel. So she told them.
She told Laika and Cronian, who listened carefully. She told nameless guild members and the older sisters and brothers who had treated Riel like a little brother. She wasn’t certain these were the people he had meant, but she spoke anyway.
That Riel had killed Loren. That his shoulder had been cut deep, and if he didn’t get treatment soon he might never use the arm again. But the more she talked, the colder and harder every face became.
Even so they kept glancing at the clock and asking the same questions over and over. How bad was Riel’s condition? Had he really told her to come to them? When Rhea, frantic as time slipped away, begged them to go help right now, they only stalled.
“That’s enough.”
At some point Laika spoke. There were no more questions. No one was listening anymore. A few people prayed. A few crushed out their cigarettes. Someone else smashed a bottle against the wall. And finally—
Thud—.
“Get out.”
A man shoved Rhea with his boot. She fell without understanding and tried again.
“R-Riel might… d-die!”
“So what.”
“R-Riel said… the g-guild members were like f-family—.”
“… Family doesn’t cover up crimes.”
“I-I’ll do anything, p-please—. R-Riel is g-going to die—. He’s d-dying—, b-because of me, he’s d-dying….”
“We don’t want to die either, so stop being a pain and get the hell out!”
The response stayed ice-cold. Laika lit a cigarette with a heavy sigh and a grim face. Cronian looked down at Rhea with something like pity.
“Party’s over. Everyone out.”
At Laika’s short order the adventurers filed out of the guild in a noisy stream. Cronian, who remained, helped Rhea to her feet and guided her outside.
“… Riel knew we couldn’t help him. We’re a guild that can’t afford to be linked to the murder of a noble. From the start our member lists are registered with the kingdom. So go home. There’s nothing we can do. Nothing but mourn.”
“Th-that can’t be, th-there’s no w-way—! R-Riel said you’d h-help for sure—!”
“He probably thought that was the only way you’d leave. Go back. I heard you have family besides Riel. You’ll have to look after them from now on. Make sure they can accept it.”
“If R-Riel dies, we’ll… all d-die too—, please—, h-help us—. Please—, help meee….”
When Rhea clung to him, Cronian pulled her off more roughly than necessary. He hid the tremor in his voice and the shaking of his fingertips behind even colder treatment.
“… Go home.”
Rhea sat on the ground where she had fallen, buttocks stinging, and wept in despair.
Bang—!
The guild door slammed shut. Rhea shook her head as if refusing to accept what had just happened. She closed her eyes and opened them again, hoping it might be a dream.
Nothing had changed.
The door was still closed. Her body still hurt. The face reflected in a puddle was covered in wounds; the skin around her eyes was black with bruises. She stood and walked back the way she had come.
Snow fell. Even on days when they had always complained about how much they hated snow, Riel used to make snowmen with them.
Step, step—.
It was the same road she had been dragged along, yet it no longer felt frightening. What terrified her most was that Riel was gone, that there was no way to help him, and that he had lied for her sake.
By the time she returned, Riel was already gone. She had taken too long.
With nowhere else to go, Rhea searched for him. She searched and searched until she understood she would never find him anywhere in the slums. Everywhere she went, the slowly accumulating snow was erasing every trace.
“No, nooo….”
She shook her head. Still the ominous thought wouldn’t leave her mind. She cried like a fool, cried some more, and then her body suddenly itched unbearably.
The red lines Loren’s blade had drawn. She scratched them. Scratched them again. Cried and scratched.
It hurts, so even if it hurts this much, please come back—, she thought. In a corner of the slums she saw a brick. As if possessed she picked it up and raised it high.
Then Ceria and Claudia rose in her mind. The place where they had all lived together, the place Riel had loved.
Ah.
Riel loves us.
He promised he’d protect us.
He promised he’d protect us for the rest of our lives… hey, we pinky-promised….
“… H-he’ll be at home. H-he must have gone back.”
Rhea staggered forward. She returned to the church. Of course Riel wasn’t there either. He had vanished as completely as if he had never existed. All that remained was the money he had scraped together for years, working himself to the bone for everyone.
Ceria and Claudia saw the state she was in and asked what had happened. They sensed something terrible had occurred and sobbed as they questioned her. Rhea couldn’t answer; she simply sank to the floor and wept.
She didn’t want to believe the last smile Riel had shown her was a goodbye. Even with Ceria and Claudia watching, she pressed and scratched at her wounds.
Laika let out a long breath. He was only a new guild member, yet her heart ached for him.
She knew how obsessively he had thrown himself into subjugations these past few years, how hard he had worked to earn money. She knew why he had suffered and grown stronger.
That was why she had deliberately stalled so he could be arrested. She and the guild members had talked in circles, watching the clock, buying time.
“…”
Pale cigarette smoke drifted out in a long exhale. In Laika’s memory the little kid who had once shouted for a hundred gold still lived. That kid had grown until he stood nearly eye-to-eye with her, had followed every subjugation… and now, because he had killed Loren to save his childhood friend, because he had killed that piece of shit, she would never see him again.
“… Hoo—.”
Running a guild suddenly felt like a job not worth doing. A dry laugh escaped her just as Cronian stepped back inside. In a careful, regretful voice he asked,
“… Is there really no way?”
“… Where the hell would there be, fuck. He killed a noble.”
“… Who the hell considers a bastard like Loren a real noble.”
“Still…. A noble’s a noble.”
Cronian hesitated a long while before speaking again.
“… What if we asked the Rueshatia family for help?”
“… Hating Loren and taking responsibility for a noble’s murder are two different things.”
Laika said it was impossible with her mouth, yet her hand closed around a quill. She began writing, letter by letter. The content was nothing special.
Except that she couldn’t quite bring herself to call him “our guild member,” she wrote down everything she had heard from Rhea in as much detail as possible, then piled on how extraordinary Riel’s talent was.
A boy named Riel had killed Count Loren to save a child about to be violated. War was coming; the family would need to conscript many people, wouldn’t they? From what they had seen, Riel possessed tremendous talent. And he had already killed Loren, hadn’t he? He would certainly be useful—why not recruit him?
That kind of absurd story.
“You take it.”
Even so Laika handed the letter to Cronian. She knew no noble would swallow it, yet she also passed him a sack of gold.
The moment Cronian understood, he headed for the guild stables, swung into the saddle, and rode out. The territory wasn’t far, but no one knew when Riel might be executed.
“Hyah—!”
The horse ran. It raced through the snowy streets. Toward the Rueshatia Territory.