Favoritism (3)
The moment Rhea and Ceria laid eyes on me, they said the exact same thing.
They piled on explanations and side stories, but it all came down to one conclusion.
I think I’ve found who tore the clothes. It wasn’t me—it was her. That was the shape of it.
“Ceria tore them. You’ve always said she plays favorites. Even on the day you brought us presents, she got all sulky… She acts all sweet, but the second something doesn’t go her way, Ceria’s the one who turns the meanest.”
Rhea kept insisting no one else could have done it, that if you really thought about it, nothing else made sense.
That Ceria was the bad one.
She spoke with absolute certainty, a clear edge of distaste lingering in her eyes.
“…Rhea hit Claudia on the cheek. Even when you were out working, she used to hit Claudia sometimes. I’m close with Claudia. The one who tore the clothes has to be Rhea. B-besides… sh-she’s from the slums…!”
Ceria was no different.
Because she admired Sister Flora, she had always tried to live truthfully. If she disliked something, she said so. If she felt hurt, she said so. She never lied.
And looking at it that way, she declared that Rhea was the one who had torn Claudia’s clothes.
I gave neither of them an answer.
Rhea sulked, asking if I even liked her anymore. Ceria teared up and begged me to believe her. Still, I said nothing.
Sometimes staying silent felt better than taking sides.
Or maybe the shock had simply left me too drained to look after anyone.
Blaming one of them—even for a moment, even just enough to hate them a little—was harder for me than anything else.
My chest felt tight.
I’d thought a little more time would fix things. Instead, everything had only twisted further apart.
“Claudia, I’m going outside for a bit.”
“…R-Riel?”
“Just need some air. If they start fighting again, try to stop them, okay?”
“…O-okay. I-I will.”
I walked out without a destination, the heaviness in my chest driving me toward the river. I sat and dipped my feet in the water.
Splash. Splash.
I never imagined things like this would feel harder than simply surviving.
Harder than the days I stole. Harder than the time a goblin nearly beat me to death.
Something felt broken. A strange, hollow ache sat in my chest and wouldn’t leave.
Calling each other the villain. Whispering accusations to me in secret. Refusing to trust, choosing suspicion instead.
It felt like something was collapsing.
Splash. Splash.
I kicked at the water for a long while, then just sat there letting the wind touch my face while thoughts kept circling.
They liked me because I was kind to all of them.
So if I started treating them badly, would the problem go away?
If the girls started hating me, would things get better?
Of course not.
They were too good-hearted. They’d blame themselves for whatever changed in me and suffer for it.
Besides, I couldn’t suddenly turn cruel toward Ceria or Claudia. I wasn’t cold enough for that, and I didn’t want to see any of the three look sad.
More than anything, I had made a promise.
That I would protect them for the rest of my life. That between us, there would only ever be us. That no matter what happened, we would trust one another.
I didn’t want us to fight. I didn’t want to hurt them.
And yet it was happening anyway.
The vow I’d sworn when Sister Flora died—the wish of hers I had sworn to fulfill in her place—was starting to feel like a delusion I could never achieve.
If only Sister Flora were still here instead of me…
“…Ha.”
A short, empty laugh slipped out.
Something around my eyes felt hot. I thought maybe I should splash my face.
I cupped water in both hands. Gentle ripples spread across the surface pooled in my palms.
I was sure my expression was blank, yet the trembling water made my reflection look like it was crying.
Splash!
Even as the cold water hit my face, the heat around my eyes stayed.
Splash!
I scooped more water and washed my face again.
The water in my hands felt strangely lukewarm now.
When I opened my eyes, I saw the river water cupped in my palms—and a red stain blooming through it.
Drip. Drip.
Only then did I realize my forehead was burning as if branded.
The wound I’d forced shut with ants must have split open again.
My head was the part that hurt, so why did my shoulders feel so heavy?
Even wiping the blood away felt like too much effort. I just kept kicking at the water the way I had been.
That was when voices reached me from behind the trees along the bank.
“…Riel!”
Rhea’s voice.
“…Hic… I-I’m sorry… b-because of me… everyone’s fighting…”
Claudia’s voice.
“…I… I was wrong… I was wrong…”
And finally Ceria’s.
“…Huh?”
I lifted my head. All three of them were crying.
Still wearing the clothes I had bought them, they wiped the blood from my forehead with their own sleeves, none of them caring whose fabric it was.
Even then, Rhea and Ceria kept their distance, with Claudia standing between them.
They clearly hadn’t made up. But the moment I disappeared without a word, maybe they had thought of Sister Flora. The thought made me feel so guilty I could barely breathe.
I wanted to apologize. I wanted to say I was sorry for worrying them. But my throat closed and no words came out.
“I’m sorry. I won’t fight anymore… Riel, d-don’t cry…”
“…I’ll make up with Rhea. And with Claudia too… just like before…”
“Riel, does it hurt…? Of course it hurts… B-because of us… you always… only suffer…”
Rhea hoisted me onto her back. She didn’t care that the blood from my forehead was soaking into her clothes as she headed toward the village.
She told Ceria and Claudia where I had hidden the money and shouted for them to bring it, then made straight for a doctor.
The two gold coins I had earned—no, the one gold left after buying bread, plus a few dozen silver.
Separate from that, Rhea had sometimes gone into town with me and been given money for grain and food. Like Sister Flora used to do, she must have been setting a little of it aside.
“W-we’ll give you everything… R-Riel’s hurt…”
“Please help him, please—”
“…Th-there’s blood coming out—”
The three of them approached the doctor nearly wailing, thrusting every coin they had at him.
He knew who we were. After Sister Flora’s death the villagers no longer actively persecuted us, but that didn’t mean they were eager to help.
“…Busy day for patients.”
The doctor claimed he had too many people waiting and sent us away.
There was no reason to mistreat us, but no reason to treat us kindly either.
So we had to walk much farther.
Rhea carried me all the way to the next village—the place where I always worked—before she finally sat down and wiped her tears.
Thankfully, no one turned us away here.
By chance we also ran into Clint, who was at the clinic suffering from a cold.
Once, when he asked why a kid like me worked myself half to death and clung so hard to money, I had told him the truth.
That I had childhood friends. That I had a family I loved.
The moment he saw us, pity filled his face. He must have remembered those words.
I had always thought he never treated us especially well.
I was wrong.
Clint’s eyes grew a little damp. He clicked his tongue as if we were too pitiful to look at.
He told us to come by his shop once the treatment was finished. When we did, he pressed food into our hands that wouldn’t spoil easily.
He even gave us a few pieces of fruit and explained that if we kept them in the river water they would last several days.
For Rhea, Ceria, and Claudia—orphans who had almost never received kindness from anyone except Sister Flora—it was the first real generosity they had known.
“…Thank you… th-thank you so much—”
The three of them kept bowing, murmuring thanks over and over.
We went straight back to the church. The girls refused to let me move at all.
The doctor had said I needed to rest quietly for a full week or the wound would reopen.
“…I’m sorry.”
Every day it was only “I’m sorry.”
I hated hearing it, so I smiled instead.
“Thank you.”
I knew perfectly well I hadn’t been crying.
Maybe at the river, but not now.
Because I had realized all over again that I was their pillar.
That if I cried or got hurt, everyone else suffered with me.
Yet when the girls saw my smile, every one of them covered their mouths and started crying.
Rhea bit her lip. Ceria looked at me with the corners of her mouth turned down. Claudia hugged her own tail and wiped her tears.
“…You should eat something. Just rest, Riel.”
Rhea left first. The other two followed.
Even now, Rhea still wouldn’t walk beside Ceria.
Even after laying Riel down and stepping outside, her thin, stubborn heart wouldn’t allow it.
Claudia suddenly appeared between the two of them as they walked apart and took both their hands.
They headed for the confessional.
The place where they had always gathered to play. A room that held more warm memories than painful ones.
Standing in the middle of it, Claudia spoke.
“…I… I f-forgave you… S-so… Riel’s sad… P-please… make up already.”
She was still crying even out here, sniffling like a crybaby, so Rhea naturally wiped her tears for her.
“…Yeah. I want that too.”
At those words the wolf-beastkin girl’s ears and tail gave a hopeful little twitch.
But that was all.
The rift between them ran deeper than any of them wanted to admit.
“…But Ceria still hates me. She hurt Riel… and she still won’t admit it.”
When Rhea blamed Ceria, Ceria yanked her hand free of Claudia’s.
“…Don’t be ridiculous. You’re the one who always hit Claudia. You’re the one who said things you shouldn’t have just because she’s a wolf-beastkin!”
The one who tore the clothes.
The one who made Riel—who had always smiled so warmly and taken care of them—cry.
Each of them was certain the culprit was the other.
“…See? In front of Riel you say you’ll make up, then you act like this. You’re trying to pin it on me again!”
Ceria looked at Rhea and let out a hollow laugh.
She almost raised her voice, then remembered Riel and clamped a hand over her mouth.
She hated Rhea so much it hurt, but she didn’t want to make the boy lying injured because of them suffer even more.
So she spoke quietly instead.
“…Claudia, I didn’t tear your clothes. Rhea did. She’s from the slums.”
“And where are you from? Do you even remember?”
“Somewhere better than the slums, at least.”
“Are you saying that knowing Riel is from the slums too?”
“…You’re from the same place, so why do you act like that, Rhea?”
“…What!?”
Still, Ceria managed one more cutting line than Rhea.
Because Rhea had sneered first.
“…Make up.”
Just as Rhea opened her mouth to snap back, Ceria held out her hand.
Rhea glared at her, wondering what this was supposed to mean. Ceria spoke again.
“…Because Riel is suffering. At least when he’s watching, let’s act like we used to.”
They clasped hands with a rough, almost dismissive tug, as if they were severing ties rather than mending them, then each walked off toward her own room.
Left behind, Claudia watched the two of them leave, turning her head back and forth.
“…Hwaaah… w-what do I do…”
She sank to the floor like a fool.
“It’s because of me…”
Because the relationship between Ceria and Rhea had become something that could never be fixed.
And because…
“I tore the clothes…”
That night when she had hated Rhea and Ceria so much.
The night she had been certain the two of them were only making Riel suffer, the night she had caught Riel’s scent clinging to both of them.
Because she believed Ceria and Rhea truly disliked Riel and only ever caused him trouble, she had torn the clothes herself.
Remembering it now, she sat on the floor and sobbed.
The worst person of all was her—the one who loved Riel so much that when he came back with Rhea and Rhea’s scent was thick with his, the jealousy and the terror that Rhea might marry him had driven her to do something so cruel just to make him hate them a little.
“…I’m the bad one… I’m the one who’s bad…”
Just as Ceria had said, she had wanted to be the favorite so badly that she had lied to Riel.
And now the ones who were hurt were the other two. The realization made her chest ache so badly she could hardly breathe.
“…I’m going to tell him.”
Sniffling, Claudia headed for the bedroom, ready to confess everything.
Moonlight filtered into the room where Riel lay.
The boy who had hurt and even cried because of her.
Her ears and tail drooped foolishly, moving with her sorrow.
I did it all by myself.
Rhea and Ceria didn’t do anything wrong.
She needed to say it, yet her lips refused to part.
Selfishly, she just stood there sniffling in misery.
Even so, Claudia gathered her courage and sat on the edge of the simple bed.
“R-Riel.”
When she carefully called his name, Riel pushed himself up and, just as he always did, pulled her tightly into his arms while she cried.
“Why are you crying? You’ll ruin that pretty face of yours.”
His hand patted her back. His skin carried a warmth warmer than anything else.
Even though he must have been the one hurting most, he smiled for her and held her with such care.
Claudia still couldn’t open her mouth. She just stayed in his arms and cried a little longer.
I have to tell him now. But if I do, he’ll despise me, won’t he?
He might call me a dirty wolf-beastkin like Rhea did and push me away.
He might abandon me the way Mom and Dad did.
I’m a coward.
I’m filthy.
Maybe Rhea was right when she called me a wolf-beastkin like that.
Just a cowardly, filthy, abandoned wolf-beastkin.
The kind who made her childhood friends fight and made the boy she loved cry, all because she was terrified of being left behind.
She knew better than anyone that Riel would never abandon her, that he would keep loving all of them…
“…Riel, I’m sorry…”
In the end Claudia said nothing of what she had come to say.
She was too afraid.
Afraid that Riel would hate her. Afraid that this warmth might leave her.
So she simply mumbled that she was sorry, wrapping everything into those two words.
“…I’m really… so sorry…”
Lies always came to light eventually, yet she shook her head like an idiot and kept apologizing.
Then she saw Riel’s expression darken little by little, and she swallowed the rest of the apologies back down her throat.
Instead she told him that Ceria and Rhea had decided to make up.
“Rhea and Ceria… I think they made up… And… don’t feel bad because of me… I… I already forgot everything…”
“…You’re a good girl, Claudia.”
“….”
Riel forced a smile and stroked her hair.
He was only a boy the same age as her—just one year older—yet he felt so warm.
Little by little, Claudia began to lose sight of why she had come.
Riel is hurt right now. Because of us, both his body and his heart are broken.
There’s no need to tell him something that will only make him hurt more.
Compared to Rhea, who treats him so coldly, or Ceria, who never even prays and never lets exhausted Riel rest…
It’s better if I’m the one by his side.
Claudia repeated the rationalization to herself.
Favoritism.
Wanting someone to cherish you more than the others.
Before she knew it she had forgotten every word she meant to say and simply clung tightly to Riel.
He was closer to her now than the parents whose faces had already grown hazy in her memory.
“Did you take your medicine…?”
“…I was just about to.”
“They said it makes you really sleepy. Is that true?”
“…Yeah, probably.”
Claudia repeated what she had heard at the clinic, then carefully went out and brought back a cup of water.
After making sure he took the medicine, she put on a cute little act, saying she was scared ghosts might appear and asking if she could sleep with him just for tonight.
“We’ve always slept together. You don’t need permission.”
“Hee… thank you, Riel…”
While Ceria and Rhea each went to their own rooms, Claudia closed her eyes right beside Riel.
She knew she shouldn’t, yet the simple fact of being alone with him made her feel happy.
The guilt and sorrow she had felt seemed to melt away the moment she could stay next to the boy she liked.
Tick. Tock.
Her heart beat in time with the second hand of the clock. Thump. Thump.
She liked Riel so much.
Once she realized it, sleep became impossible.
From beginning to end, this boy had treated a wolf-beastkin like her as an ordinary person and taken care of her. She liked him so much it hurt.
Like a fool she hid under the blanket, fretting alone that he might hear her heartbeat.
Whatever had become of her plan to confess her wrongdoing, she ended up whispering to herself and starting to cry again.
“…I like you, Riel. I’m sorry I lied…”
Time passed.
The night that could grow no darker—or perhaps it was already dawn.
Creak—
Suddenly Rhea walked into the bedroom.
Claudia flinched and burrowed deeper under the blanket, holding her breath.
Rhea stood still for a long while, then sat down beside the bed.
“…I’m Riel’s wife… We’re basically dating… so he’ll understand.”
Then, careful not to wake him, she sat on the edge of the simple bed and lifted the blanket.
Her eyes met Claudia’s.
“…C-Claudia?”
“…Wife? D-dating…?”
Claudia echoed the words back.
At the same moment—
“…I was going to pray for Riel. Because he must be in pain…”
Ceria’s voice came from outside the door.
Before anyone could tell her to leave, she opened the door and stepped into the bedroom.
In one glance she took in Rhea, Claudia, and the sleeping Riel.
“…What do you mean, dating, Rhea?”
Claudia whispered the question again.
All three of them kept their voices low so they wouldn’t wake him.