The Cafeteria Is a Battlefield
The school store bread is always the croquettes, right?
"Hey, seniors, do we seriously have to risk our lives just to buy something from the school store?"
"If I dive into that crowd, I'm pretty sure even the flower on top of my head is gonna get ripped off."
Lily and Ruri stared at the warriors of various races gathered to fight for supremacy at the school store and couldn't even muster the courage to approach the register. I let out a small sigh.
"Thank god there are two stores. It's already this packed—if there was only one, it'd be a nightmare. But why are there so many people today? Is it because it's the day after the entrance ceremony?"
Our school has decent cafeteria food, so even during lunch, you could usually grab something from the store after waiting in a short line. But right now, all order had completely collapsed. It was a battlefield where the weak—like the rabbit-girl who'd collapsed in front of us—could never survive.
Only students with powerful physiques, like orcas or tigers, seemed able to slowly push through the slime-like mass of bodies. Meanwhile, harpies and other flying students hovered in the air, waiting for an opening before launching a bird strike to infiltrate the store. A fierce war for goods was unfolding right before our eyes.
"Hmm... should we just give up on the store today? Retreat~ Everyone, retreat to the classroom~"
I tried to take a step back, but two vines wrapped around each of my hands and yanked me backward.
"Whoa! I almost fell! Do Alraunes pull bondage play even in a place like this? Let go, you two!"
"Senior, you have a surprisingly dirty mouth. And after you promised to get us a star."
"It's because he's a teenage boy. And if you're a man, you should keep your word, right?"
"Seha, saying such scary things to your lovely juniors..."
"Hana, you were quiet the whole time and now you're jumping in just because I'm getting roasted... And how did 'buying stuff from the store' turn into 'getting them a star'? Looking at the situation, I'm clearly the victim here!"
"Haven't you heard that the pen is mightier than the sword? You wounded our delicate hearts."
"We only gently held on because we wanted to stay with you a little longer..."
"Hic... hic... We're so sad, Hana unnie...."
These two were really putting on a show. After eating lunch together once, Hana had somehow turned into a full-blown Alraune mom. Wasn't that flower on an Alraune's head supposed to have some kind of hallucinogenic effect?
While I was struggling like I was tied up in chains, a familiar face escaped from the store's battlefield and appeared in front of me.
"I really thought I was gonna die... Huh? Seha, what are you doing over there? Is using Alraune vines instead of resistance bands the new workout trend these days?"
"Yohan? Please get these off me! These girls are holding me from both sides and won't let go!"
"What kind of harem manga protagonist line is that, you bastard? Still, you've only got three so far. If you add Harin, that's four, right? Hey, four shares is way better than getting split five ways, don't you think?"
"Who is this person? Is he your friend, senior?"
"He's twice as big as me and Ruri combined."
"And he's not even the same grade? He's a first-year? You're something else, Seha. After Hana and Harin, now you've got twins~ Even harem novels would get flamed for writing it like this these days."
"Let's not talk about Harin, Yohan," Hana said in a low voice. Yohan let out a pathetic whimper that didn't match his size. So even Yohan had heard the rumors about Harin. Ugh... it was probably easier to just assume the whole school knew by now.
"Oh, Nuna has something to ask you, Yohan. Is there some special sale at the store today? There weren't usually this many kids here."
"You guys haven't heard the rumor yet? They're saying there's a secret coupon attached to the curry croquettes they're selling right now."
"What kind of coupon? It's not some limited-edition sticker or anything."
"It's way bigger than that! They put in ten VIP tickets to Wonderland, limited to our country only."
"Isn't that place in some third dimension that's neither the Demon World nor the Heavenly Realm? For students like us, just using the portal there would cost half our allowance to begin with."
"I told you, it's VIP. The Nugul Bank is covering all expenses for a two-day, one-night course. Souvenirs, food, hotel—everything's free!"
The prize was insanely good, practically lottery-level. So that's why everyone was buying croquettes and bolting out one by one. The reason for this insane crowd finally made sense.
"Amusement park... date... Ferris wheel... fireworks... confession...? Ehehehehe..."
Hana must have been imagining something happy after hearing about the fragmented world. Her tail was swaying back and forth as she muttered to herself.
"Hana, are you okay? Your face looks like it's melting. You completely spaced out."
Hana suddenly shook her head, then grabbed both of Yohan's shoulders.
"Yohan, are they still selling croquettes right now? Answer me properly. Nuna's serious."
"Uh... yeah. There's a two-per-person limit, so there's still plenty of stock. The real problem is getting through the crowd. Buying them isn't an issue yet."
"Then...!"
"But don't ask me to go back in there. I seriously thought I was gonna get crushed to death by those orcas and humpback whales."
"Yep, yep, that's all the info I need. Good work, our Yohan."
Hana patted his shoulder a couple times and finally let go. Yohan let out a deep sigh, hugged his bread to his chest, wished me luck, and headed back to his classroom.
I wondered what exactly had happened between Yohan and Hana back in middle school. I knew they'd had a one-on-one fight with their parents' permission after some disagreement. I was getting a checkup at the hospital at the time, so I'd only heard about it. But it still didn't feel real.
A tiger charging through a pillar of fire to deliver a body slam to a Balrog, or a Balrog grabbing a tiger by the tail and slamming it so hard the ground split open. As a mere human without any special bloodline, it was hard to understand or keep up with these races' duel culture.
Anyway, after a duel that lasted over thirty minutes, the tiger ended up buried headfirst in the ground while the Balrog stood tall. That's how the middle school one-on-one fight ended in Hana's victory.
"Senior, your daydreaming is taking way too long."
"Fact: He gets excited and talks forever whenever something he knows about comes up."
"Shut up, you spinach bundle duo. And it wasn't a daydream, it was a recollection. Completely different activity."
"If you're standing there blankly staring at the sky, anyone would think you're daydreaming."
"We've been poking you this whole time and you didn't say a word... Did you really hate the idea of buying us stuff from the store that much? Hmph."
"Sorry~ Next time when it's not so crowded, I'll buy you drinks too. By the way, where's Hana? She was just talking to Yohan about the tickets a minute ago."
"While you were daydreaming, unnie ran into the store to buy the croquettes."
"We didn't follow her after rubbing lotion on our leaves, though."
Hana had already pushed her way to the front; even standing on my tiptoes, I couldn't see her. All we could do was wait for her to safely buy the croquettes.
I leaned against the wall and spent time with the twins until Hana returned.
"Hey Ruri, Lily, why don't you guys just use your hands properly? You have perfectly good hands, so why do you insist on using vines?"
"Rock-paper-scissors is a fierce war, senior."
"In war, the winner makes the rules. If we win, it's jackpot time."
They kept challenging me to rock-paper-scissors, yelling "one coin" because the winner would get me to buy them food outside instead of just from the store. But these two were ridiculously bad at it, so I kept winning. It was way too easy to see what shape they were making before they threw it. After losing three times in a row, they started coming at me with vines... but it was the same as using hands anyway.
"Yoon Seha wins again! He's seriously the god of rock-paper-scissors!"
"How can you not lose even once"
"to your lovely juniors?"
"Stingy."
"Cheapskate."
"If you're so upset, throw better than a human hand~"
Humans of the world, I have defeated this race in pure physical ability! This is a historic moment worthy of being recorded in textbooks.
The twins I'd beaten transformed their vines into Venus flytrap shapes. Then, with their mouths wide open to show their teeth, they charged at me like they were going to bite.
"Hey! Didn't you learn that direct attacks on humans are forbidden?"
I grabbed the stem part and managed to block them. They were softer than I expected. I'd imagined something hard, but they felt surprisingly soft to the touch.
"Isn't that only for magic? This is physical transformation, so it's not magic."
"And this is just an expression of affection for our respected senior."
"Hug us~~ Senior."
"Seha, it looks like the moment I take my eyes off you, you get attacked by demons?"
Hana, who had returned with two croquettes in her arms, saved me from nearly getting my face eaten by the flytrap.
"Thanks for saving me, Hana. Man, carnivorous plants are scary..."
I felt like I finally understood how prey must feel.
"You're being too dramatic, senior."
"If you touch the teeth like this, they're all soft and squishy."
I carefully poked at the teeth on the leaf Ruri had spread open.
"Whoa, they really are soft? It feels exactly like a marshmallow."
"It really feels like that? Lily, spread your leaf too~"
"Unnie, if you touch it like that... ah..."
Hana touched Lily's transformed leaf much more roughly than I had. At the same time, I could see Lily's cheeks slowly turning red. Was the sensation connected through the tail or something?
"Can I bite just once?"
I looked at Ruri and asked.
"Are you asking to get bitten like a real flytrap?"
Tsk. I was curious about the texture. Too bad.
"We're going to head to the playground now~"
"Mom said we need to do photosynthesis to grow taller."
The twins said they had to soak up sunlight on the playground for the rest of their free time.
"Next time we meet at the store, you have to buy us something~"
We said our goodbyes to the twins and started walking back to the classroom.
"Hana, did you check the croquettes you bought earlier?"
"No no, should we open one first? Or both at the same time?"
"Just one for now. I ate a lot for lunch and I'm full. Splitting one seems better."
"Okay~. It smells good. I picked it out myself and asked the lady for it. You know how a Balrog's sense for treasure is similar to a dragon's, right?"
Hana created a flame on her finger, then spread it wide across her palm. She then used her other fingers to rotate the croquette bag for a full minute. A Balrog-style microwave. It was nice not having to wait in line for an actual microwave, but watching it from the side felt a bit strange.
"Okay, it's warm now. Here you go, Seha. Exactly half, right?"
Hana used her nail to slice the bag straight down the middle and peeled the packaging open. Then she smiled and handed me exactly half of the neatly cut croquette.
Seeing Hana's smile somehow made me feel good. I really hoped we'd win. If Hana won, I'd want to follow her to Wonderland too. Should I call Mom and ask if I could use the card just once?