I'm Going to Kill You
Right after Lee Yebin finally understood the intent behind this segment, the next question came in.
This one was from Ggumyong, and it was quite an unusual question.
"So, do you two have any memorable stories about each other? Even just one each?"
A memorable story? Of course we did.
"Me! Me, me! Meeee!"
But Yebin was already trying to throw the first punch.
What on earth was she planning to say?
The viewers also grabbed their popcorn the moment they saw Yebin trying to strike first.
Everyone saw right through Yebin's scheme to drag me through the mud, and she wasted no time putting it into action.
"When was it? Ninth grade? Dodo's mom asked me for a favor! She said, 'Please tutor Dodo a bit!'"
"Ooooh...!?"
"No way, teacher and student! Tutor and pupil!"
"This is definitely a real relationship!!"
Marty and Ggumyong were the ones getting excited, but I was getting worked up in a completely different way.
"Hey, hey! Stop!!"
"But you see~"
"But?"
"He said, 'I'd rather fail my exams than learn from Vini!' and just marked a straight line down his answer sheet!"
At the sudden punchline, everyone there, including me, froze.
Is this funny? Is this supposed to be a funny story? Hey, Lee Yebin. If you're going to drag me, do it right. That's not even the point.
That wasn't the point. I had to somehow salvage this dead joke thrown by the clueless Vini. I had to save it. And to do that...
Right, I just had to hit her back even harder.
"Everyone, look at this airhead Vini who can't read the room and brought up such a boring story. With her like that, would you want to learn from her?"
Backed by the viewers' consensus, Marty and Ggumyong also started to agree with me.
"I can't argue with that."
"Approved by the Official Approval Association. If you don't even have the brain cells to take a free win when it's served on a silver platter, you're definitely an airhead."
"No! What! Why! I was telling a story about Dodo being the airhead!"
"Sigh, who tells a roast story like that, you airhead Vini?"
Let me show you how it's done.
"Then it's my turn, right?"
"Yes~ Please tell us your story~"
I cleared my throat on purpose, putting on airs.
The moment I let out a loud, theatrical cough, Yebin immediately tried to shut me down.
"Wow, look at him trying to look cool."
"Yeah, honestly, that cough was funnier than your story earlier."
"What did you say!?"
Ignoring her protests, I immediately brought up one of Yebin's ultimate embarrassing moments.
"It was back when she was in her senior year of high school."
"Senior year? What did I even do in senior year?"
What did you do? Oh, you did something, alright. Something legendary.
"Back then, I went to a PC bang with my friends, and she suddenly announced she was coming to drag me out."
"Huh? Why drag you out?"
"She said she was coming to catch me because I wasn't studying."
"Oh..."
"This is pure love!"
Pure love, my foot. The next part is the real kicker.
"However..."
I spoke in a deadpan, dramatic tone. Realizing what I was about to say, Yebin immediately shrieked.
"Hey, hey! That's a foul! Foul!!"
Foul or not, this story was getting told.
"This girl asked me exactly which PC bang I was at, but she read the map upside down and went to a completely different one."
Reading a map upside down—at this ridiculous story, the chat was flooded with question marks and laughter, and Ggumyong and Marty were just as baffled.
"Uh... Dodo? I don't think I quite understand. Could you explain that again?"
"It's completely normal not to understand. It was a brainless thing to do. She read the map upside down, went the opposite way, and spent an hour looking for me at a PC bang on the completely wrong side of town. And then she called me and said, 'Stop lying, you bastard.'"
I could easily picture Yebin's expression right now. She was probably blushing furiously, throwing a tantrum, and taking it out on whatever plushie was sitting next to her.
"Now, Vini...? Care to explain yourself?"
"I mean, that was...! I just looked at the name of the PC bang and went there without thinking...!"
"It was on the complete opposite side of town, though. I even told you exactly which branch it was."
"Hey, shut up already!!"
"Hmph."
I deliberately let out a mock-sad whimper to annoy her further, which only made her throw a bigger fit.
"Ahhhh! Seriously! I was just looking at the name and the map...! And I just went the wrong way...!"
"Couldn't you have just used the navigation feature to get there easily?"
At that question, Yebin seemed to choke on her words, so I decided to drive the final nail in the coffin.
"She's lived in this neighborhood almost her whole life, so she probably refused to use GPS out of pride."
"It wasn't like that! I just didn't have any data left!"
"I know for a fact you've had unlimited data since ninth grade."
"How do you even know that!?"
"How could I not know when you bragged about it for three days straight?"
"Ahhhhh! I hate you so much! I seriously hate you!!"
I shrugged at her outburst. Not that anyone could see me anyway.
Having been completely defeated by my story, Yebin began to beg for one more chance.
"Since I messed up my turn earlier, can you give me one more chance?"
"Sure, let's hear it."
"Wait, isn't this cheating?"
"Well, her first story was incredibly boring, so let's give her one more shot."
My protests went ignored, and Yebin finally pulled out her trump card.
"So, this happened back in middle school~"
"Middle school?"
Did I do something weird in middle school? I couldn't think of anything.
I couldn't remember. I knew I had plenty of embarrassing moments back then, but did I ever do something embarrassing in front of Yebin?
As I was racking my brain, the story Yebin brought up turned out to be more than embarrassing enough.
What was it, you ask?
"He said he was going to quit studying and take up Taekwondo back then."
"Hey, wait a minute."
"Back then~ he was bragging about his Taekwondo moves at school~"
"And he ended up breaking school property. Specifically, the equipment we were supposed to use for the school festival."
She skipped a lot of the details, but honestly, leaving them out was actually her showing me mercy.
The viewers started spamming question marks again, and Marty asked while chuckling.
"So, Chunibyo Dodo, what exactly happened?"
"Well, it's..."
"Ah! It's not even that he actually learned Taekwondo! He was messing around trying to copy a Taekwondo move from a webtoon and broke it!"
Hey, why did you have to say that?
With me completely defenseless, Yebin gleefully began to twist the knife.
"So~ he had to do cleaning duty for a whole month~ and remake all the school festival equipment~ he suffered so~ much~"
"Which webtoon was it?"
Marty asked with a laugh, and I decided to just name the webtoon and accept my death.
"It was... you know, King of High School."
"Pfft... I knew it."
"Wow... Chunibyo Dodo is something else."
Ggumyong's comment felt like a total knockout punch.
As a side note, from that day on, my nickname became 'Jin Dodo'. The protagonist who used Taekwondo in that webtoon had the last name Jin.
My last name is Do, not Jin. Give me a break, guys.
Anyway, even after exposing each other's embarrassing pasts, we continued to throw slander and accusations back and forth.
Amidst all the bickering and slandering, this was the only conclusion left.
"So you're close enough to stay friends even after seeing all those embarrassing moments?"
"This is~ a real relationship! You guys are dating, right!?"
"Absolutely not."
"I said no, absolutely not!!!"
We are close enough to know all of each other's dark pasts. Therefore, we must be dating. What kind of logic was that?
"Why would I date her? I'm way out of her league!"
"Cut the crap, I'm the one out of your league."
"How are you out of my league?"
"Ha, then are you? I'm prettier, cuter, nicer, and way smarter!"
"I don't think 'smart' belongs on that list."
"Chunibyo!"
"Airhead."
With us bickering back and forth, the broadcast finally came to an end...
"Hey, Do Gyeong, you crazy bastard! How could you bring that up!!!"
"You did it too!!!"
"So what! So whaaat!! It's because you started it! I was going to keep mine mild!!!"
"Rather than ruining the stream with boring stuff, we might as well blow it all up!!!"
We started screaming at each other all over again.
As a side note, both she and I made sure not to mention the truly sensitive, truly embarrassing things.
Perhaps this was the final peace treaty between us—an asymmetric weapon of sorts that kept our strategy of mutually assured destruction in perfect balance.