103. My Buff is a Drug
103. My Buff is a Drug
"You really didn't have to walk me all the way home......."
"Nah, I was worried. You went through a lot today, emotionally."
"Thank you, Hye-yong!! Get home safe! Have a good night!"
"Yeah. Let's meet up one more time next week. Good night."
With that, Hye-yong turned and walked away.
Ha-yoon stared at his back for a solid ten seconds before she turned as well and headed toward her own room.
'Incredible. I actually looked at blood and held on. Not even dried blood — fresh, bright red blood.'
For Seo Ha-yoon, that alone was a miracle.
Normally, the dizziness would have hit her hard, her head spinning until she collapsed. But somehow, she'd been able to endure it.
Of course, the longer she'd looked, the harder it had become. Still, she'd managed to keep her consciousness to the very end, all because Hye-yong had stayed right beside her, continuously casting buffs and letting her know he was rooting for her.
'It can't be... just because of the buff effect.'
Seo Ha-yoon knew all too well that her fainting-at-the-sight-of-blood constitution wasn't something a simple mood could override.
So why had she been able to endure it?
'It was because Hye-yong encouraged me, wasn't it?'
That was the conclusion Ha-yoon reached.
It wasn't as if she'd never tried to overcome her blood phobia before.
But she'd had absolutely no idea how.
Trying to beat it through exposure just made her collapse, over and over.
She'd even tried deliberately recalling the original incident, thinking maybe something would shift if she faced it head-on, but it was useless.
If she thought about it logically — was watching a cat tear apart a chick and a dog bite it really the kind of thing that leaves special trauma?
It was the sort of thing you could recall vividly and still just think, 'Yeah, that happened,' and move past.
Yet for some reason, the blood phobia remained, stark and isolated.
The psychiatrist had said the sensations she'd felt in that moment might not have surfaced consciously, but had instead embedded themselves deep in her unconscious.
The fresh blood had stayed with her as a symbolic trigger.
And because of that, it was only natural she'd struggled to find a solution.
Psychiatry hadn't helped in the end, anyway.
And then, in the middle of all that, Hye-yong had approached her.
Saying he was worried about her. Saying he wanted to find a way to cure her illness.
Seo Ha-yoon could be absolutely certain there hadn't been a single lie or hidden motive behind those words.
If he hadn't been sincere, he never would have brought out a knife and gouged his own thumb.
At least, that was how it was in Seo Ha-yoon's mind.
'Even for an Awakened, that must have hurt.......'
Because he'd gone that far, she felt she could never, ever betray that kindness.
And on top of that, the steady stream of encouragement he'd given her had pulled her back together every time she'd wanted to give up.
'Honestly, it was a shock.'
To her, Hye-yong's act had landed as a fresh shock.
A man who was so worried about her that he'd harm his own body to help her overcome her trauma.
'I really, truly never imagined something like that.'
Would even her father have done that?
Of course, for his beloved daughter, her father could certainly smile brightly while stabbing his own finger with a knife to draw blood.
But that was an act he'd only resort to if he was absolutely certain it could cure her blood phobia.
The kind of thing you'd use as shock therapy after exhausting every other option and concluding this was the only way.
Meaning, he wouldn't just stab his own living flesh to draw blood on the mere off-chance it might work — not the way Hye-yong had done.
'It felt like he was incredibly, incredibly sincere.......'
That fresh shock had felt as though it was overwriting the shock her own inner self had received.
And thanks to that, she'd realized something.
Ultimately, her blood phobia was a problem of her own mind — and if she just steeled her resolve, she could overcome it.
'He seems incredibly reliable, and so thoughtful.'
Someone once said that people are drawn to those they perceive as having similar tendencies.
You could clearly say Hye-yong and Ha-yoon's tendencies weren't similar.
But Ha-yoon accepted it without question.
Before she knew it, in her head, Choi Hye-yong had become someone who pretended not to care but was actually full of worries — overflowing with thoughtfulness and warmth.
Ha-yoon herself believed she was the type who pretended not to care but had a lot of worries. (Though anyone looking at her would just think she seemed swamped with them.)
And the person she aspired to be was someone overflowing with thoughtfulness and warmth.
As her thoughts looped a few times, Hye-yong had become someone who seemed like a perfect blend of both.
She'd already held quite a favorable impression of him, but today's events had cemented it completely.
'I want to repay him somehow, too.......'
Ha-yoon thought hard.
How could she repay him?
'That's it! I'll bake him delicious cookies! He'll definitely like that, right?'
In the end, that was about the best idea Ha-yoon could come up with.
She'd bake him butter cookies — the ones she'd been practicing so diligently lately — and pour her whole heart into them.
With that settled, Ha-yoon got out her baking ingredients.
'Done! Now I just need to bake them!'
Maybe because she'd put her heart into it, the dough had turned out unusually well today.
She set the timer and flopped onto the bed.
"Haaah......."
It had been hard, but it felt rewarding.
Both the cookie-making and the trauma-overcoming training.
'I don't just want to give him cookies — I want to give him a proper thank-you, too.......'
Ha-yoon knew she wasn't good with words.
So writing would be far better for conveying her sincerity.
With that thought, she pulled out her terminal and opened the messenger.
But what should she say?
She typed out various messages and erased them, over and over.
After agonizing for over an hour, she ultimately put it on hold.
In the end, she decided she'd wrap the cookies nicely and write a letter to place on top.
'But haven't I gotten a lot better? Maybe I could even train on my own.'
This time, she closed the messenger and launched the Watcher.
While waiting for the cookies to bake, she'd watch the "conditioning video" she normally watched.
'It's been a while since I turned this on... I haven't watched it in quite some time.'
The conditioning video was a clip made by a vegetarian group about why you shouldn't eat meat.
It was a gruesome video that directly filmed inhumane slaughter methods, filled with bright red blood and animal innards.
Ha-yoon had never managed to watch this five-minute video all the way through.
The video was a little less intense than seeing it in person, but it still triggered the dizziness all the same.
She always lost consciousness or vomited within less than a minute of starting it.
This time, with firm resolve that she would not be defeated so easily, she hit play.
— Mooo-uuuh!
'Uuugh....'
She'd seen plenty of cruel things, so that part was fine — but that gushing blood was the problem.
Even though it was only a video, cold sweat beaded on her skin, and she felt like her hands and feet were starting to cramp.
Still, Ha-yoon kept watching.
Her goal this time was to reach the very end.
Remembering the training she'd done with Hye-yong, she endured and endured.
"Hn-ngh......."
Ha-yoon, who'd been watching the video lying face-down on the bed, suddenly buried her face in the pillow — poof — and stopped moving.
The video had barely passed one minute and thirty-one seconds.
The plan to watch it all the way had failed, but her record had improved significantly.
Even if she wasn't completely cured yet, if she steeled her resolve like this and steadily practiced seeing blood, she could certainly make a full recovery.
Of course, it would still take a bit more time.
-
'Alright, that's one worry off my list — Seo Ha-yoon.'
He'd just seen her off and turned to leave the women's dormitory.
'Ah, now that I think about it, Hee-yeon.......'
Suddenly, the memory came back to him.
The Murder Virus.
The image of Na Hee-yeon, who'd been waiting after making "those preparations" ever since Hye-yong had said he'd come to her room.
'I've gotten off to the thought of Na Hee-yeon plenty of times already. Wouldn't leaving this any longer actually be ruder?'
Hye-yong made up his mind.
He'd go see Na Hee-yeon tonight.
'Instead of asking "Can I come?", "I'm coming" is probably better, right?'
[ Choi Hye-yong : Hee-yeon. I'll come to your room tonight at nine. ]
He hesitated for about twenty seconds, then thought, 'Ah, what's there to agonize over,' and sent it.
A reply came shortly after.
[ Na Hee-yeon : ......You're coming alone this time, right? ]
[ Choi Hye-yong : Obviously. ]
[ Na Hee-yeon : I'll be waiting. ]
Na Hee-yeon : ( An emoji of a rabbit character folding down its long ears to hide its reddened face )
Whoa, an emoji.
That's the first one I've seen besides the ones Mina throws around.
'Anyway, tonight is fucking confirmed.'
I'm honestly getting emotional here.
The very first Virus I dealt with when I got dragged into this place.
Na Hee-yeon, the host — the very first woman who triggered a flag with me.
Even if it got weirdly cut off by some nonsensical happenstance.
'Things should've gone down back then!'
Oof.
Just thinking about that moment still makes my head spin.
I even briefly came to resent Seo Ha-yoon over it.
Still — you know — it's in the past, and I made it happen eventually anyway, so what does it matter.
'Since I'm giving her her first experience...... I want to make sure it remains the best memory possible.'
Probably a level 5 Sensitivity Amplification buff will be more than enough.
With the remaining cost, maybe I'd be better off making myself smell nice or raising my Charm stat.
There was still some time, so I figured I'd take it slow and think it through carefully.
It was a happy dilemma.
-
August 4th (Sat), 8:59 PM
In front of Na Hee-yeon's room
"Sssp, hoooh."
Honestly, I was ridiculously nervous.
It felt exactly like I'd gone right back to that moment.
But if I kept standing here, girls passing by might spot me and think it was weird, so I decided to knock fast before anyone noticed.
Knock, knock.
Ding-dong.
I knocked and pressed the doorbell at the same time.
Through the intercom, I heard Na Hee-yeon's voice say, 'Come in.'
I tried the door and found it unlocked.
"Hi, Hye-yong."
"Hey."
Na Hee-yeon was dressed in what looked like an attempt at an "I'm just relaxing at home" vibe.
A grey tank top and dolphin shorts.
A chest that drew admiration just by looking — once your eyes caught on it, they didn't want to let go.
I closed the door behind me, stepped inside, and held out a bag I'd grabbed from the convenience store.
"I brought some beer and snacks."
"Heh... so you're not just jumping straight on top of me, huh."
"Figured we could chat a little first, just the two of us."
"Okay, come on in."
I spread the beer and snacks across the low table in Na Hee-yeon's room, and we sat facing each other.
'Where the hell do I even start the conversation, though?'
After about twenty seconds of silence, Na Hee-yeon, who'd been leaning against the bed frame, patted the spot next to her with her palm.
"Come here."
"Hm?"
"It's comfy over here, you know. Isn't it uncomfortable without a backrest where you are?"
Saying it wasn't uncomfortable here would definitely make me a total dumbass.
Hye-yong obediently got up and sat next to Hee-yeon.
The softness of her skin transmitted even through their clothes.
Pop — the sound of Na Hee-yeon cracking open her beer.
"Shall we toast?"
"Sounds good."
Hye-yong opened his beer the same way, clinked them lightly, and poured the weak alcohol down his throat.
Sip....
Na Hee-yeon sipped her beer wordlessly for about a minute, then hugged her knees, rested her head on them like a pillow, and looked at Hye-yong.
Her face was faintly flushed.
"What suddenly made you want to come to my room?"
"Mm, I was just curious how you've been doing lately?"
"Eheh. Is that really all?"
"Of course...... I also do want to pick up where we left off back then."
"Uh-huh-hut."
A rosy face.
I couldn't tell if it was the alcohol rising or if she was feeling shy about what we were going to do later, but it was damn pleasing to look at.
"I wondered why you never said you wanted to do it. I thought maybe I really had messed up back then."
It had been a bit of a sudden acceleration, she meant.
Hye-yong had been thrilled about it, personally.
"There was also that, you know — the embarrassing thing from before."
She meant the underwear incident.
"I spent a lot of time wondering if maybe you hadn't really meant it when you said I was attractive."
Na Hee-yeon traced circles around her beer can with her right hand, the one facing Hye-yong, then tilted her head back and started sipping again.
'I thought I'd just kept moderately busy...... I had no idea Na Hee-yeon had been thinking those kinds of things.'
Somehow — no, this was genuinely refreshing.
Sitting side by side, drinking beer and eating convenience-store snacks, chatting like fresh, youthful young adults.
"I'm glad you came to see me."
"If I'd known you'd be like this, I would've come sooner."
"Hye-yong — you were embarrassed too, huh?"
"Well, yeah. Kinda."
Na Hee-yeon swirled her beer can again.
It was empty now, so she set it back on the table.
Then she laid her head back against her arms, which were still wrapped around her knees, and continued.
"You said you were curious how I've been doing lately, right?"
Hye-yong nodded silently.
"I, you know......."