Lingering Aftereffects
In a narrow alleyway bathed in the early morning light.
There we were, Sia and I, walking side by side.
Suddenly, while we strolled, Sia leaned her body against mine.
I turned my head in response.
Right before my eyes, Sia was pressing her face close.
Yet I didn’t pull away. I gazed steadily at her.
I don’t know how much time had passed, but eventually our faces came so close.
We’d already been near before, but the distance felt painfully long.
Right as our lips nearly touched—
—bang! —
A jolt hit my shoulder. I opened my eyes.
It was my room, and I was sprawled on the floor.
I blinked, confused, scanning the surroundings for a moment.
Then I quickly understood what had happened.
“Ah… this damn dream.”
Eyes closed, I clutched my head.
—bang! bang! bang!
Of course I didn’t forget the shotgun blast of embarrassment either.
※※※※※※
The trip with Sia’s family had wrapped up wonderfully.
We’d grilled delicious barbecue, gathered to play board games, fallen asleep, and the next day gorged on raw fish at a restaurant before returning.
But now that the trip was over, one problem had cropped up for me.
Namely, I couldn’t sleep well.
It hadn’t started that way. At first I’d only met Sia in dreams occasionally.
But the issue began after the second semester started.
Since then, the frequency of Sia appearing in my dreams had skyrocketed… and the problem was the increasingly lewd nature of those appearances.
Because of that, whenever she showed up I’d jolt awake in surprise, and if I woke late—seven in the morning or six—I’d lose just a bit of sleep every day.
Of course, that was something I could endure.
Lack of sleep? I’d just nap a little when I got home from school.
But the biggest issue I was facing was right here:
“Siwoo!!”
“…!”
It had become extremely hard to look Sia straight in the face.
And every time I did, an odd feeling would rise in my chest.
Because of that, whenever I remembered the dream’s content my chest would fill with an unnameable emotion, and I felt like I was going mad.
Trying to fix it was another problem entirely.
Who exactly should I talk to about this?
And telling anyone about such a thing felt shameful, so I’d been quietly enduring it all on my own.
My plan was to avoid contact with Sia as much as possible.
No holding hands… or anything like that.
Of course, these were just temporary measures.
I had to endure them as best I could.
But as time passed, I gradually adapted.
I could somehow get by.
Of course, dodging Sia’s sharp eyes that were good at sensing my unease was still difficult.
Then, one day—
“Hey hey, I’ve got big news.”
“What is it?”
“Not big news. Donghyeok’s dead.”
“Wait, what? Listen up. Remember that insanely pretty girl in the next class?”
“…!”
“Ah… that’s Siwoo’s girlfriend?”
“No, not her… anyway, that girl named Sia got confessed to by a third-year senior!”
“…!”
“Wow, really?”
“Is that true?”
“Yeah, it’s true.”
“Hey, don’t go spreading fake rumors to mess with Siwoo.”
“No, it’s real! I saw it with my own two eyes!”
“Then what exactly did he confess with?”
“I don’t know. But now that the senior is graduating, he wanted to tell her before he left.”
“What… he went in guns blazing.”
“Yeah, if it works he wins, if not he loses nothing big.”
“…Why are you so calm? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, that monkey was in the mood to confess.”
“Monkey?”
“No no, the senior just kept clinging to her.”
“Really? Is she okay now?!”
“Yeah, of course she’s fine.”
“Ah… got it… that’s a relief.”
I was relieved to know Sia wouldn’t lie about something like this, but there was still one thing I was curious about.
“But… why did he confess?”
“Umm…”
“If you don’t want to say, it’s fine.”
“It’s not that. Umm… it took a really long time?”
“Hm?”
“First, the way he talked didn’t sit right with me. I couldn’t understand why he kept bringing up my feelings as if they were his own.”
“Ah…”
“Also, his tone was awful. He’d glance at my body repeatedly while pretending not to look.”
“Eh…”
“He kept staring at my chest and other places while talking, which made me feel gross.”
“……”
“My head was full of those thoughts, so there was no chance he’d like me. And since he was blabbing without any shame, it just annoyed me.”
“……”
“Of course, I’m Siwoo’s….”
She trailed off, and I didn’t catch the rest.
But right then I didn’t have time to dwell on it.
Because the action Sia hated was one I had committed myself.
Of course, even in dreams it had happened… but if Sia ever found out I’d thought of her that way,
‘Worst case.’
‘I’d be cut off.’
The thought hit me hard.
Even if Sia was kind, in the worst case our relationship could shatter if I kept doing that.
That’s why I swore to keep my feelings from her.
Straining our bond… was something I couldn’t stand in any sense.
◇◇◇◇◇◇
After school.
Since neither of us had cleaning duty, we met early and left school together.
From then on we walked side by side.
But there was no conversation between Sia and me.
The mood wasn’t bad, yet I had no idea how to bring up the topic, so I simply couldn’t.
I wondered how I should start the story naturally.
As we walked aimlessly—
“Whoa! Siwoo Siwoo! Let’s eat that!”
“…Huh?”
Sia pointed at the fish-cake cart.
“Sure, let’s.”
“Yay!”
Sia dashed over.
“Uncle, two fish cakes, please!”
“Anko or cream?”
“Um… two anko and one cream!”
“Got it, just a second. Hold on.”
She bought her own fish cake.
“Want me to get you one too?”
“I’m fine. If I eat more here I’ll get fat.”
“Eh… um… okay.”
Honestly, Sia seemed okay with gaining weight even now.
Yet here she was worrying about getting fat even though she was all skin and bones.
As we walked, I worried she might fall ill.
“Here it is.”
“Thank you!”
The fish cakes arrived.
Sia immediately took my anko one,
“Here.”
“Thanks.”
She handed it to me and bit into her own cream fish cake.
“Mmm! Delicious!”
“Is it really that good?”
“Yeah!”
It steamed beautifully, so it smelled and tasted heavenly.
I ate mine slowly because it was hot. Sia finished hers in one bite and grabbed a second one right away.
She bit in again.
It was adorable, like a little animal gnawing on a grain.
“Here! This is your part!”
“Ah, you’re giving this to me?”
“Yeah!”
Sia handed me half of hers.
I received it in a daze, but then the indirect kiss realization hit me.
My head froze for a second.
But Sia was staring at me like “why aren’t you eating?”, so I shoved the whole thing in my mouth at once.
To avoid the indirect-kiss thought, I asked her about her day.
“Sia, did you get confessed to today?”
“Ah… yeah… did you see it?”
“No, I heard from my friend.”
“Ah… I see…”
I sensed Sia’s mood dimming. I worried I’d said something wrong and fidgeted.
Sia looked at me and—
“Why are you staring at me? What, do you think I accepted the confession?”
“I heard he was turned down.”
“I know, why does it matter?”
“No… your face looked pretty bad.”
“Oh, it’s nothing. That monkey just—”
“Monkey?”
“No, the senior kept coming on to her a bit.”
“Really? Is she okay now?!”
“Of course she is.”
“Ah… I see… that’s good.”
I was glad Sia wasn’t lying, so I wasn’t worried anymore. But another question surfaced.
“Then why did he confess?”
“Umm…”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that. Umm… it really took a long time?”
“Hm?”
“First, his way of speaking didn’t feel right. I couldn’t understand why he kept framing my feelings as his own.”
“Ah…”
“And his tone was disgusting. He’d look at my body even while pretending not to.”
“Eh…”
“He stared at my chest and other places while talking, which felt gross.”
“……”
“My head was filled with those thoughts, so there was no way I’d like him. And he blabbed about it shamelessly, so I was annoyed.”
“……”
“Of course I’m Siwoo’s….”
Her sentence trailed off. I hadn’t caught the end.
But I had no time to dwell.
Because the action Sia hated was one I had committed.
Of course it had only been in dreams… but if Sia ever learned I’d thought of her that way,
‘Worst case.’
‘I’d be cut off.’
The thought struck hard.
Even if Sia was kind, in the worst case our relationship could shatter if I kept doing that.
That’s why I swore to keep my feelings hidden from her.
Straining our bond… was something I couldn’t stand in any sense.