Chapter 299: Night, Alcohol, and the Moon
Chapter 299: Night, Alcohol, and the Moon
My business at the Martial Alliance was finished.
By this morning, I had completed all preparations to leave. I’d said my goodbyes to those I’d formed bonds with, and seeing the martial artists so busy because of the mess I’d caused made my conscience prickle just a bit.
I had intended to make a swift exit, but...
Somehow, those old geezers had caught wind of my departure.
“You were planning to leave without a farewell drink?”
“The youth these days have no heart, no heart at all.”
“I’ve watched Ha-ram since he was a brat, and now that he’s all grown up, he thinks he can just ignore us.”
“If the Heavenly Demon saw this, what do you think he’d say, you rascal?”
“Are you really the disciple of that Hammer fellow? Back when your master was young...”
“Inmubulsal would be furious if he saw this. You might be a Magical Girl now, but if you’ve ever called yourself a Martial Artist, then when it’s time to say goodbye...”
“Do you still believe fists solve everything? A person must learn to flow like water.”
“Look, they’re just looking for an excuse to drink and using you as the reason. Come here and take a cup.”
“Before you go, could you smack my disciple upside the head? He’s gotten a bit of strength and his ego is through the roof.”
They swarmed me in a group and began their harassment.
To make matters worse, most of these geezers were the same alcohol-addicted old men I’d frequently shared drinks with during my stay here.
I wanted to ignore them and push past, but...
* * *
Sigh. Fine, I’ll endure it.
It’s not like leaving a day late will ruin my schedule. Besides, being a drinking companion for these old Heroes is a worthy enough cause. At any time, those who have dedicated their lives to humanity deserve at least one cup of wine.
I call them "old men" as a collective, but quite a few of them are only in their thirties or forties. They’re the type who awakened at ten or twenty before the Management Bureau was established and retired early.
Regardless, the people gathered here were mostly elders or board-member-level figures of various sects. There was even a renegade monk from the Shaolin Temple, openly tearing into meat and guzzling booze.
The Shaolin Temple was a unique case where ancient martial arts met Otherworldly Power and Form, manifesting into reality and becoming a proper sect. However, despite its fame, it wasn't a particularly popular school. Somewhere during the process of restructuring their martial arts, a condition was added that one had to join the monastic order, and today’s Heroes—who live for their own vanity—saw no reason to join such a place.
Still, it remained popular among the general public. For one, it had high name recognition. Strangely enough, the rate of martial artists suddenly awakening among those who trained long-term at Shaolin was quite high, and those individuals continued to use Shaolin-based techniques even after awakening.
According to the Management Bureau’s research, those who train their skills and physical strength have a higher probability of awakening as martial artists. That’s likely the reason.
Combining those research results with what I heard from The Queen... perhaps the entity known as "In" (Human), one of the Existences of The End, favors such people. People who, like those in wuxia novels, forge themselves without relying on special powers like magic or espers.
Whether it’s truly "In" who causes martial artists to awaken, I don’t have enough knowledge to say for sure, but based on The Queen’s words, it seems consistent with that nature.
Then the thought of people who were weak and powerless suddenly awakening as martial artists crosses my mind, but...
What do I care?
In the first place, I’m a case where a man awakened as a Magical Girl. Un-ho’s eyes must have been failing him. I asked him about it once, but he only gave me a textbook answer: "Eh? All you need is a righteous heart!"
Regardless of my story or those exceptional cases, the people currently throwing this drinking party were individuals of power and reputation in the martial world. If I could persuade them, the process of making martial arts public might go a little faster.
With that thought, I’d been trying to find an opening to bring it up since the party started, but...
“The moon is bright tonight.”
“Bah! Is it only tonight? The moon over the mountains is always bright! It was the same yesterday!”
“You were dead drunk and passed out yesterday; did you even see the moon?”
These geezers were just rambling drunken nonsense. I should consider it a blessing they weren't reciting terribly written poetry in their stupor. In the middle of this drunkard’s festival, I—possessing a body that cannot get drunk—simply had to endure this alcoholic chaos.
“Kids these days, I tell ya, they have no grit. No grit! Back in my day, just to learn one form, eh? Rain or shine, I’d swing ten thousand times a day...”
“Yes, yes, I’m sure. I was the same, so I know. Now, have another drink.”
I need to put them to sleep quickly to shut them up. How many times have I heard the same thing? Technically, in terms of Hero generations, I’m the senior, but most of these folks are older than me and practiced martial arts long before becoming Heroes, so I can’t really say anything.
“My grand-disciple is the same. He enjoys appearing on internet broadcasts and television programs more than swinging a spear. Tsk, tsk. Martial arts should be about observing oneself, not the gaze of others. That’s why he can’t achieve a single proper enlightenment.”
“I’ve done those kinds of broadcasts myself. Certainly, receiving the attention of others provides a sense of fulfillment that’s hard to describe in the short term. I quit after realizing how futile it was, though.”
Thinking that the grand-disciple was probably just desperate to make a living, I tried to humor the drunken elder rather than disagreeing. But then...
“Don’t lie. We all gathered around and watched Ha-ram’s broadcasts. We were all enjoying it, and when you got banned for a policy violation, we all burst out laughing!”
...Wait?
These guys watched me trying to force a smile while hunting monsters in real-time? No, I’m reflecting on that incident too. With an empty bank account and youthful blood, I’d swallowed my shame and jumped in, thinking it would work out somehow. Looking back, it was just an embarrassing scene in my life.
“We saw it. We saw. Hammer’s technique is as good as ever; you really are the Heavenly Demon’s disciple.”
“Separately from that, watching you force a smile so hard the veins were popping out of your face was a great snack to go with our drinks.”
“It’s a shame all the videos were taken down. If they were still around, it would be great to show them here.”
“Actually, I managed to save one.”
“Oh? You have it? Then turn it on. There’s a television right over there.”
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Wait a minute, you crazy geezers.
The guy trying to play the video wasn't even an Old Man; he was a guy in his early forties, not even fifty yet. His Hero name was Blue Dragon Sword, and I remembered everyone cracking up because he was called "Blue Drake Blade" when he went abroad, so I’d teased him quite a bit.
That guy was currently running toward the TV with his phone in hand. To stop him, I tried to get up and grab him, but...
“The more the merrier, isn't it? Let’s watch together.”
“If you have the strength to stand, pour me some wine. My cup is empty.”
“What? You gonna recite a poem?”
The drunk geezers crowded around me, blocking my path.
“No, you guys aren't drunk, are you? You’re doing this on purpose!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Oh my, this Young Man is hitting people!”
Who’s hitting who, you crazy Old Man? I didn't do anything! And you and I are only five or six years apart!
I tried to shake off the elders who were clinging to me with all their might, but with them sprawling out on the floor like that, I couldn't move a single step.
“Is it really right to spoil the mood at a drinking party~?”
“Shut up, Empress of Ten Thousand Poisons. You don’t even get drunk.”
She was definitely sober. Even now, she was using drugs to maintain the appearance of a woman in her twenties, sipping wine while showing off her thighs, but that didn't hide her dark interior.
“Who are you calling an old hag, you cross-dressing pervert!”
Did my words strike a nerve? The Empress of Ten Thousand Poisons stood up and lunged at me. And I...
“Who’s cross-dressing, you eighty-year-old grandma? I have no choice, but you do it because you like it.”
Angry at being called a cross-dresser, I pecked right back at her.
“Ha! I’m still a youth in my seventies, you know? Are you looking to taste some Spirit-Breaking Poison after all this time?”
“Good grief, 'youth in my seventies' my foot. Then I’m a teenager, you old hag.”
“Fine, I’ll pour some poison down your throat.”
As the bickering continued, the Empress of Ten Thousand Poisons raised her hand, and a purple liquid began to seep from her fingertips. Just as her purple hand was about to strike...
“Now, Empress. Ha-ram is right about that. Just the other day, I saw you at the foot of the mountain with a man who hasn't even lived a quarter as long as you. Have you no shame at your age?”
“What? The Empress was doing that? The world is ending.”
“So, did she succeed?”
“Failed, of course. She looks pretty enough on the outside, but how could she hide that venomous personality? That’s why she hasn't been able to get a man to this day.”
Suddenly, the elders of each sect shifted the topic from me to the Empress of Ten Thousand Poisons and began a long discussion. Did that touch her sore spot?
“Die.”
With an indescribably eerie expression, the Empress of Ten Thousand Poisons ignored me and began spraying blue poison at the geezers.
“Agh! The Empress has gone mad!”
“They say a bitter old maid can destroy a nation, and this is exactly it...”
Though cries of agony erupted everywhere as the poison sprayed, they probably wouldn't die. Anyway, what is up with her? These folks certainly live life to the fullest.
As I sipped on some sweet unrefined rice wine, using the screaming old men as a side dish...
—Now then, hello viewers! Today, Crimson★Hammer is going to use her hammer to turn this wicked monster into mince meat.
I heard a voice that sounded like mine echoing in the room. It went beyond the unnaturalness of reading from a textbook; it was a voice that struggled to squeeze out every single word, trying desperately to sound friendly.
As I slowly turned my head toward the source of the voice, I saw something I wished I hadn't.
On the television screen...
With a face bizarrely distorted in an attempt to maintain a smile...
And veins popping out all over her face...
A Blue Magical Girl, who was presumably me, appeared on the screen.
“Even after all this time, it’s still the perfect snack for drinks.”
“Indeed. This must be permanently archived in the Martial Alliance. Look at that hammer swing. It’s the textbook definition of blunt weaponry. We must make everyone watch this.”
While the old folks drank and left their comments, the video transitioned to a scene of me using The Hammer to turn a pitiful monster into ground meat.
—You might say this is cruel, but this fellow has incredible regenerative abilities. So, to prevent any sudden variables like it coming back to life... just like pork cutlet meat... whack, whack.
The Magical Girl said this while giving a twisted smile to the camera. In her hands was a crushing hammer covered in spikes. Without a single tremor in her body, her eyes fixed firmly on the camera, she moved only her arms to drive The Hammer into the writhing mass of flesh.
Even to me, it was a terrifying scene. The lack of any movement in the rest of her body made it look like something out of a horror movie.
“The words are textbook, but is it really okay for this to be broadcast?”
“Of course not. Look. Even the cameraman is throwing up right now.”
“Ah, so that 'blegh' sound was the sound of vomiting?”
“By the way, how do you have to distribute your center of gravity to strike like that using only your hands?”
“Lower body concentration. It’s physically impossible, but you just have to bond your feet to the ground with Qi.”
“Ah, so that’s how you do it.”
The commentary continued among the audience, but I couldn't react at all. Looking at my past self, both my thoughts and my body had frozen solid.
—Well then, that’s all for today. Let’s meet again next time.
As the monster in the video became minced meat, the Magical Girl—who was presumably me—was covered in blood and bits of flesh. With only her mouth smiling and her eyes completely cold, she stared into the blood-stained camera lens and delivered her closing remarks.
The video ended there.
My mental state ended along with it, but the drinking party continued.
It seemed they hadn't saved just one clip; the splatter videos continued, along with the geezers screaming from the poison, the lunatics swinging swords at each other in their drunken stupor, and the old hag running wild spraying poison.
On and on it went.