Chapter 182: The Answer That Doesn't Return
Chapter 182: The Answer That Doesn't Return
I left the Management Bureau quietly, cradling the Silver Sphere in my arms.
Since I was already there, I could have met with Oxymoron or Hyun-seok to talk, but I simply didn't have the heart for it. I walked out of the Bureau immediately.
Then, I wandered the streets blankly.
Without a destination, I just went wherever my feet led me.
I didn't even know why I was acting like this.
No one died, and everything turned out well.
Didn't the Librarian say it himself?
That he was fine.
Then what exactly was this weight pressing down on my heart?
Was it because the Librarian sacrificed himself?
No. It wasn't that.
Sacrifice is a given.
If such a thing had actually happened, I would have been consumed by rage and shed tears, of course. But I wouldn't be in this inexplicable state.
Then, was it because the Librarian was no longer human?
That wasn't it either.
I had already processed those kinds of situations through my experiences with the Yellow King, the Thunder God, and even myself.
Then, was it because of that?
The round bomb embedded in the middle of the Librarian’s body.
Was it because it brought back the past?
That was likely it.
However, it wasn't simply because of the trauma.
It was because a certain thought had occurred to me.
A thought that should never have been entertained.
The bomb in the Librarian’s chest.
The transmitters attached to the feet or necks of the Awakened.
The fake training for the sake of humanity.
The exploitation for the sake of humanity.
The endless battlefield.
The truth is... perhaps we haven't changed anything at all.
The moment that question surfaced in my mind and my thoughts raced forward, I finally understood my own heart.
But what was I supposed to do?
The Soviet Union had changed.
The Awakened were being treated better.
The perception of Heroes... it had begun to change, if only a little.
Truly, just a little.
Everything had only changed a tiny bit.
That is the nature of society.
With the power of a single individual, it takes an immense amount of time to change things even slightly.
Though there are exceptions.
I smiled bitterly, recalling past incidents.
The background of the Management Bureau’s establishment. The purges.
The Heavenly Demon Sword God.
With a single shock like that, society can be changed.
And I had the power to do it.
My hammer.
In terms of pure strength alone, it was a colossal power that wouldn't lose to anyone on Earth.
If I swung it, I could probably grind society to dust.
Yes. It would be that simple...
I stopped walking.
"..."
An alleyway branching off from the main road.
A place where no one would look.
I shoved myself into it and staggered toward a spot where the ambient noise of the surroundings couldn't reach.
How much time passed?
By the time the height of the buildings muffled the city's clamor.
"Have you lost your mind, Lee Ha-ram?"
As I spat those words out.
Thud.
I slammed my fist into my own head.
I clenched my fist and struck hard enough to damage both my head and my hand.
Dark, viscous blood trickled down over my eyes.
The skin on the hand that delivered the blow peeled away, and blood welled up in droplets.
But that wasn't enough.
"Why."
Thud.
"Would you."
Thud.
"Think."
Thud.
"Such a thing."
Thud.
Again and again, I struck myself in self-reproach.
My vision blurred and feeling faded from my hands, but the self-harm didn't stop.
What was the reason I acted as the Black Marauder?
What was the reason I created Yumil?
Wasn't it to stay away from such methods?
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Blood splattered against the alley walls, and unidentifiable bits of flesh tore away.
Yet, my reason remained perfectly intact.
As if my body and my thoughts had absolutely nothing to do with each other.
Even as my vision turned the color of rust.
Even as the bones in my hands shifted out of place.
Even as my skull fractured.
It was as if my thoughts remained unhindered.
I continued to punish myself for who knows how long.
"Cough. Ack."
Finally, I stopped the punching and pulled a metal rod from my coat.
A cold rod marked with teeth indentations.
I bit down on it and leaned my blood-stained body against the building wall.
It's damp...
That was my first thought as I leaned back.
Was it because of moss? Or the humidity filling this place?
Or was it because of my own blood?
I didn't feel like checking, so I quietly closed my eyes and licked the iron rod with my tongue.
A cold, eerie sensation transmitted through my fragile tongue.
As I accepted it, my heart began to calm down bit by bit.
The rage that had been burning within me died out, having found nothing left to consume.
Light pierced through the darkness behind my closed eyes, and the pain began to vanish.
My body was likely restoring itself.
As if nothing had happened.
Yes. Nothing happened.
I never had those thoughts.
And I never struck my own body.
Let's think of it that way.
After admonishing myself like that.
Click.
I slowly took the metal rod out of my mouth and tucked it away.
At that moment.
Ting.
The sound of two metals clashing echoed quietly in the alley.
The metallic ring of my rod hitting the Reality Stabilizer.
Thanks to that, I remembered what I had to do next.
"...Maybe I'll go see Al’shel’s face."
If I poured out my complaints and frustrations at that fellow, I might be able to extinguish the remaining embers in my heart.
Normally, I would do this to Un-ho, but Un-ho seemed to be busy being doted on by his disciples in his own way.
So, Al’shel was the perfect choice.
In the first place, wasn't it because of that damn request that I went through these emotions?
Therefore, I was going to go smack Al’shel.
Having decided on my next destination, I took one last look at the alleyway.
The back alley, submerged in darkness and humidity, splattered with blood like a murder scene.
Yes, nothing happened.
My thoughts and actions were all contained in that blood and washed away.
Slowly. That was fine.
Because I would continue to live on.
Someday. I would be able to change it.
Slowly. Very slowly.
With that, I moved my feet, one slow step at a time.
* * *
I was guided by a tiger Mutant into Al’shel’s room.
Perhaps he had been planning to sip some alcohol today; a plate with ice, salt, and olives sat on the dining table.
And on the other side sat an octopus looking quite displeased.
"You've been coming by quite often lately, haven't you?"
'What are you here to extort this time?'
Oh, look at him, using informal speech now?
My head is already a mess; if you start acting up too, I might just explode.
Well, I wanted to threaten him like that.
But I decided that punishing the octopus could wait until after the work was done. I quietly suppressed my anger and sat on the sofa opposite him.
It would be troublesome if I hit him now and he got sulky and refused to tell me anything.
"Do you remember what you said a while ago?"
"Are you referring to your plan to go on an Otherworld suicide tour?"
That damn suicide tour.
"Yeah, and you told me to bring a Reality Stabilizer."
"Yes, well, I did. I suppose you realize it now. The item listed there is so absurd that even someone like you, Lee Ha-ram, would find it difficult to obtain..."
'He's probably given up by now, right?'
Al’shel spoke nonchalantly, his mouth working as he began to toss ice dipped in salt into his maw.
Snacks without booze...
Well, whatever.
...Wait, did this fellow demand that ridiculous thing just to make me give up?
Or is it really impossible to survive in the Otherworld without that level of output?
Whichever it was, it didn't matter.
Because I had exactly what he asked for in my pocket.
"Here. It's right here. The Reality Stabilizer you demanded."
With that, I pulled the Silver Sphere from my coat and placed it on the plate next to his snacks.
A Silver Sphere about the size of an adult's fist.
Though it was engraved with buttons and strange patterns here and there, it could be considered an almost perfect sphere.
Al’shel’s face, which had turned pale, was reflected in its polished surface.
"A Reality... Stabilizer...?"
"Yeah."
"An output of 1.5 mNol and a range of 0.3 Tac...?"
"Probably?"
"A duration of 93 ζ...?"
"Most likely. I wouldn't know, but the person who gave it to me said so."
I still don't know what those zeta squiggles are supposed to mean.
"Just! How! Did you bring this!"
'No, did he go and rob the sealed depths of the Management Bureau? Where did something like this come from?'
Al’shel was visibly flustered, his tentacles waving as he began to spray foul mucus in all directions.
His way of speaking was one thing, but his behavior was so much more disgusting that I barely even noticed the words.
"I just asked someone to make it for me."
"No, let's set the technology aside for a moment. What about the energy source? Do you have a miniature solar furnace or a black hole engine or something?"
Look at this fellow.
He really demanded it thinking I'd never be able to get it.
"Uh... some O... it's probably an O-Rank. It couldn't deploy its Otherworld Erosion, but... it was designated as a Public Enemy. Anyway, I used that thing's heart as the entire energy source."
Man, those O-Rank criteria are so vague.
"No, there's no way the heart of something that couldn't even deploy Otherworld Erosion would have that kind of energy. I need to check this right now..."
Seemingly overwhelmed with panic, Al’shel spoke rapidly and summoned a Magic Staff from thin air.
"Analyze, interpret, discern."
Chanting the words quickly, he began to draw a Magic Circle.
It took about a second.
The Magic Circle glowed black.
Just as the blackened circle crumbled and vanished into the air.
"Ha... Hahahaha... Hahahaha..."
Al’shel began to laugh as if he'd lost his mind.
The pleasant mask he always wore was stripped away, revealing a face that seemed to show his true nature.
"Uh... are you okay?"
The transformation was so dramatic that I actually found myself worried about an octopus's well-being.
"Me? Am I okay? Of course I'm okay!"
'This is insane. Why is something like this here?'
Al’shel’s skin turned a cheerful pink as he began to ramble incoherently.
"A Spacetime Phase-Shift Engine? Why is something like this rolling around in a world as weak as a speck of dust? Huh?"
'Isn't this high-tier technology? Even we can't make stuff like this.'
What even is that, you damn science geek?
"In plain English, please."
"It ignores the laws of thermodynamics."
"I don't know what that means, brat."
How am I supposed to know that?
"You can think of it as an engine that can pour out infinite energy as long as it has time. Though there's a limit to its instantaneous output."
Wow, impressive.
"But those kinds of infinite engines are rolling around the Management Bureau too."
Not that they're common... we just have a few we got as trophies.
"Those are on the level of treasures belonging to a single world, aren't they? This is mass-produced... no, never mind. You wouldn't understand no matter how I explained it..."
Yeah, sure.
I'm glad the conversation ended easily.
Al’shel seemed so shocked that he stopped pestering me and just stared at the Reality Stabilizer, muttering to himself.
Actually, he wasn't even just staring anymore.
He was holding it with both hands, wrapping his tentacles around it, and hugging it as if it were some incredible treasure.
"I'm telling you now, that's not yours."
"I know that much. Do I look like some lowly creature that would resort to theft? It's just that I can't stand the thought of such an important item rolling around in a mere office like mine."
'So, until you take it back, I shall keep it... for safety...'
...For some reason, he seems a bit too happy about it.
Well, whatever.
"So, when do we leave?"
"Hmm, could we wait about one or two weeks? This might sound rude, but I never imagined you'd actually be able to bring this, so I haven't made any plans..."
Hahaha. Look at this damn octopus.
Fine, it's time to turn you into octopus sashimi.
I summoned my hammer with that thought, but.
"I am truly, truly sorry, Lee Ha-ram."
Al’shel bowed his head, sounding genuinely apologetic.
He didn't chatter with his other mouths; he was sincere.
No matter how much of a brute I am, how could I throw a hammer at someone like that?
"Sigh."
I let out a sigh and unsummoned The Hammer.
"One or two weeks is enough, right?"
"Yes, I guarantee it."
Then that's that.
Since the conversation seemed to be over, I stood up to leave the room.
I was a bit stressed because I didn't get to bully the octopus as originally intended, but seeing Al’shel freak out was quite cathartic in its own way.
As I was leaving the room, I heard his voice from behind.
"Hm? Aren't you taking the Reality Stabilizer?"
I hadn't forgotten it.
"Just keep it. It's not like I have any use for it right now anyway."
Since the octopus seemed to like it so much, I figured I could at least lend it to him.
"Oh, I'm telling you in advance, this isn't a permanent loan. It's only until we leave."
When I turned my head after saying that, I saw the octopus with a peculiar expression.
Blue, pink, black.
His skin was a gradient of colors, making it impossible to tell what he was feeling.
I waited, thinking I might get some kind of answer from that ink-wasting octopus, but the Octopus Head just stared blankly at me.
"Nothing to say? Then I'm off."
I stepped out of the room.
And just as the door was about to close.
"Lee Ha-ram! When you get home, the Wi—!"
I heard the octopus trying to say something through the gap in the door.
Squish.
But the sound was drowned out by a sticky, squelching noise and became inaudible.
Click.
And the door closed.
Huh? What was that?
I looked back at the door for a moment, but there was no sign of it opening again.
...It's probably nothing.
If it were really important, he would have kicked the door open to tell me.