Chapter 105:
Chapter 105:
Rattle.
The brief vibration of the subway jolted my body. I opened my eyes to the swaying motion.
When did I fall asleep?
What station is this?
Startled, I looked at the window behind me, but instead of a station name, I saw a man’s face.
Perhaps because the train was racing through a tunnel, my face was reflected clearly against the darkness outside.
Was my face always like this?
The window reflected the face of a Middle-aged Man, his features steeped in exhaustion.
It was definitely my face. And yet, a strange sense of dissonance…
Rattle.
However, that dissonance vanished the moment the window brightened.
In its place was the reflection of a well-lit subway station.
A different thought welled up, pushing the unease aside.
Two more stops until I arrive.
Fortunately, I hadn't missed my station.
But why was I going there again?
My thoughts felt sluggish.
Perhaps because I’d had such a long dream, I felt a lingering sensation of not quite being myself.
“Hmm.”
Even so, a dream is just a dream.
With one deep breath, the reason I was on the subway came back to me.
Right. I have to go to work.
How could I have forgotten something so obvious?
To make a living… that phrase felt like a story from a very long time ago. Now, it was just a routine, a natural part of life.
Waking up in the morning, washing, and boarding the subway to head to the office—a repetition of actions. My colleagues and friends told me to buy a car, but I never felt the need.
That was probably because…
Rattle.
The subway shook violently, but there was no great commotion. There were very few people standing.
Even though it was rush hour, the train was nearly empty.
Despite working for a major corporation, I could take such an empty line, so I never felt the urge to buy a car.
Once the subway gets crowded… Once I start a family… Decades passed like that. And I still commute by subway.
—We apologize for the inconvenience… due to an unexpected accident…
My colleagues said I lacked ambition, but it would be more accurate to say I lacked desire. A life where I felt no need for luxury, nor any drive to do anything in particular.
“What happened…?”
“Someone jumped…”
I looked down at my phone as the subway announcement drifted by, but there was no major issue.
I had nearly forty minutes to spare, so I wouldn't be late.
I closed my eyes for a moment, waiting for the train to move again.
I wanted to return to the dream I’d been having.
I couldn't remember what kind of dream it was, but I remembered it being incredibly sad and desperate.
I closed my eyes to see it once more.
But in the end, the dream did not return, and I made my way toward the office.
Today, another ordinary day begins.
* * *
“Deputy Section Chief Lee!”
Is it lunch already?
I stopped working on my report and glanced at the clock in the bottom right of my monitor; there were still ten minutes left until lunch.
“Ah-hyun? It’s not lunch yet. What is it?”
I thought he’d come to ask for lunch as usual, but looking at the time, it seemed there was another reason.
“I’m here for lunch, obviously. And I told you to call me Department Head Ah or Department Head Ah-hyun.”
His surname was Ah, and his given name was Hyun.
Department Head Ah. It sounded ridiculous.
“You don’t seem to mind when I call you that, so I don’t see the need to change.”
“I’m fine with it, but don't go doing that to our other colleagues. That’s why you aren't getting promoted. If you were just a bit more sociable and played along with the people around you, you’d easily…”
“Not interested.”
I already make enough to live on; I have no intention of sucking up to people for a promotion. Even if I were to get on someone's bad side and be forced to retire, I’ve already secured enough means to support myself.
“Try to understand how I feel, looking out for you… No, that’s not why I came. Let’s just go eat. I found a great restaurant.”
At those words, I looked at the clock again. 11:52 AM.
“Eight minutes left. Wait a moment.”
“That much time is… forget it, it’s not like you’d listen to me anyway.”
Grumbling, he pulled over a spare chair and sat down. I quietly continued my work.
Department Head Ah-hyun.
My colleague and my friend.
Though I treated him bluntly, I was grateful to him in my own way.
He was always the one who looked out for me—a man who lived strictly by principles and struggled to get along with others.
Even though he was getting older, he still flitted about like a Young Man, but that was likely his own way of navigating the world.
And just as my morning tasks were wrapping up, a pre-set notification window appeared in the center of my monitor.
“Shall we go?”
“Sharp as always. There’s a reason you get results even if your attitude at work is a mess on your performance reviews.”
“I simply focus during the time I’m given.”
However, I understood that this was difficult for others. I was the strange one.
“Then let’s hurry. It’s a bit far, so we’ll have to move if we want to be back within the hour.”
“Is that why you came ten minutes early?”
Knowing me as long as he had, he must have known this would happen. There was a reason he’d come early.
“The stairs will be faster than the elevator then. Let’s hurry—”
I headed for the door in a rush, but…
“Ah. We have to take the elevator.”
I turned around at Ah-hyun’s words. Dangling from his hand, spinning in a circle, was a car key embossed with the emblem of a famous foreign luxury brand.
“Are the stairs locked at this hour?”
“Something like that.”
If he had told me beforehand, I wouldn't have minded breaking my schedule for a day.
* * *
“It’s quite far.”
Ten minutes by car meant twenty minutes round trip. It didn't seem like there would be enough time for a relaxed meal.
“Don’t worry, it’s a restaurant worth the trip. One bite and you’ll probably become a regular.”
“If it’s really that good, I suppose it’s fine to break my routine for a day.”
“I told you, don’t worry.”
Ah-hyun laughed like a Young Man as he pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot.
Thud.
Stepping out of the car and closing the door, the first thing I saw was the restaurant’s sign.
Soy Meat Specialty Restaurant. Green Heaven.
“…Soy Meat?”
A thousand thoughts raced through my mind.
Was Ah-hyun finally trying to get rid of me? Had he suffered too much because of me? Or was he trying to remove me, an eyesore, for the sake of his own promotion…?
“What are you doing standing there? Come on in.”
He opened the door and went inside quickly, seemingly indifferent to my inner turmoil.
…No use worrying about it now.
It was just lunch, after all. Even if it was bad, it couldn't be that bad.
Even if it didn't suit my palate, it would only ruin my mood for a day.
I entered the restaurant and sat across from the seat Ah-hyun had claimed.
It was a quiet shop where not even a waiter was walking around.
Despite it being lunchtime, there were only about two other groups in the restaurant besides us.
At this rate, it didn't seem like a popular spot.
“Ah! Just trust me!”
Perhaps sensing my unease, Ah-hyun spoke up.
“…Fine.”
After that, it was no different from any other restaurant.
A waiter came, set down water glasses, and took our order. We continued our conversation while waiting for the food.
Talk about the company.
Talk about life lately.
Talk about my marriage or personal situation.
After that brief small talk…
“Your meal is served.”
The food was placed before us.
A Soy Meat steak for me.
A Soy Meat salad for Ah-hyun.
“…Is this really Soy Meat?”
“Looks like the real thing, doesn't it?”
The aroma of meat wafted up, and juices and fat sizzled on the iron plate.
No matter how I looked at it, it felt like real meat.
Drawn by the scent, I carefully picked up my utensils and brought a piece of the Soy Meat to my mouth.
A clean, savory flavor without any gaminess.
Since I had asked for it to be cooked rare, I expected the bland taste typical of Soy Meat, but that thought vanished the moment the rich flavor filled my mouth.
It was different from beef.
Different from pork.
Different from chicken.
I’d tried things like turkey before, but it was different from that, too.
It was certainly a unique taste.
“Not bad.”
“Right? I was shocked when I found this place. I guess it’s because they’re specialists.”
Indeed. It was a shocking taste. It was more delicious than most high-end beef.
Even more so when considering the price.
I put another piece of the juicy meat into my mouth.
A chewy, savory flavor.
A taste I had never experienced anywhere else.
And yet, why?
This taste felt familiar to me.
To find the source of that dissonance…
I put the meat in my mouth again.
And again.
* * *
Today was another day like any other.
Getting off the subway, I walked quietly toward my home. Toward a house where no one waited.
That thought brought back the conversation I’d had with Ah-hyun at lunch.
‘When are you going to get married?’
‘Not interested.’
‘Just having someone to welcome you when you get home changes your whole mood, you know?’
‘I’ve never felt lonely or solitary, so I’m not particularly interested.’
‘Give me a break. Even Director Lee An-mu was asking about you on the sly. Said his daughter is of age.’
‘…I thought he hated me.’
‘He respects your skills. If he can’t beat you, he’ll tie you down with blood relations.’
What meaning was there in such things?
Blood relations.
Even hearing those words, no emotion rose within me.
Concluding internally that it wasn't even worth thinking about, I quickened my pace.
My steps grew faster.
My interest in the outside world drifted further away.
How much time had passed?
Something caught my eye.
A small electronics shop.
A new model of television sat behind the shop’s display window.
A cartoon was playing on the screen.
A Magical Girl in white clothes, holding a hammer.
It was a cartoon for children, but for some reason, it drew my gaze.
The figure in the center, wielding a hammer larger than herself, was beating down the enemies around her.
I stopped for a moment and watched her.
She was covered in blood, smiling.
…No. Is that right? That isn't a smile. Perhaps, that is…
…What pathetic thoughts am I having?
It’s a cartoon for kids.
Of course she’s smiling.
I looked away and started walking again.
* * *
I can’t sleep.
Why? That cartoon I saw by chance. That smiling face keeps coming back to me.
“…I should at least get some water.”
I pulled myself out of bed and headed to the kitchen.
The house was silent.
A quiet space without a single sound.
A house with three rooms and two bathrooms—far too large for a man living alone.
I had regretted wasting money on such a needlessly large house, bought only because people around me whispered that I should consider marriage.
But now that house prices had risen significantly, I thought it wasn't such a bad thing.
If I sold this place and found a smaller home, I wouldn't have to worry about the future.
With those thoughts, I opened the refrigerator and poured water into a glass.
Trickle.
In the silent space, only the sound of flowing water could be heard.
Once the glass was full, I quietly brought it to my lips.
I lifted my head.
I locked eyes with it.
Perhaps because I’d turned on the kitchen light.
The glass door of the living room balcony had turned into a mirror.
And I was staring at it.
The figure I’d seen in the cartoon.
The one holding a hammer, looking at me with a cocky smirk.
“….”
I walked quietly to the entryway.
I opened the shoe rack and saw a hammer.
A small claw hammer.
I gripped it and headed to the living room.
It was still there.
I raised The Hammer in my hand. I struck.
I struck my own head.
It hurts.
Again.
It hurts.
Again.
The sound of my skull shattering echoed.
My vision was dyed in blood.
Crack.
The sound of something breaking rang out, but my hand did not stop its self-mutilation.
Squelch.
Something… something soft.
It got caught on the claw of The Hammer.
My vision darkened.
My eyes closed.
And then, I became aware of myself.
The being that lives as a spirit.
The Magical Girl who follows justice.