Chapter 1: Prologue
Chapter 1: Prologue
My childhood…. Ah, well, it wasn't exactly my childhood. Let me correct that.
By the time I was old enough to know better, I was a fan of Magical Girl anime.
Beautiful, dazzling women stepping up to defeat villains—I loved it all: the cool action sequences, the flashy direction, and those frilly, fluttering dresses.
Whenever I talked about it at school, I was usually teased and treated like one of the girls, but I knew the truth.
Even the kids who mocked me were just as busy making up excuses to rush home and sit in front of the TV the moment those shows aired.
I’m sure they were just like me, mimicking the transformation poses while they watched.
Magical Princess Mars of Reality and Despair!
By the power of the sun… Princess Sun!
Return to your true form! Swallow Card!
Hmph. It’s been a long time, yet the lines come back so easily.
I’ve grown to hate Magical Girls now, but I suppose childhood memories really do stick with you.
Anyway, a life-changing event occurred back then while I was striking poses along with the show, just like any other day.
* * *
As I sat in the living room staring at the television, the screen suddenly began to flicker and crackle with static.
“What’s wrong with this thing?”
Just as I started to push myself up from the sofa—
“Won’t you make a contract with me and become a Magical Girl? Poyo!”
A noisy, white something popped up right in front of my eyes.
“Eek!”
Startled, I flopped back onto the sofa.
“Is this… a dream?”
“It’s reality, poyo! You’ve been chosen to be a Magical Girl of justice!”
A white-furred creature that looked like a ferret was floating in mid-air, chirping energetically. It couldn't be an actual ferret. Ferrets can’t talk.
As I stared at the ferret—or whatever it was—with suspicion, a specific word pierced my ears.
Magical Girl.
Enchanted by the word, I spoke.
“A Magical Girl…?”
“That’s right, poyo!”
“But I’m a guy.”
“That doesn’t matter, poyo! Anyone can become one as long as they have a heart that loves justice, poyo!”
“I won’t… permanently turn into a girl, will I?”
“You only change when you transform, poyo. A Magical Girl’s identity is a secret, after all!”
I had spoken up because the term 'Magical Girl' had me hooked, but none of this felt real. It had to be a dream.
I slowly lowered my gaze to my left hand. They say you can’t feel pain in dreams, right?
I grabbed the skin on the back of my hand and gave it a hard twist. A sharp sting shot through my nerves.
So… it’s not a dream?
“Are you doing that because you think this is a dream, poyo?”
I nodded blankly.
“Then let’s try transforming! Then you’ll know it’s real, poyo!”
It was strange. Everything about this was undeniably strange.
My instincts, honed over my short life, were screaming at me. Warning me that something was wrong.
And yet, strangely enough, I didn't want to let go of that word: Magical Girl.
And so…
“How do I transform?” I asked.
“You have to wish for it with all your heart while imagining your new self, poyo!”
Fortunately, no cheesy transformation phrases or embarrassing poses were required.
I clasped my hands together and wished with everything I had.
For the Magical Girl I had always dreamed of.
I recalled the anime I had seen somewhere.
I recalled the illustrations I had glimpsed somewhere.
I recalled the novels I had read somewhere.
I recalled the useless internet posts I had scrolled past somewhere.
Silver hair.
Crimson eyes.
A petite girl.
Asymmetrical two-side up hair.
Dainty ribbons.
A long-skirted dress with no skin showing.
You might think it was an overly detailed request, but doesn't everyone have one tucked away in their heart? An image of their ideal Magical Girl.
The image of that perfect Magical Girl rose in my mind with startling clarity, as if bolstered by some external force.
From a simple doodle, to a drawing, to a doll, and finally, to a living person.
The silver-haired, red-eyed Magical Girl in my mind reached out toward me.
The moment that small hand touched my chest, a gust of wind erupted.
An overwhelming gale.
A wind so powerful I could barely stand began to swirl around me.
“What incredible mana, poyo!”
The little White Fur Ball was caught in the draft, spinning around and around before disappearing high into the air.
Then, a strange stillness followed.
The wind didn't seem to exist in reality, as the furniture around me remained untouched, yet it grew stronger and stronger until it began to obscure my surroundings.
“Poyooooooo….”
The noisy fur ball’s voice grew faint and vanished, leaving only me and the Magical Girl in total silence.
Two emotionless gazes met.
The small Magical Girl stood perfectly still, watching me as if waiting for my next move.
I just have to take her hand, right?
I reached out and covered the small, gloved hand resting against my chest with my own.
It was a tiny hand, small enough to be completely enveloped by mine.
“Suitable subject identified.”
A cute voice, exactly as I had imagined. The voice of a Young Girl, like the ones on TV, flowed from her lips.
“Commencing imprinting.”
The hand on my chest began to rotate slowly clockwise. By the time it had made a full circle, those crimson eyes turned toward me.
They seemed to pierce right through me, and then her mouth opened.
“May luck dwell within my past, present, and future.”
Was this also part of the imprinting?
As I watched the ritual in awe, the Magical Girl’s hand moved one last time.
At that moment, she scattered into particles of light.
The light she had become was sucked into me, and I was enveloped in a glow.
Within the dazzling halo, my body began to shift into the slender frame of a Magical Girl. The shimmering light took shape, coalescing over my bare skin to form undergarments.
Then came white stockings.
A pure white long dress.
A crimson overskirt.
A blue coat.
Finally, black boots and blue gloves were donned as I touched down on the ground. As if guided by instinct, I reached out my right hand, and a Golden Hammer appeared.
I knew intuitively. This was my weapon, the one that would accompany me in my life as a Magical Girl.
One last flash of light sparkled in the air, leaving a small gift on my head.
A translucent, wing-shaped ribbon.
This was it. This was a Magical Girl's transformation. Usually, this is the part where you shout your name, but since I hadn't even thought of one, I kept my mouth shut.
Fortunately, shouting a name didn't seem to be a mandatory step, as the light surrounding me faded away.
“It’s a success, poyo! Now you see, right? It’s not a dream, poyo!”
The White Fur Ball reappeared in front of me.
It really wasn't a dream. My encounter with that Magical Girl just now had felt far too real.
“Now that you’ve transformed, about what you need to do….”
“Mirror first.”
Checking how I had changed was more important.
“Listen to me, poyo!”
Ignoring the fur ball, I dashed toward the bathroom. It’s not like a guy my age would have a full-length mirror in his room.
I threw open the door and stepped inside. There, in the reflection, stood a girl with silver hair and crimson eyes.
Unable to believe it, I raised my right hand; the girl in the mirror raised her left.
I pinched my cheek; the Magical Girl in the mirror did the same. A dull ache followed a moment later.
It was real.
I had actually become a Magical Girl.
“You can’t just run off on your own, poyo!”
“So, what do I do now? Collect cards? Or scattered magic formulas? Do I go help people?”
Excited to finally do something 'Magical Girl-like,' I grabbed the floating fur ball and shook it.
“Poyo? Poyooo?!”
The white ferret let out a bizarre, panicked cry.
I guess I was a bit too excited.
After calming down, I set the fur ball down and spoke.
“Tell me. You didn't make me a Magical Girl for nothing. There must be something I have to do.”
The fur ball tottered for a moment, dizzy from the shaking, but soon regained its senses and spoke.
“Of course, poyo. You must defeat the evil Demon King who seeks to conquer the world, poyo!”
A villain. A classic development. I suppose a weak enemy will show up next.
“So, is there an enemy I need to defeat right now?”
“I was just about to tell you, poyo.”
The fur ball waved a paw, opening the door to the balcony. It led me outside to show me the view.
“Look over there, poyo.”
A bizarre scene met my eyes.
A sight completely different from anything I had ever imagined.
What the hell is this?
Giant robots were brawling with massive dinosaurs. Something was flying through the sky, flashing brilliantly. Someone was falling from the top of a building, delivering a kick on the way down. Just now, a multi-colored laser pierced through a monster soaring through the clouds.
“Is this… a dream?”
In a single day, the world had shifted from a mundane existence to a chaotic mess where everything was jumbled together like someone’s nightmare.
“It’s an Otherworld Invasion, poyo! As a Magical Girl, you must stand with them and fight against the Otherworld, poyo.”
It was a bit different from what I expected, but not bad. It meant I wasn't a secret Magical Girl, but an idol-type who fought where everyone could see.
Cleaning up this mess alone would be impossible, but with others, I could manage.
The realization that I wasn't alone chased away my fear, replaced by a surge of exhilaration. The thrill of being a Magical Girl who protects the world.
I stepped onto the balcony railing and turned to the fur ball.
“Alright, tell me how to fly.”
“I don’t know how to do that, poyo.”
What?
“If you don’t know, who does?”
“A Magical Girl naturally learns how to use her own power, poyo.”
I took a moment to think about my power, but nothing came to mind.
“I’ve got nothing.”
“That’s because you lack training, poyo.”
What kind of 'superhero doing push-ups' logic was that?
* * *
In the end, I headed out via the elevator. A Magical Girl using an elevator—what had my life become?
“Just one more minute of running, poyo.”
“You said one minute ages ago! Use the metric system!”
“I don’t know what that is, poyo!”
My trust in this damn fur ball vanished instantly. We hadn't even been partners for an hour, and he was already proving unreliable.
He claimed he was taking me to the monster I needed to defeat, but we’d been wandering for minutes. Fortunately, this body seemed to be the athletic type; I wasn't winded at all despite sprinting for several minutes.
“Go right, poyo.”
“You’re sure this time?!”
“No doubt about it, poyo.”
“You said that last time, too!”
Fortunately, he seemed to have guided me to the right place this time. I saw something black.
A monster with eyes all over it, writhing as it extended black tentacles toward people.
It was a repulsive sight that triggered an instinctive disgust, but more than that, I knew instantly that it was my prey.
An instinctive gut feeling that this thing was my adversary. A boiling sense of hostility and heroism.
Surrendering to that emotion, I kicked off the ground, leaped into the air, and raised my Golden Hammer high.
Screeeeeee!
With the sound of hissing steam, the back of the Golden Hammer slid open, and a silver cylinder popped out.
I was startled by the sudden change, but information about the weapon naturally flowed into my mind.
This cylinder was a component designed to accumulate mana and amplify a single impact to annihilate The Enemy.
The Hammer itself was a sturdy weapon, but that would make it no different from a simple club. It was loaded with various functions.
Reliable.
With that thought, I slammed The Hammer down onto the monster’s eyeball.
Crunch. Squish.
I heard the sound of flesh deforming and fluid spraying from the eye, but I instinctively knew the monster wasn't dead yet.
“Just die already!”
Thump.
The cylinder that had condensed mana at the back of The Hammer fired forward.
BOOM!
The cylinder, packed with a massive amount of accumulated mana, converted into pure impact and slammed into the monster. With a thunderous roar, the creature was reduced to mere residue on the concrete floor.
…Actually, it would be more accurate to say it turned into shredded meat. Chunks of flesh blown apart by the impact were raining down along with blood.
Splatter.
A piece of red flesh landed on me.
Perhaps because it had been alive just moments ago, I could feel a faint warmth from it.
Could this really be called the image of a Magical Girl? Where in the world was there a Magical Girl covered in blood and gore?
As I stood there, lost in thought while trying to process my shattered illusions, I heard whispering from the surroundings.
“What… is that?”
“I heard on the internet that things are going crazy everywhere else, too.”
“Hey, look at that. Is that a Power Ranger or something?”
I’m a Magical Girl, Old Man.
And so, my first day as a Magical Girl came to an end.
Honestly, what a joke.
* * *
“Ah…. Was it a dream?”
“What’s wrong, poyo?”
In the dark of the night, I woke up from a nightmare.
“I just had a dream about the first day I ended up in this mess.”
Really, everything was a disaster.
Has it been thirty years already?
“The first day…? You were so full of justice back then, Ha-ram….”
Justice, huh? That stuff died out in me a long time ago.
More importantly.
“You’re The Root of all this.”
“Gyaaaak! Stop wringing me like a rag….”
I twisted the neck of the bastard in front of me.
The source of all my problems, and the greatest villain of my story.
I wonder how long I spent turning my partner into a literal rag.
—A wish that everyone dreams of~
“A phone call… Gyaaaak.”
“I know.”
I picked up my phone and answered.
It was a trivial call. An invitation to appear on a TV show as the longest-serving Magical Girl.
“Not interested….”
In that moment, my bank account flashed through my mind. An account whose balance had dipped into the negatives.
Honestly. What a joke.
* * *
So, the point of the story is this.
If a weird-looking, shitty mascot ever appears in front of you and asks you to become a Magical Girl, wring its neck and throw it out the window.
Oh, they don’t die from that?
Well, it’ll at least serve as a clear 'no,' so who cares. Being a Magical Girl isn't worth it.
Trust me. Once you sign that contract, there’s no turning back. If it weren't for this damn pension, I would’ve quit a long time ago.
If I could actually collect my pension right now, I would’ve quit ages ago.