Chapter 2
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 2
"What are you going to do if my skull actually splits open from the stress?" Patrick added, clutching his head.
Perhaps feeling sorry for him, Swallow nodded toward Rene. Understanding his intent, Rene gave a slight gesture and began to speak.
"Very well, Mr. Patrick. Let's get to the point. As you are aware, the humans have finally attempted an invasion through the Right Path. The problem is that their numbers and skill were unprecedented. Mr. 116 Black Tentacles, who was guarding the Right Path, is now in critical condition."
"That's odd. Mr. Tentacles isn't the type to be taken down so easily by humans," Patrick muttered.
"It seems a good number of them were fire mages. He's completely helpless against fire magic. When I was dealing with those guys earlier, sparks were flying everywhere. There were even pillars of fire reaching my knees."
As if the spots where he'd been hit still itched, Swallow vigorously scratched his knees.
"Just bad luck. A terrible matchup."
"There certainly seemed to be a lot of mages. When I was collecting their equipment, a rough count showed that over half of it was magic tools," Rene added.
"So, how is Tentacles? Is he on the verge of death, or what?"
"He must have been rooted to the spot. He couldn't dodge and was completely incinerated. None of his tentacles are left—they've all been burned to ash. The real issue is his core… its condition is not good, either. It's hard to say if he'll ever recover."
It must have been a fierce battle. Tentacles preferred to impale his prey like skewers. Drenching them in acid would ruin them as spawning hosts, reducing their utility in countless ways.
For him to have resorted to attacking the humans with any means necessary meant one thing—he hadn't even had the luxury to think. It also meant the humans who invaded this time were formidable.
"So you're saying a full recovery is impossible?"
"We'll have to wait and see, but given the circumstances, it's safe to assume so."
A momentary silence fell at Rene's firm reply. Patrick, who had been about to say something, noticed the heavy atmosphere and clamped his jaw shut.
Swallow was the first to break the silence.
"Well, let's not worry too much. His regenerative abilities have always exceeded my expectations."
"True. He was on the verge of death when you first brought him here, Boss. I thought you'd brought back a corpse."
"Regrettable as it is, it's also a fact that Mr. Tentacles failed to stop the humans."
"That's also true."
This was a dungeon. From a monster's perspective, it was a battlefield where allies died. Failing to perform one's duty and letting the enemy through was a massive blunder. For a gatekeeper—the boss monster's closest confidant, not just some common mob—to be defeated, accountability was only natural.
"We'll monitor his progress. If it doesn't work out, we have no choice. We'll just have to find another gatekeeper."
"Oh, Boss. If you're getting a new one, please make it two. Then I can quit along with him."
"Not a chance. You will guard this dungeon even if you're nothing but a pile of ribs."
"Can't you show me even half the kindness you show Miss Rene?"
Patrick grumbled, his jaw clattering, but his minor rebellion vanished as Swallow let out a perfectly timed yawn.
Patrick shot a resentful glare at Swallow.
That was intentional. He definitely yawned on purpose.
"...In any case, the humans will probably keep coming through the Right Path from now on. They might even organize a large-scale subjugation squad and return soon."
Until now, most invaders of the Primordial Core had chosen the left path, only to be mercilessly sliced to pieces by Rene's blades every time. This hadn't stopped the humans from trying, but it had fostered a certain perception: The Primordial Core is a dungeon where we can't even get past the gatekeeper.
Under these circumstances, a subjugation squad had suddenly chosen the right path and defeated its gatekeeper, 116 Black Tentacles. Although they hadn't managed to land a single scratch on the boss, they had confirmed his existence, which had been shrouded in mystery until now. In a way, a "ray of hope" had emerged for them.
A vain hope that they might actually conquer the Primordial Core.
"To add to that, the humans might already be organizing a new subjugation squad. They use communication magic quite actively these days, so news that a gap has opened in the Right Path has likely spread everywhere."
While it was unclear how far their communication magic could reach, they had almost certainly sent word after defeating Tentacles and before advancing further. Humans weren't the type to sit idly by after finally creating a breach. They always conquered dungeons by chipping away at them, bit by bit.
This time would be no different. A large-scale subjugation squad would be reorganized in the near future, and they would head straight for the Right Path.
—But he had no intention of falling for such an obvious tactic.
"Right. We should formulate a strategy accordingly."
All playfulness vanished from his voice as Swallow grinned and continued in a serious tone.
"Listen up, you two. We're swapping positions."
"What? And here I thought you'd come up with some brilliant strategy."
"No, listen. It is brilliant. First, Rene, you've been guarding the left Red Path, right? Starting today, I want you to guard the Right Path. If I'm right, the next subjugation squad will definitely take that route. They'll let their guard down, thinking the path is empty. You just have to stop them there."
"Rene can stop them no matter how many come, Lord Swallow."
"...Next, Patrick, you take the left Red Path that Rene used to guard. Once the humans realize Rene is at the right path, they'll pivot back to the left one. Then you can stop them there. If we do this, we can block two consecutive invasions."
"Wait a minute, Boss. What if the humans blocked by Miss Rene don't go to the left Red Path, but instead enter the central Blue Path?"
"Well, what can we do? Then they get a direct date with me, I guess."
"No, what kind of half-baked plan is—"
Isn't this a completely pointless strategy? Patrick wanted to add, but Swallow merely shook his head, refusing to accept any objections.
Patrick was amazed. Truly amazed. The kind of amazement that stemmed from being utterly dumbfounded.
"Patrick, you're overlooking one fact. Humans are stupid. They'd never imagine we'd think this far ahead. This is a perfect plan."
"The moment 'what can we do' becomes part of a strategy, it's already a mess. Miss Rene, you really need to give him some harsh feedback this time..."
"It's perfect, Lord Swallow!"
"...Actually, I expected that reaction."
Rene looked up at Swallow with sparkling eyes. After staring at the silver-haired maid for a long moment, Patrick muttered quietly in a dry voice.
Right. Let's just give up.
*
"As for other suggestions for dungeon improvement, first: 'There is too much trash left behind by humans in Room 3. When will this be cleaned up?' and..."
"Room 3? The monsters in Room 3 suggested this, didn't they? Are we janitors? Who told them to submit civil complaints instead of dungeon improvements? Where are they now? What are they doing?"
"They were wiped out this time."
"...Next."
"Next: 'What on earth is our dungeon's concept?' and..."
"Seeing how utterly useless this question is, it's obvious Patrick suggested it."
Feeling guilty, Patrick's jaw clattered. When his gaze met Swallow's, he instinctively averted his eye sockets.
"What? You were the one who told us to submit anything, no matter how trivial."
"Sigh..."
"No need to sigh."
"The concept... I'll work on it. I'll work on it. Rene, read the next one."
"Yes. The next suggestion... actually, that was the last one, Lord Swallow."
Rene hastily hid her hands behind her back with an unnatural smile. A small piece of paper fluttered down from behind her and landed on the floor.
「'I'd rather eat dog food than the food Miss Rene makes...'」
"Th-That...!"
Spotting the paper, Patrick reached out with his skeletal fingers, but crunch—the sound of a black shoe stepping on it echoed through the room. Grinding the paper under her heel, Rene smiled coldly.
"Is there a problem?"
"N-No. Nothing at all."
—Swallow also forced a smile, pretending not to see.
The meeting was drawing to a close. Since the human invasion had been the main topic, and they had easily resolved it by swapping positions, there was no need to drag things out.
"Lastly, we have the distribution of spoils."
With that, Rene rummaged through the front pocket of her white apron and pulled out two thin sheets of parchment.
She showed the list to Swallow.
"Even excluding the damaged items, we got quite a haul this time. Probably because there were so many of them."
"Let's handle it the usual way. We'll use what we can. The useless stuff can either be used as bait for the next batch or just tossed in the warehouse."
"Then I shall handle the detailed distribution, Lord Swallow. However, we don't really have any monsters who can use magic tools. We could make a decent amount of money by extracting the mana stones and selling them. Wouldn't that be better?"
"Oh, should I visit a human village for the first time in a while? Most of the food they make is delicious. Since we made a fortune, it wouldn't be a bad idea to buy a ton of it."
"It would be better if Miss Rene went... After all, Boss, you're so terrible at transforming into a human that you'll get caught immediately."
"Uh, um, Lord Swallow. Actually, Rene thinks similarly to Mr. Patrick... Th-That is..."
"...Then buy lots of delicious things."
At his quick surrender, Rene offered an apologetic smile.
"Then we'll distribute the armor, dismantle the magic tools to sell... and after sorting everything, there's one thing left. That sword."
"A sword? What sword? Is it special?"
It was Patrick who reacted to Swallow's question. Rising from his seat, he headed toward the pile of human corpses and picked up a massive greatsword, easily two meters long.
"It must be the sword used by the leader of this subjugation squad."
The greatsword of Bern.
Picking it up with one hand, Patrick flicked his wrist, spinning it. The sharp sound of the blade slicing through the air echoed rhythmically. After a few rotations, he drove the sword back into the ground and spoke in a serious tone.
"Just as the rumors say, it's light and the blade is sharp. It would require both effort and talent to master, but the sword itself is so exceptional that even a beginner could slice through a boulder. The man who carried this must have been quite strong."
"He was certainly more persistent than the usual humans, dodging all over the place. More importantly, what kind of sword is it?"
"Ah, this is famous among humans. You might have heard of it, Boss. It's one of the 36 Masterpieces... though not all of them are weapons."
"Ah, so this is one of those '36 Masterpieces'."
"We probably have a few of them stuffed in the warehouse somewhere," Swallow added, scratching the back of his head. They had been shoved into some dusty corner so long ago that even he didn't know where they were.
They were items whose value lay more in possession than in actual use. Just announcing, "Our dungeon has one of these!" was enough to draw humans in like a swarm of bees.
"This is probably the 14th of the 36 Masterpieces. I believe its name is 'Tanabella.' Anyway, you can just think of it as high-quality. One of the blades Miss Rene carries is also one of the 36 Masterpieces."
"...Humans carry around some nice things."
"Well, even with equipment like this, they still can't conquer our dungeon. The problem is what to do with this sword. If we give it to the monsters near the entrance, they'll just lose it to the humans again. And it would be a problem for us if something like this fell back into human hands, wouldn't it?"
"The monsters near the entrance were all wiped out anyway, so we couldn't give it to them even if we wanted to," Rene chimed in.
"Since that's the case, you should take it, Boss..."
"Then you can have it."
"Pardon?"
"Patrick, you use a sword, don't you? You can just use it."
"B-But Miss Rene is also highly skilled with any kind of blade..."
"Didn't you just say Rene already has one? It's better for each of you to have one. Rene, what do you think?"
Swallow smiled at Rene, then closed one eye in a wink. Her face flushed bright red.
Flustered and overcome with a sudden shyness, Rene stammered her reply.
"O-O-Of course! Of course! Rene already has one!"
She hurriedly pulled a small, hiltless blade wrapped in cord from her front pocket.
"S-Since I have this, since I have 'Guillotine's Tooth,' I'm fine! And even without it, R-Rene will always follow Lord Swallow's choice..."
Swallow watched the stammering maid, who seemed drunk on his smile, with a slightly awkward expression. He turned his head and said nonchalantly, "As you can see, Patrick. It's decided. You'll take it."
"Oh... really...? Ah... aha... ha, hahah! Well, if you insist! Since it's the Boss's order! Since I've received an order, I shall keep it."
Despite his words, he couldn't hide his sheer delight, and his grinning jaw clattered noisily once more. Swallow briefly pondered how to react to such an obvious display but decided to feign ignorance, maintaining a cool expression.
After all, Patrick had been stealing glances at the sword throughout the meeting and had even known its exact number. It was painfully obvious how desperately he wanted it.
「Since I gave you that sword, you'd better tear up that resignation letter you've hidden in your ribs.」
Swallow swallowed the words that rose to his throat, forcing himself to look calm.
This was the Primordial Core.
A place inhabited by a terrifying homunculus maid, a Death Knight radiating an aura of death, and a massive, ancient monster.