Love, Desire, and Sex
Before dropping Han Pan off at home, Mi-jo suggested they grab a cup of coffee.
Han Pan agreed without protest, and the two of them stopped by a coffee shop near his place, chatting over their drinks about this and that.
He found himself wondering just how far she planned to go in showing those photos to her husband.
"Noona… so are you really going to show him all of those pictures?"
Mi-jo thought for a moment before answering.
"Well… I'll start with the milder ones first. If he seems interested, I'll ramp up the intensity…"
"Hmm… but aren't you scared, Noona? What if your husband gets angry…?"
She burst out laughing at that.
"Well… I'm hoping I'm right about him, but I'm pretty sure he'll like it. My husband has a bit of a perverted streak."
Han Pan looked surprised.
"Oh, really? Like what?"
"Hmm… how should I put it… He never says it outright, but he likes it when I dress a little sexy and go out…"
Han Pan nodded.
"But you know… most guys get weird about it when their woman — especially one who has kids — walks around dressed like that. They give you looks. But my husband? Not at all. It's like… sometimes I think he actually enjoys seeing me that way?"
"Oh, is that so?"
"Yeah."
"That's fascinating… I don't like that kind of thing myself… Wait, no… Actually, when other guys stare, it does give me a weird feeling."
"Right?"
"Yeah, like… a kind of pride?"
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah — like having a gorgeous woman next to me and knowing she's mine. Something like that?"
"Yes! That's exactly it! My husband has a little of that in him too… There's something a bit sneaky about him… He can't say it out loud, so he just kind of stammers around it sometimes…"
"Oh, I see."
"Yeah. Honestly, that's why I asked you for that favor."
"So then… the sex that day?"
Mi-jo let out a hearty laugh.
"Hmm… well… That was more because both Eun-yeong unnie and I have that side to us. When the mood hits and we're feeling it, we do one-night stands and things like that… Not cheating, exactly — let's call it a little deviation. We've never been in love with them, so…"
"Hmm… so does that mean you love your husband, Noona?"
At his words, she set down her coffee cup, her eyes going wide as she looked straight at him.
After gazing at him for a moment, she spoke.
"Han Pan."
"Yes?"
"What do you think love is?"
"Well… liking someone… wanting to touch them… and wanting to have sex…"
She smiled at that.
"Still so young… Hohoho. That's why I like you… There's something pure about a guy your age. It's so fresh — I find it charming."
He scratched his head at her words.
"Han Pan… love is something very simple, and yet incredibly complicated… Especially for a married woman."
"Yes…"
"You think I did those things with you just because I like sex, don't you?"
"Uh… is that not it?"
"Hohoho."
"Eh… so it is?"
"Let me tell you a story…"
Han Pan leaned in, ready to listen.
"There was a man and a woman…"
"Yes."
"The man had a strong sexual desire, but the woman didn't. So the man waited for the woman to develop desire, but she never changed. Eventually the man grew tired and gave up on her. But strangely, the moment he gave up, the woman's desire awakened…"
"Huh?"
"Strange, right?"
"Yes…"
"So the woman went looking for the man who'd left, but she couldn't find him. So she started searching for men with strong desire. She went from one man to another, looking for someone who could satisfy her craving…"
"Yes."
"But strangely, whenever the men she met with desire started taking interest in her and desiring her back, she would lose her desire for them again…"
"…"
"And then, when those men lost their desire for her, her own desire would flare up again…"
Han Pan couldn't quite make sense of her story, but he listened calmly all the same.
"The woman couldn't understand herself — why her desire vanished the moment a man desired her, and why it returned the moment that desire faded. Eventually, she realized she was the problem."
"Yes…"
"Yes. Desire almost never arises in both people at the same time… It only works when one person sparks desire and the other responds to it… When you're young, that can happen anytime, but as you get older, love starts to fade a little… It gets… stained, I guess? So you start looking for more stimulating things… If someone older still has pure love, they're just a pure person. It means they haven't had much experience with the opposite sex, right?"
"That seems about right…"
"Yes. Love is… a momentary feeling. It's thinking you love someone… or rather, feeling it. And that feeling is desire — the desire to possess his or her body. Another name for love is desire. Ah, of course, let's set aside things like God's love… that's a completely different conversation…"
"So love between a man and a woman."
"Yes, exactly… love between a man and a woman…"
"So wouldn't sex with someone you love be good?"
She burst out laughing cheerfully at that.
"Of course it would! But even if you marry the person you love, problems still come up… Because marriage is reality, and all sorts of things happen within that reality…"
"Yes…"
"Yes… So at some point, people meet someone and get married… Not that there's anything strange about not getting married — I think of marriage as a choice. But having gotten married myself, I can say that marriage is something based on love, yet it only works when various conditions and considerations come together. It's a kind of institution."
"Yes…"
"In other words, love has nothing to do with desire… You just do it when the urge hits and someone happens to be next to you…"
"But isn't it still better with someone you love?"
"Of course it is… But just as not every man is attractive, not every woman is attractive either… A select few monopolize that, and luckily I have the looks to be one of those few… Same goes for Eun-yeong noona, and Mi-ho noona too…"
"And humans are diverse, so they have diverse desires… Some men love women with big breasts, some love women with big butts… Some men like sexy clothes… But women are simpler — they like men who meet certain conditions…"
"For example?"
"Well… someone like you, with a great body and a decent face, and… that magnificent…"
She suddenly pursed her lips and lowered her voice so no one would overhear.
"Cock."
Han Pan burst out laughing at that.
"Then I must be very lucky… a gift from nature…"
"Right? But… as you get older, keeping yourself this attractive isn't easy either. Hoho. So enjoy it while you can."
"Anyway, you're right… None of you seem like ordinary ajummas…"
"Hey! Not ajumma! Noona! Call me Noona! Hoho."
Han Pan quickly corrected himself.
"Ah, yes! Noonim."
"There, that sounds much better… Women instinctively obsess over their looks, you know. They know it's their greatest weapon… So calling someone an ajumma is extremely rude… For the record, this noona still has full confidence in her looks!"
Han Pan nodded.
"Uh… by the way… Hye-seon ajumma… I mean, Hye-seon noona — what's she like?"
Mi-jo thought for a moment.
"That unnie is… how should I put it… She has some corners I can't quite understand myself, and she likes that… Anyway, she seemed interested in you too… Try contacting her and asking her out sometime…"
"Ah, yes. I already told her I'd take some photos for her later."
A sly smile spread across her face at that.
"Hmm… is that so? That unnie too… Hohoho… I wonder what kind of photos she'll want taken… If you want, I can rent out that studio for you again!"
"Oh! Really? Then I'd be so grateful!"
"Hoho. The studio manager is going to have a hell of a time cleaning up… Don't worry — he owes me a lot, so he won't say a word. Hoho."
After a brief hesitation, Han Pan spoke.
"But… am I really that attractive?"
"You?"
"Yes."
"Hmm…"
She thought for a moment.
"You… how should I put it… You awaken this impulse — I want to sleep with him once, I want to have sex with him. Especially for older women like me, you feel like someone who makes us realize something we'd forgotten."
"Is that so?"
"Yes. And I think it's the same for me, Eun-yeong noona, Hye-seon noona… and… Mi-ho noona too…"
She trailed off, her eyes carrying a knowing look that suggested she was well aware of the relationship between Han Pan and Mi-ho.
"Eh… well…"
Han Pan trailed off as well.
"It's nothing strange, so just enjoy yourself however you feel like… I also spend some nice time with my son every now and then."
Her cryptic words left Han Pan unsure of how to respond, so he simply kept his mouth shut.
"Well then, we've finished our coffee… Shall we get going? I should be heading home soon myself…"
"Ah… yes…"
Setting down his coffee cup, Han Pan rose from his seat and followed her out.
The two left the coffee shop and headed for her car parked in the lot.
Once inside, she drove wordlessly toward his house and dropped him off.
"Let's stay in touch. I had fun today."
She said that, threw him a wink, and drove off.
Han Pan stood there for a moment, staring blankly as her car disappeared into the distance.