Apostle of God (3)
The priest lost his words and simply stared at my face for a while before collecting himself and letting out a laugh.
"My lady, it's rather unkind of you to tease me like this."
'No, I'm being serious.'
"You're saying I'm lying, then?"
"No, that's not what I mean."
He said no, but it was plainly obvious he didn't believe a word of it.
So this is how the boy who cried wolf felt.
Then again, why am *I* the one being cast as the shepherd over a lie I never even told?
So unfair. Honestly.
'Hey, old man. Is it true? You've been chosen as Armadi's Apostle?!'
Just as I was racking my brain over how to convince the priest, Halbae started raising a ruckus too.
'Didn't I tell you?'
'You did not! All you ever said was that you received salvation from Armadi!'
Come to think of it, yesterday was such a whirlwind that I completely forgot to mention it.
'When Lady Armadi saved me yesterday, She said She would take me as Her Apostle.'
'To think you'd forget something that important until now. You, girl—'
Halbae swallowed back the lecture he'd been about to fire off, clearly exasperated.
'Never mind. Now's not the time for that.'
'What's wrong?'
'For now, hide the fact that you've become an Apostle. As it happens, the man there thinks you're lying, so let's ride on that.'
Hide the fact that I've become a god's Apostle?
Why?
In Soul Academy's world, becoming a god's Apostle was never a flaw.
It would be stranger *not* to boast about it.
A great transcendent being in the heavens had evaluated a single person's potential so highly as to take them as an Apostle — why on earth would you hide that?
The god's Apostles who appeared in the game all openly declared their status as well, so long as the god they served wasn't an evil one.
So why was Halbae insisting I keep it hidden?
It was hard to understand, but his tone was so grave that I agreed for the time being.
After all, he'd never once told me to do something that would harm me.
'Think whatever you like.'
"Believe me or don't, I couldn't care less. Useless priest."
"Very well, I understand. But do you truly intend to receive the baptism?"
'Yes.'
"Why would you? Is there a problem?"
"As you may know, receiving a baptism means..."
The priest launched into the same tired sermon everyone already knew by heart.
That being baptized meant becoming a new person.
That there were duties one must keep for its sake, and so on and so forth.
I let the words flow in one ear and out the other.
When the priest seemed to have forgotten all talk of Apostles, Halbae let out a sigh of relief.
'Good work, lass. But when something this important comes up, tell me in advance, would you!'
'I'm sorry I forgot. But why do I have to hide that I'm an Apostle?'
'Because Armadi does not keep Apostles, that's why.'
Halbae told me a story he said came from the Holy Scripture of the Church of the Main God.
Being from scripture, it was quite heavily embellished, but summarized, it went like this:
Because Armadi must stand at the center of all gods, She cannot show favoritism to anyone.
For that reason, while She may bestow small boons and mercy, She never takes anyone as an Apostle.
Personally, I felt the story Halbae told was the result of trying to somehow defend the useless Chief God's laziness and incompetence, but I kept that thought to myself.
If I'd said it out loud, I'd have gotten another earful from him.
'Do you understand? An Apostle of Armadi is a being that must not exist.'
'But I *did* become one.'
'Whether what you say is true matters not. What matters is this — the moment you are proven to be Armadi's Apostle, the authority of the Church will be shaken to its core.'
What if the scripture had been lying all along?
What if there was another reason no Apostle of Armadi ever appeared?
Until now, there had been no need to worry about any of this.
Because just as the scripture said, no Apostle of Armadi had ever appeared.
But from the moment I — an Apostle of Armadi — stepped onto the stage, that entire premise came crashing down.
'I know not how the Church conducts itself these days. But if it is not so very different from my time, there will be nothing good to come of revealing that you are Armadi's Apostle.'
Most churches would welcome the appearance of a god's Apostle, but the Church of the Main God was different.
For the Apostle of Armadi, absent for hundreds of years, to suddenly appear meant that everything the Church of the Main God had built until now would be called into question.
The Church of the Main God would never welcome an Apostle of Armadi.
'If things take a bad turn...'
Perhaps Halbae didn't want to show me the dark side of things, because he trailed off — but imagining what came next wasn't difficult at all.
In the worst case, the Church might try to erase me entirely.
The Church of the Main God wasn't exactly squeaky clean, after all.
Once that realization hit me, cold sweat ran down my spine.
Thank goodness for Halbae. If not for him, what would have happened?
If I'd been running my mouth to everyone about being Armadi's Apostle...
The ending surely would not have been a bright one.
That useless, petty, incompetent Chief God, damn her!
She's trying to have me assassinated like this?!
If she was upset about being insulted, she could've just hurled divine punishment down — but instead she tried to bury me in such a creepy, underhanded way!
Thank goodness I'm a shepherd girl.
What would have happened to me if I'd been a devout soul incapable of lying in a god's name?
"Do you understand?"
Just as I was grumbling under my breath, prayers of resentment against the useless Chief God on my lips, the priest threw me a question as if to check.
My apologies, but I have no idea what you were talking about, so I can't really answer that.
'Just tell him you understand. He doesn't expect you were listening properly anyway.'
Then again, explanations like that are basically terms-and-conditions agreements, aren't they?
Neither the one explaining nor the one listening pays them any real mind.
'Okay.'
"Who do you take me for, useless priest?"
When I shamelessly nodded along, the priest forced out a smile.
"It's procedure, you see. I ask for your understanding."
After that, the priest led me to a room deep inside the church.
It looked less like a place for baptisms and more like a place for entertaining guests.
"Please wait here a moment, my lady. I will bring someone to administer your baptism."
Ahh. So he's bringing someone in after all.
But you're a priest too — couldn't you perform the baptism yourself?
Is it because I'm a noble that someone of higher rank has to come out?
I sat in the parlor chair and waited for some time before the door burst open and people entered.
The first thing I saw was the golden gleam of her eyes.
Soft eyes, like a moon in the night sky set into pale white glass.
Hair white as if steeped in moonlight, falling in long strands all the way to her waist.
Skin so white that "pale" seemed the more fitting word.
And a spotless, pristine white nun's habit to match.
A beautiful girl who looked as though she were the color white itself given human form — the moment she saw me, she smiled a smile that seemed like it could purify even a demon.
"Hello, Lady Arln. I am Phoebe of the Church of the Main God. I am, perhaps undeservedly, called a Saintess."
The character regarded as the single best person in terms of personality among all of Soul Academy's cast.
A character who always ranked at the top in any beauty poll.
And true to her Saintess title, the greatest of all healer-type characters — a goddess-tier heroine who even captured the hearts of stat-chasing min-maxers.
Some people smeared her as a character who was nothing but nice, with no fun and no charm beyond her looks, but even the very spreaders of that baseless rumor ended up embracing her for her sheer performance. A true saint.
One of my favorite characters of all time!
Why is the Saintess here?!
No — wait, of course she took the Soul Academy entrance exam too, so her being here isn't strange — but why is she here to see *me*?!
Her presence was so beautiful it felt downright noble, and I lost my words.
When I looked at Phoebe through a monitor, descriptions like "noble" or "holy" never quite resonated with me.
After all, "holy" hardly seemed the right word for a woman whose figure asserted itself so boldly even beneath a loose, baggy nun's habit.
But right now, those words landed with startling force.
Ahh. How could the me of my gaming days have harbored such impure thoughts in this person's presence?
Begone, demon of lust! You are not welcome here!
"Lady Arln?"
'Hello, Saintess.'
"Nice to meet you, Useless Saintess."
I'd been so awed by Phoebe's holiness that I greeted her without thinking — and the mesugaki translation spat out "useless."
No. Hey! Mesugaki Skill, can you not *feel* this woman's holiness?
To spew "useless" even at that radiant whiteness that could sanctify every living thing in creation.
Just how depraved a demon are you?!
Even as I resented the Mesugaki Skill, part of me breathed a sigh of relief.
"Useless Saintess" wasn't the worst it could have been.
If I'd called her by the community nickname like I did with Joy.
Would Phoebe have still been able to smile after hearing herself called the Lewd Saintess?
Should I call it lucky? Or just natural?
Phoebe simply smiled even after hearing "useless."
"Fufu. Thank you for speaking so freely with me, my lady."
To hear herself called useless and respond with *gratitude*.
Truly the Saintess, through and through.
'So... what brings you here?'
"First, I came to offer my thanks. Thank you for protecting Joy. Thanks to you, Lady Arln, Joy made it back safely."
Watching Phoebe bow her head, I recalled the lore that she and Joy had been friends since childhood.
'How is the Airhead Lady? Is she alright?'
"Pfft. 'Airhead Lady.' So you really do call her that?"
Was her friend's nickname just that funny?
Phoebe turned her head away and giggled, only barely composing herself before answering that Joy was perfectly fine.
She'd suffered a bit of trauma, but Phoebe had healed it all herself. She was healthy.
"The Patran Duchy came to collect her this morning, so she isn't here now."
'Then what about Jacob?'
"And the little runt noble?"
"The runt?... If you mean young Lord Jacob, he is also perfectly well. You needn't worry about him at all."
What a relief.
Neither of them suffered any lingering effects.
After taking the Alchemist's mental assault, I'd had no idea how things would turn out.
"My, it seems no one here calls anyone by name."
'That's not true.'
"Not true at all, Useless Saintess."
There may be a fool or a useless tacked onto the front, but people like Forsell and Benedict do call me by name, you know.
I have no idea what the criteria are for that, though.
"Is that so? I'd like to hear it sometime."
'Anyway...'
"Anyway — is your business with the Useless Saintess finished with just the thanks?"
"No. There is one more thing. I heard that Lady Arln intends to receive her baptism today."
Uh-oh. Don't tell me.
"I have been assigned to perform that baptism. If you would rather not, I can of course call for someone else."
'No! It's fine!'
"It doesn't matter. Whether it's the Useless Saintess or the Useless Priest who does it."
"Ahaha. Then I'm glad."
Good heavens! To think the day would come when the Saintess herself baptizes *me*!