The Archipelago (4)
"Given that what's written there is Old Tongue—the very script the Church of the Main God used—the name of the Chief God could never be taken in vain. Which means that at the end of it truly lies something the Chief God left behind!"
Grandfather's voice rose with excitement, but I let about half of it wash over me. Why had I come to the Archipelago in the first place? Sure, the whole thing started because I wanted to give Rasha a taste of her own medicine, but even without that, I still would have ended up here. The moment the no-good Chief God issued that quest to resolve the Second Queen's regrets, my options were gone.
The no-good Chief God's influence had been there even in how the Second Queen came to offer me her bargain. That guy wanted me standing on that stage acting like a rabid dog. A lot of what happened afterward was on me, admittedly—but the fact remained that the no-good Chief God had a hand in all of it.
...Which meant the no-good Chief God had wanted me to see this map. He wanted me to find what he'd left behind. The quest window popping up just now made that abundantly clear. The no-good Chief God was practically begging me to take that treasure. So what on earth was waiting in there that he'd gone to such lengths to lure me here?
The no-good Chief God loved his little pranks, sure, but when it truly mattered, he usually acted the part of a supreme deity. For him to put in this much effort, the hidden piece waiting in there had to be something substantial. What could it be...? I felt the corners of my mouth creep upward on their own as I waited for Karia and Heishan to finish their conversation.
The two of them, who'd been debating with growing heat, only began converging on a consensus around the time the adventurers causing a ruckus in the middle of the tavern drank themselves into a sprawl across the floor.
While a waiter grumbled please just die already under his breath and cleaned up after their chaos, Karia—who had jotted down her notes in a little booklet—raised her voice toward me.
"Boss. You've been listening to everything we've discussed, right?"
'Nope. Didn't hear a word.'
"Why on earth would I listen to a bunch of old hags gossip? Of course I didn't."
Karia, who'd gotten pretty used to my provocations from the Mesugaki skill lately, still soured a little at that one.
But I stood proud before her wrath. Well, someone should have explained things in terms a noob could understand. When you mumble on in insider jargon that only your little clique gets, of course people's minds wander.
"Then what were you doing?"
This time, I couldn't be proud. It was hard to admit I'd been grinning to myself while imagining the treasure the no-good Chief God might have left behind. Every guy fantasizes about taking down a bank robber in a dramatic duel—but nobody wants to get caught doing it. It was kind of like that.
Still, Karia looked irritated enough that staying silent wasn't an option, so I pointed to the squiggly script in the corner of the map.
'I decoded this.'
"You deciphered this unreadable gibberish?"
"...You decoded this writing? How?"
It seemed to be true that the language had already fallen out of practical use even in Grandfather's era—apparently even Karia couldn't read it. And so, for the first time in a while, I invoked the name of the no-good Chief God: the Chief God Himself had deigned to send down a revelation and grant me the meaning of the script.
"Revelation"—a cheat of an excuse that convinced people regardless of the surrounding circumstances—made Karia nod her head slowly.
"The Chief God worked a miracle with His own hands, did He. Then something truly staggering must be waiting for us."
And just like that, I'd concealed my silly daydreaming and secured an alibi proving I hadn't just been lazing around.
'So...'
"So, would you ladies kindly share the conclusion you came to while gossiping? I'm sure it'll be noob-tier, but it's still a reference point."
"Hm. Fine, I'll explain from the beginning. Looking at this map—"
Karia launched into a fluent explanation studded with words only she understood, and I gave up on following the process altogether. Right. What was the point of understanding the process anyway? As long as you got the answer right, you passed the exam. That's all that mattered.
"So first, I think we need to search this island."
Naran Island, was it? I knew the terrain over there like the back of my hand. In the game, you had to comb that island inside and out just to clear Heishan's quest.
But none of the areas I knew had any connection to the no-good Chief God. I couldn't rule out that reality had diverged from the game—but if that were the case, the number of possibilities would explode beyond counting. For now, I'd move on faith in my game knowledge. If the first island was a bust, I'd just rethink things from the second one on.
Hmm. Then the right first move was to search the inaccessible zones—areas that were clearly reachable on the map but locked off in-game.
'Karia...'
"Old spinster hag. You've got a detailed map of this godforsaken island, right? Hand it over."
Taking the map from Karia, I strained to dredge up my hazy memories of the game and scanned the island. I couldn't recall the exact routes, but the minimap I remembered roughly. If my memory served, there was something here and here.
Yes. That's right. I distinctly remembered the community being set ablaze over the "DLC tease" theories. It was definitely here.
Marking two spots on the map with my pen, I sprang to my feet. What was the point of dragging this out? If something needed doing, better to do it fast. My days would be busy running dungeons with the kids, so I'd handle everything tonight. It was a shame I'd have to deal with Arthur—probably still writhing in shame—but that could wait until tomorrow morning.
"Heading straight to the site, Boss?"
'That's the plan. Got a problem with it?'
"What's this, hag? Tired from being old? I hear you get more wrinkles when you skip sleep."
"You've got some idea of what's there, don't you? Good. Let's go now."
My memory of the map had been fuzzy, but seeing the actual terrain jogged things loose. This was how you got here, wasn't it? Yeah, definitely this way.
"My lady, have you visited the Archipelago before?"
Heishan marveled at how naturally I found my way even under a moonless, overcast sky. Even adventurers who'd spent years in this region, she said, couldn't manage that much.
I offered no explanation. I memorized these paths because I walked them ten thousand times in a video game wasn't exactly a line I could deliver.
Call it a substitute, then—the swordswoman stuck to my side, beaming as if my abilities were her own, chattered away to Heishan on my behalf.
"Our lady has always possessed an exceptional talent for finding her way. Roads outside. Paths within dungeons. All of it."
"Wow. Really?"
"Indeed. From the days I served at her side."
Perhaps fitting for someone who'd managed to become friends with the notoriously ill-tempered Second Queen, Heishan didn't brush off Carl's fawning but listened graciously to every word.
And so, walking along while hearing my heroic legend as filtered through the Incompetent Dog's adoring distortion, punctuated by my awkward smiles, our destination appeared before I knew it.
A cave entrance on the island's outer rim. To any passerby it looked like a place anyone could walk into—but in the game, this was a sealed, inaccessible location.
"Ah. So this is the place."
Heishan frowned, as if she'd been here before. Karia immediately pressed her for details.
"You know something about this place?"
"I do. Since arriving in the Archipelago, I've investigated every suspicious location I could find."
"What's the deal with this cave, then? It looks perfectly ordinary."
"It looks that way, yes."
Rather than explain, Heishan demonstrated with her own body. The moment she tried to step inside, she stopped short—blocked by something invisible, exactly as it had worked in the game.
Karia tilted her head at the sight and followed behind Heishan, but the result was no different. The barrier standing at the cave's mouth refused everyone.
"What is this? I've never seen a formation like it."
"I ran every manner of investigation while stationed here, but it yielded nothing."
While the two of them, veterans of far stranger things, puzzling over it, Carl drew her sword.
"Then allow me to carve through it by force."
"...Huh? No. Hey! Wait a second—"
"HYAAAH!"
Ignoring Karia's protest, Carl hoisted her blade and ignited a sword aura blazing with her own color.
KWAAANG!
A single strike carrying even more force than the one that had shattered my defense in their last spar came crashing down on the cave entrance—but the barrier held firm.
Carl bit down hard on her lip, clearly having not anticipated this.
"Hah. It's stubborn. This seems beyond me."
"If you can't do it, Carl, then neither can I. Whew. At this point, shouldn't the head of the house come here herself?"
"You two idiots of Arln. Before you go running your mouths about your lady, shut up and stand in the back."
Under Karia's palm-pressed-to-forehead threat, the two knights meekly retreated. Fools who believed strength solved everything were always helpless before greater strength.
"It's certainly something divine-related, but... should we go fetch someone from that side?"
"Child."
Just as Karia muttered to herself without pause, turning the problem over, Grandfather spoke up.
'What is it?'
"You could enter, I wager."
'Is it a type of barrier you recognize, Grandfather?'
"Nay, it is not that... Hmm. Aye. Call it a hero's instinct."
His tone made it obvious he was keeping something back, but I didn't press. Dragging it out with questions would only leave me more frustrated in the end.
Instead, I walked past the others and stood before the cave, reaching my hand toward where the barrier should have been. My hand passed clean through empty air and entered the cave.
The rest of my body followed suit. The same barrier that had spurned even Carl's full-power strike accepted my flesh as if it were only natural.
As Heishan gaped, vacillating between awe and disbelief, Karia stared at me blankly before finally finding her voice.
"Boss. What exactly did you do?"
'Who knows?'
"Who knows indeed? Unlike you ugly lot, cute little me is probably just fine~"
"So you don't know. Hold on. Let's run a few experiments."
What followed was a whole battery of tests under Karia's direction, and every single attempt only confirmed it further: I was the only one who could enter the cave.
Which was no trouble at all, as far as I was concerned. Once it was all but certain this was a place the no-good Chief God had arranged for me, the odds of an insurmountable trial waiting inside were essentially nil.
"You must not, my lady! There's no telling what lies within—how could we possibly send you in alone?!"
"If you can't even cross the barrier, why are you barking?♡ If there's nothing you can do, then guard the entrance like a good dog. Noob-dog♡"
"But—! But, my lady—!"
While Carl floundered, teary-eyed under the fact-bomb, Karia stepped up beside me and fished assorted items out of her sub-space pouch: potions, a guardian's amulet, scrolls inscribed with spells.
"I'm sure you'll manage, Boss, but just in case—if it feels dangerous, you pull back. Got it?"
'Don't worry.'
"Puhahaha. Meddling as always. Worry about how to kidnap yourself a husband, spinster hag."
Even without Karia's warning, I had no intention of taking reckless risks. This world wasn't a game, and I only had the one life. Yes, I was starving for new content—but I wasn't so far gone that I'd stake my life as the buy-in.
With a breezy wave of my hand to reassure everyone but Carl, I conjured a light with holy magic and headed into the depths of the cave.
How long did I trudge through the empty tunnel? When I finally reached the passage's end, I found it: the entrance of a dungeon, nestled there in the dark.
Unlike the dungeons forged by the Evil Gods, there wasn't the faintest trace of menace about it. The corners of my mouth curled up.
Even a rotten-water veteran like me had never seen this type before. So it wasn't an Evil God's work—had the no-good Chief God built this dungeon personally?
How exciting. What would be waiting inside? My heart dancing at the prospect of fresh content, I pushed open the dungeon's door—and in that instant—
"PUHAHAHAHA!"
I burst out laughing before I could stop myself.
"...Child? What ails thee? What has happened?"
Even at Grandfather's worried voice, I couldn't answer. Simply processing the scene spread out before my eyes was pushing my limits; there was no room left to string words together.
Pfft. Puhahaha.
...
Haah.
Dammit.
I've cleared this dungeon before.
Not in the base game—I visited it back in my Soul Academy degenerate days, when I was grinding through every modded dungeon I could get my hands on.
Hey.
No-good Chief God.
Were you the one behind those goddamn mods?