Second-Semester Finals (8)
Evening of the second day of academy finals. With every exam scheduled for today finally behind me, I made my way to the academy cafeteria, resolved to reward myself for all my hard work.
It was such an exhausting day. Three exams, starting right from the morning. Do you have any idea how grueling it was, cramming the entire test scope into the Log Function during those pitifully short breaks? I was so busy I had to scarf down lunch just to keep reading. Not that it'll go to waste — I have a feeling my scores will turn out more than decent.
"If last-minute cramming can accomplish this much, would it not be simpler to study diligently from the start?"
When I whined at him, Grandpa delivered the voice of reason like the crusty old-timer he was.
Well, sure. If I'd kept up with my studies, I wouldn't be suffering like this. But it wasn't my fault! Every single time I sat down to prepare, that pathetic perverted Chief God dumped some deranged quest on me! Because of that garbage revelation, I had no choice but to bury myself in dungeon design instead of exam prep! So the Log Function cramming was entirely the slacker god's doing! My lazy studying was the pervert god's fault too! I'm nothing but a victim, dragged around by a lecherous, libido-driven pedophile of a god!
"In all my long life, this is the first time I've met an apostle who pins her sins on the very god she serves."
"That's fine by me! Do you have any idea how much I've suffered because of the Chief God?"
"...Hmm. You have indeed endured a great deal, but still."
"Right? Right?"
Compare how much I've suffered because of the slacker Chief God with how little I've ever done for Him — this level of double standard is just...
Ah! There it is! The parfait I ordered!
I stopped grumbling at Grandpa and drank in the parfait the waiter set before me.
Oooh. Strawberry parfait today? That looks absolutely delicious!
The presentation exceeded even my imagination, and I whooped with delight, quickly setting my spoon to work carving out a corner of it. Vanilla ice cream. Chocolate. Strawberries piled on top. What a scene of pure decadence.
It's the kind of sight I'd love to gaze at forever — except ice cream, by its very nature, melts away someday. So I'll just save this image in my memory and my stomach instead.
The moment I opened wide and swept all three layers into my mouth in one bite, an involuntary sigh of bliss escaped me.
Sweet! So sweet and tangy! And that's exactly why I love it!
My sanity officially gone, I worked my spoon without pause, shoveling parfait into my mouth.
I'm so excited I can't help it! It's too delicious — my hand simply won't stop!
"Hah. Very well. If it lets you smile so innocently, I shall count the Chief God's misdeeds as forgiven."
The exam-season special parfait was so enormous its tip nearly reached my nose across the table, but demolishing it posed no problem whatsoever.
Think about how much I normally move! When you consider the calories I burn in that hellish training, this is nothing!
Having obliterated the parfait, I set down my spoon with a satisfied smile. Mmm. The cafeteria is already stuffed with wonderful food, but during exam season it goes one whole level further, packed with absolutely god-tier menu options. I love it. If only they composed the menu like this all year round... though I suppose practical limits make that impossible?
Successfully recharged on sugar, I stretched and rose from my seat.
Now then, off to see Adri. I need to go tell that girl to take it easy...
Hm? As I stood, I realized every gaze inside the cafeteria was pinned on me. The searing stares poured in regardless of year or gender, and I nearly took a step backward.
What is this? These are people who normally avoid my eyes even to avoid entangling with me — why are they glaring at me today of all days?
Uh-oh. Could it be — did they hand out the hint today? If everyone's glaring because they're all fired up over that, I'm in serious trouble. If the very first hint whips the mood into this frenzy, the next one will be utter pandemonium.
"What's this♡ They made a mockery of you and you still came crawling back for another hint?♡ Did you finally awaken to your hidden tastes?♡ Have you developed a taste for being cursed at?♡ Ewww~♡ Gross~♡"
If people read a hint that opened with lines like that, wouldn't everyone already seething just pile even more hatred onto me?
Having envisioned that horrific future, I resigned myself to cruel reality and sat back down.
And ordered another parfait.
Whatever I do here, those looks aren't going to change. In that case, I'll just eat more delicious things and blow off the stress.
Having cleanly finished off the second parfait under that barrage of searing stares, I headed for Adri's mansion.
Adri had been living practically glued to Vishy's side lately, but her origin remained the earthbound spirit of that mansion. All it took was radiating a little divinity inside a house that looked ready to collapse at any moment —
"Hey! Are you trying to purify me right now!?"
Ta-da. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you summon Adri.
"Hello, Adri."
"Puhaha! Look at you, popping out like a startled rabbit. Utterly hideous."
"You're saying that with a knife held to my throat!? You lunatic!"
Wasn't she overreacting? I'd carefully modulated the divinity so it wouldn't actually harm her. A spirit of Adri's caliber couldn't be purified by a trickle like that anyway.
As I tilted my head, convinced I'd done nothing wrong, Adri — whose shoulders had been trembling with rage — eventually exhaled a frosty sigh.
"...So what did you come here for."
"I've come to ask you to show some restraint."
"Came to tell you to rein it in, granny. I get that your granddaughter is precious to you, but you're being utterly pathetic."
I understood wanting to coach Vishy through her headaches. But she needed to know her limits. Vishy's party grinding the fourth room, same as Arthur's group? Come on. Given their actual strength, that's flatly absurd.
"Ah. So it's about the dungeon."
Adri seemed to have a fair idea of what was coming; she averted her gaze and rubbed the back of her neck.
"Still, the dungeon you made is way too hard."
"Is it, though?"
"Too hard? Pfft. Granny, I hadn't realized you possessed a mind even dimmer than I imagined."
No. It should be physically impossible for Adri to call a dungeon too hard. If she struggles with something built to student standards, what does that make everything else?
"I'm not saying it's hard for me!"
"Also..."
"And, granny? That flickering memory of yours? It's an exam, you see."
That dungeon is, above all, a final examination. If it isn't hard, it can't sort the capable from the incapable — simple as that.
"You do understand, right...?"
"Your antics are a burden even to that invisible wallflower of a granddaughter. Unless you've got dementia, you can piece that together yourself."
"Haah. Fine, fine. I'll leave her to do it on her own."
Huh. That went far more smoothly than expected. I'd braced for her to dig in her heels.
"Was that everything you wanted?"
"Yep. Yep."
"What, feeling lonely? Shall I keep an old granny company, then?"
"If you've got time to spare, there is something I want to ask."
"What is it?"
"What is it? Go ahead. I'll hear you out."
What on earth could she be so curious about that Adri would speak first? She's supposed to hate talking to me.
"What in the world is this accessory the Art Order's apostle supposedly crafted, that every last one of those brats is losing their minds over it?"
Her complaint — that she couldn't fathom why nobles and merchant magnates alike were gambling their lives in a frenzy over a single trinket — drew a laugh out of me.
"Shall I show you?"
"Well~, if you're begging, I suppose I could show you."
"...Tch. Fine. I'm asking."
The reward items for clearing the dungeon had long since been handed over to the academy, so those were off the table. But the accessory that perverted apostle had made for me personally was right here in my hands. The designs were different, yes — but this, too, was a work of the perverted apostle. More than enough to feel why people lose their minds over these things.
I fished the accessory out of my Inventory and held it out — and Adri froze solid, mouth hanging open.
I understand that feeling completely. When I first saw it, I was so stunned that the perverted apostle's enthusiastic explanation went entirely in one ear and out the other.
"A hairpin... is it?"
"That's right."
"Oh? So an old granny can still tell her trinkets apart. Correct."
What the perverted apostle had given me was a hairpin — something to bind my twin tails in place of ribbons. Though hardly flashy, it radiated an unmistakable refinement; nothing about it screamed for attention, yet it never vanished into my hair either, quietly but persistently announcing its presence. Even someone like me, who knew nothing about such things, could feel how luxurious it was. It got so bad I actually caught myself wondering whether I deserved a treasure like this for a single bunny-girl outfit.
Of course, I never said that out loud. Who knew what kind of lunacy the perverted apostle and the Crow goddess would spew if I handed them an opening.
"This was made for you, wasn't it."
"How can you tell just by looking at it?"
"You think so? You're certain?"
"Of course. One look at the devotion poured into this hairpin and it becomes obvious."
Adri puffed up her shoulders, declaring that in life she had been the daughter of a fairly renowned noble house.
I have absolutely no idea how to respond to that. Whatever I say, the moment the Mesugaki skill translates it, it's going to come out as a vicious insult.
"Could you put it on? Just once?"
Faced with Adri's request, I hesitated for a moment.
Last time I wore this thing, all hell broke loose. The perverted apostle dropped to his knees before me, weeping tears of gratitude for the honor of fastening it on me. And the face-con fox trailing beside him had somehow transformed into human form, thrusting out a collar I had no idea where she'd been keeping, banging her head against the floor begging to wear it...
...Now that I think about it, the problem there was those two wastes of oxygen, not the hairpin. Comparing them to Adri would be an insult to her. Fine, I'll try it on.
It had been nearly a year since I started wearing my hair in twin tails anyway, so there was not a shred of hesitation in my hands as I slipped the pin into place. I leaned in and presented my face before Adri — and the girl fell open-mouthed all over again.
What now? Coming from a girl who loves her cruel little jabs, I fully expected commentary about how the accessory deserved a better mannequin, or something along those lines. Why the silence?
As I waited, one eyebrow lowered, Adri slowly ran both hands down her own face.
"Hey."
"Yes?"
"Why."
"Just... don't go around wearing that thing if you can possibly help it."
Well, obviously — I know exactly what this accessory is worth, and I wasn't planning to wear it anywhere but truly important occasions anyway. But her reaction feels a little different from what I imagined.
I tilted my head and pulled the hairpin back out, and Adri heaved a sigh of relief.
I mean, seriously — what's that supposed to mean? What exactly is wrong with how I look wearing it?
"You granted my request, so I'll give you one piece of advice in return."
"Advice?"
"Advice? From a granny like you? To me?"
"Lie low and be careful until the academy break. The number of exam-grinders out there saying they want to crush you is only growing."
I had no idea what she'd written into the hint, but the story that everyone who read it came out spewing curses at me drew a wry laugh from my lips. That people were tackling the dungeon I built with such genuine passion should have made me happy. But when the actual purpose of all that passion was to drag me out for a "hard lesson"... there was no way I could laugh it off with an easy heart.
Damn you, Mesugaki skill! Why do you instigate against me every single time?! Could this too be a scheme by the slacker Chief God?! Rallying every soul in the dungeon to give me a "hard lesson" — that's it, isn't it?! Hey! You perverted pedophile Chief God! I'm your own apostle — does it make any sense at all to stack the deck just because you want to watch me get schooled?!
"Not that a pack of idiots lumped together changes much, if you ask me. Still, you never know where that fury might come flying out, do you?"
"...Thank you sooo much for the advice."
"Heheh. Were you worried about me, perhaps? My dear lonely old granny — all that snippiness on the outside, but deep down you wanted me safe? Pfft. My, my. What a hopeless blusher you are."
"...Don't you dare expect me to give you advice ever again!"