Field Trip (7)
Even after reading the line about increased rewards, I felt not the slightest bit of joy. After all, the last time a similar message had appeared, what I'd received was an enhancement to the Mesugaki skill.
Thinking about it again, it was horrifying. Incompetent Dog. Lewd Saintess. The Mesugaki skill, which had spewed every unspeakable insult imaginable at the people around me—the very people I'd actually grown fond of—had been a true nightmare.
The situation now was eerily similar. I had cleared the quest the noob Chief God had given me after enduring no small amount of hardship, and I'd received the reward right after hurling a string of curses at Him. Just like before.
Granted, the intensity of my insults wasn't as severe as last time. Back then, I'd thrown a full-blown tantrum because the reward for surviving a near-death crisis had been so pathetically underwhelming; this time, I'd merely grumbled.
But still. Would the noob Chief God even care about that sort of distinction?
Would that petty, spiteful being—someone whose personality seemed far too flawed to deserve the title of Chief God—truly concern Himself with whether my insults were mild or severe? No. He'd simply think, That insolent brat insulted me.
Come to think of it, the karmic debt I'd piled up by now probably numbered more than one or two. What names had I called the noob Chief God, every time I summoned Him?
As I carefully retraced my memories, I got too scared to continue.
Mmm. Perhaps that was a touch blasphemous? Your Honor! This wasn't my fault! The Lucy inside me ran her mouth of her own accord!
I was merely trying to speak of the glory of Lady Armadi, but Lucy cut me off and called You the noob Chief God! Don't spout such nonsense!
What am I supposed to do about it?! Honestly, Your Honor, if you'd been in the same situation, you'd have cursed out the noob sadist pervert Chief God too!
[...]
Is this what it feels like to be a condemned prisoner awaiting execution? The waiting is harder than the punishment itself. Ah, damn it. What good does sitting still do? Just put your armor on, Lucy. The others are waiting for you.
The moment I uncrossed my arms and reached for the armor sprawled across the bed, a notification chime rang out.
That was a coincidence, right? You didn't deliberately time that to screw with me, did you? I'd like to believe you didn't? Not that my belief matters either way—one look at the message's contents and I'll know whether it was chance or malice.
The message floated before my eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to look at it. I was certain it would be something unpleasant.
The Mesugaki skill isn't getting enhanced again, is it? It's not going to make my speech even more insufferable, or force my actions, or turn every single word out of my mouth into a provocation that gets me challenged to duels by random passersby... right?
And if not that, then how else would He screw me over? I had no idea. Not a clue. Is it because I'm a lowly mortal that I cannot fathom the will of the great and glorious noob Chief God?
Ugh, whatever. Who cares. Worst case, it's another round of bullying. Either way, I'm the noob Chief God's fun little toy right now—surely He wouldn't screw me over too extravagantly?
Having convinced myself, I lifted my head, read a few characters of the message, and ducked back down in a panic.
...A skill will be enhanced.
Son of a—?! It IS the thing I imagined?! Is the noob Chief God so noob-brained that His idea of bullying is on the same level as any ordinary mortal's?!
No. No. Calm down. I haven't confirmed what comes after that yet. Who knows? Maybe those words ahead of it aren't about the Mesugaki skill at all.
gingerly lifting my head once more, I read the message in full—and forgot to blink.
The Iron Wall skill is being enhanced.
Blocking an attack with precise timing reduces the damage of that attack.
Parrying.
A mechanic that any game which prides itself on skill-based control includes as a matter of course.
Soul Academy had parrying too. The timing window was punishingly strict, so it was a technique only veterans ever bothered to use.
Put another way, it was an essential technique for veterans. Without it, you could never pull off the bizarre feats like hunting bosses bare-handed.
I'd used it plenty myself, back when this world was still a game. But parrying, like everything else, was ultimately just a mechanic within a game—and it had vanished the moment this world became reality.
And now it had come back as an enhancement to the Iron Wall skill. To be precise, it was an inferior version of a true parry—but so what!
Parrying was back!
I couldn't quite believe it, so I read the words on the message window over and over again.
Just like back when I first started playing Soul Academy and happened to loot an endgame-tier item, unable to believe my eyes, staring at it again and again.
"Pff. Puhahahat!"
Before I knew it, laughter was spilling out of me. The laugh that had started from somewhere deep in my chest seemed to have erased the very word "stop" from the dictionary, and I burst out laughing in my room for a good long while.
When I finally managed to claw my way back to sanity, I pressed my palms together and offered a prayer to the heavens.
O revered, mighty, and majestic Armadi. I give You thanks. By handing this blasphemous unbeliever a gift instead of punishment, You have made me realize, of my own accord, just how merciful and magnificent a being Armadi truly is.
From this day forward, I shall offer prayers of gratitude each and every night toward the place where Armadi resides.
Kyahaha! Parrying! THE parrying, the one that gave me that mind-blowing game-feel rush!
Ahh. I want to go fight something. I want to parry!
Come to think of it, this forest is absolutely crawling with convenient training dummies perfect for testing out parrying in real life!
Haa. All you Academy first-years are dead. For real.
Heheh. Heheheh.
"So... Lady Aln, in order to save me..."
"There's no way Lady Aln would have worn an outfit like that without a reason, is there?"
Having heard from Joy the story of why Lucy had been wearing the bunny girl outfit, Phoebe's mouth hung open for a moment before she lowered her gaze and clasped her hands together in front of her chest.
Of course. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would never willingly dress themselves in something so humiliating.
Lady Aln had committed her share of outrageous acts, yes, but she always maintained the bare minimum of dignity. However coarse her speech, however freely she insulted others, she had never once caused a problem with her gestures or her attire.
If someone like her had worn such a shameful outfit, there must have been a reason—and I hadn't thought of that even for a moment. All I'd felt was confusion, wondering why Lady Aln would behave that way. I'd even thought it vulgar.
While I was trapped in my hallucination, Lady Aln had been enduring that humiliation for my sake. And I—what kind of person am I?
...I should go apologize.
Having made up her mind, Phoebe rose from her chair and spoke.
"I'll go see Lady Aln and return shortly."
As she walked, debating what she should say, Phoebe found herself before Lucy's room before she knew it.
She said she'd be changing clothes? But she's awfully quiet for someone putting on armor. Is she perhaps doing something else in there?
Approaching the door to knock, Phoebe noticed it was slightly ajar. Was she changing somewhere other than here after all?
Without thinking, she slipped her eyes into the gap—and discovered Lucy at prayer.
There, amid the armor strewn across the floor, Lucy faced the great Chief God with her skin bared, and she was radiant.
Like gazing upon one of the religious paintings hung at the heart of the Church of the Main God.
Who would ever look at her and think of the arrogant girl who normally looked down on everyone with that infuriating smirk?
Phoebe could only stare, transfixed.
Is Lady Aln speaking with Armadi right now? Listening to Her voice?
Unlike me—forced to hear a voice from within a false illusion—she must be hearing the voice of the true Armadi with her own ears.
Then, at some point, the corner of Lucy's mouth lifted. Not her usual infuriating smirk, but a smile that was earnest, sincere, and solemn.
At the sight of it, Phoebe stumbled backward without meaning to, then forced her feet to a halt.
You mustn't run away, Phoebe. If you turn your back now, you'll simply repeat the same mistake all over again.
When you've done something wrong, what matters most is to repent of it and set it right. Don't retreat. Move forward.
Phoebe took a deep breath and rapped gently on the door.
"Lady Aln. Are you decent at the moment?"
"Noob Saintess? One moment. Waiting is the one thing you scatterbrained types are actually good at, isn't it?"
"...That's true."
After all, my entire life has been one long wait.
The reason Phoebe had come to see me was to offer an apology and her thanks.
She was sorry for falling into the hallucination despite my warning, and grateful that I had swallowed my pride to pull her out of it.
In response, I told her that I'd only taken responsibility because I was the one who had dragged her into this trial in the first place—but Phoebe wouldn't budge.
So I simply accepted her apology. Phoebe had a wonderful personality, but she was stubborn about these particular things, and there was no helping it.
After that, when I returned to the drawing room, the Horny Fox gathered us all together.
"Now. I shall grant you whelps the reward for passing my trial."
Finally.
The Horny Fox's whole degenerate persona was off-putting, but the blessings she handed out were genuinely well-built ones.
As you could tell from the fact that her trial targeted the mind, her reward was mind-related as well.
The effect was this: increased resistance to debuffs that afflicted the mind. In plain terms, it lowered your odds of falling victim to things like hallucinations and charms.
And once you heard the explanation, it was obvious—the blessing from the Horny Fox was exactly the skill I needed most right now.
Because if the Mesugaki skill's debuff ever got me, that would be the end of me, full stop. Any skill that could shave even a sliver off that probability was always welcome.
Just as I waited for my reward with a heart full of anticipation, the Horny Fox cleared her throat and added,
"However, maiden who serves the divine. You are the exception. For you were devoured by the illusion."
Fair enough. Phoebe did fail the trial, after all. But considering how unsteadily Phoebe was teetering about right now, it really did seem like she needed this blessing.
In the game, Phoebe would have been no concern at all—but the Phoebe standing beside me now wobbled so persistently that I worried she might keel over.
Hmm. Isn't there some way around this?
"Yes. I understand."
As Phoebe nodded, declaring it only right, I racked my brain.
Come to think of it, this Horny Fox is a face-con AND a masochist, isn't she? Which means if I hurled some heartfelt abuse at her, wouldn't she be over the moon?
The quest Armadi gave me is already finished, so there's nothing stopping me from leaving right now. And if all else fails, I can just put the bunny outfit back on and give the Horny Fox's rear a good kick.
Perfect. I'll get a little revenge for the humiliation she put me through, and dish out some abuse while I'm at it.
"Horny Fox♡ Why are you SO petty?♡ Ahaha♡ Don't tell me you're talking nonsense just because you're desperate to get insulted?♡ Pervert♡ Just looking at you makes my skin crawl♡"
"Beautiful maiden. That is not what this is about."
"Liar♡ You're an incurable masochist who gets off on having your butt kicked♡ Pervert♡ Honestly♡ Just admit it♡ You're dying to be pinned under my foot, whimpering♡ Foxes are canines too, aren't they?♡ Hm?♡"
The Horny Fox's face flushed red at my taunts, and her lips trembled. Hmmm. Even the most committed masochist in existence can't endure the Mesugaki skill's provocations after all?
I was just wondering whether I'd need to change into the bunny outfit to smooth things over when suddenly, the Horny Fox dropped to her knees.
"Arf! Arf-arf!"
And then she crawled around the floor on all fours, barking.
Haa. This is the Lord of the Forest.
...
I genuinely can't stand her.