Chapter 389: Changed. Unchanged.
Chapter 389: Changed. Unchanged.
Splash!
“Mmm.”
A satisfied groan escaped my lips as I submerged myself in the hot bath. The heat of the water spread through every corner of my body, warming me from the inside out. The scalding heat felt as if it were caressing my very bones, gently melting away all the accumulated fatigue.
I was just about to close my eyes, thinking this was paradise itself, when I heard a voice.
“Ooh, hot.”
I turned my head toward the sound and saw a woman with a white cloth wrapped from her chest to her thighs. It was Lim Hanna.
Her mouth was slightly agape, one foot lifted hesitantly. A few drops of water trickled from the tips of her pretty toes; it seemed the water was hotter than she’d expected.
It was such a refreshing sight that I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.
Lim Hanna reacted immediately.
“Why are you laughing…?”
“I’m sorry if that bothered you.”
I apologized right away, but her expression only grew stranger. It was a face that screamed awkwardness… the kind that showed she had no idea what to do.
At my words, she dipped her foot in carefully and pouted.
“I finally started speaking casually with you… It took a lot of courage…”
“It’s not the first time, is it? You spoke casually once before.”
“H-Huh?”
“What was it you said… ‘Are you telling me to just stand by and wait again?’ Something like that? You were doing it just fine then.”
Splash!
Lim Hanna submerged herself completely, tilting her head. But then, as if recalling her own words and actions during the war, her expression changed drastically.
“…You’re so mean.”
Bubble, bubble.
Unable to bear any more teasing, she dunked her head underwater, her face flushed red.
Deciding I should stop with the silly jokes, I turned my head forward again and spoke softly.
“You said you had something to tell me.”
No answer came. Instead, I heard the sound of water being pushed aside and saw faint ripples disturb the once-calm surface of the bath.
“It’s just…”
Soon, her calm voice returned, and at the same time, I felt a gentle hand carefully touching my back. Was she that bothered by the bloodstains?
Just as I was thinking she could be surprisingly persistent, Lim Hanna continued.
“Because you seemed to be having a hard time.”
“……”
At her words, I slowly closed my eyes and thought for a moment.
Subjectively speaking, I wasn’t having a hard time. I was physically exhausted, of course, but I hadn’t suffered a major mental shock.
Then again, it was hard to say I was normal. Or perhaps… I should say I wasn’t my usual self.
I thought I hadn’t shown it on the outside…
How did Lim Hanna notice my state?
“Why do you think that?”
“Um… have you seen the baby unicorn?”
Since I hadn’t left my room at all, I shook my head. This time, I felt a warm hand gently kneading my shoulder. The touch was moist from the water, yet it had a subtle stickiness to it that made me exhale softly.
“How was he? Was he crying?”
“N-No. He wasn’t crying. But he looked incredibly depressed. He was just lying there, limp, not reacting to anything. He looked so drained… But you know what?”
“?”
“Unicorns are very sensitive to emotions, right?”
“They are.”
“And they’re said to be especially sensitive to their master’s emotions.”
Did that mean she’d guessed my condition after seeing the baby unicorn?
I felt a little unconvinced, but I decided to hear her out for now.
“What is it you’re trying to say?”
“Right. So… on the way back after the war ended… I suddenly had this thought. What if I hadn’t held you back out of my own selfishness? Then maybe…”
What was she talking about?
“Nonsense.”
I dismissed her words lightly. The moment I did, I felt her slow, gentle hands stop.
“Don’t blame yourself. If we’re going to assign blame, it would be my fault for deciding to participate in the war in the first place.”
“Really? Do you really think so? You’re not blaming yourself?”
“Shin Sangyong’s death was certainly unfortunate, but at the same time, it was unavoidable. We were in the middle of a war.”
I drew a firm line. I raised my voice slightly, a warning for her to stop with the foolish talk.
“……”
Lim Hanna seemed to have understood me. She didn't react for a moment, then her hands slowly began to move again.
A little time passed in mutual silence.
“You have so many scars… It’s heartbreaking…”
“……”
Feeling her rub a little harder, as if trying to wipe away the dried bloodstains, I slowly opened my eyes. I deliberately focused on the hazy white steam rising before me.
From the moment I’d entered the bath, the touch on my back had been incredibly gentle and soft, as if it were a reflection of Lim Hanna’s own personality.
This is its own form of torture.
It was then.
“I’m so glad…”
“?”
“You know, you really are different from him. I feel a little relieved now. Hehe.”
I was about to turn around at her cryptic words, but I couldn’t. I could tell she had gently buried her face between my hands on my back. Her breath tickled my skin, and I spoke in a low voice.
“Him… Are you talking about the former owner of the Love House?”
“Huh? You remember?”
“I heard the story before. I remember him being a pretty successful User.”
The owner of the Love House.
He had once led a fairly successful caravan, but after a major failure on an expedition, the caravan had all but disbanded. Later, while in the process of gathering the remaining members to merge with a clan, Lim Hanna, unable to handle the shock, had left on her own.
What I had heard was that this User had been a benefactor to her. And that he had died after joining the first rescue team when the clan he’d joined went silent during an expedition to the Plateau of Delusion.
I was guessing a little, but I clearly remembered the story I’d heard when I first took Lim Hanna in. I had figured she had her own story back then and had planned to ask her about it when the opportunity arose.
Lim Hanna spoke.
“He was successful, yes. And with one mistake, it all crumbled.”
“……”
“That man… he acted so composed on the outside… but he lost his close comrades and his lover then. He was tormented by guilt for a long time after that.”
“Tormented by guilt… I suppose that could happen.”
“Yeah. You could tell just by his actions. His lover used to be one of the Flowers of the Night. He suddenly used all his saved gold coins to build a building for them… and he was always telling me to treat them well…”
Lim Hanna’s voice trailed off as she spoke. She fell silent for a moment before continuing in a self-deprecating tone.
“It was all just pointless concern…”
The thought that Lim Hanna might have liked the man she called ‘oppa’ crossed my mind, but I didn’t say it out loud. Her voice was gradually becoming thick with emotion.
“Did that User join the rescue team because of guilt, too?”
“A little? There was a comrade he used to work with.”
“Then you should have tried to stop him. Or at least talked to him.”
“I did. But he said the same thing he always did. To just wait and not worry about anything… So I just waited quietly. Hehe. Thinking back, he was always like that. Always telling me to wait. To trust only him. Not to worry… But I had nothing to say to that.”
In that instant, a thought flashed through my mind.
‘I refuse! Are you telling me to just stand by and wait again?’
“Is that why you said that back then? That this time, you wouldn’t just stand by and wait.”
“…Yeah. I just did as I was told, waited quietly as I heard. Then, when I confirmed that he had died… I deeply regretted my actions. I denied it, but… in a way, I was the cause of his guilt.”
The cause?
I let out a short sigh at her answer. At the same time, I felt a sliver of pity. I had gone through a similar experience myself.
Hyung.
The only difference was that I had gone on a mad rampage fueled by revenge, while Lim Hanna had probably been too shocked and afraid to do anything on her own.
“That User must have cherished you a lot.”
I spoke quietly. As I did, I heard Lim Hanna’s shoulders tremble slightly, followed by the sound of her stifling a giggle.
A heavy silence fell once more. This time, it was a little longer.
“……”
“……”
Just as I was wondering if I’d misspoken, I felt her slowly lift her head from my back.
“Soohyun… I have a confession to make. Something I haven’t told you.”
“What is it?”
“What happened to the caravan back then… it was actually my fault. I drew the aggro wrong, and we were ambushed by a massive horde of monsters.”
“…That was your fault?”
Lim Hanna gave a slight nod in response to my question.
“I couldn’t face anyone, especially him. I just thought of myself as a sinner. That’s why I refused the merger offer and left immediately. I thought I couldn’t cause any more trouble.”
…So that’s what had happened.
I was lost in thought for a moment before speaking in a low voice.
“I don’t think it was your fault.”
“Huh? Why? How would you know?”
“It’s a guess. But think about it rationally. Isn’t it a similar case to this time? ‘If I hadn’t done this or that, that wouldn’t have happened.’ That kind of thing. If it was 100% your fault, why would that User have felt guilty? He had a perfect excuse in you.”
“!”
I felt Lim Hanna flinch. It seemed my words had hit the mark.
She seemed to have nothing more to say, so I decided to speak first.
“There’s one thing I’m curious about.”
“Huh? Y-Yeah.”
“You told me before that you wanted to forge your own destiny. What did you mean by that?”
“Ah…”
Lim Hanna let out a faint gasp.
Splash, splash.
A moment later, I felt her slowly pull her head away. She then came around to my front and faced me directly. Through her hair, beaded with droplets of water, her eyes showed a faint tremor.
“I was really surprised when I first saw you. Your actions, the way people around you looked at you… it was all exactly the same as him. I stared at you a lot at first… Didn’t you know?”
“I didn’t. But hearing you say it, I don’t think we’re that similar…”
“You are. You try to do everything by yourself.”
I had no retort to that, so I just let out a weak groan.
Lim Hanna chuckled, “Hehe,” and took a deep breath. Then, in a low tone, she began a very long explanation.
“So when Yeonju asked me to join the clan, I agonized over it. I wanted to go, but was it okay for me to? Could I really do well? What if something like that happened again? I tossed and turned every night, worrying and worrying.”
“You really are something…”
“I had so many doubts, but I couldn’t stop myself from being drawn to you. So I decided to give it a try and joined.”
So that was the real reason, and the Flowers of the Night were a secondary one. My personal guess was that Lim Hanna herself had been confused at the time and had used the issue with the Flowers of the Night as a form of escape.
“But you know what’s really funny? Not long after I joined, you went to Mule. And then we lost contact after the Vagabond attack. What do you think I thought then?”
“Don’t tell me you thought that was your fault, too.”
“…Because the circumstances surrounding me were like that. My comrades died, he died, and I thought you had died, too. At that point, I just thought it was fate. Ah, I’m a witch. My fate has been cursed ever since that day.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
I shook my head in disbelief.
But now, I felt like I understood a little. What Lim Hanna had been thinking all this time, and what she was trying to tell me. She had always been so gentle and calm that I never knew, but it seemed her inner world was quite complicated.
“So you were worried about me? That this incident would make me feel guilty and waver, just like he did?”
Lim Hanna didn’t answer. Instead, she nodded a couple of times, her eyes moist.
Seeing her like that, for some reason, I thought she was cute.
I smiled faintly again.
“Why are you laughing…?”
“Because I was thinking what a pointless thing you were worried about.”
“…Hmph.”
“Well. I don’t know what that User was like, but…”
I paused for a moment, then slowly stood up.
The conversation had gone on longer than I’d expected. I felt I’d soaked long enough, and it was probably best to wash up and get out.
My eyes met Lim Hanna’s as she stared up at me, and I held out both my hands.
“You heard my answer earlier, didn’t you?”
For a moment, Lim Hanna’s eyes shook violently. Then, the lips she had been biting firmly curved into a gentle arc. She smiled.
“Yes. I heard you.”
Lim Hanna took my hands and pulled herself up. As her body was revealed, I calmly averted my gaze. The wet cloth clung to her skin, hiding nothing.
Sensing my reaction, Lim Hanna smiled softly and continued speaking. My hands were still held in hers.
“Hehe. Why?”
“Let’s get out now.”
“Just a moment.”
“?”
The moment I turned at her call, I felt Lim Hanna slowly approaching.
*
Stars still dotted the night sky. I thought we had spent quite a lot of time in the bath, but it seemed it was still early dawn.
Thanks to Lim Hanna’s help, I had been able to completely wash off the bloodstains from my body.
Feeling a refreshing sensation that was a world away from how I’d felt before, I walked toward the main building.
Thud, thud. Thud, thud.
As I entered the building and stepped onto the dark staircase, I thought about Lim Hanna.
Everyone has a story.
Even if that story might seem trivial, honestly, it wasn’t a bad feeling.
I had been feeling particularly lonely today, and Lim Hanna’s concern was a pleasant attention that soothed my loneliness. Remembering the warm, soft touch I had felt from her, I lightly touched my lips.
At the same time, a worry surfaced. How was I going to explain this to Ko Yeonju and Jung Hayeon…?
Just as I reached my room on the fourth floor and opened the door, I felt a slight sense of unease.
Two things were strange.
One, the blood-soaked bedsheet had been replaced with a clean one. Two, the center of the new sheet was bulging upwards. Feeling a sense of absurdity, I walked over and lifted the neatly arranged sheet.
“Kkyu.”
As if suddenly hit by the cold air, the baby unicorn was curled up into a ball, its head buried deep.
I blinked for a moment, then immediately understood the situation. I carefully climbed onto the bed so as not to wake the baby unicorn and slowly lay down. Then, I gently pulled the shivering creature into an embrace.
“Kkyu?”
“It’s okay. It’s okay.”
The baby unicorn immediately lifted its head in response, but after a few soothing strokes, its head began to nod again. As I felt it snuggle into my embrace, I finally felt a wave of drowsiness wash over me.
Slowly patting the baby unicorn, who was now breathing evenly again, I closed my eyes.
A chill still lingered in the room. But with the warmth I felt against my stomach, the clean sheets, and the lingering sensation on my lips, I thought to myself.
That I wasn’t so lonely anymore.