Chapter 30: Why Are You Doing This?
Chapter 30: Why Are You Doing This?
“After we found the cabin, you went out to scout the area for a bit, Oppa. While Oppa was gone, we talked about you.”
“What did you talk about?”
“We talked about the other survivors we met today. That man threw a dagger at Yoojung-unni, and Oppa shot him through the hand with a crossbow bolt, remember?”
I nodded silently at Kim Hanbyul’s words. At the time, I had prepared for the worst. If Woo Jungmin and Seon Yuun had attacked with the intent to kill, one or two of us would certainly have died unless I revealed my true strength. That was why I had planned to disable one of them at the outset if matters went wrong.
“And Hyun-oppa blocked the dagger with his shield.”
“That’s right.”
“Everyone is praising Ahn Hyun-oppa, saying how amazing he was and how grateful they are. But do you know what they’re saying about what Oppa did today?”
“…”
I had a vague premonition of what she was about to say, and I didn’t want to hear it. But before I could speak, Kim Hanbyul opened her mouth.
“They aren’t saying it to your face, but their shock is obvious. Ahn Sol was nearly in tears because she was frightened. Ahn Hyun-oppa and Yoojung-unni also looked shaken. And that isn’t all. They disapproved of how bluntly you spoke to that woman today.”
“Hm. I see.”
When I nodded calmly, Kim Hanbyul looked at me with an expression of utter disbelief.
“This is not an ‘I see’ situation. Don’t you feel wronged? Don’t you ever feel like saying, ‘I did it to protect Yoojung-unni,’ or, ‘You all pushed it onto me because none of you wanted to say it, so you have no right to criticize me’?”
Was that what had happened? I had apparently been too deep in thought to notice the subtle change in atmosphere. I did feel somewhat hurt, but I did not want to treat it as a grave matter. Once we entered the Hall Plain, sooner or later they might have to kill other people as well.
Seeing my placid expression, Kim Hanbyul seemed frustrated and continued in a placating tone.
“Oppa, you always worry alone, think alone. You try to take on most of the burdensome tasks by yourself. Of course, I know Oppa doesn’t have any bad intentions.”
“I think there’s a misunderstanding. Just a moment…”
“I’m not trying to make an issue out of a misunderstanding. As I’ve said before, Oppa’s judgment has always been trustworthy. I believe that, too.”
My heart sank at Hanbyul’s words. Since leaving the city, I had often caught her staring at me, especially while Ahn Hyun and I discussed what to do next. I had dismissed it because nothing seemed wrong, but it appeared Hanbyul had finally cornered me.
“That’s not true. We…”
“Oppa, speak casually to me.”
Kim Hanbyul cut me off, and for a moment, I stammered. When I looked at her with wide eyes, she was glaring at me with a dissatisfied expression.
“Huh? What?”
“I said to use casual speech. You speak comfortably with all the other unnis and oppas, so why won’t you do the same with me?”
“…Alright.”
For a brief moment, I was completely overwhelmed. Me, of all people. A Year 10 User of the Hall Plain…
I should stop. Just looking at Kim Hanbyul reminded me of Han Soyoung, and my heart would waver on its own. I couldn’t just dismiss it as her unique ability, Charisma. There was no doubt that my gaze toward her often held a subtle emotion. That’s how similar her initial aura was to someone I once knew.
I cleared my throat and continued what I had been trying to say.
“It isn’t as if I always made the decisions. You, me, Hyun, and Sol—we all put our heads together and worked things out.”
“Don’t lie. At least you have enough of a conscience not to include Yoojung-unni.”
“Didn’t Hyun have a harder time than I did? He was impressive in the fight with those monkeys today too.”
“There you go again. That might work on Ahn Hyun-oppa or Yoojung-unni, but please don’t do it with me. Don’t try to change the subject so subtly. Ahn Hyun-oppa and I barely defeated two by working together. You handled two alone, Oppa, and even helped Yoojung-unni with hers.”
Hanbyul’s words struck a sore point. She truly was similar, and I found myself unable to underestimate her. Had the glances she occasionally directed at me been observations all along? She appeared to have prepared carefully before confronting me.
I sighed internally. I decided to listen a little longer, and if it became too much, I would just have to be direct.
“It was always the same—in the forest, in the city, and when we met those strangers today. Oppa normally stayed one step back, but whenever danger became real, Oppa stepped forward. If we are one team, Oppa is the person leading it and the pillar supporting it, not Ahn Hyun-oppa. That was why I was angry. Why should Oppa have to hear those things?”
Is she worried about me?
“I don’t know. I see it differently. Ahn Hyun is genuinely capable. He takes action, has drive, and makes bold decisions. And I don’t think you need to read too much into what they said. In a sense, all of us are leaders, and the Rite of Passage places great importance on cooperation.”
“Stop it. Oppa, why on earth are you doing this?”
“I really don’t know what you’re trying to say.”
Even as I said I didn’t know, I felt a sting in my gut. I didn’t have the confidence to look into Kim Hanbyul’s calm, cold eyes any longer. A chill emanated from her, and it felt as if a northern blizzard was raging around us. It was truly that intense.
“Don’t lie! The person who truly makes the decisions and takes action is Soohyun-oppa! Oppa leaves the easy, visible tasks to Ahn Hyun-oppa, yet silently takes all the difficult work for himself. Why does everyone thank and praise only Ahn Hyun-oppa? Why should they fear Soohyun-oppa, the person who handled all the dirty work alone? And why does Oppa try so hard to hide it?”
“You…”
“If this continues, Oppa will act the same way the next time the same situation arises, and everything happening now may repeat itself. What matters is that all of us already rely heavily on Oppa, even if we do not say it. No one will object. Please become the leader of our team, Oppa. From now on, when a difficult problem appears, whether Oppa thinks alone or discusses it with us, let us act together. If Oppa is the leader, everyone will follow without complaint.”
Kim Hanbyul was practically pleading with me now. I was honestly still bewildered. Had Lee Yoojung been standing before me, I might have laughed it off as part of her personality, but I could not make sense of Kim Hanbyul. Even then, I continued calculating why she had chosen to raise the subject with me.
The standoff continued, and the predawn chill seeped into our bones. But Kim Hanbyul showed no signs of leaving. No, it seemed she had no intention of letting me go until she got an answer.
I bit my lip slightly before slowly opening my mouth.
“I…”
*
The morning of the sixth day dawned. Ahn Hyun, having just finished the last watch, woke everyone up and began to busily prepare for departure. Twisting his joints with a tired face, he seemed incredibly stiff. I had also spent the night with my eyes open, barely sleeping, but my body wasn’t one to feel fatigue from a single sleepless night.
“Morning. Sleep well?”
I deliberately offered a bright morning greeting. Ahn Sol flinched, bowed with an anxious expression, and hurried away. Before, I might have chuckled and assumed she was simply shy, but seeing her react that way directly in front of me drew a bitter smile.
Ahn Hyun must have noticed. He scolded Ahn Sol for greeting her revered Orabeoni with nothing more than a quick bob of her head. She lowered her head again, eyes brimming with tears. Lee Yoojung soon approached and defended her. As the two bickered, Ahn Sol became completely flustered.
And I stood one step back, quietly watching the scene unfold. It was warm. It was a truly warm scene. You could have called them three siblings, and it would have been believable. The sight of them was so warm and cheerful that it made me forget this place was a hellish Rite of Passage.
But there was no place for me in there. And I knew that fact better than anyone. They and I were fundamentally different kinds of people. The thought had occurred to me back when I cut down a hundred Users. Maybe I wasn’t human anymore. Perhaps I had gotten briefly drunk on their warmth and forgotten myself.
Anyone who knew me in the past would faint if they saw me now.
I chuckled at the self-deprecating thought. Recalling my dark past seemed to cast a gloomy shadow over the mood. Whether he knew what was on my mind or not, Ahn Hyun walked slowly toward me with a wide grin. From the sound of Lee Yoojung grumbling behind him, it seemed Ahn Hyun was the winner of this morning’s squabble.
“Hyung. We should be able to reach that Warp Gate thingy today, right?”
“…Yeah.”
“Then let’s get there quick. This might be our last breakfast here, so how about we have a big one? You need to eat a lot too, Hyung.”
I managed a faint smile at Ahn Hyun’s hearty words. I answered his suggestion to eat breakfast by shaking my head.
“No. I’m fine. You guys go ahead and eat this morning.”
“What? But…”
“It’s a habit of mine not to eat before an important day. It helps keep my senses sharp.”
Ahn Hyun nodded with a reluctant expression, then turned his head toward Kim Hanbyul. She was still staring into the distance with a cold expression. Suddenly, I remembered the conversation I’d had with her at dawn.
“Hanbyul-ah, are you having breakfa—”
“I’m not eating.”
“Huh? Don’t be like that…”
“I’m not eating.”
Kim Hanbyul cut Ahn Hyun off with a short answer before he could finish. Even Ahn Sol seemed startled by the unusual scene and fidgeted anxiously with her fingers. Ahn Hyun looked between my face and Hanbyul’s, scratched his head, and gave an awkward laugh. Lee Yoojung, watching from behind, did not dare disturb the mood and spoke in a far more subdued voice than usual.
“Ahaha… Then I guess it’s just us.”
“W-well, it can’t be helped. That means more for us. Hoho… ho. Oppa, Hanbyul-ah. We’re really going to eat all of this, okay…?”
Naturally, neither I nor Kim Hanbyul responded. Even the unflappable Lee Yoojung seemed shocked by our reaction and pouted her lips. For a moment, I felt Kim Hanbyul’s eyes on me. But I had no intention of turning my head, so I ignored her gaze. The atmosphere grew even colder.
The vibrant morning of the sixth day.
That morning began with three people cautiously watching the other two over breakfast.