Airen Juliette
The place where Airen stood now was atop the fortress walls overlooking the northern reaches — a height reachable only by climbing the stairs.
To tend the wounded, she would have needed to leave the council chamber and descend those same stairs. But her heart was in such turmoil that she needed a moment to compose herself first.
She gazed out over the vast open plain.
And she felt, with a cold certainty, the shape of her own fate.
I'm being cast aside.
She had half expected a future like this might come. No matter how hard she knocked at the door of her lord's heart, no matter how fiercely she tried to prove her loyalty — no matter what effort she poured out — the sovereign who ought to have been her sun never once warmed her with gentle light. She only ever pushed her away.
No achievement earned recognition. No word of hers was ever heard.
Even so, she had held her father's words close and trained and trained again so that her pride would not break. Striking at straw dummies with her sword had been a good way to drive out the clutter of thought, and somehow, through sheer force of will, she had held on.
For her lord, she had wanted to burn herself to ash.
The more her lord found her wanting, the more desperately she had wanted to set that fierce loyalty ablaze and prove it before her eyes.
But she was no superhuman.
The passion and resolve that had once burned so hot had dwindled to a tiny ember, so fragile that even a light breeze might snuff it out.
And in that state, to receive from the lord she had trusted — the lord she had wanted to trust to the very end — an order that amounted to little more than go out and die—
Even someone as steadfast as she could not help but crumble.
Still, she refused to dwell on it. She gathered her wavering heart and gathered it again. She clung to the hollow hope that Lin Brans might simply have given her a chance to earn merit.
Father…
The face of the only blood relative she had ever known rose before her.
What am I supposed to do now?
If the sword I took up to protect someone can no longer protect anyone… no. If I am not even permitted to protect anyone at all… how am I supposed to live from here?
The house of Juliette exists for the house of Brans.
Even a woman who had run this far treating that single precept as gospel could not help but grow weary.
…
If I stay here to the end and fight to the last, will she finally see it? Will Lady Lin, in the end, understand that I tried so hard for her sake?
If I refuse to surrender even as a prisoner… if I remain loyal until I die… will my devotion finally reach her?
The thought made her chest seize, and tears nearly spilled — but she forced them back.
Even if she was abandoned, she wanted to honor her father's dying wish to the very end.
Even if she fought for her lord until she died — if that was her fate, then accepting it was the right thing to do.
So why, then, did her heart ache so sharply?
She thought: if only there had been just one person. Just one who saw how hard she was trying, who understood that she was striving to be recognized…
And then—
"So this is where you were."
"…!!!"
Startled out of her thoughts, Airen spun toward the voice.
Standing there was the white-haired young man she had spent a fair stretch of time with by now — Swen.
"I went looking for you among the wounded, but you weren't there. It took me a while to find you."
"S-Swen… what are you doing here…?"
"Hm? Well, I came to see you, of course, Lady Airen."
Ah.
He's come to say goodbye.
Thinking about it, she had grown rather fond of him. Their cohabitation had begun by accident, but the memory of it was far from unpleasant. The human warmth she had always craved — simply feeling that had made living together surprisingly enjoyable.
And he was almost the only person in the Brans Army who had ever believed in her.
"…I see. You've come to bid farewell, then. I've always thought you had a kind streak."
She forced a smile — a fragile, almost pitiful one that looked ready to collapse at any moment.
Even so, she refused to let herself waver. She did not want to unload the weight she carried onto him. She did not want the feelings she alone was meant to bear to become a burden on the man who had stayed by her side all this time.
"Swen. The time I spent with you was not so bad. I will never forget it. I will do everything in my power to hold this fortress. …Still, if by chance… I do not make it back to Anel Castle…"
The moment she said those words — if I do not make it back to Anel Castle — her body trembled, just slightly.
"Whatever is in my house, you may use freely. I hope you'll make yourself comfortable. There should be a few things worth selling, if it comes to that."
In the weeks she had observed him, Swen had proven himself an extraordinarily gentle and considerate man. When she trained alone, he would quietly look after her needs; he often kept her company in conversation. Serving a superior officer of the opposite sex could not have been easy, yet he had never once complained of discomfort.
He was kind. So kind that she half expected him to beg her to go back and apologize, to plead for another chance rather than obey their lord's command.
If he tried to stop her that way…
She was sorry, but she would rather he left.
She would hide every sign of the emotions threatening to break her and deliver a clean farewell — that was what she had resolved.
Because if a man like Swen became too deeply entangled with her, he too would fall out of Lin Brans's favor… and face the same inescapable fate she had.
That, she could not allow. She would not let Swen walk the same road she walked.
But then—
Swen spoke a sentence she had never imagined.
"Pardon? What do you mean by that…?"
"…Hm?"
"I'm not leaving. I'll be staying here. Our lord ordered us to earn merit, so we ought to do exactly that, shouldn't we? Ah — Lord Jack and Lady Silin asked me to say they're sorry for returning ahead of us, and that they wish us fortune in battle."
"What… are you talking about?"
Airen stared at him, eyes wide with shock. But he answered in a tone of perfect calm.
"I've just informed them that I will remain here and defend the fortress alongside you, Lady Airen."
"…What?"
Her voice began to tremble.
"Why? Why would you—? Staying at this fortress means…"
Only then did she face the truth she had been forcibly turning her eyes from.
She did not flee from it. She spoke it aloud.
"…Staying here means… we've been abandoned by our lord."
Yes. She had known all along.
That Lin Brans — the lord she had believed in so fiercely — had ordered her to die.
And the moment she admitted it, the heart she had been barely holding together began to crack.
"But why… Swen, why would you stay here too…?"
"Abandoned? She told us to earn merit, didn't she? Shouldn't we do as our lord commands?"
"No. I— Swen, if this is some pointless pity, then stop this foolishness right now and—"
In that moment, Swen laid his hand on her faintly trembling arm.
She flinched, but she did not pull away.
"Lady Airen. I did not stay because I pity you."
"…!"
Airen looked into his eyes.
She found no trace of a lie. Far from it — she felt a kind of warmth.
The gentle sunlight she had so desperately wanted from her lord, and never received, was somehow shining from the subordinate standing right in front of her.
If it wasn't pity that kept him here… then was Swen simply so ambitious that he would take any risk to earn merit? Ambitious officers often did anything to curry favor with their lord.
"But… if you wish to earn merit, there must be safer, surer paths. Achieving something in a place our lord has already written off will earn you no recognition — it may even—"
"Lady Airen. Forgive me for interrupting."
Swen looked straight into her eyes.
Where her gaze darted and wavered, the eyes that held her were utterly clear.
"I draw a salary from the Brans Army, but I will be honest with you. The reason I am staying to earn merit here has nothing to do with Lady Lin."
"…W-what…?"
"It's you, Lady Airen."
"!!!"
Her pupils blew wide.
"I want to see the result where you held this fortress — where you achieved something so great that no one can believe it."
"That I held the fortress…? Why would you want that result…? What does that have to do with you…?"
Airen stammered, her eyes trembling with nowhere to settle.
And Swen said something she would almost certainly never forget for the rest of her life.
"Because the person I want to protect in this country is you, Lady Airen."
"!!!"
"I want to see you succeed so thoroughly that no one can look away. I want to stand right beside you and tell them all: everything Airen Juliette said — the woman you never even glanced at — was right. She did the impossible. And then the way they look at us will change, won't it?"
"…Sw…en."
"So I absolutely cannot leave you behind. I'm sorry, but that's how it is."
Her body shook hard. Even so, she somehow kept her composure.
…If Swen had truly stayed for her rather than for Lin, then all the more reason she could not let him follow the path of someone already abandoned by their lord.
"…Go back, Swen."
He said nothing.
Airen took several slow, deep breaths, then forced her mouth open as if wringing the words out.
At first she had meant to urge him away in carefully measured language.
But before she knew it, she was saying the things she had never spoken to anyone — the things buried deep in her heart.
Half in tears already, she forced the story out.
"If you follow me in the Brans Army… there is nothing you can do. Even if you want to burn with passion and prove your loyalty, you won't be able to. No matter how hard you try — even if you run with everything you have, fanning the last dying ember of your heart — no one will see it. Nothing will. Not even our lord. Even if I earn merit, even if you prove that I was right… no one will acknowledge it. Nothing at all."
Yes. She had known that too.
That no matter what she did, she would never be recognized.
But admitting it was too wretched. A life that had learned no way to live except for the house of Brans was too pitiful. So she had looked away. She had worked even harder. She had simply endured every humiliating treatment.
But the true feelings she had pressed down so tightly could no longer be hidden before the unguarded sincerity of the man in front of her.
She could not bear the thought of him suffering even the slightest harm because of her.
"So… Swen, I can't let you become like me… Please. I'm already so tired. I don't have the strength to burn what's left of this little flame for this country anymore. I can't help the person who wants to help me… If you stay by my side… you'll only end up suffering too—"
"Lady Airen."
He cut in gently again — and this time, it did not bother her at all.
No — she even thought that perhaps she had been waiting her whole life for someone she could speak to like this.
"As I said before, I have no particular desire to burn myself out for the Brans Army. Why would I put my faith in people who never even noticed while your own ember was going out, Lady Airen?"
"Th…at's…"
"And that ember hasn't gone out completely yet, has it? That's why you're still standing here so bravely, trying to endure everything alone without causing me any trouble. That's more than enough for me. I won't ask you to protect me. Instead—"
Swen smiled then — the same smile he had sometimes shown her in the house they had shared.
"Use whatever's left of that ember to brew tea for us to drink together. From now on. Always."
"…!!!"
And then—
The tears she had been holding back so fiercely finally spilled over, sliding down her cheeks — and everything she had stacked up inside herself began to collapse.
"…Hic."
Airen buried her face in Swen's chest.
He said nothing, only rubbed her back.
"…I… I…"
It's all right if no one sees me.
Someday my heart will reach my lord too.
I will become a daughter my father would be proud of, carry on his will, and finally earn the recognition of the house of Brans.
One by one, the countless lies that had held her together crumbled away.
Of course it was not all right.
She had known it would never reach anyone.
She had known she would never be recognized.
Only after the armor of those lies — the armor that had protected Airen — was stripped away did the truth rise to the surface.
…She had been lonely.
She had been desperately, crushingly lonely.
Because no one ever saw her, she had been so lonely it hurt.
And only after shedding the falsehoods that had covered her did she understand:
that the man before her was the only person who truly saw her as she was.
"Ugh… hic… huuh…"
Airen wept in Swen's arms for a long time.
He soothed her to the end.
No one else was coming to look for them, after all.
For a while, the two of them simply shared the warmth of each other's bodies.
Time passed.
Even after her tears had stopped, Swen kept rubbing her back.
"Feeling a little better?"
"…Yes."
Having poured out every tear she had been holding back for so long, she felt as though a heavy weight had lifted from her heart.
Why did I keep enduring and enduring for a goal I already knew could never be reached?
Only after sobbing her heart out beside this man could she finally think with a measure of clarity.
Airen turned her head slightly and looked at the man still rubbing her back.
He was handsome. She had never placed much importance on a man's appearance, and yet her eyes were drawn to him all the same.
But what shook her heart so fiercely in this moment was not his fine looks.
It was his kindness. His gentleness. The strength that refused to abandon her even when she had been driven into a corner.
Even now, the touch of his hand on her back was so warm.
When Lin Brans cast her aside, she had wondered how she was supposed to live. But perhaps the answer to that question was not so far away after all.
For the first time in her life, she found herself able to think free of the Brans family's binding spell.
It was a liberated thought she never could have had if he had not been there.
"I'm glad you've calmed down."
"Yes."
Casting off the weight on her heart and starting anew was a fine thing. But the situation itself had not changed. An army of more than thirty thousand was still marching toward them even now.
With her reason restored and the reality of their position clear, Airen looked at Swen with open worry.
"Swen… isn't remaining here far too dangerous? It may be risky either way, but perhaps we should abandon the fortress and flee after all. If you were to seek refuge with Serpina's army, I would follow you as well—"
"No."
His tone was utterly certain.
Thinking back, he had always been like that — when he argued with Parfalle that they must send troops north; when he insisted they prepare the soldiers they had brought for an early march; when he stood before a crowd and declared that Lady Airen's judgment was correct; and just a short while ago… when he told her that the person he wanted to protect in this country was her.
Remembering that, she lowered her head, her face flushed.
Thump. Thump.
Through the fierce pounding of her own heart, Swen's voice reached her.
"Didn't I just tell you, Lady Airen?"
He smiled with quiet confidence — a smile that, to her, outshone anyone else's.
"From this moment on, it's time to earn our merit."