A Wavering Heart (3)
* * *
——Swen.
Are you going to abandon me and leave, too?
……?
At the woman's voice ringing through my mind, I slowly focused my consciousness.
Somehow, I had no trouble recognizing that the owner of that voice was my lord, Serpina.
Once I knew who was speaking, the meaning of her words settled into place on its own.
That I would abandon her and leave?
I……
Just then, another woman's voice reached me.
Swen.
——Have you no intention of coming back to me?
A woman's voice again. One I knew well.
A long time had passed since I last heard it…… and yet I remembered it with perfect clarity.
Lunarien Iniang.
The voice of my first lord, Lady Luna—the only one who had ever truly believed in me.
Leave Serpina behind and go to Luna.
Stay at Serpina's side and never go to Luna.
I……
Was I supposed to choose one of them?
No—was this even something I needed to agonize over in the first place?
Even as the question rose, my mind could no longer form a proper thought.
Like a jellyfish drifting on the surface of the sea…… I floated somewhere, weightless, and over and over again I called up their voices.
My first lord, Lady Luna.
And my current lord, Lady Serpina.
Between the two of them, which one would I……
When I came to myself, I felt something striking my face.
Light.
The sensation of sunlight pouring down over my closed eyes.
Only after slowly opening them did I realize that the strange experience of a moment ago had all been a dream.
A dream……?
Wait.
If I had been dreaming…… that meant I had fallen asleep?
I slowly pushed myself upright.
With a soft rustle, the blanket slid down my body.
The texture of the fabric felt startlingly vivid against my skin.
A sensation I would never have felt if I had been wearing sleep clothes.
I…… was bare from the waist up.
Hold on. What happened last night?
Still half-dazed, I began to reconstruct the previous evening.
I remembered answering Serpina's summons and going to the villa, listening to her story, offering to keep her company as a drinking partner, and then draining cup after cup……
……Wait.
The instant I realized I remembered nothing after the drinking, the fog in my head cleared with alarming speed.
A faint chill ran through me as I slowly turned my head to look at the space beside me.
And there, in the place next to mine—
A head of golden hair so brilliant it nearly hurt to look at—
"……!!!!!!"
At that point I was fully awake, my mind sharper than it had ever been.
In a way, it was only natural.
I had just seen a woman—golden-haired, unmistakably feminine in silhouette—lying in the bed next to me.
On the table near the bed lay a distinctive hairpin of a shape I had seen countless times, always worn by the same person.
And that person…… was my lord, Lady Serpina.
……Surely not.
Surely not.
It couldn't be.
I carefully studied Serpina as she slept beside me.
She was…… wearing a negligee that looked almost indecently comfortable, and she was sleeping deeply.
Her soft, even breathing reached me clearly.
Golden hair cascading over pale cheeks, moist lips I had once collided with, a full bosom that looked ready to tear free of the negligee at any moment……
No.
No, no, no, no.
That was not the important part.
Right. I had blacked out after drinking, and when I woke up a woman was lying next to me. What mattered right now was the situation itself.
It isn't…… right?
For some reason I wasn't wearing a top, but she was properly dressed in sleepwear.
We had simply been drinking together…… and somehow fallen asleep, hadn't we?
It had to be that. If I had crossed a line that must never be crossed with her—with my own lord—
"Mmm……."
"!!!"
Serpina's sudden voice made me flinch and lean slightly back.
A moment later, she slowly opened her eyes.
Her golden irises, catching the pure white sunlight, glittered like a galaxy in the night sky.
And as for me—
I was holding my breath, wearing an utterly blank expression, and quietly watching her rise.
"……."
She rubbed her eyes lightly, then sat up with unhurried grace.
And naturally turned her head to look my way.
Our gazes met.
What if she cried out in shock?
What if the guards heard and came running and saw us like this?
A flood of idiotic worries welled up while our eyes were locked—but fortunately, none of them came to pass.
"……Did you sleep well, Swen?"
She spoke to me in a voice still half-rough with sleep.
"Ah—I, that is…… well, about how this happened—"
"I asked whether you slept well."
Serpina's expression as she said it was as serious as ever.
As if waking up to find me in the bed beside her were nothing worth remarking on.
"……Yes."
"That is a relief. Last night you gave me rather a lot to worry about."
"I did……?"
At my words she tilted her head, looking puzzled.
So even Lady Serpina could make small, almost animal-like gestures like that.
Honestly, it was cute. ……Though if I said so out loud, I might well be executed.
"Do you remember nothing at all?"
"……That is correct."
I considered lying my way through it, but given how far things had already gone, a lie was more likely to backfire.
Telling the truth was the right answer here.
"I see. Looking at that vacant, foolish expression of yours, I rather thought as much."
Having said so, Serpina let out a soft kuhuhu, as if something about it delighted her.
The laugh was so captivating that anyone would have been left staring, momentarily empty-headed.
"Well, a number of things happened. I had high hopes when you offered to be my drinking companion, but it seems you are not quite so strong with liquor."
"……My lord. So…… if there is anything I must take responsibility for, I will take full responsibility—"
Before I could finish, she cut me off.
And then she answered the very question I had wanted to ask, cleanly and without hesitation.
"Nothing happened last night."
"Is that so? Then why……"
"You took off your clothes because you said you were hot, and you insisted that if you meant to stay at my side, sharing a bed was only proper. That was all."
I had said all that?
Calling it "sharing a bed" made it sound almost innocent, but it was the sort of thing that could easily have landed me in prison for insulting a nation's sovereign—and from there, straight to the executioner's block.
Alcohol is the enemy…….
Just then.
Serpina, her face flushed, drew closer……
and began to trace my lips with her fingertip.
The complex scent of her skin mixed with yuzu struck my nose with force.
Because she was leaning in, the deep valley of her chest visible through the negligee filled my entire field of vision and paralyzed my reason.
"Or is it that you regret nothing happened?"
"……My lord."
"If so, I would not mind keeping you company a little longer."
I swallowed hard without meaning to.
I could feel my face growing hot.
The woman who had always looked down on me from on high in conqueror's garb, uniform, or formal dress……
simply wearing a thoroughly feminine negligee and speaking to me at eye level was enough—
to make her look not like my lord, but like a woman, and my heart began to pound violently.
"My lord. I—that is……"
In the moment I tried to say something—
"Well, I do not imagine I can win your heart by throwing myself at you the instant we wake."
Serpina said it lightly, then slowly drew away from me and rose from the bed in silence.
I let out a breath of relief.
……Whether it was truly relief, or something else entirely…… I honestly could not say just then.
"Where is this……?"
"A place not far from the villa. This is my bedchamber. No one but me is permitted to enter."
"Pardon? You mean—"
"Of course, I should say not that no one may enter, but that no one had entered."
Having said so, Serpina covered her mouth with one pale hand, her face coloring as she looked at me.
"You are the first, Swen. The first person ever to set foot in this space that belongs to me alone."
Then she smiled, as if the thought amused her.
……Beautiful.
If this woman had not received the exclusive favor of the goddess of beauty herself, there was no other way to explain how lovely she was.
"If you would rather not become the subject of gossip, you should prepare to leave soon. It would be troublesome if someone saw you, would it not?"
"Yes? Ah…… understood."
Right.
First get out of here safely, then think.
The rest could wait until later.
Thump. Thump.
The fierce pounding of my heart was only because this was a life-or-death moment when I had nearly lost my head—nothing more.
Telling myself that…… I rose from the bed and began to prepare to leave.
Watching Swen's back as he dressed, Serpina once more called up the events of the previous night.
The circumstances she had confided, and the answer Swen had given after hearing them.
"My lord. You have truly endured so much. Even if it is only me, I will stay at your side whenever you need."
"……I am not in the habit of trusting words spoken under the influence of drink."
"It isn't…… because of the alcohol. That is simply how I feel. I just…… want to stay at Lady Serpina's side—not because you are my lord, but because you are you."
"……!!"
"I just…… want to."
The words he had spoken with his face flushed deep red, thoroughly drunk.
She was not so foolish as to put stock in the ramblings of a man deep in his cups.
In all likelihood he no longer even remembered the circumstances she had laid bare.
Indeed, Swen had not even remembered why he was in this room.
And yet—even so—
at the words that he wished to stay at Lady Serpina's side rather than his lord's…… Serpina felt her heart beat hard and fast.
She had granted him entry to her bedchamber.
She had decided long ago that the only person who could share this place with her was someone who would remain at her side no matter what.
And so…… even knowing that his words had been nothing more than drunken talk he himself would not remember, she found herself placing her hopes on him.
The bedchamber held enormous meaning for her.
It was the one place where she could exist purely as herself—not as the sovereign of the Serpina Army, not as the sole survivor of House Aingart.
She could easily have taken advantage of his intoxication to create a fait accompli, but Serpina wanted to win his heart in a way that would not burden him.
She knew all too well that a person's heart could not be won through force or threat.
If.
If Swen truly meant to stay at her side—
From this day forward…… I will live for you alone.
The words she could not bring herself to speak sank like an echo into the depths of her heart, and there they remained.