The Heart Conveyed for the First Time
"You've got a house of your own now?"
"Mm. My lord was kind enough to arrange it. Miss Reika was absolutely delighted. She said just having a kitchen where she can cook freely is enough to make her happy."
"Ah, right. Reika really does bake the most wonderful bread."
On a bench in the little park laid out within Aingart Castle, Airen and I were spending a peaceful stretch of time in idle conversation meant only for the two of us.
From what I gathered, she had apparently been appointed deputy commander of the occupation forces. Only after hearing that did I fully understand the exchange Serpina had just had with her subordinate officers.
Deputy commander of the occupation army was not quite the same as commander, but it still meant she would be sharing a measure of military authority. From the perspective of those already in place, it was hardly a welcome development. And Airen, for better or worse, had already switched sovereigns twice. Lumped together with me—who had done it three times—she was no doubt drawing some rather complicated looks.
That was why Serpina kept making those pointed remarks, shielding us in her own way.
Still, she seems to be taking it all rather stoutly. That's a relief.
Then again, a little whispering around here was nothing compared to what she had endured in the Brans Army.
As we talked, my gaze drifted naturally to the crimson knight's uniform she wore so neatly. The silver steel breastplate covering her chest was engraved with the crest of House Aingart, and by now the emblem felt almost familiar.
Though… it really is strange, when you think about it.
Living alongside Airen, I had long since noticed she bound her chest with compression bandages—but considering her natural size, that breastplate must have been terribly confining. Then again, she seemed to manage well enough. Perhaps she had simply trained her body until even that pressure no longer bothered her.
Come to think of it, there had been that one occasion when my lord—Lady Serpina—had ended up pressed against me. Her figure had been imposing enough to put ordinary women to shame… yet after constantly seeing Airen's world-breaking proportions, even that had not struck me as especially large.
"Swen…?"
"Yes?"
"Is something troubling you? I fear I've been rather thoughtless, prattling on about myself without considering how things look from your side…"
Watching her fidget and fumble for words, I realized what had happened. My distant expression while contemplating her chest must have looked, to her, like the face of a man lost in some private worry.
There was no way on earth I could admit I had briefly stopped listening because I was conducting a scholarly examination of Lady Airen's magnificent bust.
"No, it's nothing important. You needn't worry."
"Is that so? Well, that's a relief… Still, if anything ever is the matter, I hope you'll tell me. Or Miss Reika, if you prefer."
"I'll keep that in mind."
A few more topics wound down, and then—
"Ahem. Hmm."
"…?"
The deliberate little cough told me at once that she had something she wanted to say. It had been a while. Opportunities to talk like this were rare these days, and simply reading her mannerisms was enough to make the moment feel ordinary and warm again.
"You look like you've got something on your mind."
"Wh—?! N-no… that is…"
"You do, don't you?"
Airen's face flushed scarlet. She lowered her head and stayed silent for a long while, then finally looked up at me with a resigned little smile. The soft pink of her lips looked especially full and moist as she prepared to speak.
"Swen. You truly do seem to see straight through me."
"Of course. After all the years we've spent together."
"I suppose so. At any rate… that is…"
Even then she hesitated for some time. I did not press her. I simply waited until she was ready to speak. As long as it was not the kind of waiting that meant hoping she would return alive from a battlefield, any wait at all was fine by me.
"Swen. So… things are still unsettled right now, and I'm not suggesting we do anything immediately. But once some time has passed and the situation has settled somewhat…"
And at last she met my eyes squarely, letting her feelings strike me head-on.
"Would you… live with me?"
"Live with you?"
"N-no, I mean… that is… there are plenty of rooms! The annex is larger than you'd think. There are spare chambers, and several maids to help, but it still feels rather lonely somehow… Of course I'm not inviting you simply because there's space left over—I…!"
Watching her wave her hands in flustered embarrassment, I could not help the smile that slipped out.
"I'd like that very much. I can just tell them at the lodgings that I'm moving out."
"Really? …I'm glad."
As she let out a breath of pure relief, a question rose in me.
"But why did you find it so hard to ask?"
"Hm? Find what hard…?"
She tilted her head, and a lock of her red hair slid softly across her cheek. The way her violet eyes looked up at me was strangely endearing.
"We've been living together almost since the day we first met. In a way, this separation is the unusual part. We're just going back to how things were, aren't we?"
"That… is true enough, as you say. And yet…"
Airen hesitated, as if ashamed of something, then carefully parted her lips.
"Until now… it was only ever because of the circumstances."
"Circumstances?"
"The first time, you came to my house because Lin ordered it. After that, Yuuri simply provided us a place to stay. …I never once had the chance to properly ask you to live with me."
"This is the first time. The first time I've truly conveyed my feelings to you."
"…"
The moment those words reached me, heat flooded my head. I felt my whole body grow warm.
—She's lovely.
This person… is truly this lovely.
"So of course it's difficult. Because it's the first time."
Airen said it with a faint smile.
"Drawing my sword and staking my life on the battlefield is easier for me than speaking a single sentence to you, Swen. Isn't that foolish? I've spent my whole life looking at someone who never looked back… so dealing with people has come to feel like the hardest thing in the world."
"No."
It isn't foolish at all.
"I don't think that."
Not for a single moment have I ever thought Lady Airen was ridiculous.
"You're an extraordinary person, Lady Airen."
In a situation that would have broken any ordinary soul, the mere fact that you endured without collapsing is enough. No one has the right to point and call you a fool.
"I'm glad you spoke first."
And… when you realized your lord had abandoned you, thank you for trusting me and following me anyway.
"I'd like that."
"You'd like that? Meaning…?"
"Yes. Let's live together."
"…!!"
Her eyes lit up with a sudden sparkle. They shimmered as if they held the Milky Way itself, as if a meteor shower might fall from them at any moment. I had never seen eyes so clear.
"I'm so glad… truly, truly glad."
"Is it really that much of a relief? To me it seems only natural."
"But… given how things were, I always thought you only lived with me because you had no choice… that it was always just the situation."
Her voice grew thicker, more choked. From my side it had never been anything special, yet for her it must have been a long and quiet torment. Airen had always been more of a crybaby than she looked.
In truth, whenever we shared a house she had constantly apologized—saying she was sorry if it was awkward for me. That we were different genders, that she was my superior, that it must be difficult. Even when her sovereign had forced a male subordinate into her home without warning, she had never once taken her frustration out on me. She had only kept apologizing.
But—
"That isn't true."
I can say with absolute certainty that I never once found her presence uncomfortable.
I liked watching her smile. I was glad to see her reclaim her confidence.
If anything, these past few days without her have felt hollow—enough to make me realize just how important she is to my life.
Hoping the feeling would reach her, I quietly laid my hand over hers.
She flinched for an instant—
—but she did not pull away.
"This place may not be our final destination. But no matter where we end up, I want to be with you, Lady Airen."
"I feel the same…"
"Wherever we are, stay by my side. Things get rather difficult for me when you're not around. Understood?"
"…Mm."
I held her hand firmly as she nodded.
Back in the days of the Brans Army—demoted even after she had done more than anyone to conquer the central continent, yet still refusing to give up, still straining for recognition—that fragile Airen Juliette who had seemed ready to shatter at a touch no longer existed.
In her place stood a woman who looked at me with a heart firmer and more unwavering than anything else in the world.
In the dead of night, when everyone else had fallen asleep, Serpina sat in her bedchamber—not far from the royal castle—and forgot even to sleep, turning over and over the examination Swen had set her.
What she wore now was a negligee so sheer it was nearly translucent. It was an intensely private garment she never put on anywhere but in her own sealed chambers, where no one could approach. Not a single soul had ever seen her dressed this way. The precarious lines of the fabric clung to a figure of near-perfect feminine beauty and left almost nothing to the imagination.
What she was doing at that moment was spreading out a map and studying the current balance of power among the nations.
If her own country were to form an alliance, the nation that stood to gain the most would be—
The Brans Army.
They could shorten their front lines as much as possible and then meet any southern offensive without anxiety. The Asius forces simply did not possess the troops for a full-scale assault on Brans.
And yet he had insisted that allying with the Brans Army would also benefit us. He had said he was in a position to know exactly why.
If it looks advantageous to Brans no matter how you examine it, and yet he claims it benefits us as well… then perhaps, inside Brans itself, they do not see it that way…?
Serpina tried to imagine how she would receive the proposal if she belonged to the Brans Army. Setting strategic advantage aside—if she were actually part of that force? If she were Lin Brans, or one of the subordinates beneath her?
…!!
As if something had clicked into place, Serpina rose from her seat.
…Surely not…
"There is something one cannot help but feel when standing in that position, is there not?"
"Lady Serpina. I am certain you will grasp a reason that makes perfect sense before long. I place my trust in you."
I think I understand now why you said those things, Swen…!
Once a plausible conclusion had taken shape, the next step was to put it into action.
If… if things truly unfold the way I believe they will, then when that moment comes…!!!
Serpina's face flushed deeply as a smile curved her lips. Filling her heart was a strange new emotion she had never once felt in all her life.