Blackout of Conscience
I woke shivering in the eerie chill of the blackout. Blinking, I stared into the gloomy room. The light was so faint I couldn’t tell whether it was day or night. Outside, raindrops drummed against the window. No matter how hard I pressed the power button, my phone’s screen stayed dead. The battery had run dry. As I gazed at the black glass, the memories rose slowly, rewinding from the moment I had fallen asleep. Me, rinsing with the last of the cold water in the tank before collapsing into bed. The real blackout after lightning struck somewhere. The people removed, one by one…
“Ah…” A heavy sigh slipped out. Too many problems remained. My body felt feverish, as if a cold had taken hold, and my muscles throbbed with dull pain. On top of that, my already foggy head pounded. “The infrastructure right now.”
Electricity was gone. Indoor farming had become impossible; the grow lights were useless. The water supply could still limp along. The pressure pump had stopped, so I couldn’t draw from the municipal lines, but this old villa had a rooftop tank. Fill it with rainwater and water would still flow. Gas was still being supplied. The stove ran on battery ignition, so it worked. The electric boiler, however, was dead, cutting off both heat and hot water.
I can survive the summer… It rains constantly and I won’t need heating anyway.
I pulled out a pot and poured in bottled water. Chills wracked me—flu or cold, I couldn’t tell—so I craved warm ramen. The gas flame bloomed like a lotus in the dark room. I dumped the noodles and soup powder into the lukewarm water. While I waited for it to boil, I stared blankly at the flickering fire.
“This really is brutal…” I couldn’t fathom how the infrastructure still held together in a situation like this. Was this the strength of modern society? Or had the military and government managed to protect the vital facilities? It really was harder to collapse overnight than people thought… At this point modern civilization itself felt like a zombie. Why wouldn’t it just die?
The broth bubbled. I drank the warm soup first, then shoveled noodles into my mouth without thinking. I fished kimchi from the powerless refrigerator, mixed in rice, and kept eating. The hot liquid spread warmth through my body. With a clearer head, I slowly considered my next moves.
Clean up the scarecrows. Make the place look like an abandoned ruin. Collect rainwater in the tank and bowls, disinfect it with bleach, check the remaining fuel… The list was endless. I still had to move the resources left behind on Villa Street, figure out the farm, and above all, keep the marauder crew under control. This time I had clearly crossed the line. From Jeon Dohyeong to Sa Gihyeok, they had every reason to harbor doubts. The sudden slaughter, the children among the dead… They would be anxious. Anxiety makes people act.
They made it through the night without dying, so at least they aren’t planning to kill me yet.
I checked the front door and windows. They could have stormed in and murdered me while I slept, but nothing had happened. If they hadn’t decided on murder, there was still a chance we could keep moving together. My chopsticks tapped against the pot. What should I offer them? What benefits, what threats? Or maybe words weren’t even necessary. Before I could organize my thoughts, a heavy knock sounded at the door.
“Dain. You in there? We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
Park Yanggun? No—Jeon Dohyeong and Sa Gihyeok would have come with him. I answered quickly.
“I’m eating ramen right now. Give me a second. I’ll grab my mask and open the door.”
Just in case, the pistol first. With clumsy fingers I slowly loaded five lethal rounds. I hid the gun in my pocket, pulled on the police body armor, and opened the door.
“Come in.”
“Sorry to interrupt your meal. But this can’t wait.”
Park Yanggun entered first, casual as ever. Sa Gihyeok kept his head down, refusing to meet my eyes as he slipped past. Jeon Dohyeong came last, walking slowly. His eyes were bloodshot, as if he hadn’t slept at all. I nudged him and joked.
“What’s with the zombie eyes?”
“…”
“You need to sleep properly.”
I had been disappointed in him yesterday, but he was still a marauder comrade. He couldn’t see far ahead and lacked initiative, but that couldn’t be helped. Using a supporter as a dealer had been my mistake too. We’re short on real fighters. I need to recruit people who can actually fight.
After a moment’s thought I sat on the bed as if exhausted and sighed.
“I got rained on all night and now I feel like shit. Think I caught a cold.”
“Haha. Even dogs don’t catch summer colds… No, never mind.” Sa Gihyeok forced a laugh, then shrank into himself. It looked like an attempt to ease the mood, but the word choice… Both Park Yanggun and I stared at him in disbelief. I waved a hand vaguely.
“Anyway, all of you be careful. Getting sick is a loss.”
“True. More importantly, let’s talk about yesterday. I’ve already heard the rough version from this guy.”
Park Yanggun’s eyes darted around. The direction of his gaze and the way his hand drifted toward his pocket told me he was scouting escape routes. Planning to run if I suddenly went berserk? Overly cautious. I let out a small laugh.
“I have no intention of touching any of you. If I wanted you dead, you’d already be dead. We’re fellow criminals, aren’t we?”
Not one of us hadn’t killed. These men were a thief, an electricity thief, and a conman. A strange sense of camaraderie welled up inside me. Yet they still didn’t trust me; they kept their distance, bodies tense and ready to bolt.
“Weren’t those people our comrades?” Sa Gihyeok, hunched and timid, finally looked me straight in the eye. He seemed resentful that the people who had acknowledged him were gone. To the conman who so often lost both his path and his true nature, I shook my head. I tossed him the uncle’s legacy—the suspicion notebook.
Sa Gihyeok
Conman. Do not believe a single word. Exclude from all important matters.
(Written in red)
The rain had smeared the ink, but the words were still legible. They stared at the open notebook in silence.
“They were all strangers. The uncle wanted to kill anyone he suspected. The lettuce leaker nearly sold information to the marauders. Every one of them had their own agenda. I killed them before they could kill me. I moved first, before the danger grew. I only left behind comrades I could trust.”
In truth I trusted none of them. How could I trust these criminals? They would turn the moment the situation changed. Still, I continued in a way that would appeal to Sa Gihyeok. Lying was easy work.
“We’re the only ones who can truly trust each other and work together. The kind of people who won’t condemn stealing, killing, plundering, or scamming, but will acknowledge it all.”
Sa Gihyeok stared blankly at the notebook. The page listed his personal details in red ink: conman, don’t believe a word, exclude from important decisions. At this point he should understand. A crew of marauders like us was the only kind of organization worth belonging to.
But Jeon Dohyeong was the problem now. He looked at me with those zombie eyes and spoke in a hoarse voice.
“No. I can’t accept it. You didn’t have to kill the kids yesterday.”
“…”
What was this? I studied him carefully. It felt as if a stranger stood before me. The image I had built of the ruthless electricity thief was cracking. A remnant of morality, conscience, goodwill—something—still lingered inside him. My hand drifted toward the pocket hiding the pistol as I thought, So when he volunteered to do everything himself yesterday, he was trying to save them? Killing children really is the ultimate taboo.
The baseline line everyone shared. Yesterday I had crossed it. Even my marauder comrades could reject me. A reasonable excuse rose to my lips. I hadn’t wanted to do it either, but surviving the summer left no choice. We needed to act before Villa Street erupted. I was a normal person too. Before the apocalypse I had lived decently in society. This was hard for me as well. What was the difference between cleaning out Peace Villa and this? You’re the same kind of person. Methods to repair the perception that had tumbled off the cliff… Suddenly I laughed.
What am I even thinking.
Goodwill could be used in its own way. Now that I saw the change in Jeon Dohyeong’s expression, his past actions made sense again. The man who had unintentionally helped assassinate the pastor, then steered us away from touching the church. The man who followed me and tried to save anyone who could be saved. But lacking the decisiveness and courage to kill me and stop the slaughter, he could only practice passive goodwill within the narrow limits of what he could reach.
“I can give you dozens of reasons why I had to kill them yesterday. Can you give me even one?”
“They were children. Kids who liked you.”
“Give me a reason it helps our survival. If we spared them and let them go, the news about the farm and our resources would have spread everywhere. Could we have taken them in as comrades? After we slaughtered that many people, would they have stayed quiet?”
Jeon Dohyeong clenched his teeth so hard I heard them grind. Madness flickered in his eyes. His grip tightened on the hand axe. I spoke before the situation could collapse completely.
“So from now on, think carefully before you speak. Give me a proper reason not to kill someone, a reason that actually benefits us. If it’s reasonable, I’ll listen.”
Whether it was reasonable was for me to decide. Jeon Dohyeong didn’t need to know that. I spoke as if I understood everything.
“When we left the church, I followed your suggestion and did nothing. I’m not unreasonable. Whether the action is good or evil, I choose whatever helps us survive.”
The hand axe fell from his fingers with a clang. Jeon Dohyeong lowered his head. A small voice followed.
“If I had spoken better yesterday… would you have stopped?”
“Of course. All you did was suggest ridiculous things like running to the Hope Community or just grabbing the resources.”
This is your failure to persuade me. When I spoke with that meaning clear, Jeon Dohyeong covered his face with both hands. Finally I looked at Park Yanggun. He was the most dangerous of all—a man for whom lying was habit, a master of betrayal and escape. Park Yanggun slowly studied me, Sa Gihyeok, and Jeon Dohyeong, then nodded.
“You wiped out everyone in this villa and took it over. Numbers went up, but it’s the same thing.”
As expected from an older criminal, he understood my mind best. Watching me persuade the others must have shown him my sincerity. I clapped my hands.
“Let’s start recovering resources. If we use them carefully, we can last the summer. With the power out we need to prepare for that too.”
I had to plant the certainty that they would survive if they stayed with me. That certainty had to be material. Plenty of resources. Park Yanggun smiled apologetically. The lie came as naturally as breathing.
“It feels wrong for us to take any when you did all the work.”
“Then you three handle the moving. I’m sick. Also, move into the house and turn it into the new farm. Make the villa building look like the Scavengers already passed through it.”
I dumped all the heavy labor on them. I was the patient, after all. In any case, they put on raincoats, went out to the street, and began working diligently. I stood by the window and watched them below. Suddenly the face of the paranoid old man rose in my mind, and doubt surged up from my heart. Could I really trust them? Would a few words from me be enough? I hadn’t even properly understood Jeon Dohyeong’s nature. Like the darkness that arrived with the blackout, human hearts had been obscured. I could not read them. How should I respond to betrayal and distrust?
Hide myself completely like the pastor, establish strict hierarchy like the police, suspect everyone like the old man…
Or use profit and loss as a fence. Wouldn’t the corpses I left behind exert some pressure on their own? After all, I had slaughtered that many people in a single night simply because they were not comrades.