Chapter 51: Well, I’m Screwed
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 51: Well, I’m Screwed
Before the worst and most heinous incident since the Final War—the one caused by that bastard Yobeste—occurred, I really need to talk about this.
I have to address it because it was the moment I, a man with zero self-esteem, began to find salvation and finally stand tall.
Now that I’m about to tell the story, I’m actually getting nervous. It’s a bit embarrassing, too.
Where should I start?
Right, let’s start slowly from the day after I asked Lady Airune out on a date at the salon and returned home.
“What am I supposed to do?”
Those were the words I uttered, filled with a sense of helplessness, as I woke up early that morning.
A date with the Lady?
I was incredibly excited. Even I could tell that the reason she had searched for me so frantically at the salon and expressed her disappointment was rooted in her feelings for me.
And me?
How could I not be thrilled when such a kind-hearted beauty showed interest in me? My heart was pounding like crazy!
That’s why I wanted to make it a date to remember. I wanted to give her a day filled with joy and romance.
But I had no idea how to go about it. It was the first date of my life!
Knock, knock.
“Who is it?”
“It’s Eris, Lord Alto.”
Right, starting yesterday, Eris had agreed to come by early in the morning to shave me. Was the fee fifteen thousand Dalk?
It might seem like a luxury, but since I could count on one hand the number of times I’d spent money on myself in Lukart, I figured this much was fine. It was my own money I was spending, anyway.
“Good morning, Lord Alto. Your hair looks wonderful.”
“You’re the one who cut it.”
“Do you not like it?”
“No, I like it a lot.”
“……”
“What is it?”
“I’m just happy to hear you like it.”
“It’s only because you did such a good job, Eris.”
Just like yesterday, Eris had me lean back in the chair and placed a hot towel over my face. It had only been two days, but it already felt like the only way to properly start the day.
“Did something good happen?”
“Hmm… I suppose so?”
“Won’t you tell me?”
I hesitated for a moment. Eris was the woman Grandma Maya had sent up with the intention of making her my bride. I wondered if it was okay to tell her I had a date with another woman.
“I already know. It’s a date with the adventurer, Rene, right?”
“How did you know?”
“Now, customer. I need to apply the shaving cream, so please stay still for a moment.”
After effectively sealing my mouth, Eris continued talking on her own.
“The rumors about what happened at the salon yesterday have already spread everywhere. They say Lady Rene went to catch Lord Alto, ended up crying, and you held her and comforted her. And then you even asked her on a date.”
That was a version of the story I couldn’t just let slide, but…
“I think I understand why my mother told me to come find you. A man who comforts a crying woman… it’s a level of romance most can only dream of. The women are already whispering about ‘Alto the Romantic,’ you know?”
I really wanted to tell her that wasn’t it, but since a razor was currently dancing across my chin and upper lip, I didn’t have much of a choice.
“I’m not just saying that. Crying women are common on the streets these days. But men don’t comfort them or get flustered; they think it hurts their pride. Instead, they brag about how they’ve ‘tamed’ a woman if she follows them even while crying, and others envy them for it.”
How on earth did the world end up like this?
I snorted in disbelief, and Eris brought out small tweezers and scissors to trim my nose hairs. Now I really couldn’t speak.
“Honestly, just hearing about it made you sound so cool. Though, the coolest you’ve ever been was when you saved me from the Serpent.”
Once the careful grooming was finished, Eris applied something like a lotion to my face, calling it a ‘service.’ It smelled wonderful.
“But why did you look so miserable when I first saw you earlier?”
“…I don’t know how to plan the date route.”
Eris looked taken replace.
“You’re planning the date route, Lord Alto?”
“Yeah. I’m the one who asked, so I should be the one to plan it, right?”
“No… um…”
Eris stood there with her mouth agape before letting out a sigh.
“Lord Alto, are you perhaps a war veteran or something?”
“……”
“What man plans a date route in this day and age? Just the fact that you asked her out has already made Lady Rene the envy of every woman around.”
“Eh? But I asked her out with this face.”
“Shhh! No self-deprecation allowed!”
Oops. Come to think of it, Eris had seen me and Lady Airune bickering back in Massa Village.
“To be honest, your face might not be extraordinary compared to other men, but your character and actions are truly wonderful.”
“Thanks.”
“And saying things like that is disrespectful to Lady Rene, who basically said she likes you.”
She was right. I felt reflective, though it was still hard to fully accept.
“Anyway, just because of that gesture, Lady Rene is probably planning the date route with a fluttering heart right now.”
“Then what do I do?”
“You just wait for her with a fluttering heart of your own.”
“But still…”
“Lord Alto.”
Eris, who had moved on to washing my hair, placed a hand on my forehead.
“I believe you haven’t been in Dakuren for very long, just like me.”
“That’s true.”
“Then even if you wanted to plan a route, you couldn’t, right? You don’t even know the geography of Dakuren that well.”
“Ah.”
She was right. I couldn’t have planned it even if I wanted to.
“I still feel uneasy, though. Like I’m being irresponsible.”
“Goodness, really now~.”
Press, press.
Eris leaned down and began massaging my shoulders. Because of her posture, I felt something soft brush against my head.
Press, press.
“You have such a warm heart.”
Press, press.
Mmm.
“Don’t listen to what other people say.”
“Then?”
“At the very least, I am a woman who owes you her life. I know exactly how wonderful you are. Ah! Lady Rene must feel the same way. Please listen to the words of the people who like you.”
Press, press.
“There, all done!”
“Thanks.”
When I thanked Eris as she meticulously dried my hair, she gave me a bright smile and held out her hand.
“That will be fifteen thousand Dalk.”
“……”
Why did I see a glimpse of Arasen in her just now?
* * *
At the same time, in the Dakuren Lord’s Castle…
“Alto is simple-minded but has low self-esteem, so he won’t get it unless you’re blunt with him!”
Count Dakuus slammed his hand against a chalkboard.
“The most certain way is to take him to a high-end lodging as soon as you meet and get straight to the point!”
“But Count, if we go without eating breakfast, we’ll be hungry. If my stomach growls in front of Alto, I’ll be so embarrassed I’ll run back to the castle.”
“Then you shall fill your stomach before going to the lodging!”
At Airune’s solemn interjection, Count Dakuus immediately added to the plan. However, Airune shook her head again.
“But what if my breath smells like food when we kiss?”
“Aslet!”
“Yes!”
“Prepare oral hygiene supplies for the Lady to use after her meal!”
“Yes, sir!”
“And for that fellow Alto, too!”
“Understood! However, if they head to the lodging immediately after eating without time to digest, they might get an upset stomach. The… activities at the lodging are quite strenuous exercise, after all.”
At Aslet’s rare input, the furrow in the Count’s brow deepened.
“…That makes sense.”
“If that happens, embarrassing noises might come from their stomachs.”
“We can’t have that! You shall have a light stroll after breakfast to engage in small talk, and then head to the lodging!”
Airune tilted her head once more.
“But what if we get hungry after making love with Alto?”
“Aslet! Prepare the finest refreshments at the lodging!”
“But if they eat those and immediately engage in strenuous exercise again without digesting, the stomach issues will—”
“Agh! Why is this so repetitive?!”
After struggling for over half a day within the infinite loop of hunger and indigestion, the three of them finally found the optimal route.
“Excellent! Breakfast, brushing teeth, a stroll, the lodging, refreshments, brushing teeth, a stroll around the room while embracing, and finally, a vow of betrothal! Aslet, is the ring ready?”
“The Madam has personally collected it and is on her way back to the castle.”
“Splendid!”
While everyone nodded in satisfaction, Airune blushed, looking shy.
“A proposal on the very first day of the date… will Alto accept?”
“Would that brat dare refuse a proposal from the Lady? Isn’t that right, Aslet!”
“You are absolutely correct. Lord Alto is likely unable to sit still right now, thinking about the date and the proposal he’s about to receive.”
“Oh, stop! Alto is so…!”
They were all sharing the same delusion. But that delusion was a future and a hope for everyone’s happiness.
“Huhuhu… Hahahaha!”
Count Dakuus’s satisfied laughter, in particular, was quite a sight.
And so, when the two met at dawn the next day…
SHHHHHHHHHHH—!!!!
“It’s raining?”
“It’s raining, isn’t it?”
As soon as Airune, who had come all the way to Alto’s house to escort him, stepped inside, a torrential downpour began.
Staring blankly at the heavy rain that made it impossible to see even an inch ahead, Alto turned awkwardly to look at her.
“What should we do…?”
“……”
Airune, who had turned pale, let out a bitter laugh and muttered quietly to herself.
“Well… I’m screwed. Totally screwed…!”