The Effects of the First Wish
"Good morning."
Coworkers called out their greetings as I came through the doors, and I answered each one with a smile. But the only people who actually traded words with me were the male employees. Whenever a woman crossed my path, I was the one to avert my eyes first, and they, in turn, went out of their way to pretend they hadn't seen me, greeting everyone else around me instead.
"Good morning."
The moment I stepped into the office, I greeted the manager seated at his desk, flipping through the morning paper. He gave me nothing more than a lazy flick of the hand, his eyes never leaving the pages.
"Assistant Manager Lee, smoke?"
I glanced at the man at the desk in front of mine and raised two fingers to my lips in a pantomime of a drag, but Assistant Manager Lee waved me off.
Which suited me fine, really. I needed a moment alone to sort through these ceaseless thoughts about the Genie and my wish — ideally with a cigarette in hand.
I fished my pack and lighter out of my briefcase, hung my suit jacket over the back of my chair, and headed for the smoking area.
It sat on the building's rooftop. With two other companies sharing the building, the roof had become something like a communal den for the employees of all three firms.
The anti-smoking craze was steadily thinning the crowd of smokers, but those who still climbed up here to light one shared a quiet bond of camaraderie. Every morning we huddled together on the rooftop, traded nods, and felt that fellowship all over again — nods that said, Couldn't quit after all, huh? and answered, Well, it's not like this old habit's easy to say goodbye to.
And yet...
Today there was no one. Not a soul.
It had never happened before, so I spun in a slow circle on the rooftop, scanning every corner, but the roof was empty.
Well... maybe that was for the best. I needed time to think about my wish right now.
I pulled hard on the cigarette and let the breath out in one long stream, and along with the pale smoke it felt as though the clutter in my head was drifting away, too.
Murmur, murmur.
I was taking another drag when voices drifted out from behind the stairwell entrance.
Of course. These weren't the sort to skip their morning smoke.
Meaning to give them a nod of greeting, I made my way around the back of the rooftop entrance.
"Pfft. Seriously? That Team Leader Kim?"
I had just rounded the corner of the wall when their voices stopped me mid-step, and I found myself leaning in to listen.
Not men's voices — women's.
Voices I knew well, at that. Nam Jihyun from Customer Service.
"Right? He kept sneaking glances at my legs. With this look in his eyes."
"Ahaha."
"Hohoho."
I couldn't tell what was so funny, but at Seonju's words the other two dissolved into giggles. Judging by the laughter and the voices, there were three of them.
One was Nam Jihyun from Customer Service. The other two were Seonju, from my own department, and Eunmi from General Affairs.
"Huh. And here I thought Team Leader Kim was gay. Guess not."
Eunmi's voice.
"Exactly. But the funniest part is, I actually asked him if he liked men. And he just kept this stone face and said 'No.' Flat out, like that."
Seonju's voice. And on the "No," she even dropped her voice into a deep imitation of a man's baritone.
It was obvious who they were talking about. The three of them were talking about me.
"Hmmm... I see... So those three are the women you were jerking off to pictures of yesterday? Sounds like they're talking about you. Kukuku."
Shut up for a second!
How the hell does this bastard from Bahrain know crude Korean slang like "jerk off"?!
"Kukuku... Such a temper..."
Having barked back at the Genie in the privacy of my own mind as he snickered at me, I turned my ear back to their conversation.
"Are you sure he doesn't like men? Because why else would he hate women that openly?"
"Oh, come on... It's not like men who like men are that common in this country..."
At Eunmi's sneering remark, Jihyun giggled. "Well... I can't picture a gay guy being that uncool. Ahaha."
Seonju said, laughing along.
Blood surged into my fists.
These bitches —!
First they go and brand a perfectly normal man as gay... There are limits to the shit you can talk behind someone's back!
"Anyway, Team Leader Kim cracks me up. I swear, a guy who can't do a single thing in front of women at work goes home, puts on some dirty video, and jerks himself silly. That bastard Kim is definitely still a virgin."
That was Eunmi.
The instant the words left her mouth, a hot flash of rage nearly sent me bursting out in front of them.
But it didn't. I could only stand there trembling where I was, my fists clenched tight.
My gynophobia had taken hold of my ankles and refused to let me move.
"Unnie, you done with your smoke? Let's head down," Jihyun said.
"Yeah, let's go. People will start coming up any minute."
Eunmi's voice.
So Eunmi was the one who smoked, then.
Hearing them wrap up, I moved quickly to the stairwell entrance.
I had just planted myself there and was raising my cigarette to my lips again, the picture of ignorance, when Seonju, Eunmi, and Jihyun came around the corner of the stairwell wall.
Catching sight of me standing at the entrance, they flinched in obvious surprise.
Doing my best to hide the furious trembling in my hands, I turned my head away and pretended not to know them.
They looked every bit as tantalizing as ever today. Maybe it was because nobody ever called them out — nobody ever breathed a word about workplace bullying or sexual harassment — but all three were dressed to bare their legs and chests, in outfits that looked designed to lure men in.
"Ah... h-hello."
Jihyun squeezed out a greeting, and then all three of them stole furtive glances at me and scurried down the stairs to the office like they were running for their lives.
Their clattering footsteps rang off the sealed stairwell walls and echoed in my ears. Near the end, I could have sworn I heard them laughing.
"Goddammit, fuck!"
I flung my cigarette down onto the rooftop and spat out the curse. Even my heart seemed to be shaking apart with fury.
I want revenge!
"Genie!"
"Speak it."
At my call, the Genie answered in a solemn, gravelly voice, as if he had known all along that this moment would come.
"My first wish. Those three bitches! I'm going to make those women mine! I'll prove that I'm not gay — that I'm not weak enough to be scorned by those cunts!"
"Kukuku. Very well. I accept your first wish. I'll have all three of them moaning between your legs."
With the Genie's phlegm-thick laughter and that hellfire of an answer, the contract for my first wish was sealed...
...
And yet, nothing was happening?
"Hey. What gives?"
"What's what?"
"Where's the... you know. The stuff?"
"What stuff?"
"Some flashy special effects, sweeping music, something..."
"What kind of nonsense is that... Aaah~ Kukuku. So now that the first contract is sealed, you want the world to go fwooooosh and transform before your eyes?"
"Yes. That exactly."
"So flashy special effects are your second wish, then? Kukuku... If that's what you wish for, I'll grant it."
The Genie spoke as though he were dangling a treat just out of my reach.
You rotten son of a bitch...
"Mind your mouth. My only obligation is to grant your wishes. Frivolous theatrics I can do without."
The Genie answered to no one but himself.
Four days had passed since I wished for Seonju, Eunmi, and Jihyun to kneel before me, and not one thing about my daily life had changed.
My gynophobia remained as strong as ever, and I barely ever crossed paths with the three women at all.
I did run into Seonju regularly, seeing as we shared a department, but our exchanges never got past a few clipped words strictly about work.
"Here."
"Handle it."
"Count me out."
That handful of terse phrases, the same as any other day, was the sum total of what left my mouth — and outwardly, Seonju hadn't changed a bit either.
"What's going on, Genie?"
"Kukuku. What? Too hot and bothered to sit still? Give it time. Did you think bending another person's heart was as easy as laying ten grand down in front of their eyes? Prey you've watched and waited on always tastes the sweeter. The moment will come, so be patient."
The Genie's tongue ran smooth as water downhill.
Is this bastard actually just straight-up psychosis and not a genie at all?
"Hey, hey. You count that money in your closet every single day and still can't bring yourself to believe? All that lofty Confucian talk, and in the end you're just as helpless in front of a woman as any man alive? Kukuku. And a man like you, of all people, with gynophobia..."
Shut up! I didn't catch this gynophobia because I wanted to!
"Kukuku. Yes, yes. Your gynophobia is all the fault of that woman, Gayoon."
The Genie was remarkably chatty today. Lately he'd been yakking away nonstop inside my skull, and it was doing murder on my productivity.
Just shut up while we're at the office, please!
"Kukuku. Fine. Fine, I said."
The Genie drawled out that trademark unsettling laugh of his, speaking as if he were sneering down at me.
The genies of American cartoons and live-action films had all been lies. The Genie in my head was nothing like the one from Aladdin — not jolly, not quick with a joke, not the least bit kind.
This one spoke in barbs, always trailing off into that creepy laughter, a thoroughly unsettling creature whose every word seemed meant to mock me.
"Sunbae."
In the brief lull while the Genie kept quiet, I was sorting through the stack of client business cards I'd been putting off when a junior from General Affairs — a year behind me — came over and stopped at my desk.
"What's up?"
I looked up at him with a friendly smile.
"Are you free tonight? Our department's having a team dinner."
"A General Affairs dinner? Then why are you telling me about it?"
"Kukuku. You really can't guess why?"
The Genie, who had gone quiet for a moment, piped up again with that unpleasant chuckle.
Could it be?!
"Kukuk. That's right. Today's the day. We start with Oh Eunmi."
"We'd planned the dinner for today, but turns out most of the team can't make it. We've been putting this off forever, so bumping it back again would be awkward... You know how it is — first-half audit prep is coming up."
The junior said with a sheepish grin.
Fair enough... For a department that handled the company's money, General Affairs had remarkably few dinners. The members themselves leaned toward being lone wolves who rarely stuck together, and with the constant overtime dragging work late into the evening, gatherings like this were few and far between.
"Really? Who's all going?"
I asked, feigning perfect calm while swallowing hard on the inside. Eunmi would be going too, surely?
"Um... me, the manager, a few of the senior guys, and two? three? of the women. About seven of us, give or take."
Eunmi was bound to be one of those two or three women, right?
"Oh, and..."
The junior suddenly lowered his voice, checked that Seonju wasn't at her desk, and leaned in to whisper at my ear.
"Believe it or not, even the office loner Eunmi is coming today."
Bingo! Eunmi was going to be there after all!
"Kukuku. What did I tell you? The game comes to find you — so sit back and wait for it."
"Heh. Is that so? Then maybe I'll squeeze myself into a General Affairs dinner for once."
I replied with a show of ease, though inside I was silently cheering.
"Thanks, sunbae. With you there, at least the mood won't be a total bust. It's all old-timers going — I figured the dinner was doomed. Really, thank you. Just come down to the building entrance after work."
No... I'm the one who should be thanking you.
"Hey. You've got the wrong person to thank. Do you have any idea how much legwork I put in all over the place to set this stage up?"
After the junior headed back toward General Affairs, I paid no mind to the Genie's curt tone and let myself wear a secret smile all my own.
Today — today it finally begins!