Change and Trauma
Lately, confidence had begun to surge through my life.
It had started the day I first slid my cock into Eunmi. One change that startled even me was my stamina — I was taking her every single day now, and I never got tired.
"That's what you wished for, isn't it? Virility. You're untiring now — sex made flesh, a symbol of power."
That was the Genie's halfhearted answer when I asked how I'd come to overflow with energy. Whatever virility was, it clearly wasn't confined to the bedroom — my energy didn't run dry in everyday life either. Thanks to that, my focus and efficiency climbed, and I was clearing far more work, far faster, than I ever had before.
Hours of grueling negotiation with clients used to leave me completely drained; now it was the clients throwing up their hands at my tenacity. I could make the rounds to several firms in a single day, paying my greetings and showing my face far more often than before.
"Team Leader Kim, you seem even more full of life these days? Did something good happen?"
People at the office and at the client firms alike looked at me and asked, puzzled. I only answered with a smile — but how could I not be pleased?
My stamina overflowed, my efficiency soared, and on top of all that there was sexy Eunmi, who spread her pussy for me every night — no, whenever I wanted.
True to our last agreement, Eunmi had been coming to work without panties ever since.
At first the absence of them seemed to preoccupy her so completely that she hardly ever left her desk.
Which meant that whenever I summoned her to the top-floor bathroom as lunch hour drew to a close, she'd come apart mid-fuck, gushing helplessly. But after only a few days of going pantyless, she seemed to have gone numb to it herself — now she prowled every corner of the office with nothing on underneath.
If anything, male instinct being what it was, the male employees seemed to be feeling something as they watched her.
"Lately I'm more into Eunmi than Sunju, honestly."
"Right? Something about Eunmi just does it for you lately, doesn't it?"
"Exactly. Nothing about her has really changed… but there's something weirdly hot about watching her, I swear…"
"Ah… imagine those red lips of hers sucking you off… how good would that be?"
"Hey, you got any way to get her out somewhere? Team dinner, anything…"
"Forget it. She's an iron wall. I've never once in my life seen a contract worker skip team dinners like that."
"She's gotta have a boyfriend, right?"
"I asked her once — pretty sure she said she did…"
"Hooah… lucky bastard. Bet he's enjoying her every night, huh?"
Whenever the men gathered in twos and threes for a smoke break, the topic always came back around to Eunmi.
They could sense it on pure instinct — the dangerously subtle pheromones Eunmi gave off as she strutted through the office with nothing under her skirt.
Heh heh… but those pheromones were for me and me alone!
Eunmi spread her legs for me, obedient as ever.
Whether that was the Genie's power at work, whether she'd simply always been a masochist at heart, or whether she'd genuinely fallen head over heels for my cock, I couldn't say. What mattered, after all, was the fact that she opened her legs for me. The rest was trivia.
And one more change had taken root in my daily life.
The doctor had told me once: my fear of women was, in the end, a wound inside my own head — so the answer was not to avoid women, but to face them.
He'd been right.
Watching Eunmi wail beneath me had given me confidence, and I'd begun, slowly, to approach women again.
To start with, it was the convenience store near my apartment.
Of the two stores by my place, one had a man on the night shift and the other an auntie. Naturally, whenever I needed something late at night, I'd used the one with the male clerk. But a few days ago, walking home after fucking Eunmi at a motel near the office, some kind of courage had seized me, and I pushed open the door of the store with the girl behind the register.
All I'd managed was "One pack of Parliament," and a single "You too" in answer to her goodbye — two utterances, nothing more. But I said even those looking straight at her face, eyes never dropping. I stammered a little, sure. At the manner of a teenage boy buying his first pack of cigarettes, the auntie seemed mildly puzzled, but she brushed it off like it was nothing.
Stepping out of the store, I dragged in a deep breath like a man finally releasing air he'd been holding — and the world looked different.
That was where it began. From then on I spent whole nights haunting convenience stores staffed by women. Hours of circling from store to store without tiring left my briefcase stuffed with packs of Parliament and my phone crammed with 4,500-won payment notifications, one after another.
And now, with no stammer at all, I could meet the female clerks' eyes and say, perfectly calm, "One pack of Parliament, please." "Take care."
"And you're overjoyed by something this pathetic?"
The Genie sneered at me as I hollered "Azza! Azza!" down the nighttime streets like a lunatic, but I couldn't have cared less.
With anything, the beginning was what mattered.
Women didn't frighten me anymore, the way they used to. I had confidence now — the certainty that I could overcome this somehow. It was the first time in fifteen years I'd felt it.
I am not afraid of women!!!
"S… Sunbae! Would you… would you like to go see a movie with me?!"
Every eye in the department room went round at my shout.
Even to my own ears my voice was far too loud, and I startled myself as much as anyone. But the person most stunned by my words was Gayoon-sunbae. She simply stared at me, eyes grown wide.
Those round, rabbit-like eyes fixed on me — pupils black as spilled ink, whites as pure and pale as fresh paper.
My heart felt ready to burst, not knowing what she'd say to the words I'd flung out on nothing but courage.
What on earth had I just said to the queenka of our entire department…?
My classmates and the seniors all watched me like I'd lost my mind, holding their breath, waiting to see what Gayoon-sunbae would say.
"Sure. Let's."
She answered looking right at me, breaking into a soft, warm smile.
Even now, that kind, gentle smile of hers has never once left my heart.
"Just hold still, I said!"
"Hnngh…! No… I can't…!"
Gayoon-noona was writhing beneath the body of a male senior. I had to stop this… I had to dive in right that second, flatten those bastards, and save her…
"Kikit. Hey — why're you wrapping your arms around my neck if you're telling me no?"
Only at the senior's words did the scene truly come into focus for me. Saying no with her mouth, looking every bit like she was resisting — and yet Gayoon-noona was pulling his neck down toward her.
Her arms, hesitating for just a beat.
"But we can't…"
Gayoon-noona's voice sounded almost like a pout.
"You like it anyway, don't you? Let's have fun like we used to."
The senior's lips came down over Gayoon-noona's. And with that, the others began crowding in against her body too. Stroking the snowy-white legs bared beneath her dolphin shorts, the senior just back from the army spoke.
"Gayoon, do you have any idea how much I thought about you while I was in the service? The old-timers never believe me when I tell them… every single night, your body on my mind… god…"
"Tonight we're going to go at it nice and hard, like we used to. Got it?"
"Ah… but we can't…"
Gayoon-noona only kept saying no while moving her body along with every piece of clothing they stripped off her. Moving so they could undress her more easily…
"It's not like group sex is anything new to you, is it? You love this."
No! No! Gayoon-noona… Gayoon-noona… she isn't that kind of woman…! My girlfriend is…….
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!
My eyes snapped open at my phone's alarm.
6:30 a.m.
"………Haa………"
"That dream again? Feels like it's been a while."
As if it knew exactly how shitty I felt, the Genie's voice was unusually grave this morning.
"Kim Gayoon, was it… the wound that woman left must run deep, judging by the state of you even now."
"……Yes! It does! Why?! You got a problem with that?!"
"Why are you swearing at me? I'm trying to comfort you here."
"Shut up! You bastard! I feel like absolute shit, and the last thing I want is your voice on top of it!"
"Then why not just ask me to erase the memory? I'd wipe every trace of that woman from your head, nice and clean. If you want, I can even make everyone around you forget she ever existed. And then you start fresh. Once her memory is gone, your fear of women would probably melt away without much trouble…"
"Just shut the fuck up, you son of a bitch!!!!"
"…"
My tirade, erupting in pure rage, finally shut the Genie up.
"Haah… fuck…!"
Things had been getting better… and now, with her dream suddenly clawing its way back, I was terrified that everything I'd clawed my way toward would snap straight back to how it used to be.
It was always like this.
The moment I resolved to treat my fear of women — even a little — the memories of that day came flooding back, vivid as life. From that agonizing memory all the way to the very end of the agony…
I was scared to death of sliding all the way back to what I'd been.
I finished my shower and set off for the office, footsteps heavy. I even skipped the coffee I'd been buying every morning at the café in front of the building — run by a woman — the little ritual I'd taken up to treat my fear.
I was afraid that if I went there, I'd end up stammering like an idiot all over again, unable to squeeze out a single word.
Entering the ground floor of the office building, I made for the stairs as usual to climb up to the office. I was working on it — but the cramped elevator at rush hour, men and women packed shoulder to shoulder in that tight space, still terrified me. If a female colleague happened to end up standing beside me, the ride up to the fourth floor was enough to make breathing itself difficult.
So I always took the stairs instead of the elevator.
And there, in front of my eyes, was Eunmi's back.
Today as ever she wore a tight white pencil skirt, high heels clicking precariously on the steps, hips swaying with every stride — and something hot and ugly surged up inside me.
'Fucking bitch… look at that ass shaking…!'
I had my phone out in an instant, texting Eunmi as I climbed.
Leaping the stairs two at a time, I felt the phone in my hand buzz.
"Hahng! Hahh! Aaahhh! Mmph… ah… it's barely even morning… Hnnnnngh…!"
Smack, smack, smack, smack!
Squelch, squelch, squelch, squelch…
As my cock drove into her mercilessly from behind, Eunmi pressed her own hand over her mouth, trying to smother the moans pouring out of her.
"Move that hand! You fucking bitch! This is what you love, isn't it?!"
I caught the hand covering her mouth, wrenched it back behind her, and began pounding into her, rough and hard.
"Hnnnnngh!!!! It's barely morning… and I… I'm turning into something else…!!! Aaaaahhhng!!! Haaaahhh!!!"
In the mirror I could see Eunmi's face moaning under the fucking I was giving her — a fuck brimming over with irritation and fury. And I could see my own face in that mirror too, twisted tight.
That expression — overflowing with rage, with frustration, with the hunger to hurt…
If that Genie bastard ever had shown himself to my eyes… yes… I bet that's exactly what he would have looked like.