Prologue
"Goodbye..."
That was the last line I managed to toss her way. Or, put another way, the longest thing I said to her all day.
The sum total of my conversation over that entire blind date amounted to: "Yes. No. I'm getting by, more or less. What would you like to order? Hello, my name is Kim Cheolsoo."
Like a foreigner who'd only just learned the language, I fidgeted and squirmed in front of her, and wringing out those few stumbling words was all I could manage.
"Hmph!"
She took one look at me bowing my head in a stiff farewell, then turned on her heel and walked off without so much as a backward glance. By the time I raised my head, she was already halfway down the street. Come to think of it, I couldn't even recall her face properly. Or her name, for that matter.
Well... I had spent the entire date staring at my own shoes, so I suppose I had it coming.
My friend had strong-armed me into showing up in the first place, and for me the whole evening had been nothing short of torture. A man who spent the entire meeting with his head sunk to his chest, squeaking out clipped little yes-or-no answers to every question and wearing a face like he'd been made to chew shit — of course she hadn't cared for him. It wasn't that the woman across the table displeased me. It was just...
Riiiiiing. Riiiiiing.
The phone in my pocket went off. I dug into the inner pocket of my suit, and the name lighting up the screen was the friend who had set up today's date.
Damn it... perfect timing.
"Hello."
"Hey, you little shit—! Kim Cheolsoo!"
The bastard started cursing before I'd even finished the word.
"Uh..."
Guilty as I was, I answered in a voice that barely crawled out of my throat.
"You piece of shit! Hey! I told you she was a genuinely great girl, so at least give it a real shot! But you... hey, you bastard! My wife's on the phone with her right now, and she is losing her goddamn mind! You! What the hell did you do back there?!"
At his roaring, I pulled the phone away from my ear.
Apparently the girl from today's date had gone straight to his wife afterward and torn me a new one. What could I do, though... I owed him and his wife an apology, that much was true...
She had gone out of her way to handpick someone for a hopeless case like me, after all...
And honestly... the fact that the girl had sat through that suffocating silence without getting up and leaving first — that alone meant she had a genuinely gentle heart.
"Sorry... you know how I am..."
"I do know, you asshole, so what?! It's looking like my wife and that girl are through with each other for good! She's asking where the hell she's supposed to find another decent man to set her up with now! What the fuck did you even do?!"
A guy like that, huh... now that was going a bit far. I knew I was hopeless with women, but still...
"Hey... if even you're going to talk to me like that, what does that make me..."
"Ah, forget it! So what are you gonna do about it? No, wait — what is wrong with you, huh?! Why do you shrivel up like a whipped dog the second a woman's in front of you?!"
"......"
I couldn't answer his question.
"Is this still about Gayoon?! You're still like this?! You son of a bitch! It's been fifteen years! Let it go already!"
Click.
The moment her name left his mouth, I hung up. No matter how close two friends are, there are things you say and things you don't — and he had crossed the line.
Han Gayoon...
My first love...
And the one who left me with the fear of women I carry to this day...