Exhaustion. Collapse
“Haa… haa… haa… haa….”
“Ugh… oo… ooogh…”
“Uwek… ah… heuk… uk……!”
Agonized sounds filled the training room. Every one of my fellow inmates was gasping for breath. Yejin drooled freely, Seoa sat slumped on the floor with her numb legs trembling, and Jaehee—who had finally reached total exhaustion last of all—had flipped her eyes back the moment she kicked off her high heels. All of us were spent.
We had given everything we had, yet the result was poor. We had finished inside the three-hour baseline, but the time was worse than yesterday’s. We had avoided demerit points, yet extra torture time was inevitable.
“Kh-heup… mmmph… heuup… phuuu…!”
I, too, collapsed onto the floor under a pain that felt as if my heart would burst. My eyes stayed open, but I was so drained I could not so much as twitch a finger. The feet that had worn the high heels were nothing but blisters, and because I had mismanaged my pace the piercing holes in my nipples had stretched, carving fresh wounds. My entire body was a wreck.
“Heup… uh… uuh.”
When I looked down, my nipples appeared several times larger than usual. A body growing more and more obscene. Every time stimulation reshaped my flesh, I was forced to feel the wretched reality of an inmate’s lot.
“Get up.”
“Heup… mmmph.”
Leviathan stood over me and gave the order. Get up. I could not move right now—he knew exactly what I had endured and how much pain I was in, yet all he did was repeat the command for me to rise.
Still, I could not stand. I simply could not. It was not defiance. I had no strength left. I was only exhausted from suffering too much…
“Oh?”
The price was steep. Taking it as disobedience, Leviathan stepped in and hooked his fingers through the piercings hanging from my nipples—left index finger through one, right through the other.
No…! Not that. Please don’t. Please!!
“Kh-heuuup!!! Mmmph!! Phuuuup!!”
He hauled me straight up by them. As if he would tear the nipples clean off if I failed to stand. The force in his hands held not a shred of mercy or consideration. Tears stung, and the pain was so sharp my eyes would not close.
I have to stand. I have to stand. Stand right now.
Even though my body refused to move, my brain screamed the warning and made my feet thrash reflexively.
“Get up already.”
— Thud. Thud. Tap.
“Mmmph!! Phuuuuuup!!!! Kkeup!”
My full weight hung from the nipples. Staring at the elongated, deformed flesh, I scrambled to roll my feet against the floor and, after several flailing misses, finally managed to rise. My legs, pushed past their physical limit, kept quivering, yet the terror of losing the flesh itself forced me beyond that limit.
“Heup. Heup. Heuup. Heup.”
I shuddered with fear. From the detention center until now, every act of his I had once taken for kindness or fondness now felt like pure delusion; his ruthlessness terrified me.
“The rest of you bitches get up too. If you don’t stand this instant, I’ll triple the piercing weights during labor.”
“Ugh… haa. Uk…”
“Uk… uuk.”
“Haa. Haa. Haa.”
At Leviathan’s order everyone forced themselves upright. Exhaustion was plain on every face. Blistered soles and nipples wounded by failed pacing were common to us all. Yet what awaited us was not rest. There would be no treatment of the soles as there had been yesterday.
“Move.”
At his command we filed out of the training room one by one. Every time bare soles met the asphalt of the corridor, vicious stinging flared. Even a single step was nearly impossible.
“Inside.”
“Kh!”
“Ahk!”
“Uh… uuh.”
“Heup!”
The moment we entered the execution ground the pain grew worse. Gravel mixed into the dirt floor burst the blisters; sand grains that worked into the open sores brought itch and agony together. Simply standing still was already torment.
“All right. As I said yesterday, I’m hanging weights on the piercings.”
“Kyaak!!”
The piercings grew heavy. A definite weight settled at the tips of my nipples. Even the slightest movement set them swaying. The sensation of the metal being pulled toward the ground felt heavier and more oppressive than when the weights had been attached before.
“Start work.”
“…Yes.”
Everyone’s cuffs except mine were locked in front again, and shovels and carts were issued exactly as yesterday. No discussion time was granted. Of course not. It was simply a repeat of the day before; none of us had even dared hope otherwise. We took our tools, returned to yesterday’s positions, and began.
“Heup…! Mph!”
Of us all, I suffered the most. With soles already shredded, dragging the heavy cart turned my vision white; pain blotted out everything in front of me. Now and then Yejin and Seoa left worried notes written on skin.
「If it’s too hard, say so. I’ll pull the cart once.」
「I’ll control the pace. Take it slow this time.」
I was truly grateful. They were all struggling, yet they put a comrade ahead of their own hardship; their hearts moved me. But those efforts could only be received as feelings. I could not act on them.
“What are you doing! Move!”
— Crack!!
“Kh-heup! Mph!”
The moment I slowed even a little, or paused to catch a breath because the strain was too great, Leviathan’s whip invariably found me. My thighs, struck the most, were mottled with bruises on the verge of splitting open; my breasts, hit now and then, had swollen larger than usual. On top of that came the constant drag of the piercings.
“Heup— mmmph— heuup—!”
No matter how hard I pulled, the cart barely moved; our work pace slowed markedly. Strength had left my body. Blood began to seep from the soles of my feet. And one thing I had tried to forget, yet could never quite push from my mind, kept tugging at me…
I’m hungry.
The empty stomach weighed me down like shackles. Occasionally, for the sake of my figure, I had dieted. I enjoyed good food, yet I had never felt every meal must be eaten, and the nature of my old job often made regular meals impossible; skipping one or two was nothing. When busy I had gone two full days without eating. But if anyone asked whether the present situation was the same as those times, I would answer with absolute certainty: NO.
Brutal physical labor. Forced exercise disguised as training. Sleep conditions that never allowed true rest through the night. Even though Luia’s help had let me drop off without realizing it yesterday, sleep itself inside the cramped, foul-aired cell was already an ordeal.
“Kh-heup… mph… heup….”
I sank to the ground. The cart rattled behind me and bumped my back. On a slight downhill I stopped and trembled. Strength drained from my lower body and I wet myself. My body was so exhausted it could no longer control even basic bodily functions.
“Heup… uuh… mmmph.”
Saliva ran down my chin—more accurately, what little fluid remained. Opening my eyes was hard. The word “impossible” no longer even formed. My head had gone completely empty.
“…”
Then someone approached. The sound of shoes on dirt. Without the strength to turn my head I simply tried to hold onto consciousness until the person arrived. If I blacked out… the aftermath frightened me more. I might escape for the moment, but I dreaded what state I would find myself in when I woke.
“Lee Nayoon.”
I did not need to look. The only people allowed to wear shoes here were the guards.
“….”
I could not answer. I was too drained even to breathe properly. He came closer. After a long sigh he took hold of the piercings hanging from the tips of my fallen breasts. The only part of me that could still move—my eyes—turned toward his fingers.
No. Don’t. Please don’t.
“Hmm.”
Leviathan applied gentle pressure. He clearly meant to lift me by the nipples again. But this time I did not believe I could stand. Like a car that had burned through every drop of fuel, my body had simply stopped.
“Lee Nayoon. Are you conscious?”
At his question I hesitated a moment. In a state where I could do nothing, I feared that answering at all might make him think I was merely pretending so I could rest.
“…Uh.”
Yet more than a month of continuous imprisonment had rewritten my thinking. The awareness that a guard’s question must be answered at once drove me to squeeze out a reply with the last of my strength. Even knowing I should not, answering came first.
“Hmm. If you collapse like this, the burden on your comrades will grow. Are you fine with that?”
“Gheup… uh.”
A threat harsher than any other words. I hated the thought of increasing their load—especially if I were the cause. The comrades who had been my greatest support through this imprisonment… I had felt I still owed them so much, and now I would become a burden instead. That could not be allowed.
“This won’t do.”
But my body would not move. No matter how I tried to rise, I remained slumped; it was almost strange that the strengthless form did not simply topple forward. And as if to prove it—
— Thud. Collapse.
“Hmm. Yejin, Jaehee—over here!”
The instant Leviathan touched my shoulder I fell sideways. I could not even close my eyes; not a scrap of strength remained anywhere in my body.
“Yes! You called…”
“Haa. Haa. Nayoon…”
Their voices reached me from above my head. They too were clearly exhausted. Their breathing was ragged, their voices thick with dust. A presence different from usual.
“No useless talk. Dump this one in the guard room, then come straight back and keep working. And tell Kang Seoa over there to start pulling the cart from now on. Understood?”
“…Yes. Understood.”
Leviathan’s order. At once Jaehee and Yejin lifted me.
“Heup.”
“Heut!”
I had never been told I had put on weight, yet they struggled to raise me. Of course—a human body weighs dozens of kilograms to begin with, and they had already wrung every last drop of stamina from themselves; lifting me was bound to be hard. With my arms still bound behind my back, Yejin took my upper body and Jaehee my lower half, hauling me like a piece of cargo.
“Hurry.”
“Yes!”
The two of them carried me slowly out of the execution ground and toward the guard room.
“Huu.”
It was not a distance they could cover in one go. Now and then they set me down and panted. I wanted to apologize to them. I felt sorry that my collapse had forced them into extra work they should not have had to do. Sorry that I alone was dropping out of labor. Perhaps that was why tears welled up on their own. Even though I had thought no more fluid remained, only those useless tears seemed to spring from the burning in my chest.
Then I felt fingers against my thigh.
「Don’t cry. We knew it would end up like this.」
「They keep starving us and giving us no water—how are we supposed to hold on? It’s okay. Leave it to us.」
“Heu… mmmph.”
I rolled my eyes and saw Yejin and Jaehee smiling faintly. Inside the prison they could not speak aloud, yet they had already written words of comfort, worried for me first. Their consideration only made more tears fall.
「Later. When arms free. Work hard.」
「Guard room. Leviathan. Weird stuff. Makes you do. When I fasted. Forced pill up nose.」
「My time. During labor. Guard room. Weird stuff. Makes you do. Anyway. Careful.」
They also passed me information. The two veterans had clearly been through something similar. Even without exchanging opinions they left nearly identical notes. I nodded to show I understood. At first I had wondered why they were taking me to the guard room; apparently some private act of Leviathan’s had already been planned.
“Heup! Uk.”
“Huu. Huu. Eut!”
They lifted and set me down several more times. After that repeated cycle of carrying and resting they finally got me into Leviathan’s guard room. They left me just inside the entrance, caught their breath for a moment, stroked me wordlessly, then headed back to the labor ground.
I wanted to tell them to rest a little longer, but if they returned late, Seoa—left alone under Leviathan’s focused supervision—might suffer who knew what… I could not keep them. More than that, if Leviathan learned they had taken a rest, that itself would become a problem. Watching them hurry back even though I had given no signal, I could only conclude they already understood such things far better than I did.
“….”
And so I lay alone on the floor of the guard room. Everything was silent. Only occasionally a faint scream from some other inmate drifted in from outside. Listening to those sounds made my heart flinch. What was about to happen to me? What were the “weird things” my comrades had mentioned? In any case, from what Jaehee had gone through—“forced a pill up the nose”—it seemed something meant to make me able to move again somehow.
Inside that reasonable guess, slow footsteps sounded. Then the guard-room door opened.
“Huu. All right then… shall we begin?”
Leviathan walked in.