Chapter 98
Chapter 98
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 98
Chapter Title: Character Education
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There wasn't much information on Zwey Academy.
It had a cancerous character known as the Saintess, and a Headmaster steeped in an inferiority complex. That, and the fact they held a competition every year, was about all I knew.
It was only natural that the academies wouldn't get involved with each other otherwise, and even if they did, they’d only serve as props to make a grown Arthur look good.
So I watched them, curious, but they just acted like normal people.
I thought there might be at least one person with some personality.
The meeting ended with them handling everything amongst themselves.
They said my lip-smacking was noisy, so I switched to chomping, but they just ignored me and carried on.
"I think I can still hear that smacking sound in my ears..."
"You're hearing things."
Of course, the biggest victim of the smacking sounds was Yui.
She was right next to me, so unlike the other professors who could just ignore my smacking or chomping, she had no choice but to hear it all.
I'm not usually one to smack my lips while eating. If someone did that in front of me, I'd plant my fist in their face. But this time, I was just too bored to help it.
With nothing to do in a meeting that could go on forever, I found myself making noises like that out of sheer boredom.
With Yui shaking her head beside me, I headed for the massive training ground where the competition would be held.
We weren't going directly to the training ground, but to the waiting room for the participating professors.
On our way there.
"Hello."
Liche was standing there.
So I tried to just ignore her and walk past.
"W-Wait! Please don't ignore me...!"
If only she hadn't blocked my path.
"You're just here to say the same old things, aren't you?"
Ever since I refused her help last time, she had been seeking me out almost daily, proposing one thing after another.
She laid out every negotiating card she had. So many, in fact, that it felt more like a donation than a negotiation.
The problem was that all those cards she thought were so valuable were completely useless to me.
And as for her previous threats, it seemed she'd had a change of heart and decided against them.
If she had threatened me again this time, I was planning on reincarnating her into the next world.
What a shame.
"No. That's not why I'm here today..."
Well, I'm not really curious about any other reason either.
I might have been curious if I'd ever actually benefited from you seeking me out.
I guess this is why one's usual conduct is so important. She came to see me, but I had absolutely no expectation of what she was going to say.
"I just... heard you had your competition today and wanted to cheer you on..."
"What kind of negotiation tactic is this? A honey trap with an innocent concept?"
If she'd been playing the aggressive predator until now, was she experimenting with different variations?
Trying to figure out my type?
"It's not like that! I'm really here to cheer you on!"
"Not gonna work, is it? My genius brain has already seen right through you."
"..."
Liche fell silent, as if I'd hit the nail on the head.
As I walked past her toward the waiting room, I could hear Luna and Yui saying something to comfort her from behind.
***
After waiting in the waiting room, I stepped out and let out a sound of admiration at the sight of the training ground before me.
"Whoa..."
It was huge.
The training grounds I had seen so far were large, built for the purpose of sparring, but this was on another level entirely.
A pure white floor, made of some unknown material.
And spectator seats surrounding it.
"We will now begin the professor's competition between Jeomineol Academy and Zwey Academy!"
Someone acting as the announcer declared the start, their voice amplified by a magic tool.
"First, before we begin, I will explain the rules of the competition!"
Originally, any student of the academy would know the rules of the competition.
It was a semi-tradition, so much so that any student dreaming of entering the academy would be familiar with them.
The reason the announcer was explaining the rules was because of the new rules that had been changed or added this time.
To put it briefly, the condition for victory was to knock the opponent out of the training ground. Conversely, the condition for defeat was to be knocked out of the training ground.
This was proposed by the opposing academy's Headmaster. He said it was to showcase various strategies and prolong the matches, but to me, it just seemed like he planned to beat his opponents senseless on the training ground without knocking them out.
Another victory condition was if both Headmasters judged an opponent to be incapacitated.
Normally, victory was declared if the announcer judged someone incapacitated, but it seemed Lucia had proposed this rule with the same intention as the other side: to never let it end.
The reason the other side accepted this was likely because they thought it would be more advantageous for them.
Other than that, the rules were simple. The use of black magic and other forms of sorcery was naturally forbidden. As for weapons, anything was allowed except for artifacts and magic tools.
Those were all the rules the announcer explained.
"Now, before we begin, let's introduce the contestants! First, from Jeomineol Academy, contestant Luke!"
At the call of my name, I ascended the stairs to the top of the training ground.
I had Luna and Yui sit together on a bench where the other professors were waiting.
Normally, this wouldn't be allowed, but it was possible since they were with me.
"Next, from Zwey Academy, contestant Wiber!"
"Aah! Professor, you're so handsome!!"
"Professor, take me!!"
"Win for us!!"
When the announcer called the opposing contestant, unlike with me, the female students shrieked at the top of their lungs.
Soon after, a handsome, noble-looking man with light yellow hair ascended the opposite stairs.
He scratched his cheek as if embarrassed, but even that looked like something out of a photoshoot, which was annoying.
"Haha... I apologize. Our students seem to have been a little rude."
There seemed to be no hidden meaning. It was a genuine apology.
In fact, cheering at tournaments and matches carries a lot of weight.
For a contestant hearing the difference between their own pathetic cheers and the deafening roar for their opponent, it wouldn't be surprising if their motivation plummeted before the match even began. That must be why he apologized.
But it didn't matter to me. The skill gap between us was too wide for mere cheering to change the outcome.
'Besides, those cheers will soon turn into screams and shrieks.'
*Crack.* I loosened my hands and smiled.
"The time limit is 30 minutes! The match will now begin!"
*Bang!*
The announcer signaled the start with a simple light magic spell.
"I hope to learn from this."
And with that, his expression changed instantly.
He shed his benevolent demeanor, his face transforming into one that looked ready to unleash a spell at any moment.
He might look like that on the outside, but he was still a professor, and he was taking this match seriously.
He threw a glass bottle of water from his hip at me with one hand. While the bottle was still in mid-air, he shot a bolt of electricity at it. The electricity shattered the bottle just before it reached me, scattering water in all directions.
He was showing off everything he could do.
Honestly, that was the right move. The rules stated that all weapons except magic tools were allowed, so that water bottle was fair game.
Only an amateur would stick to just electrical magic because they knew how to use it. Despite his youthful appearance, he seemed to have a lot of practical experience.
His goal seemed to be to douse me with electrified water, but I sidestepped and easily dodged it.
I could have just taken the hit, thanks to my skills, but getting my clothes wet would feel gross.
As if he had expected as much, the opposing professor said.
"This will hurt quite a bit if it hits."
His posture was as if he were aiming his arm at me, ready to flick his thumb.
That stance looked very familiar.
"Is that a rail—"
I couldn't finish my sentence.
Electricity gathered in his hand, and as he flicked his finger, a thick bolt of what could hardly be called electricity shot toward me like an arrow.
*CRASH!*
It was certainly fast, being condensed electricity.
Since moving faster than electricity was impossible for me anyway, I had no choice but to take it. If that professor had the skill of a high A-rank adventurer, I probably would have suffered third-degree burns.
"What...?!"
He showed a look of surprise, seeing me take the hit so brazenly.
He must have fired it at full power, knowing the training ground had protective measures. He probably expected me to dodge, not take it head-on and remain standing.
I rushed toward the professor in a single bound.
He naturally tried to stop my approach by firing more electricity, but after seeing the railgun just now, it didn't feel very impressive.
Reaching the professor, I said.
"The railgun was the most refreshing thing I've seen so far. Plagiarized, though."
"Plagiarized...? You're calling my original technique plagiarism?"
Yes. We have a lot of creative writers on my side. Techniques far more incredible than that are a dime a dozen.
"Did you know? I don't know about you professors, but your students have had absolutely zero character education."
So today, I was going to teach him how character education should be done.
I had originally prepared many things. I'd even held a meeting with Luna and Yui to discuss how to mess with them.
But seeing that thug with the title of Second Top Student strutting around today changed my mind.
Reaching into my inventory, I pulled out the rod of love. It looked like a thick wooden stick, a fearsome weapon that was once an object of terror for children and students.
And I swung it with all my might at the professor's shin.
*Crack!*
"Guh...!"
With a crisp sound, the professor fell to his knees.
Normally, I would have hit his buttocks or the back of his thighs, but since we were facing each other due to the nature of the match, I hit him from the front.
"Do you see? This is the rod of love. Your students are far, far too disrespectful."
*Crack!*
"Gah!"
This time, I struck his thigh, and a scream escaped the professor's lips.
"When a student does something wrong, you must bestow upon them a full-power swing filled with love. Do you understand?"
"What kind of nonsense are you spouting..."
*Crack!*
"Aaargh!!"
"I asked if you understand, you bastard."
He should have just answered my question, but he kept spouting nonsense.
When a parent or teacher wields the rod of love, you're not supposed to say anything other than "I was wrong." That's the unspoken rule.
How dare he talk back to me when I'm holding the rod of love?
It seems he hasn't been disciplined enough. In that case, I'll have to show him a special technique that can only be used while holding the rod of love.
*Crack! Crack! Crack!*
"Aaaaaaargh!!!"
"Secret Technique: Triple Strike."
I swiftly struck the professor's head with the rod of love.
Like typing a password, where even a person with a typing speed of 100 WPM suddenly hits 800, even the slowest arm moves at an invisible speed when using this technique.
I suspect the rod of love might be some kind of artifact or magic tool.
Don't even hunched-over elders gain motor-like speed in their hands the moment they hold this rod?
It's so fearsome that there's even an anecdote of a young boy, sensing disaster, hiding all the rods in his house, only to be beaten with a coat hanger instead.
"Now, I'll tell you what you're supposed to say after this."
*This is all for your own good. It hurts me more than it hurts you.*
I said exactly what I knew. People actually say these things.
But as I said it, I couldn't help but feel that the people who genuinely say this must be psychopaths.
They're just making up excuses because they want to hit someone.
Otherwise, how could it be that after growing up, all I remember is the pain of being hit?
But I'll just hit him and be a psychopath. What's not to like? Being a psychopath. You can beat people up without caring what others think, and live your life however you want.
Anyway, that's beside the point.
*Crack!*
"Keuk...!"
I hit the professor one last time before putting the rod of love back in my inventory.
"After the rod, you have to comfort them, you see? And for that, there's nothing better than a hug."
The carrot always follows the stick.
In the case of the rod of love, a fierce hug is needed to convey that your heart breaks even as you hit them. For mothers, crying and pleadingly saying it makes it exceptionally effective.
Conversely, a man's hug should be short and intense.
The stronger it is, the better my feelings will be conveyed to the other person.
With that in mind, I took out some caltrops for the first time in a while and scattered them behind me.
Then I rolled on top of them, letting the caltrops embed themselves in my body.
A normal person would be writhing in agony, but my current state as a human hedgehog just felt like needles lightly pricking my skin.
This feat was only possible because my skills mitigated all the damage.
Next, I took out oil and a match and set myself on fire.
Through the blazing vision, I caught sight of the professor looking at me as if I were a madman.
But it didn't matter. He might look at me like that now, but soon, he would understand my heart.
As I took a step toward the professor.
"W-Wait a minute...!"
"Angel☆Fire☆Spike☆Hug."
I wrapped my arms around the professor's arms and waist and embraced him with all my strength.
So that my comforting heart could reach him.
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He started screaming and thrashing about like a madman.
Hey, I don't like hugging guys either. But I'm doing this for your own good.
I squeezed him tighter to make him stay still, and from somewhere, I heard the sound of a Jenga tower collapsing.
"Hnngggggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"