Chapter 31
Chapter 31
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 31
Chapter Title: Three-Way Battle
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"Ugh, my head..."
I really flew far.
And it hurt like a bitch, to boot.
This was the first time I'd been hit this hard since possessing this body.
'I'm a real man... a single tear might just trickle down...'
But I gritted my teeth and endured.
Because real men don't cry.
'Wait, I think I hit something on the way down.'
"What are you...!"
Just then, a growling sound came from beneath me.
To be precise, it was a heavy, cold voice tinged with killing intent.
"I'm Luke!"
He asked, so I answered. But who was he?
I could feel something hard under my ass.
Could it be a lucky perverted encounter with a beautiful woman who has a husky voice!?
Woohoo—! This new world is the best!
Time to cop a feel!
-Hard.
"Hmm?"
It's kind of hard, though?
What's with these AAA-cup pecs?
"Get off me, now...!"
Ah, yes. My apologies.
As I slowly got up, I checked to see who was under me.
"Blegh!!"
A man with purple skin, well-trained muscles, and black gauntlets.
'You mean I was touching a man's chest?'
Setting aside the fact that he was a demon, he was a disgusting bastard of a man.
"You motherfucker!!!! Why aren't you a woman!!!!"
"...What are you talking about?"
It would have been so much better if it was a curvy female demon!
Some might call me desperate for women.
But is that really it? No. I think differently.
Anyone would have reacted the same way if it were a man.
Would you rather have a muscular, unknown man pinned under you, or a glamorous woman with curves in all the right places?
Anyone who picks the former isn't just 'respecting preferences,' they're just gay.
I was on an all-time high just a moment ago, but suddenly my mood plummeted to an all-time low.
No, not low—more like pissed.
And what's a demon doing in the middle of the forest?
If there's a demon near the academy, then that guy must be around too.
'Found him.'
I didn't have to look far; he was right there.
Striking red hair and a pretty-boy face.
The asshole of the century who fed readers nothing but frustration, yet still ended up with a harem just because he was the protagonist, laughing all the way.
Arthur.
The protagonist of this novel was currently knocked out against a tree, sleeping soundly.
"Hah, look at that frustrating blockhead. Now he's slacking off and taking a nap instead of doing his job."
Looking around, I saw Liche was there too, which was enough to piece together the situation.
A demon with gauntlets. Arthur and Liche.
This was the first event to happen at the academy, part of the practical training.
It's an early event meant to help win over Liche, the hardest character to get close to, but really, it was just the author's lazy attempt at forcing the plot.
You might ask how such a novel could be number one, but people who want to read it will read it.
Anyone who's read a few novels knows the feeling.
The gauntleted demon before me was weaker than Liche, but he had a trait called Magic Resistance, which made him immune to ordinary magic.
The only things that worked on him were light and dark attribute attacks—like his own—and physical attacks. And wow! What a coincidence that someone who uses a sword and has the light attribute just happens to be here!
That's why he was designed to be a pushover despite having such a broken skill.
All to rescue Liche and raise her affection points.
'Though he's currently asleep.'
I glanced around.
Liche was staring at me with a rather surprised expression, and two male extras I didn't recognize were collapsed nearby.
While I was assessing the situation, the demon kept directing his killing intent at me.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Luke, you idiot. How many times do I have to tell you?"
How long has it been since he first asked? Even a goldfish would have a better memory.
Just then, I heard Luna's voice as she caught up to me.
"Sir Luke!"
"Oh, Luna, you're here?"
"This is no time for that! Right behind me is...!"
-ROOOOOOOOAR!!!!!!!!!!
The ground rumbled. A mighty roar echoed from the path Luna had just taken.
"Oh, right. We were in the middle of a hunt."
"I tried my best to stop it, but it ignored me completely and headed straight in the direction you flew."
"It's really got it out for me."
That attack must have really hurt. It was chasing me with fire in its eyes. I've never had an ingrown toenail in this life or my last, but I imagine it's something like that.
When a monster that follows its instincts gets angry, it seems to lose all sight of what's in front of it.
It came charging recklessly, raising its club, as if it had no fear of traps.
"This won't do! Human shield, go!"
I zipped behind the demon.
"Wh-What!?"
I can understand his confusion.
Some guy pops out of nowhere and derails his original plan, and to make matters worse, that same guy brings a monster along and uses him as a shield.
'Who cares. He's going to die anyway.'
He can tank some hits before he dies, give me a lot of experience points after he dies, and even grant me a new skill.
It's a no-loss deal for me.
Plus, he has to pay the price for ruining my mood.
The demon raised his arms to block the club swinging toward him.
Faced with a sudden attack, all he could rely on was his own sturdy body.
He could have just dodged, but I guess the demon was a brute who liked to show off his physique.
The guy whose weakness was physical attacks actually put up his guard like a warrior. I've been hit by that thing, so I know it hurts like hell.
For a low-level demon who only appeared for an early affection-point event, the ogre was stronger than he expected.
-THUD!
A heavy sound echoed as the demon's arm and the club collided.
Along with it came a cracking sound. The ogre's club was perfectly fine, without a single scratch, so it seemed the demon's bones had fractured.
"Kuh...! You insignificant monster...!"
"You're an insignificant demon, so who are you to discriminate?"
"Shut... up!"
He strained his arms, barely managing to push the club away.
Soon, the demon and the ogre were locked in a fierce brawl.
"What in the world is happening...?"
Luna, who had just arrived, seemed unable to grasp the situation.
"Oh, that? It's a demon."
"A-A demon? The kind I've heard about?"
"Yep."
She must find it fascinating. Demons were a rare sight, especially here in the middle of a forest.
But what could I do? The guy sleeping over there was the world's greatest natural demon attractant.
The fight was, in short, slightly in the demon's favor.
He was a demon, after all, so he could at least handle an ogre.
-BAM!
Still, his strength was only slightly greater than the ogre's, so the fight was more or less evenly matched.
What could I do here?
I didn't have to think too hard.
"Ah, you shouldn't block like that."
"Oh, that's not how you attack."
Backseat gaming.
I learned from the world's foremost professor in the art of unsolicited advice—Professor Brat—how to efficiently taunt and enrage an opponent.
For the record, "learning" in this context implies learning by being on the receiving end.
"How was that? Annoying, right?"
"...It made me want to punch you."
It was so annoying that even Luna, who was just watching, felt it. It would have been the same back on Earth. Unsolicited advice is a magical thing that pisses off not only the target but also those who watch and listen.
Maybe all the brats from my past life were actually geniuses with doctorates in psychology.
By the time thirty minutes of me giving unsolicited advice next to the bloody battle had passed...
The fight was drawing to a close, and naturally, the tide had turned in the demon's favor.
What's really funny is that, compared to the demons that will appear later, this guy who's going toe-to-toe with an ogre is actually kind of cute.
-ROOOOOOOOAR!!!!!!!!!!
The ogre let out a powerful roar, as if it were its final act of defiance.
It was a truly moving cry.
"Kuh...! I hear you, brother! I'll help you!"
"...?"
Ignoring Luna, who was looking at me like I was crazy, I responded to the ogre's roar by drawing my sword from my inventory.
The ogre's full-powered club swung at the demon from the front, while my full-powered slash cut off the demon's escape from behind.
In other words...
"Double Lariat!!"
"Wh-What...!"
The demon was saying "What...!"
'His reaction is hilarious.'
In the end, on the scales of life and death, the demon had to make a choice to sacrifice one thing to grasp onto life.
He chose to take my attack with his body while blocking the ogre's.
That was the demon's second-best option, but as they say, everyone has a plan.
Until they get punched in the mouth.
"Yeah~ I'm stronger than the ogre~"
His mistake was not knowing my strength.
Even though I was the one who got hit by the ogre and whined about the pain, I was still stronger than it.
This quest was originally designed by Adela for a two-person party, where I would be the front-liner while Luna provided support. The unexpected variable was that I was a true man who had invested all his stats into strength.
So, from getting hit earlier, I realized I could probably win a direct clash of strength.
And what does that mean?
It means the demon who ignored me to face the ogre was about to be split in two.
"...!"
The demon, now split into two halves, vanished into a pile of ash without so much as a final scream.
Next, a pleasant blue window greeted me.
[ You have defeated the demon Kurga! You have acquired the skill All-Attribute Resistance! ]
[ Level Up! Check your status! ]
[ Level Up! Check your status! ]
[ Level Up! Check your status! ]
[ Level Up! Check your status! ]
[ Level Up! Check your status! ]
"Woohoo—! Sweet!"
Was it because he was a demon? This was the second time I'd killed one, and just like the first time, the experience points were incredibly sweet. So sweet my teeth might rot and fall out.
-Thump.
Right after, I heard the sound of something kneeling in front of me.
I looked forward and saw the ogre, its body covered in bruises, kneeling on the ground.
Having delivered its final blow, the ogre had burned out completely and let everything go—the club in its hand, the fighting spirit to kill its opponent, everything.
"You fought well, brother. You are a proud warrior. You will surely go to Valhalla."
Or not.
I cleanly lopped off the head of the creature that had traded blows for me.
The proof of subjugating an ogre was its severed head.
To ensure the definitive death of a creature that could stubbornly hold on with its high regeneration, you had to cut off its head. Conveniently, the head was also chosen as proof of the kill.
That's what Adela had told me.
"In your next life, may you be born into a body free of ingrown toenails."
[ Level Up! Check your status! ]
[ Level Up! Check your status! ]
[ Level Up! Check your status! ]
[ Level Up! Check your status! ]
With the hunt over, Luna approached me from behind.
"If you could have killed it this easily, why were you just attacking its feet all this time...?"
"It's no fun if you just kill it."
It had been so long since I'd fought a proper monster. What's the fun in hunting if you just meet it and go, "Die!" before chopping its head off?
You know how cats don't kill their prey right away? They bat it around with their little paws and keep chasing it, tormenting it.
"It's all over, let's head back."
"Yes."
"W-Wait a moment!"
"?"
A voice stopped us as we were about to leave. I turned around.
There stood Liche, a very bewildered expression on her face, and for some reason, she was looking at me.
'Why do so many things keep happening?'
This is why you should never go near the academy.
I have to get out of here before I get dragged into something else weird.
"Luna! We're running for it!"
"Huh...?"
"Wait! Hold on!"
I definitely heard her call out to me, but I ran without looking back. I heard her call my name again from behind, but I ignored her completely and bolted at full speed.