Chapter 27
Chapter 27
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 27
Chapter Title: Rehabilitation
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The day after finishing the request with the bald man.
As always, I woke up early.
In my past life, the mere thought of going to work felt like gravity was crushing my body.
'I ended up not going that day because I really didn't want to.'
The truth that no one knows is that I was later fired for accumulating too many unexcused absences.
But this place is different.
How many people in the world actually get to do what they love for a living?
Dreams and all that are just childish wishes.
After becoming an adult and facing the real world, you find yourself a slave to money, scanning barcodes at a convenience store.
In that sense, this place is nothing short of paradise!
If I want to hunt monsters, I can just take a request for the monster I want to hunt and go beat it up. And if someone pisses me off, I can rough them up a bit without getting a summons from the police station.
"Luna. Today's schedule."
"After breakfast today, you are scheduled to visit Mr. Smith to pick up the War Wolf meat and the safe you left for dismantling. Afterward, you will head to the Adventurer's Guild for the Class D promotion test that Ms. Adela mentioned yesterday."
Having a beautiful secretary recite my daily schedule is on a whole different level from the musty old news and newspapers I'd see in the morning.
'Is this the life of the rich?'
For a moment, I was reminded of a game I used to enjoy in my past life.
A game that boasted the world's greatest freedom, where you could steal cars, rob banks, and crumple luxury foreign cars and sports cars like they were tin cans.
Why was that game, which was just a carbon copy of reality, so popular?
The reason is simple.
You can park dozens of supercars you could never even dream of driving in real life in your own garage. Buildings worth billions that you could only stare at in reality become your property. You can wreak havoc with all sorts of weapons and bend the world to your will.
This place is similar to that world.
A world that truly motivates you to work. A world where you can do anything you set your mind to.
"Luna. Tissues, please."
"...Excuse me?"
It's crude, but I got hard just thinking about it.
***
After getting the wolf meat from the man and collecting the gold coins from inside the safe, we were on our way to the Adventurer's Guild.
Something zipped past me with a *whoosh*, and Luna spoke.
"Sir Luke! A pickpocket!"
"Really? Let him go. It's not like I'm the one who got robbed."
How pitiful, to resort to pickpocketing in a world where it's so easy to make money.
Then again, pickpocketing happens even in countries with good security.
It'd be hard to stop a pickpocket with medieval-era law enforcement.
I feel sorry for him, so let's just let him go. It's not my money, anyway.
"...The pocket that was stolen was yours, Sir Luke."
"Get that son of a bitch, now!!!"
And so began the wild and chaotic pickpocket chase between Luna and me.
The pickpocket and Luna expertly weaved through the crowd.
"Uwooooooaaaaah━━━━!!!!!!!"
Like a Charger from a zombie game, I lowered my shoulder and plowed through the crowd with sheer force.
The pickpocket, realizing midway that we were chasing him, glanced back.
His eyes met mine, and he startled, then began to run even faster, frantically weaving through the crowd.
To hide a tree, hide it in the forest.
To hide a person, hide them among people.
A very good escape method.
The problem was, I knew that method was the stupidest one of all.
'What? Hide a tree in the forest?'
You can just set the forest on fire and burn the tree down with it.
And if a pickpocket tries to hide among people...
"Weaklings!! Weaklings!!"
I charged straight ahead like a bulldozer, shoving people aside.
There was no way a guy zig-zagging through a crowd could be faster than someone driving straight ahead like a truck with busted steering.
And so, the pickpocket, sensing he couldn't escape, made a sharp turn into a small side street.
Unfortunately for him, that was his final move and a checkmate.
Because the place Luna and I followed him into was a dead-end, blocked on all sides.
"Kuhehehel."
I've got you now, you bastard.
As I took a step toward him, he pressed himself flat against the wall like a cornered cat and tried to claw his way through it.
"P-P-Please, spare me—!"
"Hey, hey. Calm down. I'm not going to eat you."
Why was he so scared already? If I wanted to kill him, he'd have been dead long ago.
"How about we solve this with a conversation, my friend?"
I grinned.
"A-A conversation...?"
"You don't know what a conversation is? Let's talk it out."
He was so scrawny I didn't want to hit him, but was he illiterate?
Well then, I guess we'll have to have a physical conversation.
The moment I raised my fist, the pickpocket scrambled to his knees and sat in a formal posture.
"A-A conversation sounds great!"
"There, there. It would've been better if you'd done that from the start."
See? People need to communicate. In a rotten society where people just start cursing, what a precious resource conversation is.
Hmm. Now, what should I ask first?
"Why did you steal from my pocket?"
"W-Well. You were wearing an academy uniform, so I thought you were a noble......"
A noble? Please. The character named Luke is a commoner with no background to speak of in the story.
"I see. Looking at you, I can tell you're desperate for money."
"Thank you for understanding!"
"But my friend, you know that stealing is wrong, right?"
"Y-Yes! I know that very well!"
"I believe that if you do something wrong, you should be punished. So, I'm thinking of breaking your fingers so you can't steal anymore."
"...Excuse me?"
He asked again, as if he didn't quite understand what I said.
But they say seeing is believing.
If you don't understand words, then actions will have to do. I kindly took his hand and bent his finger in a direction it wasn't supposed to go.
"Aaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My Strength stat of 48 snapped the man's finger as easily as a pretzel stick.
'He's all skin and bones, so it makes a satisfying snap.'
It felt like cracking open a king crab leg to get to the meat.
The first knuckle of his index finger was twisted.
I kindly twisted the second knuckle in the opposite direction of the first.
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Shh. We're going to get a noise complaint."
His lungs were certainly powerful. If he'd spent his pickpocketing time practicing singing, he could've become a professional.
Still, if he kept screaming like that in broad daylight, the neighbors might complain, so I stuffed the pocket he'd stolen from me into his mouth.
The guy's index finger was now bent like a lightning bolt.
"Hey, Luna. If we stuck a metal skewer through this finger and held it up on a rainy day, do you think he'd make a good human lightning rod?"
"...You should probably just use a real lightning rod for that."
Tsk. She doesn't know the joy of bending nature to one's will. The romance in this world is truly dead.
Then again, when they can shoot every element imaginable from their hands without a staff whenever they want, there's no way they'd find romance in something like that.
'Back in my day, just shooting a laser from your hand was cool as hell. Tsk.'
This time, I broke the man's middle finger.
"Guuuuuuuuhhhhp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"There, there. I know."
Stealing is wrong. It's common sense everyone learns as a child. From your parents who handle your upbringing, or if not, then at school.
Everyone is taught about the illegal act of theft, but this pickpocket before me was unfortunately born into a medieval setting and likely never received a proper education.
That's why he seems to have discovered the sweet allure of thievery, so I shall personally step in to rehabilitate him.
Killing him for stealing would be too harsh.
So, I'll just break all his fingers so he can never even think about stealing again.
Then, in the future, if his hands unconsciously reach for someone else's belongings, he'll see his own fingers, unable to grasp anything, and think, 'Oops!' He'll be able to self-reflect.
The victim is personally helping the perpetrator with his rehabilitation. What greater act of kindness could there be?
"Hah! What a good person I am!"
-Snap. Crack. Crunch.
"Ugh-guh-guh-guhk!!!!! Hnngh!!!!! Mmmph!!!!!"
"Luna, you want to break one?"
"...I'm fine, thank you."
"Really? Your loss."
This has nothing to do with education; it just feels so good.
It's like popping bubble wrap, one by one.
-Crack.
"Hnnnnngh!!!!!!"
***
"I-I'm sowwy......" the pickpocket, whose ten fingers were now as crooked as instant noodles, said to me.
I didn't hit his face, so I don't know why his pronunciation was so slurred.
"You were wrong, right? You won't do it again, will you?"
"No, I won't......"
"Good. Since you've had a change of heart, I'll give you this as a gift."
I handed the pouch to the pickpocket.
He bowed his head to me repeatedly, thanking me, then ran off without a single look back.
"Jeez. Is he really that happy about it?"
It's an amount you can earn by robbing one pig-shaped safe.
Tsk, tsk. What a pity he doesn't know the true taste of money earned through hard work.
As we left the alley to head to the Adventurer's Guild again, Luna cautiously asked a question.
"Um... Sir Luke. Are you really sure you should have given that away?"
"Given what?"
"The money pouch."
"Are you crazy? Why would I give him money?"
What money pouch? What is she talking about?
Don't tell me she thought that was a money pouch this whole time.
What has Luna even been observing at my side? I have the broken skill called Inventory, so there's no reason for me to carry something like that around.
"...Pardon? Then what was in that pouch?"
"A pouch of cockroaches."
I was actually going to put it in my inventory, but you can't store living creatures, so I had no choice but to carry it.
- Aaaaaaaaargh!!
Just as I said that, a scream echoed from somewhere nearby.
"When on earth did you catch those...?"
"When I went to hunt the pigs last time."
I found Mr. Cockroach in the back alley where I went to hunt the pigs.
As expected of a dark, damp place, it was absolutely swarming with them.
They say people are the same wherever you go, and following the mosquitoes, those esteemed gentlemen who are nowhere and yet everywhere were, of course, present in this world as well.
I picked them up thinking they might be useful for something, but I never imagined I'd use them like this.
"So you did all that to him just because he stole a pouch of cockroaches...?"
"Hey now. 'Just' a pouch?"
It's a bad habit to make assumptions about something that might be precious to someone else!
"Stealing is wrong! It doesn't matter if you stole a speck of dust or a single copper coin! Got it?!"
"And yet, you yourself stole from the academy last time, claiming it was your right as a consumer—"
"Hush! That wasn't stealing. It's called a rightful claim! Say it. What is it?"
"...A rightful claim."
"That's right."