Chapter 22
Chapter 22
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 22
Chapter Title: A Pig... Can Talk!?
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"P-Please, stop..."
The man who came to kill me was drooling and twitching.
"Ugh, disgusting."
Anyone who didn't know better would think I'd been sexually torturing him.
Seeing the rogue after he'd just... finished, I was so disgusted that I just killed him off.
[Level Up! Check your status!]
"So sweet~"
Even irredeemable trash like this can dedicate their body to offer up experience points. Maybe there's no such thing as unrecyclable trash in this world?
And what the hell was the author thinking, making people give experience points?
It's a good thing I'm a kind, rational intellectual. If some serial killer had this trait, the empire would've fallen long before the Demon God even invaded.
"Sir Luke."
"Yeah. You done?"
"Yes. I've recorded his location and the client's name."
"That was easier than I thought."
For all his blustering about not talking even if tortured, the rogue I just killed couldn't even last a day. After just a few hours, he looked like a masochist whose orgasms were being controlled by a sadist, and he spilled everything he knew.
Of course, he actually broke much faster, but I just wanted to torment him, so I kept it up for a few hours.
According to the information the rogue coughed up, the guy after me is named Dain Berkeley.
He's a noble with the rank of viscount in the empire. On the outside, he runs a small merchant company, but behind the scenes, he's a piece of trash who secretly kidnaps people and sells them into slavery.
"What will you do now?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are you going to leave right away?"
"Nope. I'm going to sleep."
I stayed up all night because of those bastards. I need my sleep.
Under current Korean labor laws, the maximum workday is eight hours.
I've already taken down a Rhino Horn, an Iron Horn, and even a rogue, so I've exceeded my eight hours. I'm going to get some sleep right now.
If a monster attacks right now? I'm going to sleep like a baby.
If demons invade right now? I'll still sleep like a baby.
If the Demon God himself shows up? I'll sleep like a baby even if I die.
"......You're not going to deal with him right away?"
"Why would I? The client won't even know the guys he sent are dead yet."
It's not like he's showing up on my doorstep begging, "Please kill me!" You expect me to give up my precious sleep time for that?
This is a violation of labor laws. I'm reporting it to the Department of Labor immediately.
"Anyway, I'm going to sleep, so don't bother me."
"......Yes."
***
A man who always kept his word.
That was Luke.
Luna thought to herself as she watched Luke, who had fallen asleep the moment he finished speaking.
*...I want to go, even if it's alone.*
She didn't know who had kidnapped her, and even though she was full of resentment, there was nothing she could do, so she hadn't bothered trying to find them.
But today, something happened.
They had practically come and delivered the information themselves.
The person who massacred her family was hiding somewhere on the same soil as her. Who could possibly remain rational?
Luna wanted to go kill Dain Berkeley right this instant, all by herself.
Even though it was morning, with the sun just beginning to rise.
But there was only one reason she didn't: Luke.
*If I fail to handle it properly and get taken hostage...*
She would die.
Not at the hands of Dain Berkeley, but at the hands of Luke.
The Luke she had observed for the past few days was a man who acted without hesitation.
If she were to go in alone, fail, and get taken hostage, she imagined something like this would happen.
- "If you want the hostage to live, drop your weapon!"
- "So what, you idiot! Die together!"
And then the scene of a sword piercing through both her and Dain Berkeley.
Such a scene played out automatically in Luna's mind.
*Sir Luke would probably... no, he would definitely do that.*
It was because she didn't want to be treated that way that Luna could still think rationally.
"Haaah..."
Because she could think rationally, the next few hours felt like an eternity.
To forget the thoughts swirling in her head, Luna picked up a rag and started cleaning the floor.
She hoped that by keeping busy, time would pass faster and she could forget.
She wiped away the blood that had splattered everywhere when the assassins' throats were cut.
She wiped the blood that had spread wide and dried on the floor.
She wiped the blood that had spurted like a fountain and stained the walls when their throats were cut.
After she finished cleaning, there was nothing left to do. Forcing her slight fatigue to take over, she lay down next to Luke and tried to sleep.
Hoping that time would pass quickly.
***
"Alright~ Let's get in there~"
"...If you keep that up, we'll be discovered."
"If we get discovered, they'll come to us. Isn't that a good thing?"
"......"
We were now standing in front of the entrance to the underground, just as the assassin's information had described.
As if to prove he was engaged in illegal activities, it was hidden unusually deep in a dark, narrow, maze-like back alley.
If we hadn't had the information, who knows how many days we would've had to search these back alleys. We probably would've given up out of annoyance first.
"But it's a real shame we don't have any CS gas."
The enemy was hiding underground. And what's the characteristic of an underground space?
No windows, or if there are, they're too damn small for ventilation.
It's enclosed on all sides with only one door.
In a situation like this, you just toss in a CS gas grenade and shout, "Gas! Gas! Gas!" and they'll either pass out inside or come scrambling out, like smoking out cockroaches.
Then we could just stand at the entrance, swing a sword a few times, and conveniently slice their necks.
"What's CS gas?"
"It's a thing. You throw something like a bottle and smoke comes out."
"Is it something like a smoke bomb?"
"It's more painful than a smoke bomb. Makes your eyes and nose run like crazy."
I've never actually experienced it, but I hear it's really painful, so I guess it is.
"Whatever. Let's go in. The sooner we kill them, the sooner we can go get our weapons from the old man."
"So killing them is a certainty......"
"If you're going to kill people, you have to be prepared to die."
That was just an excuse, though. I was killing them for the experience points.
I led the way down the stairs.
The stairs were pitch-black without a single light, making me wonder if anyone really lived down here.
And the stairs were fucking long.
Just how badly did they want to hide, to build something this deep?
I desperately missed escalators and elevators.
For about ten minutes. After continuously descending the stairs, we came to an iron door. A lantern hanging next to it cast a faint light.
*Knock, knock.*
I knocked on the iron door, which clearly looked like it required a password. A square peephole at my eye level opened, revealing two eyes.
"Password."
"I love you~♡"
Presently, the peephole closed.
"Huh? That's not it?"
*Knock, knock.*
When I knocked again, the person inside had no choice but to respond.
"Password."
"Do you know the way?"
This time, the peephole slammed shut irritably.
"Ah, shit! This is pissing me off!"
*Knock, knock.*
I knocked one last time.
This time, the peephole opened after a short pause, and the person spoke as if giving me a final chance.
"Haaah... Password."
"Your mom."
*CRASH!!!*
A fist-shaped dent appeared on the door as it flew into the opposite wall.
"Ooh."
"...That was a bit much."
"What does it matter? I'm going to kill them all anyway."
For the record, the man who had been asking for the password was now crushed under the door. I couldn't see him, but judging by the blood flowing on the floor, he was either dead or unconscious.
But I like to be thorough, so to confirm the kill, I stepped on the door and jumped on it a few times as I passed.
"......"
"Okay. No sound. He's definitely dead."
Past the entrance was a corridor barely wide enough for two people to pass through. Not far off, I saw a wooden door carved with an elegant pattern.
When I opened the door, I found a room so luxurious it was hard to believe it was underground.
And something sitting on a chair on the opposite side of the room spoke.
"Hah. Foolish commoners, walking to your own deaths—"
"Whoa, holy shit! Luna, the pig can talk!"
Is this fantasy!?
A talking pig! My heart swells with awe!
I wondered if it was a high-intelligence orc, but looking at its skin color, it was definitely a pig.
"You son of a bitch...! Who are you calling—"
"By the way, who's the owner here? Dressing up a pig and raising it like this. Do they have nothing better to do? Pigs should be raised in a pen. Whoever the owner is, they must be a real idiot."
"Sir Luke... that person is our target, Dain Berkeley......"
"What!? That's a person!?"
How is that thing a person!?
This must be what fantasy is all about!
To think even a pig can become a person.
"Well, if dragons can polymorph into humans, I guess there's no reason a pig can't."
"Grr...! Hans!!"
"As you wish, my lord."
As the pig squealed, a man in a butler's uniform emerged from the wall.
The moment he appeared, he rushed at us, and Luna met his attack.
***
*Clang!*
Luna's sword and Hans's sword crossed, creating a sharp clang.
"Kukuk. For a former slave, you seem to handle a sword well, but you still can't beat Hans!"
He usually acted as his butler, assisting with general duties, but he was an assassin trained by the Berkeley family, one who boasted exceptional skill.
It might have been different if they were a bad matchup, but as long as they were fighting with the same type of weapon, he wasn't someone who would lose to a mere slave.
As proof, wounds began to accumulate on Luna's body, and even Dain Berkeley, a layman in combat, could feel the tide of battle turning.
"...Ugh!"
"Hahaha! You fool! To walk right in here to die!"
"Lunamon, it's time to evolve! You can win if you evolve!"
"......?"
A man's voice suddenly sounded from beside him.
Dain, puzzled, turned his head to see Luke, who had been with Luna just moments ago, now perched on the table next to him.
He was watching the fight beside him, eating popcorn.
"Wh-When did you...!"
"Lord Dain!!"
"Ah, don't mind me, just keep going. Otherwise, this one dies."
Luke said, poking the crown of Dain's head with his finger.
Unable to fight, all Dain could do was turn pale and pray for Hans to win.
However, distracted by Dain being held hostage, the tide began to turn in Luna's favor, and Dain was forced to take a drastic measure.
"If you don't help now, your slave could die. Are you okay with that?"
This was Dain's plan. It might lure Luke into the fight, creating a disadvantage for Hans, but he thought it was better than having Hans constantly distracted by him being a hostage.
However, Luke was crazier than Dain had anticipated.
"If she dies, she dies. So what?"
If you make a fuss about life and death over something like this, you won't survive in this harsh world.
In just a few months, the S-rank monster Behemoth is scheduled to invade the skies above the academy. If she's groveling before a pushover like this, she'll definitely die then.
"Wh-What are you saying!? That's your slave!?"
"Agh, shut up! Why does this pig bastard talk so much!"
Luke's fist struck the crown of Dain's head.
"Oink!?"
"Now that's more like the pig I know."
"Lord Dain!!"
Hearing the sound of a pig being slaughtered, Hans glanced at Dain, but the price for looking away mid-fight was steep.
Luna, cloaked in wind, had instantly sliced through Hans's neck.
"Hans! Noooo!!"
"......?"
The voice that had called out for Hans so desperately wasn't Dain's.
"Were you hoping I would lose......"
"But come on. I barely got to eat any popcorn. It's no fun if it ends this quickly."
Even Hans, whom he had trusted, was dead.
There was nothing Dain could do now.
"Well then, shall we dispose of this pig quickly?"
"W-Wait! I'll give you money! And a prettier slave than that wench, if you want!"
All Dain could do was try to survive, even if it meant giving up everything he had.
As long as he survived, he could recover everything. His revenge, his butler, his money—all of it.
"Oh..."
Look at that. Just as expected of a lowly commoner, he's hesitating at the mention of money.
*I should have done this from the start.*
"Yes! Just let me live, and I'll give you anything you want! Money, sla—"
"RA!"
*THWACK!*
Luke's fist slammed into Dain's face.
Dain went flying backward from his chair with a crash.
"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The continuous blows continued until Luna stopped him.
"S-Sir Luke, wait a moment!"
"Why, you want to kill him?"
She wanted to kill him more than anything, but he was still an imperial noble, however corrupt. If the empire investigated later, they could be reprimanded, so she had to avoid murder.
Traveling with Luke, things like this seemed likely to happen often. If they killed someone every time, they might get kicked out of not just the city, but the entire empire.
"I have a good idea."
And so, Luna whispered her suggestion into his ear.
"Wow... Even the Demon God might think that's a bit much..."
"Ahem... So, what do you think of my plan?"
"Sounds fun."