Chapter 619: The Season is Autumn (8)
Chapter 619: The Season is Autumn (8)
First love is always a lingering ache.
Most first experiences in life are easily forgotten. They happen when one is too young to truly remember, or the emotions of that day simply dull under the relentless flow of time.
However, there is one exception.
"Love" is different. Who was it that said a man can never forget his first love, even after a lifetime has passed?
The man was no exception.
He remembered it still.
"From now on, you two will live and train together for the next few years."
Fuuu. A cloud of cigarette smoke drifted into the air.
The damp scent unique to the jungle, the soil made soft by heavy moisture, and the sweltering heat that scorched the skin.
That was the day the man met the girl for the first time.
She was a woman who wore a pointed hat as large as her own head pulled down low, making no effort to hide her sullen expression.
Her porcelain skin did not suit the fierce sun of the southern lands. Her blue eyes looked as if droplets from a lake had been fashioned into jewels, and her delicate features evoked a single sentiment in anyone who saw her: lovely.
Perhaps the expression "doll-like" had been invented specifically for this day.
The Master spoke.
"First Disciple."
"Ye-yes? Ah, yes."
The dazed man finally snapped back to his senses. To think he had been staring at someone he’d just met for so long.
It was a breach of etiquette if ever there was one.
However, the man was the only one present who cared about such things.
"This child is the second. Which means she’ll be your Junior Sister... I know it might be hard to accept a complete stranger as family now, but I hope you’ll make an effort."
"Yes, Master..."
Even as he answered, the man couldn't shake his bewilderment.
In truth, he had heard of her.
The Mad Dog of the Academy, the little villain of the Lainella family.
In the place where he had spent a fragment of his youth, she was known as someone you must never cross. If you happened to get on her bad side, it wouldn't be strange for disaster to strike.
She was that much of a person of interest.
Even the man, who was her senior by a year, had never spoken to her one-on-one. It wasn't just him; most students were the same.
Why would anyone go out of their way to talk to such a notorious girl?
That was why it felt so strange.
The fact that he was facing her at such close range, and the fact that, no matter how much he looked at her, she didn't seem like the protagonist of those wicked rumors.
That impression, however, was shattered before long.
"...Hey."
Specifically, from the moment he reached out to take the girl's hand.
"Don't think you're on my level, okay? I'm Elsie Lainella. I'm qualitatively different from a lower noble like you—Kyaaaak!"
As if he had been expecting it, a bolt of lightning struck her instantly.
The girl screamed, and the man, who had been momentarily stunned, let out a deep sigh.
Of course.
He could already see the days of heartache stretching out before him.
Or so he thought.
But even after that day, the man found it difficult to keep the girl out of his mind. Perhaps he felt pity for her, seeing how she was ostracized by the other disciples because of her prickly personality.
Because of the Great Witch’s watchful eye, no one dared to engage in overt bullying.
Instead, everyone simply kept their distance and avoided her.
She brought it on herself.
That’s what everyone thought, and the man could have just thought the same and moved on. And yet, why?
"...What."
The sound of the sudden downpour was refreshing. Beneath the heavy rain drumming against the leaves, the man silently held an umbrella over the crouching woman’s head.
There was no one else around. The sky, draped in dark clouds, was gloomier than usual, and the season was summer.
It was the rainy season.
"I just felt like getting hit by the rain for once."
"Then get hit by it alone. Why the hell are you holding an umbrella over my head?"
"It looks pathetic. Getting soaked all by yourself."
At that, the girl let out a huff and whipped her head away.
According to the rumors, it wouldn't have been strange if she had flown into a rage and attacked him right then.
The Great Forest under a torrential downpour created a phantasmagoric landscape. The dim light, the raindrops creating clear death-cries as they hit the ground, the ripples spreading in puddles, and every living thing holding its breath.
For a while, we silently admired the scenery as if it were a landscape painting.
Seconds passed, then minutes. After some time had gone by.
"Do you feel lonely too, Junior Sister?"
I threw out the question out of the blue.
I didn't know why. Perhaps it was because the girl, crouching there alone in the rain, looked so incredibly lonely.
Eventually, a blunt tone returned, as it always did.
"What, am I not even human? And it's not Junior Sister, it's Senior...!"
"You act like someone who doesn't know the meaning of loneliness."
Caught off guard, the girl’s lips faltered before closing. Her brow slumped as she avoided my gaze again.
"...So what."
"Can't you just be a little kinder? Everyone is afraid of you."
"I don't know how. I've been like this since I was a kid... Back then, taking care of my own people was enough. And I'm warning you again, I'm not your Junior Sister, I'm your Senior...!"
"And now?"
Once again, the girl was rendered speechless.
I didn't press for an answer. I simply tilted the umbrella, looking out at the raining jungle.
The flowing water turned the ground to slush and seeped into my shoes.
"I have no one left now."
A single sentence, finally spat out after much hesitation.
Her crumpled and torn emotions were in tatters. Even when vomited out into words, they were reminiscent of rags.
"Not my people, nor anyone to protect... because I'm still not strong enough."
I felt a faint fear within that confession.
The fear of not being able to protect anything, the fear of experiencing the pain of parting again, which kept her from letting others in.
How could I not know that feeling?
I was the same.
And so, we remained in silence for a long time after that.
I felt a gaze flickering toward me. Glancing over, I saw her blue eyes searching my expression.
Soon, a snort reached my ears.
"Idiot... You're all soaked. What are you going to do?"
Hearing Senior Elsie’s sulky remark, I let out a hollow laugh.
"That goes for you too, Junior Sister."
"No, I've told you how many times that I'm your Senior... Hey, do you really want to die?!"
As I watched the girl huffing and puffing with her arms raised, I was swept away by an unknown sensation.
What was the true nature of that emotion?
It was only after several more months had passed, as we shared a sweet breath, that I realized.
It was love.
We kissed, our bodies overlapped, and we played around, giggling aimlessly.
I eventually took her first time. The next day, the way she walked awkwardly and blushed for no reason was adorable.
And so, by the time I naturally couldn't imagine a life without her.
"I... I finally protected you..."
The Great Forest was burning, and the girl I loved lay leaning against a tree, bleeding.
Vomiting out a voice that surged up along with the blood.
"...My... precious person."
The season was still summer.
And from then on, it was always summer.
The man had not been able to move a single step forward from the memory of that day.
As if he had fallen into an eternally repeating nightmare.
* * *
The man suddenly snapped to his senses.
He had been dreaming of a very old memory. Was it because that familiar voice and way of speaking had awakened memories of a happy time?
It was a cruel trick.
Chewing over memories that could never be reclaimed only brought pain to the man. Had he not experienced this countless times already and vowed never to repeat it?
There wasn't even room left to carve a new wound into his worn-out heart.
So, he had to push it away.
Memories and happiness were like snowmen. They were only beautiful if left where they were.
If one tried to take them out recklessly, they would only melt away hideously.
Yes, in truth.
The man did not want to show his tattered self. Because the man the girl had loved no longer existed.
It was right then.
"Are you... tired of me?"
How should he describe it?
As soon as he heard those words, the man couldn't open his mouth because of the emotions surging up within him. On the contrary, he had so much he wanted to say.
His golden eyes, unable to master his heart, turned toward his back. Standing there was the girl, watching his reaction like a dejected puppy.
With a faint moisture in her eyes.
Tired of her?
"It's been years since I died... so, is that why you're tired of me?"
How could that be?
Whenever he saw deep green foliage, the memory of that day returned. Every time the sound of raindrops drummed against his eardrums, the man’s heart became painfully, heavily soaked with grief.
When the summer sun beat down.
"I have a bad personality anyway, and my body is frail... unlike, unlike you."
He would remember the day they shared an umbrella. Or the days they sweated together while chopping wood, or even the days they bickered would suddenly flash through his mind.
Yes, he would have rather forgotten.
"I'm not very good at socializing, either..."
Every time her crying face or her smiling face came to mind, it was agonizingly difficult.
"...Of course, that must be it. Yeah."
Dewdrops rolled down the cheeks of the despondent girl.
Drip, drop.
One drop, two drops. Why did the sound of falling tears resemble the sound of rain?
"St-still, I wanted to see you one last time. I'm glad I got to see your face, hic..."
The throat of the girl, who was trying her best to act calm, choked up.
Did she not want to show her weakness anymore?
The girl forced herself to turn around and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. The man simply remained in a silence he himself couldn't explain.
What was he supposed to do?
He thought he knew; he thought it would be over if he just turned his back coldly.
"...I'm glad."
And the woman began to walk away.
Was it finally over?
Surprisingly, he didn't feel much. It was just a repetition of a parting he had already experienced countless times, so it might be better to live with the dream of those days, even if it was nothing more than an illusion.
"That you forgot me. That you're not hurting anymore... Well then, goodbye."
To be honest, it might have been an excuse.
The man had already received too many wounds. He never wanted to experience losing a precious person again.
It would only be a brief reunion anyway.
It would be better for everyone to just shake it off like this.
Discard it, throw it away.
Just as the man was about to turn his head away with that thought.
'Then what have you saved?'
The question the novice had thrown at him one day suddenly flashed through his mind.
That idiot.
Back then, the novice was a wreck. He was in a state where it wouldn't have been strange if he collapsed right then and never stood up again.
The man had been the same.
The only difference was the look in his eyes.
The golden eyes he had seen that day were burning with will.
'If you keep throwing things away one by one like that, what the hell is left? Is the world peaceful now that you've done that?'
He should have just laughed off the innocent child's question and moved on.
He should have.
But when he realized it, the man was turning his steps with his teeth clenched. His hand reached out of its own accord and grabbed the girl's sleeve.
Startled blue eyes turned back. It was the exact opposite of before; even now, the man was hesitating.
What should he say?
That his calendar had never turned a single page since that day.
That for him, the season was still summer, summer, summer.
That he hadn't forgotten. How could he? He had loved her so much.
That it would have been better if they had parted in resentment.
Why did she leave him with such a smiling face? There were so many things he wanted to say that his mind was a mess.
At the end of the brief silence.
The single sentence the man finally squeezed out was extremely short.
"...I'm sorry."
In a voice that could have been a sigh, a groan, or self-reproach.
The man apologized.
"For not being able to forget."
Now it was the girl's turn to be silenced.
Waves crashed over the face of the girl who had been staring blankly at the man.
The corners of her eyes twitched. She wrinkled her nose, narrowed her brow, and then looked at the man with a pitiful expression.
It took only a few seconds for her eyes to fill with moisture.
"Hic..."
She could no longer stop the tears from bursting forth.
The girl lunged into the man's arms. Though he seemed flustered, the man instinctively pulled the small woman’s frame into his embrace.
Because of the large height difference, the girl's face was buried near his chest. But that seemed to be enough for her, as she simply sobbed, clinging to the man's body.
"You... you idiot... Do you know how much... hic... how much I missed you... and you... huh? Hic, you ignored me... Waaaaah!"
"...I'm sorry."
The man thought.
The girl really hadn't changed.
If it had been before they started dating, it wouldn't have been strange for harsher words to come out, but all she could say was "idiot."
It was her own way of being affectionate.
So, the man had no choice but to gently hold the crying woman.
"Why, why would you do that... hic, hic... I was so happy to see you after so long, hic... so happy..."
"I'm sorry."
While repeating that brief apology.
A faint ripple of emotion spread across the man's parched face. As he silently closed his eyes and held the girl, a nostalgic sense of contentment filled his heart.
A sensation that could only be felt when holding the woman he loved.
He thought he had forgotten.
"I'm sorry..."
Why is it that one can never forget their first love?
No matter how many times he asked himself, there was only one answer.
Because he had loved her so desperately.
A distance away from the embracing couple, a trail of cigarette smoke drew a line in the air.
The scorching heat was gone. There was no torrential rain, only a chilly wind blowing on this day, making one crave the warmth of another.
The season was autumn.
Today, the man’s long summer finally came to an end.