Chapter 603: Jealousy is My Power (103)
Chapter 603: Jealousy is My Power (103)
‘Bewilderment’—perhaps that was the word for it.
A look of utter incomprehension was directed at me, as if he couldn't fathom why I would even ask such a question.
Sometimes, a momentary glance conveys more than a hundred words. The emotion reflected in the man’s eyes implied only one thing.
Impossible.
And of course it was. With my current self, I wouldn't be able to mimic even a tenth of the man’s combat prowess.
Yes, with my current self.
“Just a moment is fine… I just need to buy enough time to protect those two.”
The man’s golden pupils deepened.
Swirling thoughts reflected like glints of light before vanishing. Silence, silence, and more silence.
It took some time before he finally spoke. His voice was lower, more subdued than before.
“Novice… you seem to be under a delusion. That body isn't yours. It’s nothing more than a physical form manifested by my mental imagery within the ‘Boundary.’ Do you really think you’ll be able to even move properly once you go back?”
It was a sobering, practical question.
My physical body had reached its limit long ago. To match the special conditions of the ‘Boundary,’ an optimal body created by the man’s mental imagery had simply replaced my broken husk.
What if I went back?
I had only just entered the ‘Boundary.’ There was no way I possessed a mental image as solid as the man’s.
So, the man’s question was, in other words, a warning:
‘Worry about your own life.’
In truth, it was a miracle the battle had even lasted this long.
I had intentionally pushed my body to the brink so the man could exert his full power. Only then would it be easier for his mental imagery to override my physical form. I had even consumed drugs for that very purpose.
This was a fact the man acknowledged as well.
“This is enough. Both you and I have done what we could.”
“Then what am I supposed to do now?”
Silence once more.
The man kept his mouth shut as if he had forgotten how to give a direct answer. It was still difficult to read his inner thoughts from the way he scrutinized me.
So, as always, I had no choice but to plead my case alone.
“Am I supposed to just open my eyes and be grateful that I survived? While waiting for Senior Elsie and the Great Witch to somehow handle everything?!”
“Novice…”
“Senior Elsie said she was scared.”
I added, panting for breath.
I spoke of the sights the man hadn't seen, and the people I had to meet.
“It’s not just Senior Elsie… Everyone must have felt that way. It’s such a heavy burden. To suddenly be told to save the world—does that even make sense? It was the same for Seria, and for Celine…!”
“It was a burden they had to shoulder eventually.”
“No, it was too early.”
I stated it with absolute certainty.
At my unwavering voice, the man’s eyes grew even deeper.
Scenes began to flicker before my eyes.
Senior Elsie, crying as she clung to me.
My childhood friend, trapped in a lightless secret room, cursing herself.
And my lovely junior, who had lost her soul after facing the cruel truth.
These were the vignettes created by a world on the brink of war. Or perhaps, by me.
A heated breath leaked through my clenched teeth.
“The burden placed on me was so heavy that I couldn't properly look after those right beside me… But not anymore.”
I clenched my fist as if making a vow to myself.
“…I have to be there for them.”
“Sacrifice is inevitable to save the world.”
A resolution met with a cold declaration.
The man’s tone seemed as solid and flawless as my own resolve. With an expressionless face, he recited his scar-ridden lessons.
Just as he always did.
“It is impossible to lose nothing… You say the burden was too heavy? Look at what you’ve protected and saved after running yourself ragged like that.”
As the man gestured toward the sky, the scenery above shifted once again.
It was a flood of memories.
A girl collapsing with her entrails spilling out.
Trees of flesh covering the vast plains.
The mountain-sized beast breathing as it crouched in the wilderness, the tidal wave of flesh sweeping over the snowfields, and even the traitor with the fox tail.
Countless other scenes divided the sky like shards of a broken mirror. Some scenes were even invisible.
“…‘Humanity.’”
That short word weighed heavily on my chest.
The man’s tone as he spoke was calm, but his gaze was piercingly bright. As if nothing in existence could be more important than this.
“For the greater cause, you must know how to give things up. Do you think the world is so easy that your stubborn desire to save it without losing anything will actually work? How many lives have already perished by your hand?”
It was an argument beyond rebuttal.
In a surge of emotion, I started to speak but closed my mouth. ‘Lives that perished by my hand’—yes. That, too, was a sacrifice.
Even if they had made the wrong choices, they had their own circumstances and logic. It would have been nice if there had been an option to save them as well.
If that was a sacrifice, then so be it.
I knew. I knew that saying I didn't want to lose anything was nothing more than a child’s tantrum.
That was why I said:
“…I’ll just do it.”
The emotion in my murmur wasn't anger. Rather, it was closer to the process of reconfirming my own vow.
My heated voice spilled out again.
“I’ll just sacrifice myself more… just like I’ve always done!”
“I’m telling you again, there’s a limit to how much you can achieve through self-sacrifice alone…”
“…I have to do it.”
The man’s movements came to a sudden halt as our eyes met.
Reflected in his retinas were bloodshot golden eyes. There was no need to ask whose they were.
“It has to be me. No one else.”
My voice was firm and ragged, the gaps in my eaten-away emotions patched with damp humidity.
“I want to save Senior Elsie. No, Celine and Seria too… Everyone has been in so much pain.”
It was no longer a debate or an attempt at persuasion.
As my words devolved into a simple plea, the man couldn't open his mouth for a long time. He only pressed his lips together and released them repeatedly.
In the end, my voice trailed off.
“Those two alone aren't enough… I, I have to do it. Somehow…!”
“…Novice.”
It was a word heavy with a sigh.
The man, who had been perched on a rock, slowly stood up. His gaze, fixed weightily upon me, was utterly dry. As dry as the scorching midsummer sun.
He sheathed his sword at his waist and took a step forward.
“I dislike you. I didn't know why until now… I even wondered if I was simply envious of you, who still has so much left to protect.”
And another step, and another.
The man’s gait was leisurely yet silent. The sound of his feet treading upon the ground formed a rhythmic cadence.
Soon, the distance between us was mere inches.
Up close, the man’s eyes were still devoid of emotion. Perhaps a rock that had lost its jagged edges after being washed by wind and rain for eons would look like this.
“But now I know. Why I found you so distasteful…”
A cold flame ignited.
It was the man’s golden eyes. Their intense presence made them the sole source of light.
“You are me.”
The emotion contained in those words was… well.
It was so incredibly deep and concentrated that I didn't dare try to describe it. I could only flinch and take a step back.
The man spoke again.
“You resemble me.”
Another step. As the man moved forward, my body naturally retreated by the same distance.
For a moment, a chilling sensation swept through my peripheral nerves. That was how unfathomable the origin and end of the man’s emotions were.
“That’s why I hated you… Novice.”
It was then.
The man’s body came to a halt, and the murderous aura surrounding me subsided. It was evidence that the density of his emotions, which had felt thick enough to be viscous, was rapidly dropping.
That was the end.
The man let out a silent sigh and turned his back again. It meant he had no further business with me.
However, I finally heard the one word I had been waiting for.
“…Go.”
There was no need to ask where. Something similar had happened not long ago.
I felt a sense of dissonance coming from the direction the man had turned away from. When I looked back, I saw space itself shimmering in the distance.
It was a change in attitude so sudden it felt abrupt. As I hesitated, unable to understand, the man spoke in his usual dry tone.
“You were going to go even if I stopped you… Investing time and effort into something futile isn't my style.”
Step, step.
With that, the man began to walk away again. Toward the rock where he had first been sitting.
I could only hesitate for a moment, wondering what kind of reaction I should show.
Should I say thank you? Or should I snap back, asking if he only just realized that?
Neither seemed like the right answer.
Outside, a life-and-death struggle was continuing. I was in a situation where I had to run as fast as I could.
Just as I turned my back.
“But keep this in mind.”
At those words, my gaze was drawn back behind me. There, I saw the man already perched on the rock.
His face was as calm as his voice.
“Every choice comes with a price… The future has already been twisted. Now, even I cannot fathom it.”
It was something I had always heard.
I shook off that ominous warning and looked away. And then forward, and forward.
Like a lingering scent, the man’s voice followed me before scattering.
“Is this, too, fate…?”
The pure white light embraced me and tore into countless colors. Every single particle became a fragment of memory and emotion, embedding itself into my heart.
Memory, memory, memory.
At the end of it all, the first sensation I felt was one.
Pain.
* * *
In the middle of the battlefield where blood splattered and two women tumbled across the ground.
The fingers of the man who had been closing his eyes twitched.