Chapter 486: Proof of Existence (74)
Chapter 486: Proof of Existence (74)
It wasn't a question I had asked with a debate in mind. Naturally, I hadn't given it deep thought, nor did I have an answer to such a complex inquiry.
Maybe if it were Reto, things would be different.
The Saint did not blame me for the words I had spat out in a fit of pique.
He simply wore a faint smile.
"Are you afraid because you cannot know? Afraid of what the Will of God is, or whether the Lord is truly watching over us?"
"Well, of course—"
"Why do people deny God?"
The Saint posed the cryptic question and slowly sat down where he was.
His sky-blue eyes reflected the fire shadows soaring high into the heavens. Naturally, my thoughts drifted to the Saintess.
The Saintess had denied God.
And then, Senior Sienne’s words came to mind. Did she say that the reason clergy members get particularly agitated when God is denied is because of the underlying anxiety that He might not exist?
Without much deliberation, I gave a similar answer.
"Because... they're afraid God might not exist..."
"It is because they want God to exist."
My eyes shifted toward the Saint. He silently gestured with his eyes toward the space behind us.
There stood a crowd numbering in the tens of thousands.
They were staring blankly at the soaring flames.
"Our faith has met a crisis. But in a world so irrational and cruel, how can one dissuade the human heart from wanting to believe in God's existence? That is why they shout all the louder. They cry out that God does not exist... hoping that someone will refute them and prove His existence."
I started to offer a rebuttal but ended up closing my mouth.
Was that how the Saintess felt as well?
After a long silence, I eventually gritted my teeth and swallowed my tears.
"...Is it possible?"
To prove the existence of God.
To perform a miracle and return alive.
There was no answer to my desperate question.
The Saint merely watched the burning flames in silence.
As he always did.
*
The woman opened her eyes in a wash of clear light.
The question of where she was flickered through her bleached mind. As her consciousness surfaced, her memories began to return one by one.
She had knelt upon the wood.
She had closed her eyes, clasped her hands, and prayed. To be honest, she had been so terrified that her body shook, but she had tried her best to appear calm.
Hoping the man she loved would feel even a little less anxious.
Was my life flashing before my eyes?
The flames had lunged at her, searing her skin. Even the air she inhaled was so hot it felt as if her lungs were shriveling, and a pain beyond imagination had surged through her.
The Saintess had whispered inwardly.
Lord, have You truly forsaken me?
Yet, if this too was the Will of God, she was prepared to accept it. If she could save the man she loved in the end, the Saintess had long been ready to throw away her life.
If this was fate.
If she had to practice 'Obedience.'
She would do so gladly. With that resolve, she had closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she was here.
A certain landscape began to reflect in the eyes of the dazed Saintess.
She saw a light in the distance. With every step she took, her body grew younger.
And then, at some point...
A young girl was walking down a path.
The tiny child was powerless. From a young age, she had been praised for her jewel-like beauty, but for the poor, beauty was nothing short of poison.
A drunken man had barged into the girl's house without warning.
The girl had to hide in a room, not knowing why. Then, immediately after the sounds of a struggle, a scream erupted from somewhere.
Her father, covered in blood, came in and spoke.
"Run away."
Terrified, the girl's eyes brimmed with tears. Her father spoke in a voice more serious than ever before.
"And do not forget to hide your face wherever you go. You are the greatest gift the Heavenly God gave to us... Until the day the world recognizes you, and until you meet the person who truly sees you for who you are, live with your face hidden."
It was the beginning of a tragic fate.
Falling and getting hurt countless times, the girl began her wanderings, wrapping her face tightly in old cloth.
It was the same even after she settled in an orphanage.
The girl was silent and never revealed her face. Rumors that her features had been mangled by a contagious disease helped conceal her beauty.
In exchange, persecution and contempt followed.
A filthy orphan walking around wrapped in bandages.
She was frequently spat on for being "bad luck" and was often dragged away and beaten for no reason.
Even among the orphans, the girl was a target of bullying.
Every time she was trampled by the world, the powerless girl gritted her teeth.
I am a gift from the Heavenly God.
Do you think this will break me? The Heavenly God is protecting me.
Yes, the time simply hadn't come yet.
Just as the Savior had descended to this land after countless ages, the Saintess was merely waiting for her time. Furthermore, from the very bottom, the Saintess witnessed all the truths of the world.
Being weak did not necessarily mean being good.
On the contrary, they were often harsher and less considerate. For the poor, 'sharing' was a matter directly linked to survival.
Because they possessed so little, they could not loosen the grip of their clenched hands.
Conversely, the weaker their individual power, the more essential solidarity became. Thus, they formed groups and emphasized fierce loyalty among themselves, but it was nothing more than an order built on violence.
The girl wanted to change this world.
The poor do not become wicked because they want to be. This world was pushing them to the edge of a cliff.
She didn't need cheap pity or charity.
I have to go up.
To a very high place, to a position where she could fundamentally reform this entire structure.
It was then that the girl met a pretty young boy. He was often bullied for looking like a girl, but she liked that about him even more.
Perhaps it was a sense of shared suffering.
The boy soon became her younger brother.
"Noonim, will a world ever come where orphans like us aren't discriminated against?"
"I'm going to make it."
Grinding her teeth, the girl made a vow before her newly found family.
"We don't need their pathetic sympathy... We have to achieve it with our own hands. Those fat, well-fed pigs won't overturn anything."
And then the girl grew up and was chosen by the Heavenly God.
Becoming the 'Saintess' and revealing her face, her beauty was as stunning as a flower just beginning to bloom. Countless people praised and sang her name, and the Saintess's reputation soared.
Walking and walking, she finally reached this place.
The Saintess suddenly snapped back to her senses and looked behind her.
Someone was grabbing her ankles. A boy and a girl, weeping tears of blood.
And behind them, the hollow eyes of endless rows of orphans were staring at her.
Opening their mouths filled with darkness, the orphans wailed.
"Why, why did you abandon us...?"
"You said you'd make a world for us! You said you'd save us!"
The Saintess's face turned pale instantly. Among the screaming orphans, there were familiar faces.
James and Mary.
The Saintess collapsed and scrambled backward on the ground. A trembling voice escaped her lips.
"No, that's not it... I, I didn't mean to...!"
"Liar!"
Dripping pitch-black tears, the orphans shrieked in unison.
"There is no God! To hell with such a God!"
"...That's right, to hell with such a God!"
In response to that chorus, someone was stepping lightly from beyond.
They were covered in shadows, so their exact appearance couldn't be discerned. However, just by the silhouette, the Saintess immediately guessed the person's identity.
The one she had once considered her only family, Yuren.
He was approaching with a sword in hand.
"Do you still believe in such a God?! You say He loves the weak, but has He ever actually loved us even once?! If that great God exists, why doesn't He save us? Why hasn't He reached out a hand of salvation to you yet? He even accepts a horrific object made from the souls of orphans as a sacrifice... Tell me, please!"
It was a desperate struggle replayed from the nightmares of the past.
The Saintess wanted to turn and run away immediately. But her ankles were already held fast by the hands of the orphans.
Closing the distance without hesitation, Yuren's sword gleamed with a sharp edge.
"A-Ah..."
"You say I betrayed you?! Don't make me laugh! It was the Heavenly God who betrayed us! And it was you who abandoned our dreams!"
Screaming at the top of his lungs, Yuren put strength into the hand holding the sword.
The Saintess eventually squeezed her eyes shut.
There was only one face that came to mind at the very end.
the man who was her first love, and would be her last.
"...Ian!"
At that one word she cried out instinctively...
Yuren's sword came to a dead stop. The Saintess stared blankly at a cluster of pure white light overflowing from somewhere.
It was from her bosom.
Light was erupting from the silver Rosary.
Then, just a few seconds later...
As if a light had been flicked off, the shadows of Yuren and the orphans scattered like dust.
Before she knew it, the world had become bright once again.
The Saintess swallowed hard and stood up unsteadily. She didn't know why, but she had a strong intuition that someone was waiting for her in the distance.
How long had she walked?
After stumbling and nearly falling several times, the Saintess gritted her teeth and walked until she finally entered a space filled with clouds.
It existed there.
The strength left the Saintess's legs, and she collapsed to her knees. Hidden by a brilliant radiance, its true form could not even be seen.
But she knew.
It was a gaze she had forgotten because it was as natural as sunlight. Those deep eyes were fixed upon her.
As they always had been.
"Y-You are..."
Suppressing her racing heart, the Saintess whispered a question.
"...You were the Heavenly God all along."
It was the moment the lost lamb finally faced God.