Memories of Notre Dame Cathedral: I Just Wanted to Die — From Sirmiia's Regret Diary
The one-eyed man groped my chest over my clothes, kneading it a few times before casually offering his assessment.
"75A?"
Something hot and bitter surged up inside me.
"It's 80C, you fucking bastard."
"Hahaha. Just kidding, just kidding~ Your face looked way too stiff."
"Your joke's about as big as your pathetic little dick. Mine's probably bigger than yours."
"That comment's crossing a line..."
The one-eyed man climbed off my stomach and immediately buried his face between my legs. He took a deep breath, then slowly slipped his hand under my skirt.
My breathing quickened. My heart pounded like it was trying to escape. They say when disgust exceeds its limit, people start looking worse than insects—and it was true. Kissing a cockroach would have been preferable to what this bastard was doing.
He pushed his hand up to my waist and slowly dragged it down from my waist to my hips with that disgusting touch. Then he hooked his index finger into the side of my underwear and began to pull it down, bit by bit. He didn't take them off right away. He wanted to humiliate me more, deliberately pausing to watch my reaction while tugging at the fabric.
The revulsion, shame, and rage of having this done to me by some man twisted my expression into something I couldn't even describe.
"Black? Hotter than you look."
"I've got a confession. I'm actually a man."
"Sure you are."
The one-eyed man lifted my legs straight up and yanked my underwear off, then casually tossed them toward the idiot sitting on the chair. The idiot snatched them and started doing that—I won't describe it further. I couldn't watch anymore. I turned my head and closed my eyes. My head was spinning.
Should I wait longer? Just do it now? Wait. No, do it now. If I wait any longer, I'll die from self-loathing.
Crack.
"You a virgin? That'd be a jackpot."
Crack.
The one-eyed man said that while flipping up my skirt. Bright red blood trickled from my pale pink lips, like cherry blossoms.
'Do it now.'
I immediately wrapped my legs around his neck and squeezed, choking him. He realized something was wrong and grabbed my legs, thrashing.
'Break. Break. Break. Break!'
Six seconds. I poured every ounce of strength into crushing his cervical vertebrae. Finally, a dull crack sounded and his struggling stopped.
I felt someone approaching from behind and immediately rolled to the right, dodging the idiot's kick.
"Haa... haa..."
My muscles had contracted to their limit from tension. There had been a miscalculation. A girl's slender limbs were far more fragile than I'd thought. If I'd been even a little slower, my strength would've given out before I could break his neck.
I didn't notice anything strange about the situation. The shame, rage, disgust, and fear of being toyed with by these men made it impossible to think clearly.
'Right? Left? No armor, so I'll feint once and aim for a vital point to disable him.'
But before I could act, the idiot charged first. The so-called knight moved like a complete amateur. From the way he used his shoulder to the way he threw his punch—everything was honest and predictable. Even with my eyes closed, I knew he was aiming for my abdomen.
'Idiot. Your movements are way too big and slow.'
I shifted my feet slightly and ducked to dodge the punch. Then I slipped inside his guard and kicked him square in the balls, crushing them.
He foamed at the mouth and collapsed without even screaming.
"Huu..."
My breathing was still unsteady. The one-eyed man's disgusting touch lingered vividly on my skin. My hands trembled.
'I'm alive...'
I should probably change the plan. Killing two holy knights meant the Vatican would never let me live. Actually, the Pope probably wouldn't kill me. He'd—
"Ugh."
The memory of the Pope's repulsive gaze made bile rise in my throat. The current Saintess must have sensed something was off about the Pope too. That was why she'd tried to keep him in check.
Anyway, the priority now was getting out of the cathedral as fast as possible. I didn't know exactly when my mana would return, but I figured it might come back by tomorrow morning.
My underwear... The thought of what the idiot had been doing with it made me never want to put it on again. Fuck it. I'd rather go commando.
'Just leave it.'
I abandoned the panties without hesitation and walked straight toward the door.
Shff.
It was a sound that shouldn't have been there. A chill ran down my spine and I threw myself forward. But escape wasn't allowed.
A brutal hand grabbed my fleeing arm and yanked me backward.
Thud.
"Ah...?"
Then came the sharp sting in my arm. I looked back to see the one-eyed man—who I'd thought was dead—plunging a syringe into my arm. A sickening smile spread across his lips.
"Enjoy your brief moment of happiness?"
"What? How are you—"
I was confused. I'd definitely broken his neck. I'd felt it. I couldn't understand how he was still alive.
The one-eyed man pushed the plunger all the way down, injecting the remaining half of the drug straight into my veins. My vision spun. My legs gave out and I collapsed to the floor. I couldn't stand. For some reason, my lower abdomen felt hot.
'This... isn't a mana suppressant.'
Even that thought didn't last long. My mind was being torn apart. I couldn't even tell if I was sitting or lying down. Snot ran down my nose. No—not just snot. Between my legs, a flood had already burst forth, and my bladder had stopped working. Urine leaked out uncontrollably.
The one-eyed man sneered as he watched me sprawled on the ground, fluids pouring from every orifice. Then he burst into loud laughter.
"Kuk... khkhkh... hahahahaha!"
He stopped laughing and crouched down, whispering in a low voice.
"Didn't anything seem strange to you? We've used that drug hundreds of times. Did you really think we wouldn't know its exact duration?"
I was already in no state to understand him—eyes rolled back, waist twitching, gasping for breath.
"Second thing," he said, raising his index finger. "Biting your tongue. Don't you think that's too obvious a move?"
He forced my mouth open, stuck his fingers in, and pulled out my tongue. It was covered in dozens of bite marks, hanging by a thread, ready to tear off.
"We've had our way with so many women. Did you really think you were the first to try that?"
He grabbed my cheeks and laughed with delight. Drool spilled from my mouth, soaking his palm.
"And now, the grand finale—the third thing."
The one-eyed man put his clothes back on, dragged over a chair that had been lying around, and sat in front of me.
"You really thought you could kill us with that pathetic strength?"
He crossed his legs and pulled out a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it.
"Hiss... haa—"
The acrid smoke stung my already sensitive nose.
"Think about it, miss. Maybe you thought you could kill me with technique, but there's still such a thing as basic physical difference. You thought those thin legs could snap a neck in six seconds? Kuk... Are you naive, or just stupid?"
He called out to his companion—the idiot.
"Ian, stop playing dead and get up. You've had your fun."
The man I'd thought was dead from crushed testicles casually yawned and stood up.
"Yawn... So the miss couldn't escape after all? How pitiful. I even let you kick me on purpose."
He caught the potion the one-eyed man tossed him and sprayed it on his own groin.
Ptooey.
The one-eyed man spat on my clothes. He dropped his cigarette butt and crushed it under his shoe, then crouched beside me as I twitched.
"Miss. You felt my neck break, right? So why do you think I didn't die?"
He pulled a small paper doll shaped like a person from his sleeve.
"Heh... We have the Vatican's protective talismans. What you thought you broke was this talisman."
The paper doll's neck was mostly torn.
"Ah. Even without this, I wouldn't have died. Your strength was so pathetic that I used my own mana to snap my neck on purpose."
He grabbed my cheek with one hand and forced me to meet his eyes.
"You were fooled from the very beginning, you stupid bitch."
My mind wasn't intact. I couldn't understand anything the one-eyed man was saying. But his final words rang crystal clear, even though I didn't want to hear them.
'You were fooled from the very beginning, you stupid bitch.'
'You were fooled from the very beginning, you stupid bitch.'
'You were fooled from the very beginning, you stupid bitch.'
Cruelly, every single word, every syllable, drilled into my ears. The sentence, the sound, traveled through my eardrums straight into my brain and filled a corner of my heart.
The one-eyed man took out a dagger and carefully cut away Sirmiia's nun's habit. Shff. He peeled off the habit and underwear piece by piece, like unwrapping a gift, until the shy virgin's body—without a single ounce of fat—was completely exposed.
Seeing Sirmiia's flawless, jade-like skin, the one-eyed man couldn't hide his excitement. He threw off his pants. He especially enjoyed breaking women with strong self-esteem. In that sense, Sirmiia was the highest quality he'd ever encountered. Breaking her would be far more enjoyable than the boring work he'd been doing lately.
Wearing a vile smile, he slowly ran his hand over Sirmiia's skin, bit by bit.
Three hours had already passed. Playing with Sirmiia was quite entertaining. Drugged as she was, she reacted like a doll. Even a single finger could elicit all kinds of responses. But he couldn't hold back with just his fingers anymore.
Tap.
Realizing that what was touching her now felt different from fingers, Sirmiia—drenched in pleasure—barely regained a sliver of consciousness and shook her legs.
"Ah... ah... ah... ah! Stop! Stop it, you fucking bastard!"
The one-eyed man found her resistance arousing. Even under the influence of the drug, she could still resist. He'd never seen a woman like this before. Most women, once hit with runding, couldn't control their lust and surrendered to their animal instincts. But she was fighting back. She was clearly trying to avoid that at all costs.
The one-eyed man was impressed by her mental fortitude. Women like her were always the most beautiful when they finally broke. He was already looking forward to the moment she lost her virginity.
To savor this pleasure a little longer, he didn't push in. He only rubbed against her. And he enjoyed watching her fear.
"Just... a little... please!"
This was enough. Now he wanted to see a more intense reaction. So he slowly, very slightly, pushed just the tip inside.
She must have felt it too—she thrashed like a madwoman.
"Ugh... fuck! Stop it, you piece of shit..."
Realizing that her weakened body couldn't even resist without mana, Sirmiia—who hadn't cried even when the drug was injected—finally burst into tears. It was the moment her self-imposed line, the one she'd vaguely set, was crossed.
The one-eyed man lovingly licked the tears from her crying face. Even though Sirmiia sobbed so pitifully, he didn't stop.
"No... don't! You fucking gay bastard!"
The more she resisted, the more excited he became.
"Please, I'm begging you... hic... don't... don't do it..."
Sirmiia gave up on being strong and started begging. The one-eyed man licked his lips and let out a sickening laugh. He was enjoying this situation immensely.
"I... was wrong... hic... I hate it... I hate it... I hate it. Please... forgive me..."
The sight of the once-fierce girl gradually breaking was so beautiful. She was so lovely that he worried he might actually fall in love with her.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
"What?"
Late at night. A knock that shouldn't have been heard echoed through the dark confessional.